PresidenTsar Trumputin continues to break records, exceed the best and out-tremendous-ize winning while out-superlativizing and most-hyperbolisizing just about everything and everyone in the galaxy. No one is more “less racist, less anti-Semitic” says Him Who Is He or He Who Is Him. “No one respects women more than me,” he has said on too many occasions. And now our New PresidenTsar has even exceeded his own Wonderfulness by reading a speech (the Best speech ever!) line by wonderful line one after another and another! Whew! We’re blown away by all his majestic ability to read. But last night’s Speech of Speeches set a new record for the Greatest Exploitation of a Grieving Military Widow. As The PresidenTsar himself might say, “No one exploits grieving war widows better than me.” Trump over-milked the audience’s sympathies for Carryn Owens, whose Navy Seal hero husband Chief Petty Officer William “Ryan” Owens, was killed last month in a fcuked-up mission in Yemen. His exploitation of Chief Ryan and his widow served to justify his own reckless approval of the ill-fated, poorly planned mission. Trump’s “enemy of the American people” media praised his phony compassion. Even the liberal CNN pundit Van Jones joined fellow duped-commentators by calling Trump’s fraudulent focus on Mrs Ryan “one of the most extraordinary moments you have seen in American politics, period.” Jones further slobbered over himself declaring that Trump “…became president of the United States in that moment, period. That thing you just saw him do, if he finds a way to do that over and over again, he’s going to be there for eight years.” Well, that’s that! I guess we can expect many more ill-planned military excursions which will serve up lots of victims and widows and family to be showcased for the next PresidenTsar speech. Chief Ryan, little did you know that by sacrificing your life, you created a “president.” America grieves your death for so many reasons.
Author: Lawrence Rudmann
Multi-genre comedic political poet and trender/periscoper of what's around the corner.
Avid tennis player and ukulele strummer and amateur mycologist. Comedic poetry stimulator and healer.
Thanks, Obama
 |
| Barrack Hussain Obama, 44th President |
The most dignified, noble and decent man to ever lead America and the world, Barrack Hussain Obama, leaves the White House today and cedes the keys to the most vain, coarse, insecure, mentally deranged, contemptible and corrupt person to ever rule from our nation’s solemn Oval Office.
Was Barrack Obama the most prepared man to assume the Presidency? Did he seek the office from purely altruistic motivations? Would he had even thought about pursuing the Presidency had he not been encouraged by insider professional political operatives who saw the opportunity to fulfill their political fortunes through a highly educated charismatic young African American with gifted oratory skills and a raw talent for connecting with people? No is probably answer.
Barrack Obama spoke in dulcet refrains about hope and change. Not original ideas. Bill Clinton was the Man From Hope. All politicians stand for change. But Obama, a true first generation “African-American” — black African father from Kenya and white mother from Kansas, embodied the conceit of America’s melting pot, representing hope for a post-racial era. His voice echoed yearning, a plea to summon our better selves. We can do this, yes we can he said. And a popular majority of American voters and Presidential electors did. Twice. Then, days after his first Inauguration Republican knives were sharpened in the shadows of the majority Senate which declared its priority for the next four years would not be governing a legislative agenda but instead dedicating themselves to ensuring that the President not have another four years in office. Obama, like the rookie he was, wasted his first year in office naively attempting to compromise and “reach across” the partisan aisle. That was his style that successfully propelled him through his bi-racial life. When “go along to get along” hit the Republican brick wall he was still convinced that he could charm, call upon their “better angels” or at least mollify their dominant devils. Wrong.
What I like about him is this: his intentions, ideas and hopes for change are positive. His proposals and ideas, unlike Google’s now abandoned motto, “do no evil,” sought to achieve common good. On the environment and climate change, the most important issues of our era, he lead the world in seeking solutions. No new wars. No 911-like terror attacks on U. S. soil. Brought BinLaden to justice. He pulled us out of the Great Recession. Unemployment is at historic low levels. Obamacare is flawed, but well-aimed, well intentioned and 20 million uninsured now have health insurance. Obama sees America as already great with unlimited potential whereas a demagogue such as Trump sees himself as a demigod ruling by threats and fear of the future with hope furtively hiding in the past.
It says a lot about recent presidencies that when Obama serves eight years with little or no administrative corruption and absolutely no personal scandals it becomes a hallmark. His Presidency embodied decency and decorum and adherence to the American family values that Republicans proclaim and preach but often ignore and defy through anti-family, anti-women, pro business policies.
Thank you Barrack Hussain Obama for eight proud years of hard work, courageous leadership and devotion to America. Thanks Obama!
Donald’s Fantasy Inauguration
Make The Inauguration Great Again
The president-erect’s transition team entertainment committee is working overtime (without pay, of course) to make the Jan 20th presidential Inauguration Great Again. After all, President Barrack Obama’s two Inaugurations included only just about every A-list artist, performer and entertainer from around the world. So many offered to perform that to accommodate everyone his Presidential Inauguration would have taken weeks and made Woodstock look like a middle school Xmas pageant. But Mr. T has given his minions orders to book the Best, Most Amazing, Top Shelf, A++ Stars to showcase his coronation. How’s that working out?
Here are just a few Trump inaugural celebrity entertainers who have been booked so far. Some have committed; others are aspirational. The number-one “get” is a 16 year-old girl named Jackie Ivancho. Yep, That Jackie? So far this is the only firmly committed act, besides The Madison Square Garden Rockettes dancers, except those who opted out, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Others invited but not yet committed include:
Lady Gaga? No, but Lady Gaggag… ex porn star turned gospel singer will perform her hit single ” Jesus I’m Hot for Your Body & Blood
Wayne Newton, of course.. singing his big 1963 hit Danke Schoen. Newton will represent Native Americans as he claims he is of Cherokee heritage. 
Katy Perry? No, But at least the Perry part.. Branson, MIssouri‘s very own Perry Como, 1950-60 crooning sensation and traditional Xmas songster.
Pussy Riot – Russian All-girl punk performance band. Perfect for the Pussy Grabber-In-Chief.
Frank Sinatra? He’s certainly dead enough and would be the perfect reflection of the president-erect’s treatment and views of women and of course Frank’s “little man” bullying personality would match Trump’s to a capital T. So solicitations to his daughter Nancy have been extended should she be interested in walking her white go-go boots all over Mr. T’s star-studded stage.
70’s hair band Badfinger. What Don really likes is their hair. But also because the band is SHORT two Finger members who suicided themselves SHORTLY after becoming popular in those early 1970 days. 
Pharrell WillIams? Well, Pharrell actually said that he would not be “HAPPY” to perform for the Celebration of Darkness. But his great uncle Andy Williams, of Xmas song fame and
major star in Branson, MO, has indicated thru his legal guardian great grandchildren, that he might, emphasis on might, be available to perform at the trumpian gala.
Kayne West? Trumpie’s best bet for a so-called true A-list entertainer. He’s pals with the Big Grabba. Says he woulda voted fo’em if he’d voted. Made a special pilgrimage to the Tower to rap wit’em. Egos like smokin’ eggos from a hot-wired toaster. Mutual Sadmiration Society. This could happen. For the life of me I can’t see Kanye and Twrumpie performing “Life of Pablo” but we can only hope.
Aging faux-rocker turned country western wannabe, Ted Nugent will probably do something in addition to reprising some of his best racist rants and tirades. He might even demo some of his recipes from his popular book, “Kill it and Grill It.” 
Direct from Petersburg, Kentucky comes amazing acts from the Eighth Wonder of the World, The (Cretin) Creation Museum. The main creationist performance will be a teenage Jesus Christ riding bareback on a baby dinosaur. (This act of course proves that Earth is only several thousand years old and that Jesus loves bareback riders)
And floating down Pennsylvania Ave., on loan from the Cretin Creation Museum, will be Noah’s Ark, filled with animals two-by-two poopin’ an whoopin’ an ruttin’ and buttin’ and growlin’ & howlin’. Good times.
The two entertainment capitals of the World, Vegas and Branson, Missouri are expected to contribute world-class acts of song, dance and general white working class merriment. Here are a few of the highlighters we hope will entertain the billions and billions of Trump fans who will be gathered to watch this amazing, yuuge historic winning moment.
The Amazin’ Pet Circus will be invited to delight the galaxy during this “Make The Inauguration Great Again” Extravaganzalapalooza.
No one loves hillbilly music and backyard hog comedy more than the new president Trump, who as a New York City self-proclaimed billionaire, is famous for his musical talents playing the saw, hair comb and wash-board while clicking his heels and stompin’ in his Gucci clodhoppers. No one can heehaw better than Donald. He is the best heehawler. Believe him!
The “Branson’s Famous Baldknobbers” will keep the global intergalactic audience in stitches with their music and comedy antics, most hilariously their famous act called the “Kingdom of Droopy Drawers”…just the type of comedy loved by the Trump family.
And, topping it all off, that crazy Branson Japanese fiddle player who delights astounded audiences by playing real fast. And by golly he’s Japanese, too! Yessir, it’s gonna be a real down-home old white man ho-down (except for that Japanese fiddler). Guaranteed to be the Greatest Presidential Inauguration celebration ever seen by man. Eat your heart out Obama. Believe me.
Xmas Gift Wish List 2016
Hillary: Tough As Nails
Who do want as President, a tough proven hard ass who will stare down Vlad the Imputin or a bloated thin-skinned sissy-manboy who sucks up to and admires bullies like Putin. Hillary, or Hellary if you choose, is a short low center-of-gravity no-nonsense woman who won’t be knocked over.
Ok, she can be a stingy with the truth… when it’s personal….but damn she’ll drown you without compassion in a bathtub of hard truths, hard facts and hard-headed realistic policy proposals.
With a built-in bullshit detector honed to a laser point by a lifetime of living with Bill, Hillary will chew you up, spit you out and grind your sorry deplorable prevaricating ass into a cosmic wedgie. Whatever that is. And yes, she has strategically decided to stay “married” to The Bill. You can bet that one of her first actions as President on the proverbial DAY ONE will involve a special Presidential Proclamation with a huge scrollygirly-font banner-head that reads: D.I.V.O.R.C.E. She knows she owes that special “Day One” action to all her sisters who voted for her. And to her granddaughter and Chelsea.
Deceitful Donald cares not a tinker’s dam for The Truth. He creates his own truths, or as Hillary said in the first debate he “lives in his own reality.” Which although a clever line, was wasted on his supporters who thought it was a compliment. (Of course most of his supporters do not watch things like debates, preferring a good re-run of Duck Dynasty or Neck’ed an Abraded.”
Hillary has been criticized all her public life (as are many women) for her looks, dress, hairstyle. The headband. The bangs. The pantsuits. The frown. The smile. The laugh. Her legs. Does she react like an insecure self-obsessed teenager? No. she moves on, self assured and confident that decent people will accept her and judge her on what she does and has accomplished for the public good.
Compare & contrast that to Donald, master of the Art of The Fear, a seventy-year old man obsessed with his fluffy bleached combed-forward-back & over hair extensions, overweight and pendulous yet fat-shaming women who don’t meet his standards of beauty … “no fat pigs, dogs, slobs or disgusting animals.” And of course not pregnant. (Trigger Warning: Imagine climbing in bed with a naked Trump.) Trump has the Temperament and self-assurance of an eighth grade mean girl.
Enough of Trump. We’re here with Hillary. Don’t trust her? I bet Putin, Kim Jong-un and that crazy Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte don’t trust her either. After the mild, gentlemanly erudite Obama, America seems to be pining for a “strongman” President who can scare the crap out of dictators, despots and terrorists with a no-nonsense dose of hardcore reality…this is the way it is fellows. Now boys, let’s sit down and work it out. Or else. Hillary: strongwoman. Mild-mannered she is not. How could she be after fighting, scratching, clawing and outmaneuvering her way to the top, busting thru glass ceilings like a Die Hard Bruce Willis crashing thru a skyscraper window. Her father didn’t stake her millions of bucks to start a business. She used her brains, not daddy’s money, to begin her long slog to the top.
All candidates hyperbolically declare that they are “fighters” and that they will fight for you. Hillary is fond of saying that too, with this difference: she’s been in one cage fight after another, winning some, losing some. But she never declines a challenge to climb back in the next cage to administer a beatdown on her opponent. The woman can fight and will fight good fights as President.
Oh, and unlike Donald, Hillary doesn’t mind being called “Hillary.” She doesn’t demand Senator or Madam Secretary. Donald requires everyone, even his son-in-law, to nonsobriquet him as Mr. Trump. Hillary won’t be called Hillary next January 20. From then on we’ll just call her Madam President.
More like this and not like this at: praajek.com
The Most Detestable Man in The World
Cures For What Ails Mr. Trump
Although I’m not a physician, I sometimes attempt to play one on the internet. Like many hypochondriacs, I often diagnose whatever daily symptoms I unearth in my decrepit bodily state by consulting the myriad health web sites such as Web MD, Mayo Clinic, Shamanize DotCom and Farmers Almanac. As I wrote in a recent blog post, I think we should be worried for Donald Trump’s health. His florid face, slow pendulous gait, saggybaggy frame and fast food habits should concern us all. So after consulting many medical web sites, Big Pharma daytime TV commercials, The Merck Veterinary Manual, Gray’s Anatomy of the Human Body and Daytime TV re-runs, and A Field Guide to Hunters’ Self-inflicted Shotgun Wounds, I have compiled a prescriptive list of medications and remedies that I recommend Mr. Trump ask his doctor if they are right for him.
Number One on my list is ibuprofen. This anti-inflammatory med will relieve Mr. Trump of the one of his most debilitating ailments: the heartbreak of embarrassing Inflammatory Statement Idiot Syndrome (ISIS) With a strong dose of this common med Trump will still think that Mexicans are rapists and women are disgusting fat pigs but not articulate these thoughts verbally. Take 3 x a day with a cup of chamomile tea.
It’s apparent that Trump is suffering from IBS, irritable bowel syndrome. His extreme gesturing with his short fingers, always pointing awkwardly up, as if seeking to plug a looseness within, is a sure sign that his bowels are irritated. Prescription: lots of options, but the Doctor thinks he should…uh…just suck it up.
Since we’re in this area anyway, Trump’s little puckered mouth, lips pursed in a knot, is a clear indication of some serious hemorrhoidal issues. Obvious relief: Preparation AH. Apply whenever mouth puckers.
Donald is famous for his sensitivity to criticism. At his ripe age of 70 he is becoming even more thin-skinned than ever. The Doctor prescribes gentle exfoliation of his outer epidermal germinal terminal with a soft application of baby oil on the Trumpus rumpus.
As the campaign rolls on and Hillary gains in the polls, Mr Grumpy Trumpy exhibits strong symptoms of the Dreaded Low Jive T. aka DJT. He seems to be unable to focus on the locus, is short-tempered, resents (or is jealous of) women, and people, this is just what I’m hearing, I’m hearing it from everyone, folks….he has been having spontaneous eruptions of little girl tears. Obvious diagnosis: LOW T. Shoot him up with some Second Amendment Testostoronium says the Doctor!
Mr. Trump’s orange hair and skin color is an obvious sign of carotenemia, usually caused by eating too many carrots and colorful vegetables. But Trumps fondness for McDonald’s and KFC fast foods rule out this diagnosis. So I recently consulted a Catholic Guilt Counselor, Father Peter Rast, who posits that Mr. Trump’s attraction to all-white friends and audiences has submerged deep within his meager consciousness a multicultural guilt complex that manifests itself through discoloration of his skin from pale white to a smarmy orange. Father Rast recommends exorcism and the administration of Extreme UnctIon or Last Rites, plus a liberal application of Clearasil to clear up that mean girl junior high complexion.
And lastly, the elephant, or muskrat, in the room: Trump’s flamboyant bouffant combed-over-and-back-left-and-right hair. Although not technically a disease or syndrome, his peacock exhibition of his hair invites analysis. Once again, some people are saying, in fact a lot of people are saying…folks…this is just what I’m hearing…believe me…that Donald J. Trump is as bald as a buzzard’s beak buried in the bowels of a bloated four day old opossum roadkill. Renowned hair specialist Doctor Estensión Weavier has seen this extreme hair style only once in her illustrious career. As she recalls, “I was on a trip in the Amazon in search of an ancient mysterious hair growing plant used by the Trumpanamba tribe called “hertadagonatumora,” from the extinct species rogainafolliculus. After consulting many indigenous people I came to learn that this magical plant had been devoured to the point of extinction by local Red Rumped Macaque Primates whose clan grew long orange hair swooped in a style that covered their red naked rumps…a style now favored by the Republican nominee for the US President.” As to his apparent need for this bizarre manifestation…there is no cure, she added.
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Randomoniums
How Do You Like Me Now?
Will the Wizzened Dark Evil One Endorse the Bloated-Faced Evil Orange One?
Ok Dick Cheney, nation building-invading Dr. Strangelove, you still sticking with Trump? The Mad Playboy says no more invading! At least he still loves water boarding, so dear to your stolen desiccated artificial heart.
Mr. Dick-tater Head
Mad Tyrant Trump’s campaign manager Paul Manafort lobbied for world-champion dictator-despots like Ferdinand Marcos, Angolan guerrilla mass-murderer Jonas Savimbi, Mobutu Sese Seko, dictator of Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of Congo), dictator torturer-extraordinaire Sani Abacha of Nigeria and Ukraine’s former mobster president Viktor Yanukovych ? Who could be his next client? North Korea’s baby faced despot dictator Kim Jong Un?
Ask Your Doctor if Trump Is Right For You.
Let’s ask an important question. Does Donald Trump really look healthy? By all outward appearances Mr. Trump’s florid face, slow pendulous gait, saggybaggy frame certainly leads one to assume he might not be in the most robust health. Although I’m not a doctor (I just play one on the internet) the aforementioned, plus his well-documented preference for high fat/sodium/sugar fast foods indicates a person with a high risk for cardiovascular disease and or diabetes. All candidates seeking the highest office in the world should not only release their medical records but should undergo a complete physical exam performed by an independent team of physicians with the results made public. This is the era of sharing, after all.
Extreme Wetting
Donald Trump’s announcement that he will employ “extreme vetting” for new wannabe immigrants begs for more clarification. Will new immigrant applicants be subjected to waterboarding to force their confessions of love for Sharia Law? Or just simple lie detector tests? Are you now, or have you ever been a member of an Islamic Terrorist organization? Maybe special extreme Rorschach tests: does this picture remind you of a burka or a suicide vest? Or maybe by “extreme” Trump means “extremities.” Think cattle prods and fingernails. Dark Cheney, you might be coming out of retirement.
Olympic Dudes.. I Feel Your Pain.
I’ve had it! Enough is enough. Enuf already, Ok? Stop! Quit it now! I can’t take it any more. I’m fed up and just about had it up to here. Not there: HERE! I’m so tired of having my body objectified. I feel for those poor Olympic guys in Rio, the swimmers, the gymnasts, weight lifters. I feel their pain. Being ogled and whistled at one can almost feel the fantasization as described in recent Cosmopolitan Magazine headline: Olympic Gold Bulges. Cosmopolitan Magazine headline: Olympic Gold Bulges.
Michelle Actually Stole Melania’s Speech
Did Melania crib Michelle’s speech? Easy explanation. First: the answer is NO! Michelle actually plagiarized Melania’s speech. Wait, you say. Michelle gave her speech eight years before Melania wrote and spoke hers. What are you talking about? Well, if you live in the Fox News right-wing bubble, this is entirely possible and indeed a well-established fact. Reality bends into itself twisting truth inside out. Just like Obama’s mother deliberately married a Kenyan and gave birth to baby Barrack in Kenya, she knew all too well that someday her son would run for President and so destroyed his birth certificate and surreptitiously moved to Hawaii to establish his US citizenship. Michelle Obama, in 2008, knew all too well that In 2016 Donald Trump’s third wife Melania would write an beautiful original speech to present at the Republican Convention to nominate her husband Donald Trump. We know how these sneaky liberals work…a dirty play plagiarized from the Clinton dirty tricks playbook. Obama/Clinton operatives reached illegally eight years into the future thru a Black Lives Matter Hole, and using a secret email server, tore a seam in the universe, grabbed a copy of Melania’s speech, which she had worked so hard on, and plagiarized it word for beautiful word. End of controversy.
Read more like this and not like this @ Praajek.com.
Burnt Feet, Pit Bulls and Tickling.
And on a lighter note….
More cops killing black people, black people killing cops, Hillary’s careless emailing, Trump’s daily racist, misogynist, xenophobic, bigoted Tweets, Brexit fallout, the mass-shooting-of-the-month…alligator snatches toddler at Disney World…the worst of times…and the worst of times. What a summer so far. And the Trump Republican coronation convention still awaits. After the Dallas cop sniper-murders The NY POST ran a William Randolph Hearst yellow-journalism banner head declaring “CIVIL WAR.” (In 1897 Hearst dispatched illustrator Fredric Remington to cover for his newspaper the Cuban uprising against Spanish rule and supposedly told him “you furnish the pictures and I’ll furnish the war.”)
Maybe America needs a breather. Instead of a war.
Just a few weeks ago we were engaged in news accounts of the gorilla who was shot after tossing around a small boy who had fallen into its zoo pen. Boy 1. Gorilla 0.
Later we were charmed by the heart-warming story of the cultish followers of self-help guru Tony Robbins who burnt their feet walking on his command across burning coals. Good times.
And of course we all giggled uncontrollably at news articles about the latest athletic endeavor of Competitive Endurance Tickling. A new documentary, “Tickled” exposes this brutal underground, “fight club”-like dangerous sport. Belly laughs all around.
Also in the news, a story, based on a new book, “Pit Bull… the Battle over an American Icon,” pits this viscous breed against its reputation as a face-ripping 4-legged monster dog. Not so fast, argues this book’s author. Pit Bully is really a cuddly, lovable lil’ ball of puppy fur. Hmmmm. Good dog. Down boy…..down…..
But now it’s “BLACK/BLUE/All LIVES MATTER” 24-7. Predictions of race riots, vigilantes, mobs, civil war. I’d walk across hot coals laughing until I cried uncontrollably, a gorilla and a pit bull on leash, if all we had to worry and argue about were dogs, burnt feet and tickling.
praajek.com
Damn turd pol or the Damp old runt.
Remember Pat Paulsen? The comedian who ran for President from 1968 thru 1996. How about Pee Wee Herman, aka actor Paul Reubens whose Pee Wee’s Playhouse was shut down after he was arrested for an alleged minor public transgression purportedly involving his genitals and a dark movie house. He’s currently on the comeback trail. Of course we remember washed up actors Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger who both went on to become governors, one of them all the way to the Presidency thanks to the OPEC oil embargo, the Iranian hostage crises and a killer rabbit. Throw in Cliven Bundy, the crazy anti-government welfare rancher or Kanye West the narcissistic hiphop rappa-ego-maniacal self-proclaimed genius and world-savior. What’s the point of mentioning these doofus goofs? Donald Trump. I wouldn’t be more shocked, surprised and perplexed if any of these…Pat (gods rest his squirrelly soul) Pee Wee, Cliven, Arnold or Kanye were on track to actually, truly, really, holy-shit-gawds-save-us, become the Republican nominee for President than I am that a racist, misogonist, (fill-in the operative pejorative) New York City billionaire real estate con man might actually become President of the U. S. of A. (When Reagan was elected President I had to drag myself to a window the morning (in America) after the election to see if the sun would actually appear…to my dismay and shock, it did).
Current analysis has it that Trump’s emergence is the simple result of the buzzards coming home to feast on the carrion of the 1960s-born Republican “Southern Strategy” roadkill. That SS emerged from the traditional Democrat south and American white suburban resentment of the Civil Rights and voting rights acts, demise of Jim Crow politics all encouraged by “dog whistle ” coded language used so effectively by Reagan, et al…states rights, welfare queens, busing and later the cultural issue weapons of GGGG — God, Guns, Grizzlies & Gays. The once Democrat racist south transgendered and traded places with the anti-segregationist republican “party of Lincoln.”
Although accurate, this analysis is incomplete. With the election of Obama in 2008 we were supposedly on the brink of a post-racial era, one in which America finally came to grips with its racist past and began to accept and embrace its destiny as a multi-cultural multiracial nation with equal rights and opportunities for all. We certainly pulled back from that brink, didn’t we. Way back. But now Trump’s emergence as the de-facto leader of the Republican Party begs further analysis, as Trump himself might say, “until we can figure out what’s going on here.” So what is going on here? His identification and exploitation of the Angry Man keys his success. Who are these Angry folks? Sure, some are the defeated diehard leftovers of the Sixties cultural wars. But on reflection Trump, and Bernie Sanders to a similar degree, seem to have tapped into a fracked-up vein of noxious volatile gas festering just below the surface bubbling up to an unaccommodating landscape of gigs instead of real jobs, unindustrialized service economies, jobs outsourced to foreign labor markets, outdated skill sets, down-sized efficiency-ized work forces
Uberized, Amazoned and App’ed.
Of course Trump doesn’t really understand these forces, he just blunders and thunders into the space created by them. Like the old P-Funk lyric “huffin’ and puffin’ you ain’t doin’ nuthin’,” Trump is good at thrusting and hustling but short-fingered on delivering any satisfactory solutions. Instead of answers Trump responds with brags. “Believe me, America will be the greatest because I’m the biggest, the best, the richest, my wife the most beautiful, my steaks the tastiest, my books the best best sellers, my clothes the most stylish, my shoes the shiniest, my hair the orangiest, my teeth the whitiest, my tan the tanniest, my hotels the swankiest, my kids the smartiest, my awesomeness the most awesomiest, my torturing will be the most beautifully painful, my wall the highest, my name-calling the most horribliest, my insults the most egregious…(looking at you, Pope Francis & Mother Theresa…) my Blacks, Hispanics and Muslims love me more than their children….” The more egregious the lies and brags the more people believe, or at least ignore them.
How could this happen in America? I just don’t get it. Really, just what is going on here, anyway?
I tried to generate a world class, best ever anagram for the best name in the world, Donald Trump. My favorites: Damn turd pol. Damp old runt.
praajek.com
My First Hero…
He was my first hero. As a high school kid, I listened on radio, like in the old days, (hell, it was the old days!) to his first fight for the championship in 1964. Why I was in his corner then I don’t know. Something about his story I’d heard and read about, his name Cassius Marcellus Clay, his fearless facing of the older and stronger Sonny, “The Bear” Liston. I was already a boxing fan, somehow intrigued and fascinated by the Floyd Patterson and Ingemar Johansson fights several years earlier. Boxing wasn’t a team sport. I grew up without a team sport affiliation, either high school or professional. I didn’t play sports; the only guy in my tiny high school who didn’t play on the only two sports offered: basketball and football. I was anti-sports and my refusal (some might say inability) to play gave me that much-needed, although negative, identity sought in high school. But in boxing I saw the little guy, the outsider, the bullied facing the bully. Muhammad Ali filled that role for me. Disdained by the experts and pilloried by the media, Ali drew strength from his opponents, weakening them. His refusal to serve in an unjust war — the bully military vs the bullied cannon-fodder conscripts –his embrace of a culture that opposed the rules of white America, his non-conformity…unwilling to play the sportsmanship game angered the social, political and sports establishment. Ali, a General in the cultural wars of the Sixties, like Martin Luther King, made America face its sins of racism and its weakness of inequality. Ali practiced and lived a life embedded in Islam, the kinder and wiser version of Islam that contradicts the hate-filled jihadi-swamp that the world now fears. At the height of his boxing career, banned from the sport, he took to the college lecture circuit professing civil disobedience, conscientious objection, condemning the Vietnam War, racism, and social injustice. He spoke at Ohio University while I was a student and I met him after his speech. His handshake swallowed my hand and his eyes reflected starlight. He was literally bigger than life. He created a large part of what the Sixties became. And in retiring from the ring Ali continued to live his life of courage, grace, wit and humor that highlighted his youth and defined his greatness. When he quit boxing he ended the sport. I never watched another match. Boxing was counted out and never rose off the canvas, they one that Ali used to paint his masterpieces. He once wrote the world’s shortest poem. “Me? Whee!!” Ali…my first & last hero. (Not for worry Dad…you’re in a singularly reserved category).
America…I’m this Bud for You
Update: Anheuser-Busch recently confirmed it will change the name of its Budweiser 12-oz. cans and bottles with the name “America” from May 23 through election season in November.
This Bud/America’s for you. So starting today I’m changing my name to “AMERICA” too. You can call me America, or Lawrence America. I’ll respond to either name, as long as I hear the American part. My new label will run from now thru the day after the presidential election. If Trump wins, I’m then changing my label to Lawrence Canada, or just plain Canada.
Feeding the Angry Man
Feeding the Angry Man
Political correctness has been the whipping-boy issue of the far-right wing for many years. No one touts aversion to PC behavior more than Donald Trump, in large part basing his presidential run on mocking all things politically correct. Expressing politically incorrect statements and views has become the defining standard of what I call the new Angry Man movement. (I use the term “man” because Trumping appeals more to men than women, although there are of course, though fewer, Angry Women too!)
This backlash against political correctness, although not new and has been percolating for years, has now erupted volcanically, given heat from the steaming bowels of Trump who belches more vitriol than an OxyContin-infused radio talk show host (talkin' bout you, Flush Phlegmball!)
But it's not all Donald's fault. Recently political correctness has been it own worst enemy. He's only taking advantage of some high profile examples of PC goofiness and unleashing festering grievances left over from the self-perceived left-behind.
Trump is the wind (bag) beneath the wings of the angry. Seething silent anger just below the surface of civility, these Angry Men have had to keep their feelings in check for decades, every day a lost day that brought them closer to inexorable defeat in the lingering culture war of the Sixties. Yes, the Sixties Culture War rages on in the shallow cranial recesses of the religious right, Nixon's old law & order hard hats, the “silent majority” and their “poorly-educated” progeny still offended by anti-Vietnam protests, “free love,” a casual embrace of drugs, and civil rights victories. (“I love the poorly educated,” Trump declared after his Nevada primary victory last February.)
Now comes Trump, loud and brash, like a constipated cow suddenly effluent from gorging in a field of rotting beans. Trump's emissions, sulfurically foul, are whiffs of lilac and roses to the noses of his Angries. Finally, someone who is not afraid to say out loud what they've been longing to say forever. Not just someone, but a someone who could hold the highest office in the land. A someone who could make the White House the white house again. (Well, maybe the gold-plated White House?) And his calling card? Attack political correctness. A task which liberals today sometimes aid and abet. From trigger warnings and safe space demands of sensitive babyfied college students to accusations of “cultural appropriation” by minorities, political correctness is fast becoming a favorite pick up line for the right wing. College students who demand a trigger warning that a reading assignment or lecture might contain something offensive to their sheltered little minds forget the reason they are in college in the first place…to expand their minds, be exposed to different ideas: to become educated. Is it really cultural appropriation when a white student is shamed by Black students for wearing dreadlocks? What about a Black student who bleaches her hair blond? (Note: I'm willing to be schooled on this issue from another point of view) Of course political correctness is not really “running amok” as so many pundits and columnists seem be declaring and warning. But egregious examples, amplified by media, social and traditional, feed into the meme/trope that we've gone too far, that we are too sensitive, need to lighten-up, quit worrying about offending everyone (except we whites in power) and just enjoy life. Yeah, make America great again, like before civil and voting rights, environmental regulations, Medicare, Social Security, child labor laws, food safety laws. Those were the days my friends…we thought they'd never end…
More like this and not like this at: praajek.com
I Want Self-Zippering Pants!
I’ve waited all my miserable life for this. When I was a kid, my Dad said I’d have a flying car in my garage on Mars. Never happened, Dad. (Thanks a lot, Obama!) 3-D TV? Sort of, but not really happening. Robot hoovers sucking up dust by dancing the roomba around the house? Boring. Self-cleaning ovens? Old school. Self-photo-taking? Yup, The Selfie fulfilled that dream. Self-driving cars? Oh, yeah! Almost there and just in time for aging Boomers who dread being on the pitiful end of “The Talk” when their kids explain that, no, Mom, you didn’t misplace your car keys..we’ve taken them and are prying your almost dead cold hands from around the steering wheel. Autonomous cars will allow Boomers to rule the road until the day they never die.
But when Nike recently announced its new Self-tying shoe I knew the future had finally arrived. It’s called “adaptive lacing.” Press buttons on the side of the shoe and the laces automatically tighten or loosen to match your comfort level or mood: uptight, nervous, or afraid? Just press the tighten button. Feeling groovy, marinatingly mellow or banging? Just press the loose button. No muss no fuss. Only down side is you gotta bend down to press the mofcukin’ buttons! Com’on Nike, where’s the remote? Or app that’ll let me tight&loose by tapping on my Fitbit or Apple Watch. See, the Damn Future is always just around the Damn Corner.
So here I am, in the present here and now, mindful of the moment, which is very popular these days. But still waiting for, as Apple used to say, “The Next Big Thing” …until Trump settled that argument. So I guess until I get my Self-Zippering pants, I’m just a lonely guy on the Avenue of Ass-kicking Dreams with his fly stuck open…or shut. (Hmmmm…autonomous socks that roll up automatically?)
L.Rudmann (praajek.com)
Super Bowl: Over & Out
I’m so over Super Bowl commercials. And for that matter the Super Bowl itself, that national corporate sports orgy for the One Percent paid for by the tax-paying gullible proletariat who “like to watch” the gladiators while the rulers “play” from their skyboxes. Yes, a distraction from work, from ills, from the daily drone of life, The Super Bowl offers a temporary reprieve and escape.
After only 50 years The Super Bowl has established itself as a bedrock symbol of our culture. We accept its ubiquitous residency in our lives, finely woven like a 1,000 thread-count flag blowing across the face our national psyche. From the opening mock patriotic military salutes, mawkish contestant renditions of a song celebrating bombs and war … Vegas odds on how long will Lady GaGa stretch out the last notes to break the record for longest public singing of this national anthem…military jets swooping like mad screaming birds of prey over the stadium; extravagant intermission displays of pop(ular) music…spectacles on par with anything produced by Chinese or North Korean governments. A synchronized national corporate effort to appeal to the masses, slake our thirst for violence with highly paid yet expendable surrogates, to inspire us to aspire, to consume, to eat more Cheetos. The athletic efforts on the field merely a pretense for the 30 sec commercial propaganda spots imploring us to spend our wages to enrich those wise men in their high skybox castles.
And let’s dismiss with the conceit that at least these commercial productions represent high art, or are at a minimum creative, original, humorous or inspiring. Once upon a time Apple produced a commercial (“1984”) to introduce the MacIntosh computer. This was the first and last truly creative effort shown during a Super Bowl game. This commercial set the standard, propagated and set in motion the deluded cult of the Super Bowl Commercials. What we are subjected to now are watered-down attempts at humor often exploiting children and animals. This year one advertiser actually hit the sweet spot of commercial crassness with a creature comprised of a baby, a monkey and a dog. A puppy. Awwww..horses, awwww…guys acting the fool while wifey rolls her eyes and shows him how it’s really done. People dancing. If the proverbial aliens picked up signals of these commercials they would think that all humans do is dance. Well, we also get constipation, diarrhea and toenail fungus on the bungus.. but that’s another matter.
Ah, Super Bowl, I am so over you. At least until next year when the half time show features our national Poet Laureate in a “Salute to American Poetry.” And of course the Chicago Bears beat the Oakland Raiders.
(read more like this and not like this at my blog: praajek.com)
Cruz Conundrum
That women get judged on their looks and appearance more than men is a given. It’s not right to judge a person by one’s visceral reaction to appearance, demeanor and other subjectives such as voice, height, hair style, eyes and the overall qualities that comprise what we generally consider as “looks.” I know it’s not right. Yet why do I have such a strong visceral (from “viscera”….intestines, bowels, gut; from instinct rather than intellect) negative reaction to Ted Cruz, the smarmy (totally subjective, sorry) candidate for the republican presidential nomination? His high-pitched voice perfects onomatopoeically the whine of a dentist drill with all its associated shudder and vagus-nerve inducing nausea and clammy coldness. His hunched shoulders and thrusting head produces a badgering mien threatening to cower his audience into submission. Behind a podium, he leans his skewed mis-aligned angley face downward doggedly in sarcastic towering arrogance belying his 5ft-7inch stature and with deft yet programmed hands gestures robotically in sync with sad disapproving basset hound-of-hell eyes casting damnation on all who fail to heed his admonitions. This is Ted Cruz. The slick pompadour hair harkens to a past era, a carnival barker, a Fuller Brush salesman? Under stage lights his skin reflects a pallid smeary corpse-like patina, waxen.
The curled upper lip snarls and scolds disdainfully giving purchase to a poisonous pedantic piety from a Puritan pursed mouth proclaiming peevish punishment for all who disagree.
And yet I question my intense reactions to Mr. Cruz’s physicalities. It’s not that he has, according to current standards of what constitutes beauty/attractiveness, an “ugly” countenance. But there is some intangible aggregate of his overall appearance and how he wears and utilizes these physical attributes that sends up warning signs. Empty this sack full of pain and fill it with the heart and soul of Bernie Sanders. How would I react? Bernie has a rough and worn appearance that may cause cringing, weeping and gnashing of teeth in those who disagree with him. But it seems that beyond Cruz’s stated policies, his proclaimed beliefs, his political philosophy there lies something uncomfortable, dark and on the threshold of….evil? I know it’s not right to judge him on how he looks. But could this visage be a mirror of his soul or spirit, his very essence and intended purpose on earth? I don’t know. But what I do know is this person scares me. To the point where I have to admit that given a choice between Mr. Cruz and Donald Trump (please gods, spare us from such a choice) I would have to choose Trump. Cruz, I admit, is smart, very smart and probably the best diabolical debater among all candidates. He has a plan, and is executing it demonically. Be afraid. Very afraid, something tells me.
2015 – A Year of Living Fearfully© EOY End of Year RapUp
2015 – A Year of Living Fearfully©
We got it quick,
We got it now
Here a click
There a click
We got it how?
Here a pick there a pick
In the Amazon pits
Bot Boys & Gig Girls
Nondescript
Ubering this and
Ubering that
Working harder than
The Pizza Rat.
So buy me a beer
And quench my fear
an IPA with a wise-ass label
“Bangin’Your Sister” or “Murdering Mabel.”
If you’re socially able
Pour me that hoppy Alcohol tincture
An artesinal brew called “Clinching Sphincters.”
My fear is palpable
That my order calculable
Isn’t Pay-Pal-able
Delivered prime by the ISISman cometh
Venomous sous la table
With Hillary in a Muslim Hijibber
Jihaddin’ the penis off Justine Bieber.
My fears were real
As John Boehner tears
As true as Caitlyn’s
Not a male
And Canadian poutine
Is the new kale.
Even my fears
Were afraid and scared
Laid bare by Obamacare
To heal us with medical P.O.T.U.S.
Put on notice
By The F.L.O.T.U.S.
That our health insurance wouldn’t be valid
Unless we ate all our Kardashian placenta salad.
Throughout the year anxiety riding
On a jittery third rail guiding
Us on a dangerous journey
Suicide crusading avengers
Unhingers
Vowed to see us
On a gurney.
Look to the left, to the right
Feel the panic
An error of terror
Islamic as well
As Christianic.
Change was loosed
Upon the Land
Transgendered, rendered, re-assigned
Maligned for being
Mis-aligned.
But all was ducky and we got lucky
The Pope fell for a lady from Kentucky
Blessing her multiple-partner unions
Wagging the Papal Celibate digit Proclaiming illicit
Same-sex communions.
Disappointment was a fave
Jay-Z’s TIDAL never waved.
Apple Set A Watch, man
Few raved.
Harper Lee unwound her clock
Her second first novel failed to ticktock
As the mockingbird’s old man
Joined the klan
That many saw as problematicus
The most popular Republican baby name
Now happens to be, yup… Little Atticus.
The Status Quo
Did not Grow
We still hatin’on drunkened Russians
Still lovin’ on football concussions
Predictable as shoot-first cops
Or Taylor Swift in short crop-tops.
Madman Don the Dandy Draper
Taught the World to Sing Carnally (no predictable doggerel rhyme)
In perfect harmony
With Kendrick Lamarr-money
Pimpin’ that poor butterfly’s wings
Inside Amy Schumer’s randy pants
There’s ample room
For Drake to dance.
Backs to the Wall
Fed raisin’ rates
Drug Lord Shkreli
Scored world berates
Courteously flushed
But the room’s still smelly.
Transgendering took the runway spot
Estrogened and testosteroned
Accepted respected and now condoned
By all except the chromosomes.
Guns still have us in their sights
Open carry in the bars
And church
Trolled by NRA sycophants,
But in the morgue room
Stands the elephant,
Minions of Murder
Foul beasts lurch
And then they slouch
Toward Deathlahem.
ISIS, ISIL, Houthis, Shabbab
Promise to bury us
It’s their job
Is it fear or imaginary
Or are we already buried
In our mobile screens
Our virtual cemetaries.
The local police dressed
To be seen
As combat-ready armed Marines
Drowned out voices
With on-the-ground boots
The cries of hands-up-don’t-shoot
And cause to shatter
The Dream
That Black Lives
Really do matter.
Next Year
Don’t let your ears fill with fears
Of Islamaphobic political Smears
Humpty Trumpty
Will have a great fall
From his “big & beautiful” Xenophobic wall
And surety like taxes and and like death
To misquote MacBeth
“All our yesterdays have (dim) lighted fools
The way to dusty death, Out, out, brief candle (of darkness)
(Your)Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.”
So buy me a beer
And quench my fear
an IPA with a wise-ass label
“Bangin’ Your Sister” or “Murdering Mabel.”
If you’re socially able
Pour me that hoppy
Alcohol tincture
An Artesinal brew
Called “Clinching Sphincters.”
(P.S.. Jon Snow is really dead. Thanks a lot, Obama!)
Happiness not Fear in the 2016 New Year.
Lawrence
Pass the "No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act".
🚫🔫
Enough is enough!
Here’s what we need:
Don’t control guns, ban them.
Presidential/Executive “Re-interpretation” of the Second Amendment concomitant with enactment by Congress or Presidential Fiat of the “No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act” also to be known as the “No Right to Own Guns Act.”
The manufacture, import and sale of firearms and ammunition for non-military in the U. S. and its territories will be banned.
Phase One: A Federal ban on the civilian purchase of any firearm. This means hand guns, assault rifles, shotguns, hunting rifles, target/sport firearms. Also BB guns and similar varmint-hunting guns such as pellet guns, potato “spud” guns and all NERF-type projectile-emitting gun facsimiles. (BB/pellet and NERF-type guns are “gateway weapons” that lead to future desire/addiction to possess and use bullet-based firearms). Violation of the “No Gun Left Behind Act” is a zero tolerance, “one strike you are out” violation resulting In a minimum income-based fine of $20,000 and up. Inability or refusal to pay the fine shall result in a minimum one year sentence to a firearm practice ranch for Federal Agents as a live target decoy. (Sentence commuted after one year if prisoner survives)
Phase Two: The President shall order all citizens to turn in to Federal Authorities any and all firearms they own or possess. Firearm owners complying will be compensated for the price that they paid for the firearm(s). Refusal to comply will result in fines and imprisonment.
Phase Three: The National Guard, branches of the US military forces, Federal policing agents including the FBI, will conduct house-to-house inspections nationally for the purpose of confiscation of firearms. Non-compliance will result in imprisonment of head of household.
Phase Four: local police will be required to “Stop & Frisk” suspected gun carriers at any time or place. Citizens will also be rewarded with cash bonuses for alerting police or Federal authorities to anyone who they suspect possessing a firearm.
Hunters and firearm sport enthusiasts will be able to rent approved firearms from the federal government for limited use. Firearm renters shall have proper gun user insurance.
Traditional firearm-based hunters who choose not to rent firearms will be provided with federal training in bow & arrow, knife and persistence hunting (stalking and chasing game on foot until animal is caught).
Black market distribution of firearms will be controlled by Revenueurs a special elite strike force of Federal and civilian under- cover swat specialists. Funding for national firearm prohibition will be diverted from state, local and Federal drug enforcement since passage of the “Freedom to Purchase & Use Any Drug Act” Americans will be able to purchase and use any drug legally.
This should be considered only the first steps in freeing our country of the curse of firearms. Once these actions are enacted then America should really get serious about banning guns.
What’s Left for Trump to Say?
He’s called Mexicans rapists, drug addicts and criminals, promises to build a “big, beautiful wall” around America to keep out undocumented migrants, blamed tough media questions on a reporter’s monthly period. He calls people he disagrees with fat, idiot, stupid, morons. Claims President Obama’s birth certificate is false. Says Ariana Huffington and Carly Fiorino are ugly. Said you can’t beat ISIS if you sweat too much and that if Hillary can’t satisfy her husband how is she going to satisfy America. He says global warming is a hoax. “Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.” “I have a great relationship with the blacks.” “I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” “You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” “Often times when I was sleeping with one of the top women in the world, I would say to myself, thinking about me as a boy from Queens, “Can you believe what I am getting?” “Heidi Klum (supermodel). Sadly, she’s no longer a 10.” Oh, yes…Trump also says he absolutely saw TV footage of 1000s of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating on 9-11. And yep, recently Trump mocked a disabled New York Times reporter by imitating his body movements. Whew….I’m out of breath and energy digging up these Trumprageous comments. Let’s go to future tape.
So. What’s left for Trump to say? Who and what hasn’t he railed against and insulted. Here are a few insults waiting in the hopper, predictions of what he still might say that will inexplicably increase his poll ratings.
On The Pope. “Yeah, Francis, Frankie, he’s a fat old geezer. A real loser. Just look at that belly. Not even Rosie O’Donnell would get on her knees for him.”
Native Americans: “These so-called noble savages don’t even know how to run a casino like me…give’em a few shots of liquor and they’ll end up scalping themselves instead of their customers.”
Automobiles: “Basically just pieces of junk.. I don’t know why people buy them…the best mode of transportation is a limo and a private jet. And I’ve got the best private limos and jets at my disposal.”
The late Mother Theresa: “She was an ugly skinny old hag. So over-rated, that one.. No one tends to the poor better than me..believe me…when I’m President the poor will be tended too so much they’ll get tired of it!! They’ll say “Stop it Mr. Trump, no more tending.. !”
Refrigerators: what’s this all about anyway? Keeping food cold? I like my food hot and served to me in one of my 5-Star restaurants..I’ve got Mexicans, Filipinos, Orientals to cook it..who needs a refrigerator..or a stove! Losers and morons, that’s who! “
Smart phones: Believe me.. the iPhone and those Korean phonies are total losers…for the life of me I can’t figure out why people buy these things..I’ve got the best phone, a MeTrump phone..solid gold with diamond keys. Made exclusively for me by the best people.”
Milk: Never drink it! Never drink anything that comes out of a cow’s tit. Can you imagine? This cow’s laying around in its own dung eating weeds and stuff and this is what makes milk? I drink only the best milk…beautiful young virgin milk from world class virgins. And I know virgins.”
Apple Pie: who would eat that crap? I’ll tell you! Losers! Morons! I only eat the top shelf pie…Trumpie: made with the best stuff you ever tasted.. baked by the best people who know how to bake the best.. And believe me I know the best!
Motherhood: you ever hear me talk about my mother? No! Motherhood is for idiots! Who needs’em! That’s all I’m gonna say on that subject… don’t get me started.
Navy Seals: what’s up with that name anyway? A seal? Who wants to be a seal, flapping and honking on a chunk of ice all day long? These guys are so over-rated…all that training they need. So they shot Bin Laden? I like guys who didn’t shoot bin Laden…who maybe…you know…just bombs the crap outta the Osamas. I know how to bomb people. No one bombs better than me, trust me!”
Yes, trust him sooner or later to say all the above, and worse. And rise in the polls.
God Bless & Save America.
Read more like this and not like this at my blog: http://www.praajek.com
XMAS IN THE EAR
Each year we are treated to new album releases by assorted artists – popular and has-been – rendering their versions of Christmas and Holiday carols. One of my favorites is Bob Dylan‘s “Xmas in the Heart” in which he croons, gristles, groans and chews up holiday traditionals such as “O Come All Ye Faithful” and “Silent Night.” It’s quite a feat and for me at least a real Christmas treat. Another seasonal favo is “Just Say Noël,” which includes my special holiday favo by “Sonic Youth, “Santa Doesn’t Cop Out on Dope,” and “Millie Pulled a Pistol on Santa” by The Roots. “Jingle All the Way” by Crash Test Dummies is also a heart & hearth-warming collection of holiday sentimentals.
So this year I would love to see and hear some new offerings such as:
Bill Maher’s “An Atheist’s Xmas” on which he sings “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen…gay marriage is finally legal.” And “While Shepherds Watched…Yeah they like to watch” would be on my iTunes Xmas playlist.
Bill Clinton’s “Xmas with a Boner” including his just released hit song, “Joseph did not have sex with that Woman” and of course his saxophone rendition of “BlueXmas” would enlarge his legacy.
Donald Trump’s “The Biggest Best & Hugest Xmas” featuring his holiday hit, “No One Does Xmas Better Than Me,” and “Trump Pumpa Trump Trumps the Little Immigrant Boy” and “Away.. (far far away from America,) In a Manger” could push him even higher in the polls.
Bernie Sanders‘ “Have Yourself a Communal Little Socialist Xmas” featuring “Rudolph the Red Commie Reindeer” would be a favo of mine.
Hillary’s Xmas Dishes album includes her never-before released and destined-to-become-a-seasonal classic, “Bill’s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire” would be a family hit in my household.
And speaking of open fire, the Chicago Police Department Xmas Choir gets us into the spirit of the season with the hauntingly moving “Oh come on keep mum Rahm Emmanuel,” segueing to a celebratory “Silent Nights & Silent Days helps Good King Winsalot of elections.”
Merry Xhristmas y’all.
Read more like this and not like this at my blog. www.praajek.com
Of ISIS and Men
I suppose it’s natural to be somewhat unsettled and unsure of how to react beyond shock, horror and sadness about the recent terrorist/Islamic/ISIS/ISIL/Daesh attacks in Paris. Special interest organizations, public figures, politicians and media pundits wasted little time and very little serious thought before spouting bigoted and caustic invective in the name of defending America from the kind of carnage inflicted in Paris. Political was-been Newt Gringrich lanced his poisonous pus-filled heart by tweeting that if Parisian concert victims had been armed they could have survived. I’m sure he’s already cashed his check from the NRA. From there it got worse. Donald Trump agitated anew to build that “big beautiful wall” and to register all Muslims in the U.S. (Maybe tattoo them, too, Donald?) and Jeb! Bush tried trumping Trump by saying only Christian refugees should be admitted. (ISIS terrorists in Mali yesterday made hostages recite lines from the Quran to prove they are Muslim.. sounds like they got that idea from Jeb!) And predictably Republican governors said no to new Syrian refugees in their states. Of course House Speaker Paul Ryan pushed thru a bill stopping any Syrian refugees from entering the U.S. And oh yes, leading Presidential candidate Ben Carson called Syrian widows and child refugees “rabid dogs.” Not even France displayed that kind of xenophobia announcing that despite the terrorist attacks it would still compassionately welcome 30,000 new Syrian refugees.
Paraphrasing a friend, Republican pussy-wingers are a million times more likely to be killed at a Walmart Black Friday stampede than killed by a Syrian refugee. (Another friend joked a solution to the ISIS crisis…just give them a country and then nukem. haha)
But, as they say, I digress. The agony is in the question that haunts the dark mental and spiritual halls of anyone who still has a flexible and well-toned brain opened to learning, admitting bias, able to cortically correct and see dimensionally rather than the multitudes of Americans with calcified hearts and minds whose first and only reaction is to act on animal instinct of bite first when threatened.
But even the rational thinking mind is challenged when confronted by a force so nihilistic and savage as the terrorist Islamic fundamentalists armed with blind faith of revenge and retribution on those who do not share or who disrespect the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad. I hear the pleas of pundits, politicians, religious leaders, Muslims themselves, to avoid branding all Muslims as terrorists. Of course not all Muslims are terrorists. But here we have a virulent strain of the Islamic faith. Does the Quran (Koran) invoke and promote violence any more than the Bible? Obviously I’m not a Biblical nor Quranic scholar and can only reply on other experts for answers.
Here’s a little quiz. Which quote is from the Bible and which is from the Quran?
Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves. (Answer: Bible, Numbers 31:17-1 )
Fight and slay the Pagans wherever ye find them: seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war).” (Answer: Quran, 9:5)
You get the point.. Read more at Is Quran more violent than bible: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124494788
The difference seems to lie in the fact that Christianity focuses its faith more toward the New (kinder&Jesus-friendly) Testament whereas this death cult of ISIS seizes upon the approximately 100 violence-supported passages out of about 6,000 non violent passages of the Quran.
Let’s hope we don’t see an offshoot Christian militant group (CRISIS.. Christian Religion Is Slaying Islam Sinners?) inspired by Biblical excerpts such as :
Make ready to slaughter the infidel’s sons for the guilt of their fathers; Lest they rise and possess the earth, and fill the breadth of the world with tyrants. (Isaiah 14:21)
Then I heard God say to the other men, “Follow him through the city and kill everyone whose forehead is not marked. Show no mercy; have no pity! Kill them all – old and young, girls and women and little children.” (Ezekiel 9:5)
Both the Bible and the Quran contain exhortations to kill and maim. Although the death cult of ISIS seems to spread like a plague, is the cure really declarations of war, American boots on the ground, or building walls or creating Muslim refugee concentration camps? Or do such responses fulfill the objectives of ISIS death seekers and draw in more recruits? The more I think about all this the more I like to imagine John Lennon’s lyric, a world with no religion. And this from Robert Burns: “The best laid schemes of mice and men / Often go awry.”
Read more like this and not like this at my blog: http://www.praajek.com
One woman and one Pope.. just how Jesus wanted it..
Will Pope Francis abdicate the Papal Throne to be with Kim Davis? Rumors, just rumors say Vatican spokespriests in response to rumored rumors that the Pope has succumbed to the fleshy fruits of Morehead KY county clerk and sex goddess Kim Davis.
“Although I’m the Pope I’m still a man…who among men could resist the siren song of this Kim Davis?” Pope Francis supposedly whispered to an aide in an overheard unsubstantiated conversation on the Papal flight back to Rome.
If true, this would be Mrs. Davis’ first seduction of a Roman Catholic Pope. “I’ve had lots of pastors, reverends and a deacon or two,” Mrs. Davis supposedly said, “but Lord Almighty I never imagined a real live Pope…hee haw and whoopie doo.”
Mrs. Davis reportedly told reporters she and Francis were brought together by Jesus and Tinder. “I was just doing some plain old Tindering in the fields of the Lord and wouldn’t you know it up popped the Pope so I quick-as-a-lump-of-lard-on-a-pile-of-grits Swiped Right…and heavens to holy matrimony next thang I see on my Google Android phone is a match made in heaven…one woman and one Pope.. just how Jesus wanted it”, she might have added.
Random Ejaculations: (n. an abrupt, exclamatory utterance)
Oxymoron of the year: Clean Diesel
At their secret meeting last week did Kim Davis bend over backwards to kiss Pope Frank’s “ring.”
Hillary’s campaign for president is beginning to be like that giant flower people lined up to see.. You know the one.. The Titan arum…or corpse flower.. It takes years to bloom and then smells like a rotting corpse. The smell is aimed at attracting pollinators (contributors) that help it reproduce.
Bernie’s The One
“From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. ” ..slogan popularized by Karl Marx
“From each according to his whatever, to each according to his wants.” …new American slogan.
Bernie, we hardly know ye. Present tense, thank you Sir. You are the anti-Hillary. The anti-any Republican. In a beauty hair pageant with Donald Trump you would win the mane event while Donald would coiff up hair balls. In a debate with Jeb! Bush you’d excoriate his exclamation point to the point of pointlessness. You’d drink Hillary under & over her email server, surgically excise Ben Carson’s brainless Islamaphobia; pour a thicker Kwickee Mart slurpee than Bobby Jindal, stop more traffic than Chris Crispee, sell more used cars than Scott Walker, outgun god in a gravy bowl of Huckabee grits; out-liber-randy Rand Paul, drink more water than Marco Rubio; shout crazy shit louder than Ted Cruz; dress down Carly Fiorina better than Trump. Sell more $8,000 a gallon HP ink than Carly Fiorina.
Yes, Bernie…you can beat down any of those Repooblikan clowns in a one-on-one or group MMA smack down. There’s only one problemo. Bernie. You won’t be elected President. Damnit Bernie, when Nixon ran against Hubert H. in 1968 I was so disgusted I wrote-in commie party Gus Hall on my absentee college ballot. Gus didn’t win. The New Nixon was The One and Hubert wasn’t Bobby Kennedy or Gene McCarthy. And now Bernie, it’s your turn to hoist the red leftist rag and wave it in the face of red-necked America. You say you are not a socialist. You say you are a Democratic Socialist, one who seeks reform, not Revolution, thru the Democratic process (not revolution). All good and true. (Damnit where’s the Revolution?) Except many Americans have no sense of subtlety, no defining ability to differentiate. It’s black or it’s white; Good or Bad; Socialist or Commie; Government bad -Corporations (capitalism) good.
With your socialist name tag you won’t mix well in that national November cocktail election party. So that’s why I have a 10 Point Plan to make you more palatable, lovable and maybe even so votable you could become our next President.
1. If you are accused of being a socialist say hell yes that you use social media a lot, like Facebook and Instagram.
2. Trump up your hair. Add some color–rusty red would look good. Get coiffed. That wispy curly white stuff blowing nimbus-like around your crown looks old. Like grandpa old.
3. Say some real crazy shit.. Quit talking about policies, leadership and the future. Just say things like…make America #1 again. Americans like the number 1. One is better than two, right? Unless it’s beer or a double cheezewizz bacon burger and fries.
4. Get a kitten and a puppy…carry them around in a basket while campaigning. Name one Stars and the other Stripes. Encourage folks to take selfies with them.
5. Talk about how you are going to get America to stop fighting each other like cats and dogs and to share the basket like Stars and Stripes. Adorable.
6. Incorporate the word “adorable” in your speech as often as possible.
7. Wear a very large flag pin at all times.
8. Be the Lone Ranger. Talk about the past. The good old days. Arrive at campaign stops on a fiery steed, a cloud of dust and a faithful Hispanic companion, Jose. Return with us now, America, to those thrilling days of yesteryear to fight for law and order.
9. Always carry a Bible in your pocket. And a copy of the Constitution. The two go together like a kitten and a puppy in a basket.
10. Just be yourself. Or not.
Can’t We All Just…kill each other.
We Need new divisive social issues to keep us divided. Now that the Supreme Court has settled gay marriage, transgendering is transparent, marihuana is mainstream and even issues like abortion, prayer in school, gun control, climate change — the old GGGG… god, guns, gays & grizzlies, are so last-decade.
To feed the cultural war machine I suggest we reprise some select explosive issues from yesteryear. Here are my suggestions for some issues guaranteed to set us on edge and make us go at each other’s throats with mouth-slaughtering vehemence:
Earth shoes vs. Birkenstocks
The minus-heel…earth shoes had thick soles in the front and thin heels. (Think reverse mullet) Wearing them was supposed to be like walking on the beach. I got married in a pair over my mother’s protestations. “I’ll be married & buried in my earth shoes,” I declared. The Earthshoe was marketed as a “wellness” shoe, wearing them physically challenged you. Birkenstocks were all about comfort. True hippies wore neither. Barefoot was de rigueur. Both brands are still sold. Birks are better known but Earths still walk the land. Have a fit.
Quiche… Do real men eat it? Who knew what “quiche” really meant back in the 70’s, but whatever it was prompted much discussion with men and women arguing for and against. Hint: Hot dish for women.
God is Dead… Or not? The now famous and then infamous 1966 Time Magazine cover posited Friedrich Nietzsche’s “God is Dead” postulate exploring the role of God in an increasingly secular society. Social media then was limited to church pulpits and bar rooms. Nasty times.
Television: A Wasteland? Although now we’re supposedly in the “golden age” of TV in 1961 a big divisive debate was ignited by FCC Commissioner Newton Minnow who in a speech to TV executives referred to TV as a “vast wasteland” in need of reform, namely more public service programming. People chose sides. Duck.
Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) First introduced in the 1920s, this proposed constitutional amendment was a polarizing issue in the 1970’s and early 80’s among feminists, liberals and conservatives. Conservative anti-feminist activist Phyllis Schlafly successfully campaigned against it warning that passage would mean the end of alimony, create unisex bathrooms and cause women to be drafted and throw away their bras. Good Times for Demagogues.
Vietnam…. in it to win it? This unwinnable excursion into another country’s civil war was the launchpad for the cultural wars still raging today. No lessons learned here.
Is Twiggy too thin? Skinny British model Twiggy, creator of the androgynous modeling look was the hot topic of debate in the mid-Sixties. Too thin? Too flat-chested, hair too short, boy-like. Ah, Twiggy… We need you now to twerk and kiss Miley Cyrus.
Communism – the Red Threat. Those godless pinkos wanted to bury us in the 1950-60 Cold War days. Now it’s those god-loving theocratic terrorists ISIS we are trying to make WASWAS. McCarthyism made you suspect your neighbor of plotting to turn your backyard patio into a people’s garden. Be Afraid.
Disco, hippies, yuppies….all these and others sparked feuds, controversy and contentiousness. Let’s take a break from the GGGGs and have some real fun.
VompuSucus photo…Michigan Beast!
In flagrante delicto… At last caught in the act… The elusive Michigan VompuSucus (Latin: sphincterclinchtus horriblis). I photographed this rarest of beasts up against a hillside hemlock tree at my Michigan cottage on a recent early morning. Only a few sightings of this beast have ever been witnessed. Native American legend says the VompuSucus has few if any predators and is known as the sworn enemy of the wolverine. It has been known to creep through dune grass at night and work its way silently thru spreading myrtle to pounce on unsuspecting victims. When not feasting on the internal organs of its victims “Vompy” will chow down on hosta plants.
On Day One….first day in office..
On Day One….first day in office..
What WILL they do…..
A common meme among Presidential aspirants is to announce to prospective supporters the number one thing he or she will do on DAY ONE, immediately following the last utterance of the last syllable of the oath of office. “….so help me goddd….and now I now proclaim that all children over the age of 5 be indentured to serve out their childhood fulfilling Prime Now orders in Amazon warehouses across this great nation… Oh, and yeah, I just killed Obamacare.”
Telling voters what you will do on Day One if elected to sleep in the White House is an act of extreme pandering that has become almost a campaign obligation like appearing in rolled-up shirtsleeves standing on a bale of hay in mega church singing gawd bless America. So to supplement the already Day One promises I suggest the following for the current crop of clown candidates.
Donald “The Rumpus” Trumpus: his first day is already full with building that 1,954 mile-long wall between the U.S. and Mexico. But what Trump and his supporters (Trumportors) are really looking forward to on Day One will be the issuance of his one-to-ten rankings list of supermodels. His recent preview ranking of Heidi Klum as less than a “10” …. was just what the nation needed during our summer of discontent.
Scott “Recall” Walker: On Scott’s big Day One he will issue himself a college degree. Honorary of course, but better than nothing.
Ted (Count Chocula) Cruz: Day One will also be the Last Day as he will announce the official shutting down of the U. S. Government.
Rand “Curly” Paul: That curly mop will see not another day as Prez Paul gets a Brazilian Blowout hair-straightening treatment on Day One.
Marco “Thirsty Boy” Rubio: Republicans like walls. On Day One El Presidente Rubio better get constructing a wall around Miami to keep the rising “non-human-induced non-climate change” sea levels from washing Florida away.
Chris “The Bully”Christie : You can be sure this New Jersey bully President will supersize whatever he plans for Day One…and of course, fries with that.
Lindsey “Sweetheart” Graham: On Day One Prezzy Lindsey promises to reveal who he has met on the dating site “CongressWithMe” to join him as his FLOTUS.
Rick “Oops” Perry: Prez Perry is looking forward thru his new genius glasses to finally on Day One …..”doing sumthang…uh, uh, open up a can of oop ass?”
Jeb “Mama’s Boy” Bush: Day One of his return of the Dynasty to the Throne, Jebsonofabush will stick the head of Saadam Hussain on the White House fence. Saadam’s head has been lovingly cared for by Dick Cheney in his Wyoming bunker since his execution in 2003. “This one’s for you Mommy,” Jeb’ll say.
Mike “Fat Again” Huckabee: And on The First Day, President Huckabee, author of his biblical best seller “God, Guns, Grits & Gravy“ will conjur the wrath of God, the death of Guns, the whiteness of Grits and the grease of Gravy to require all Demon-crats to pack open-carry heat and dine at Cracker Barrel, Chick fil’A , Pizza Hut and Waffle House.
Rick “Man-on-Dog” Santorum: Like Mike the Huckabee, President Santorum.. Can’t say that word…(yuckyphew!) awww crap, forget it..
Bobby “Apu” Jindal: first India-heritage President Jindal’s Day One proclamation will require all Kwicky Marts to serve Cajun-style slur-pees.
Carly “InkJet” Fiorina: The first U.S. trans-gender woman President, Prez Fiorina issues a blanket pardon on Day One to all manufacturers of ink jet printers for the crime of charging customers $8,000 per gallon ($32/half ounce) for ink refills. In a sign of bipartisanship she also rescinds her campaign promise to run the U.S. government like she did Hewlet Packard.
John “Semi-Normal Republican” Kasich and George “My middle name really IS Elmer” Pataki: Fantasy President Kasich and Fantasy Vice Principal Pataki’s Day One fantasy promise to go to Disney World will be a fantasy fulfilled. They will be joined by the remaining fantasy Republican candidates:
Jim Gilmore
James C. Mitchell
Michael Bickelmeyer
K. Ross Newland
Skip Anderson
Jack Fellure
George Bailey
John Dumment
Dale Christiansen
Jefferson Sherman
Michael Petyo
Andy Martin
Brooks Cullison
Brian Russell
Shawna Sterling
Bartholomew Lower
Chris Hill
Mark Everson
Esteban Oliverez
Jim Hayden
Kerry Bowers
Ben Carson
Eric Cavanagh
Hillary “The Rodham” Clinton: What a Day One! Been waiting for this one a long time. Ahhhh. Saporem Diem. Savor the Day. Guess what Bill? You been served. D. I. V. O. R. C. E.
Bernie “Burn Baby Burn” Sanders: President Bernie, incendiary socialist, will wait until May 1st, May Day, to declare Day One when he’ll Bernie y’all rich white mofcukas asses down.
Trending: Baby Boy Name
Most popular new baby boy name among Teabagger Republicans: Atticus.
Dead "FareThee Well" Last Concert Inspires Them to Keep on Truckin’…new Concert Dates Announced !
Dead “FareThee Well” Last Concert Inspires Them to Keep on Truckin’…new Concert Dates Announced !
On the heels of a blockbuster last tour and and final performance in Chicago this past weekend, the Grateful Dead Band, Inc. announced today a worldwide tour of every nation on the globe. Newly installed “Dead” lead singer and guitarist Chad Kroeger, who recently left his band Nickleback, said that the Dead’s international fan base deserved another chance to experience the wonderment of expensive ticketry and musical nirvana at least one more final time.
“The Grateful Dead brand represents the ultimate commercialization of Baby Boomer values,” said Kroeger. “And we certainly want to cash in on that,” he said. The former Nickleback band leader and cult rock idol says he want to his new band in new directions. “We’ll be re-constituting and re-purposing a lot of my old Nickleback greatest hits, slowing them down with a layer of chill, lethargy and insouciance particular to The Dead,” he explained. “It’s gonna be kind of sweet & sour…a umami kinda thing, with long stretches of blissful Dead-like drums hums and numbs, Kroeger said. “Both Nickleback and Dead fans are gonna crush it large for this product, I mean experience.”
The Night They Burned Old Dixie Down
Ban it & Burn It.
Spurn it & Burn it
Flag it & Rag It.
Flag it & Bag It.
As even Supreme Court inJustice Scalia would probably agree, you have a right, like him, to be an asshole. Yes, take the Confederate flag down from government sites..after all it’s a symbol of a treasonous insurrection against the U.S. government. But ban it? We don’t ban ideas nor representations of ideas…symbols…the flag of the treasonous who wanted to overthrow the government in order to keep their human slaves. If you want to buy a confederate flag made in China then by gods buy one for your man cave or a flag bumper sticker for your pickup. This is America, right? The country of free expression, life, liberty and pursuit of happiness (and assholeness) that supporters of that flag wanted to overthrow and sacrifice to so they could keep people in slavery. But don’t over-react like Apple by removing pictures of it from video games and computer apps. What would a Cracker Barrel restaurant be without confederate flags and refrigerator magnets? Or little red and blue stripes of iron-on cloth for confederate flag DIYers at Hobby Lobby? Does Chick-fil-a sell them? Did Amazon, Sears, Walmart and eBay decide to ban the sale of the pro-slave flags for any reason other than negative PR and the effect on profits? Probably not. Good riddance from public government institutions, yes. Purge it and ban its sale, no. Besides, we know what banning something does…Amazon reported flag sales increased up to 2,000% just prior to its decision to pull flag merchandise. (Of course we don’t know what that means in real numbers) It’s likely that if a scientific poll could measure it more than 25% of Americans are genuine (as opposed to just fake) assholes. (I just pulled that number from guess where) So let’em buy it if so inclined. Maybe they will buy the flags to remind themselves of the shame of Confederacy. Maybe.
My re-Assignment
Bruce did it. So did Rachel. Bruce is now Caitlyn. Rachel Dolezal turned from White to Black. These two high profile publicly debated cases compel and inspire me to finally come clean, or green, as many correctly assume. Yes, I’m ready to come out.
Yes, I have undergone a reassignment.
Not gender. Not race. Not sexual orientation. Not even from bloody carnivore to shadowless vegan. Ever since my arrival onto this 6,000 year-old earth from my mother ship I have deeply felt that the tactile-visual interface assigned to me at my creation, a human endoskeleton covered with a human exoskeleton, was wrong. So wrong. So today I’ve got to do it. It’s going to be tough. I’ve been thinking about this day forever and what I should do with my life. How do I tell my story? How do I tell people what I’ve been through, and that day is today. I don’t need tissues — because we don’t cry. It’s gonna be kinda tough but today’s the day.
Am I a Corporation? Yes. Am I a Uranian Corporation? Yes, for all intents and purposes, I am a corporation from the Republic of Uranus. Mitt Rommey only said half of it…that corporations are people… Well, Mitt, they can be Uranians, too. I guess that makes me a Corporate Uranus Republican (CUR). I’ve always been confused with my galactic identity. During those early post-creation ages I engaged in cross dressing…often shedding my human neonatal wrappings and transporting my natural human state throughout my Assimilation Dwell Pod (home) with free abandon wearing only suspenders and Top Hat. My progenitor elements, Mum & Pop, ignored my nearly naked attempts to connect with my true Corporate Uranus Republican identity. So did my pre-me human sibling Rita as well as subsequent post-me human element sib-whelpings Stephen, Joan, Christopher, Molly, Isadore, Cantwell and Mucky. Every day was a cry (not literally since we don’t) for help. Since neonatehood I have always felt special; like a semi-colon in a long connective rambling sentence. Difficult to potty train, I believed early on that simple trickle down was the best for those under me. I had to suppress my core CUR beliefs that as it is practiced in my homeland Uranus everyone should be armed to the teeth and tentacles at all times with mobile instruments of death and mayhem; (notice the semi-colon!) that the principles of freedom (well, not unfettered female body & health-decision freedom) and survival of the fittest should rule us instead of oppressive wealth-distributing governments. Yes, all my life I have definitely felt like a CUR, a Uranus maker and shaker…not a taker. So today (stifled sniff) I announce to this world my galactic re-assignment shedding my human skin and transitioning to my true nature…a Corporate Uranian of the Republic of Uranus. Look for my upcoming reality show on The Fox News Channel. (Kleenex, godsdammit!)
News Clothes..touchy, touchy, touchy….
“Google….announced a new partnership with Levi Strauss in which the companies would try to make interactive garments that would allow people to do things like send someone a text message by swiping their jacket cuff…conductive fabrics that can be weaved into everyday clothes…could register the user’s touch and transmit information elsewhere, like to a smartphone or tablet computer.”
Just got my new wardrobe box from Trunk Club today. Inside are my new clothes chosen by myreal, qualified personal stylist, GiGi. She has learned what I like, and she knows what looks good on me. As I open the Trunk box I feel a sense of anticipation mixed with confidence that my new clothes will fulfill my need not only to be clothed but to be digitally connected as well.
On top, a shirt. Packaged in rustic crinkled paper, like butcher block. Nice. Light green small checked, long-sleeved, cuffs already folded and rolled up two turns telling me it’s informal, casual wear. The Google Interactive GooFib fiber feels slightly stiff on the outside but unusually soft and pliant inside. I unbutton it and slip it on. Perfect fit. I adjust the collar running my finger along the inside of the size label. My phone dings. There’s an ad for Shout stain removal and a coupon from my local grocer for smoked turkey necks. This shirt has a pocket. Don’t like shirt pockets. I stick my finger in the pocket and my phone dings again… an ad pops up for Wrigley chewing gum, the Montblanc MEISTERSTÜCK RED GOLD CLASSIQUE FOUNTAIN PEN for only $580 and Sir Ahmed’s Whole Wheat Pita Pockets. I smooth the front of the shirt along the lines of my pectorals and up pops a WebMD link on my phone to an article about gynecomastia or male breast enlargement caused by too much booze, weed or….crap, the dreaded LOW T. Yup, that dings another ad for some kind of testosterone replacement gel and an email link to Big Breasted Women Eager to Please. Even though the shirt sleeves are pre-rolled, I shoot my cuffs like they do in the movies to straighten them….maybe an extra roll-up would be nice…it’s summer after all. I duck to the floor as a loud gunshot noise explodes from my phone. Whew, Just a solicitation to join the National Rifle Association and Fandango and Amazon ads for the movie and books of Fifty Shades of Grey.
GiGi also picked out a new pair of socks. Size 10-12. I’m sure they fit. Feels like a light cotton- synthetic blend and as I pull one over my bare foot my phone vibrates a text offering 25 cents off a can of Dr. Scholl’s Odor-X spray foot powder and a two-for-one deal on toenail fungus paste. [1]
What else is in my Trunk? GiGi, my real, qualified personalstylist who has learned what I like and knows what looks good on me has selected a light tan pair of chinos. Waist 34, length 30. No cuffs, and please no pleats. No normcore or dad bod here. I drop trou & step into these new pants. Perfect fit! Lookin’ good dude, I dude myself. Whoops, the zipper just got stuck. Just zip it down slowly and start over. Wangggg Wangggg Wangggg my phone alarms…who’s calling me now…I slide open the phone to see a porn video in full streaming and steaming flagrante delicto.
How do the chinos look in the seat? Not too tight, not baggy.. That’s the look I’m looking for and as I smooth out a folded crease along my pants seat my phone rings. Her voice is throaty and craven…”Hello big boy..this is Raven at BootyCall911…I bet you look great in those new chinos….”
My Speech to 2015 College Grads
My Speech to 2015 College Grads
Graduation speech time has arrived again on schedule as certain as a Fox News blonde includes Barrack Obama’s middle name when listing one of the 6,039 (and counting) ways the President has destroyed America.
Famous Speechers…POTUS and FLOTUS, writers of prose & poetry and bloggerty and hashtaggerty, corporate makers and shakers of the takers, to the famous, (famous for being famous)…and electronic thespians analog and digital, people elected by people to serve the interests of the people and Teabaggers elected by the corporations to serve the interest of the corporations. The Appointed, the Anointed; the hedge-funded, the digerati disrupters and StartMe-Uppers…all with advice for the ages…18-24…the college grads capped and gowned heads pounding from their last night in academia and beer pongia. And their advice? Follow your passion. Use your privileged education to better the world. Don’t take the easy path. And wear sunscreen of course. Motion picture actor and director Robert DeNiro recently told New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts — graduates “You made it. And, you’re fcuked.” Did he mean good luck paying off four years of college debt? Landing a job for those with a degree in history of alternative desert nomad cultures or mystical Renaissance religious cults… Or was he simply paying literal tribute to four years of the best/most sex those students will ever have? What ever he meant, his words barely registered a trickle of giggles and head-nodding wake-ups from the soon to be launched and credentialed graduates. They’ve heard it all before. Some of them from pre-school, kindergarten, junior high and high school graduation ceremonies.
Here are excerpts from one they might not have heard:
Good Afternoon Graduates! Wake up goddamit! Here..chew & swallow these..quickly (flinging out over the crowd of listless grads handfuls of vicodins..) gottem swallowed? Ok, listen up. And listen too! “I HAVE ABANDONED MY SON..THERE WILL BE BLOOD. Sorry..my favo movie..ok, pills working yet? Graduates! Today you stand here…sit here…with great expectations, dreams and stomachs that feel like the Koch brothers are fraking up your ass. Dream on little expectorants…what you have achieved these past four years is highly esteemed by Dalitesh, who shovels out cesspools by hand in a northern India city. Your long hours of cramming for exams, writing Internet derivative essays and learning how to form political & social alliances on campus was highly admired by 18 year old Fatu in Sierra Leone who convulsively bled to death from Ebola last year. Oh, and yes, your management of social networks, your skilled hashtag activism really made a difference to Myung Seok and her family imprisioned in a North Korean labor camp for the past four years. Your struggles to expose the rape culture, (about time!) on this campus and others is especially appreciated by Kanleakhana, a 10 year old sex slave girl in Bangkok. Yes, these past four years have changed you in many ways. You’re certifiably educated now. Stop dreaming. Throw your passion in the pits, get a job, thank your parents or someone. Don’t be a dick. Those pills working yet? Feeling better?
praajek.com
SelfieValet
SelfieValet
Headed to Coachella or Lollapalooza…? Or maybe a Parisian visit to the Louvre or the great museums of Europe? Well leave Le Selfie Stick at home because more and more institutions and venues have banned the “
mon bâton d’égoportrait” from public appearances. That’s why for a limited time only you can subscribe to a unique and personal service that obviates the need for that clumsy unwieldy instrument of vanity enhancement.With SelfieValet© you will have at your disposal the ultimate selfie stick: ME. Yes, if you act now, you can have me, SelfieValet, accompany you and your family, loved one or friends on your next vacation or travels. Yes, as SelfieValet I will be responsible for all of your precious selfies, selfieing you and friends or family in crazy-laughing “look-at-me” photos that will be the envy of all your Facebook friends. Leverage that cleavage and don’t let that big booty or set of chiseled abs go unnoticed and unshared. Now you can share yourself in all of your glorious vainglory in front of those Wonders of the World…what could be better than a goofy gaping-mouthed eyeball-bulging photo of You with the Taj Mahal or Sistine Chapel in the background. And just think about it… no more sore shoulders or cramped arms from stretching that cell phone-holding arm aloft… No more dragging that clumsy selfie stick — now so sadly banned in many places. With SelfieValet every rapturous moment of your self-absorbed vacation life can be captured and shared with all of your boring friends who spend their lives at home in front of screens wishing they were you. Yes, for a limited time only SelfieValet is available for just pennies and dollars a day. Basic SelfieValet services require First Class airfare or Limo transportation for me to your venue or vacation site, accommodations (for me) at hotel or site near you, food and drink expenses and union-mandated rest breaks (for me) required. SelfieValet Premium Service Plans also available. Don’t delay! Your online social cred is on the line…SelfieValet: it’s you…by me. Stickit2urself with SelfieValet.
praajek.com
Apple Solves "battery-life" issue of Apple Watch
Apple solves battery life issue for upcoming Apple Watch release! According to Apple Design Maestro Sir Jony Ive, “…the solution was watching us all along…just waiting for the right moment when the ethereal blankness of imaginative whiteness fell into synchronicity with the mundane yet everyday tasks of human activity. And then it was that we knew what we so truly were looking for…and oh so more importantly the very Thing we were actually looking At. And At that moment we felt totally plugged-in to the Answer. An electric cord.. So elegant yet simple…a design that evolves from our very post-modern DNA. Flexible, ubiquitous, so familiar and, lest I strike a note of the prosaic and the banal, so “handy.” No batteries to charge. Just plug-in and feel the empowerment, the classic sense of immediate dignity. The Apple Watch: every one a “limited edition.”
2014 – Hoarding & Lording and Baring & Sharing EOY End Of Year RapUp
2014 – Hoarding & Lording and Baring & Sharing
Hoarders and Lorders
First Class boarders
Fast-lane one-percenters
Kept passing
And amassing
While the 99
Settled-in Pharelly Happy
And Sappy
By baring and sharing
Selfies and songs
Not about Wall Streeter wrongs
Or big bankers the wankers
Who sank the middle classes
Instead just laid down like lambs
And Instagramed
Our Big Asses.
The Year in Review
More déjà vu
Back to Iraq
The Taliban captures
Our Afghan Army Hound
To the past we’re bound
No Boots on the Ground
Just drone it in
Death from Abuzz
Make ISIS Was Was.
The Foxes roided
Economic good news they voided
Accorded
This the Year of Fear
Sourced our ills
To the reign
Of Barack Hussein
Who can’t-say-nope
To those drug mule kids
We be hatin’
On our border violatin’
With calves the size of cantaloupes.
That’s not all
Sarah Palin saw
Our African Prince
Had just the tonic
He imported the deadly virus
Ebonics.
In the never ending battle
For Obamafear
That Obamakill would drown us
In medical bills
Ebola dropped handshakes and fist bumps down to our heels
We right-wringed a dried-out federal budget deal
Cut disease research cause we’d rather be dead
And pour buckets of ice water on our heads instead.
The Foxes saw
With fear
And malice
From afar
Obama disappear
That Malaysian airliner
The Executive Action Immigration signer
Tea baggers soon regretted their
Putin Piner shouts of “real leader”
As his ruble roiled
In a glut of US oil
He’s now boiled borsht with cold chopped liver
While Obama sings “Crimea River.”
Obama’s sins
On him The Foxes pinned
He hacked J-Law’s nudie selfies
Sold ’em to Boku Harem themselfies
Wrote the lyrics to “It’s All About the Bass.”
Uncoupled unconscious Gwyneth and Chris
Encouraged Michael Sam and his boyfriend’s kiss
Caught Michelle at midnight in the fridgerator
Cold cocked Janay and Jay-Z in elevators.
But the smoking gun, folks,
Was tokin’
A Commie Cuban Fat Cigar
In a ‘57 Chevy car.
A bridge way too far.
For some this year served as a lesson
The Pope said dogs might go to Heaven
“Who am I to judge,” he sounded zany
Easier he said, for a dog, than for Dick Cheney
For who’s reserved a special place in Hell
For rectal-de-hydration in an eternal cell.
Rick Perry hopes to be less “oops-ier”
In unGoogled horn-rimmed glass
He looks even more the ass
Running again with pants more poopier.
Others took a road less travelled
Bill Cosby came unravelled
Rejected as a driver for Uber
His face not funny smile less goofy
Delivering roofies
For a start-up called Luber.
For 2015 here’s some advice:
If you shot Bin Laden
That he’s dead will suffice.
If your name is Grover last name Norquist
Or even Casper the famous Milquetoast
Please don’t tweet that you drove a Hippie van
To the Black Rock desert and Burning Man.
Don’t get excited by the next Podcast Serial
I’ll give you a glimpse of the new material:
It’s not Adnan,
It’s not Jay,
It’s not Mr. S.,
It’s not boyfriend Dave.
The Serial killer is…you simp…
The Male Chimmmppp!…Chimp?
(For those who missed
The Serial podcast referenced above…
A verse for you to leave or love.)
The Polar Ice Cap
May be melting
Like a face-lift of Renee Zellweger.
Climate change
If you say, “Hell, go figure!”
Then this year’s Super Bowl half time
You know it
Will feature America’s favorite Poets.
Happy New Year – 2015
Lawrence
Praajek’s Xmas Wish©
Praajek’s Xmas Wish©
Take the crist outa christmas
The holi outa day
Ban the wisemen in the courthouse
It’s the American way.
Take the ram outa Ramadan
The han outa Hanukkah
The dre outa dreidle
The t outa toy
The o outa oy
The j outa joy
Take the jeez outa jesus
The bud outa Buddha
The krish outa Krishna
the chris outa Christ
the Yah outa Yahweh
the o outa o-my-gawd.
Take the fest outa festivus
The Kwa outa Kwaanzaa
Then take the sol outa Solstice
Make Santa sans San
Take the u outa Yule
And you’ll put the f back in ool.
Do not ration
These days of celebration:
string lights, make toasts
drink nog..add rum
take nothing outa nothing
and you’ll have a happy new year.
One of my List of 10 for 2014
My list of 10 most overused, phrases, language conventions & locutions of 2014. (English version). Ok, ’tis the season for this kind of thing so here’s my list:
#1: Worst. Conventions. Of. 2014. This. Convention. Intended. To. Impart. Serious. Emphasis. Must. Stop. Now.
#2: Disruption. We don’t invent anymore. We disrupt. As in a “startup” such as Uber disrupts the old taxi service business model; or Airbnb disrupting the hotel business. Ok, we get it. Now everything and everyone is “disrupting.” Whatever happened to “New and Improved?” Let’s disrupt disrupting. Or maybe just start inventing and re-inventing again. Please.
#3: Adorable Especially when attributed to puppy and kitten videos. Along with variants such as “adorkable” when describing Zoey Deschanel and Aubrey Plaza.
#4: Jaw dropping. Extremely surprised? Must everything that barely exceeds mediocre be announced with Taylor Swiftian open-mouthed astonishment. Let’s hit the pause on jaws.
#5: How’s that working out for you? This one’s been hanging around for years now and shows no sign of weariness. Answer: It’s not working out for me.
#6: Let’s do this thing. Why are we still hearing this decades-old locution? Leftovers from old Die Hard movies are still being served up in today’s violent video games of auto theft and warcraft. Let’s don’t do this thing anymore.
#7: BenedictCumberbatch. Apparently some kind of famous something with weirdly beautiful eyes women want to blow. Anyway, let’s stop this Cumberbatching and start Cumberbitching.
#8: She “rocks” a bikini; he “rocks” a tuxedo. Or, I would totally “rock” that jacket. Ok, to wear something and look totally cool in it, or make a major attitude statement by wearing it.. We get it. You would look pretty good in that car, coat, shoe etc. but I’m tired of rocking. Just wear the damn thing…or not.
#9: Behead. Beheaded. Beheading.. Fortunately, this word did not become meme-y this year (maybe “meme” should be in this list.) But do media outlets have to blare the word “beheaded” whenever ISIS or whatever terror group kills a hostage? Isn’t it enough to just report that the victim was murdered? Why satisfy and reward these psychopaths by describing how they actually killed someone. Are we titillated by the concept of a human head being severed from its torso? Let’s kill this death description not only for its goryness but to deny terrorists their media glory. I’m relieved ISIS doesn’t have a wood chipper.
#10: Lists. The top ten reasons people used to smoke in the bathroom in 1946. Five most wildly popular sex positions when Jesus walked the streets of Nazareth. Fifteen reasons why the uncle is always described as drunk at Thanksgiving dinner. Top ten list of worst and overused words and phrases. Hmmmm.
That Perfect Gift.
‘Tis the season to give and get and get and give-give-give get-get-get. (I especially like the get.) And what’s on my wish-to-get list this year? And what’s on my might-just-give list? Here are some suggestions for you Xmas givers and getters.
My favo this season is “Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers.”
These handy pocket pads full of activated charcoal stick strategically inside your underwear to absorb accidental methane expulsions. Doesn’t block noise but rumors abound that a software upgrade is in the works for downloading that includes a wind motion detector that activates an automatic white noise function.
For that favorite teen on your list how about an exciting pack of Justin Bieber Mint Floss.
Low cost yet it shows you really care about dental hygiene with the added benefit of demonstrating your cool creds. “Gee Dad, I didn’t know you even knew about The Bieber…u so cool! ”
A sure-fire gift that’s certain to win the heart of a close loved one is the 2015 Monthly Doos Dog Poop Calendar. Lovely scenes of American landscapes and national parks are festooned with subtle piles of uncollected doggy deposits. You actually have to look carefully at each scene to discover a “Where’s Waldo” not-so-hidden canine gift in each photo. Fun for the whole family.
In this new world of Faatha Land Security we are naturally attuned to and attracted to gifts that can be used in an emergency or terrorist attack. Go Paks, Shelter-in-Place survival items are always foremost in mind when channeling our inner-prepper. So this is why the Emergency Clown Nose in a prescription bottle is a welcome addition to any survivalist or prepper’s doomsday kit. The appearance of a bit of levity Is always welcomed for Armageddon.
And who can forget a gift for that sports fan on your list? (Well, me for one.) But for others I give you the Pot & Putt bathroom golf set. This unique putting green wraps around the floor of your porcelain vessel allowing you while athrone to practice sinking putts while you sink that big one. Although hardly an athletic endeavor, striking golf balls is certainly a purposeful (yet unnecessary) activity not unlike the very necessary function of intestinal vacation.
A few other gifts deserve mention as well: the Robotic Grill Cleaner, sort of a Roomba for that greasy BBQ grill works its way back and forth across that blackened burnt fat encrusted cooking surface. Especially handy if you are unfortunate enough to have no hands. If you have a hand or two then just sit back while robo cleaner saves you from having to use them in service to such drudgery. (Damn Butler’s Union won’t allow grill scraping.)
On the subject of grilling, my final gift suggestion is the singular Hamdogger. This nifty tubular device begs to be stuffed with ground beef and extruded onto the grill and readied for hotdog
bun insertion. No respectable paleo-gastronominist would be caught hungry without this.
Givegivegive…getgetget. The Spirit of Xmas lives in you. And your desires. To givegivegive and getgetget.
I Shot Bin Laden, Damn’t
I Shot Bin Laden, Damn’t
I don’t want to do this but I finally must confess: I shot Bin Laden. Yup, it was lil’ ol’me who put two bullets right smack between his beady bearded eyes. I’m not supposed to tell anyone about this.. code of honor and all that. Hell, most folks, the ones I know like friends, relatives, kids, wife, dentist, doorman, personal shopper, hair stylist etc. thought I was too old to be a Navy SEAL, let alone a member of SEAL Team 6. But there I was on the night of May 2, 2011 landing inside Bin Laden’s compound, or what we hoped was his compound, and which turned out to actually be his compound. Our first chopper crashed but luckily I was on the second. Without giving away too many details I’ll just say that the climb up those back stairs in the dark seemed like the longest climb in my brief SEAL career. Up until now my lips have been SEALED..but it’s time for the truth to emerge before it is disclosed by other sources. And as others are already lining up to take credit for my heroic deed… one alleged SEAL has already written a book claiming he took the fatal shot while another poser came forth recently claiming he hit the bullseye. Well, you can soon read the unfiltered unvarnished, unpainted, bare neck’ed story from a first-person-shooter perspective in my soon-to-be-released book titled “I Shot The Terrorist But I Did Not Shoot His Deputy,” published by Hachette and available on Amazon.
Gunshotbola Epidemic Spreads Across US
The first symptom is a sudden hot fever of impact accompanied by the sense of a loud sound or explosion.
Then comes the bleeding…sometimes from the eyes, ears, mouth and a sudden gaping hole in the head, torso, or limbs.
Vomiting may ensue….along with uncontrolled expelling of urine and feces with possibly horrible external and internal spilling of intestines and or other organs.
Spasms followed by coughing of blood. And then death.
Or with luck and quick treatment in an emergency room only injury and temporary or permanent disability will result.
Extremely contagious. Each year over 30,000 Americans die from it. The disease? Gunshotbola.
Causes: widespread misinterpretation of the 2nd Amendment; human consumption of fruit bat NRA lobbyist meat and cross-species breeding of humans with simian non-human primate NRA National Rifle Association leaders.
Gunshotbola is a member of the Gununntae virus, which is Latin for gun nut, a deadly pathogen reportedly carried by NRA members suspected of having eated fruit bat guano.
For years, this deadly contagion has been confined to the United States. No other modern nation has experienced and tolerated outbreaks of Gunshotbola as this country does. How to protect yourself? Keep ducking. And support handgun control legislation in your state and community; and support organizations such as the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence. www.csgv.org
(This post inspired by New York Times columnist Frank Bruni’s column on 10/15/14…click here to read it.
At Least The Ebola Dog Is Safe
Thank gods the Texas dog of the young nurse Ebola victim who contracted the disease from the now-deceased Liberian Ebola patient will not be euthanized. Unlike the poor mutt in Spain, (the Canine in Spainine), who to the horror of humanity was dispatched to doggy heaven after it's owner contracted Ebola, the nurse's dog is being cared for in a private isolation hound pound. According to a Reuters news report, “The dog was given food and water on Sunday by a specialized hazardous materials team that decontaminated the Dallas apartment of the worker, reported by local media to be a nurse in her mid-20s. The team also left a light on in the apartment for the dog.”
Awwww… Is that not just an adorable gesture? Don't leave poor old possibly Ebola-infected Poochy alone AND in the dark. Leave a light on! And after health workers in hazmat suits spend valuable time monitoring dogs and pets when human and health resources are scarce, they will focus on attending to the ever-increasing swath of possibly infectious humans. In this dog (pet)-obsessed nation at least we can take heart that even if Ebola wipes out a good chunk of humanity, we'll sleep deeply in our bloody graves knowing our precious pets weren't in the dark.
NFL Cheerleaders Give NFL More Black Eyes
Did NFL Cheerleaders Really Protest this Way? NFL Cheerleaders – Minimum Wagers in $9.5 Billion Industry…As NFL cheerleaders file fair wage lawsuits against their teams maybe they could add a little visual protest to Football in America over their $5 per hour wages while also protesting domestic violence. Something like this?
www.praajek.com
The Bloody Wet Dreams of Dick Cheney
Someone tore the bumper sticker off my car that read: “I’m Already Against the Next War.” So here we go again.
Dick Cheney, Rummy Rumsfeld and assorted NeoCon conspirators woke up recently refreshed, revitalized and rearing to have others go to war again.
Ahhhh…feeling good, growls Cheney, the words dribbling from the edge of his crooked mouth, stretching his withered limbs and rubbing the sleepy fairy dirt from his rheumy eyes. His taxpayer funded transplanted heart, a secret gift from an anonymous donor who Cheney expresses no interest in knowing…“it hadn’t been a priority for me…” is now “my new heart, not someone else’s old heart.”
Finally goaded by Cheney and The War Generals into new tough talk, NodramaObama lullabies Cheney to sweet dreams with his national TV address announcing his overdue “strateregy” (Bushism) of a New Belligerency. Although not as much fun without Boots-on-the-Ground, Rōnin Cheney deep sleeps REM dreams of salivating military contractors, greedy hyenas encircling wounded prey.
Oh, the Humanity, the FoxHannity, the Insanity! Our heartless warrior mumbles in his sleep…my contractors, my contractors…let them feast first and leave the spoils for the Boots to shed blood and wipe up.
His stolen heart beats faster now, exciting his feverish fear mongering brain into dream twitches of riches to be reaped, a legacy to be legitimized and gastric gushes of plain old evil to belch and enjoy.
How to Make ISIS WASWAS
Republicans, neocons and Grumpy Grandpa (Git Off My Lawn) McCain are shouting for war against the invasion of America by knife-wielding ISIS Islamic warriors in jalabiya robes and turbans. By land, by sea, by air. (mmmm .. getting hungry for a Land Sea Air McDonald’s burger..Big Mac inserted with a filet ‘o fish and a chicken patty). This ISIS invasion is imminent and already underway with enemies hitting us at our most vulnerable and weakest joints: Facebook and YouTube. How do we repel this invasion of alien creatures bent on making us wear orange onesies while kneeling to them on prayer rugs eating falafel instead of Land Sea Air burgers? They’re coming for us so how do we stop them?
The Nookular Option? No, too dangerous.. Might wipe out the world which is exactly what these ISIS guys want.
BOTG (boots in the ground)? Hmmm, sounds inviting. McCain’s already put his boots on ground in Vietnam and continues to want to give every American youth a similar life-affirming/depriving opportunity. Could be too expensive and might require a draft to fill this once/twice/thrice in a lifetime Boots opportunity.
Airstrikes & Drones: ah, yes…”bomb bomb bomb, bomb-bomb Iran” McCain gleefully once sang in a cover of Beach Boys’ Barbara Ann. Easy death from above. Bombs in the Skies keep boots off the ground. Or blow off the boots and shoes of bad guys and innocent women and children.
Coalition of the Willing…Remember that from the Bush Iraq clusterfcuk? It soon was exposed as the Coalition of the Billing when it became you pay then we’ll play. This time NATO will coalesce to conquer. Better than us going it alone.
Boots by Proxy: Now here’s an idea! As our largest recipient of military aid, over $100 billion since the 1960s and currently $3 billion annually, doesn’t our client Israel owe us something? Where’s the exalted Israeli Special Forces? Let them plan an attack to “degrade and destroy” ISIS making them WASWAS.
Or better yet…quit letting fanatical terrorist groups goad us into war. It’s what they want… And unfortunately it’s what some here in the US want. Why does America always need an enemy to fight? More war, anyone?
My Nude Photos Hacked, Sacked, Jacked, Whacked and unpacked for the world to…
Don’t look now (seriously) but the biggest news story of the summer has just gotten bigger (worse). Not only have nudie pics of lady actors, tall thin ladies who model clothes, attractive celebrated females (femlebrities) such as Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence and a bunch of other cutie-nudie posers been hacked by a cloud hacker, now I discover that my own extensive and HUGE nudie selfie-portfolio has been violated by an unknown shoebox hacker.
In a breach of privacy unknown in the Western and Eastern worlds and throughout my neighborhood, I discovered recently that my secret stash of nude selfies which I had cleverly stashed in the bottom of a gym bag under a pile of sweaty smelly socks and underwear, was scattered all over my smelly sweaty closet floor. Someone had been rummaging through my secret gym bag and unearthed my precious nudie selfies. Tossed hither and thither were 3×5″ Polaroids of me in various degrees of nudity: freezing my naked butt off building a snowman; running naked in a Naked Iron Man Triathlon thru the Mojave Desert; body-painted and birthday-suited in the Black Rock Nevada desert at Burning Man doing flaming cartwheels with fellow “Burner” Grover Norquist; romping full-frontal, fearless and feckless, at a Ruby-on-Rails after-seminar coding rave; swimming and diving bare-skinned and buck-nekked at an all nudie Mitch McConnell Blob Fish look-alike festival in Honey Dip Kentucky… All these and more…oh the privacy!
Are some of them missing? Did the hackysacker photo them with his iPhone and now prepares to seed the clouds with them letting loose upon the land a global swarming of my hunkyjunk?
Who pirated my privacy? I want to know! Was it you Apple? Or “Don’t Be Evil” Google? NSA or Edwin Snowden? Surely my humble closet and gym bag would present no challenge for the considerable hacking skills of this cowardly, traitorous, unAmerican Putin-boot-lickin’whistle-blower-with-no-country Rooskie-lovin’ former CIA-NSA employee. In a world where a guy has to live in fear that his nude selfies might be exposed to that world…in a world where one’s sacred gym bag is pried open letting loosed upon the world foul dirty sock emanations and nude selfies…is a world where the only thing left to do is….stop taking nudie selfies? Damn you cleaning lady, I know you did it !
Throwing Cold Water, Or Iced Is Even Better Than Cool
The ice bucket challenge has poured itself all over the internet as people and celebrities rush to dump a bucket of ice over their heads to increase awareness of ALS disease. This cold water treatment apparently causes one to suddenly google ALS and learn more about this dreaded disease and in more extreme cases results in a hand thrusting itself into a purse or wallet for a credit card to make a donation. But it only works if someone videos the act and posts it on a social media site. Don’t waste your time just dumping ice water on your head alone. This doesn’t work. You’ll just be cold and wet.
Here are some other challenges that people and celebrities can do to support research in lesser-known syndromes, afflictions, complaints, ailments or indispositions.
- Pour a bag of unbleached white flour over your head challenge… for gluten diet research.
- Drop your smart phone in the toilet challenge …for Selfieitis Research.
- Pee Your Pants Challenge for “That-Was-So-Funny I Nearly Peed-My-Pants” cliche malady.
- Shave your head challenge for baldness research.
- Drop Your Pants in Public Challenge for Perv Amelioration Research.
- Stick your head in the gas oven challenge… for Facebook Envy Depression research.
- Play Russian Roulette with a loaded hand gun challenge… for 2nd Amendment GunNut Syndrome research.
- Finger in a Flame Challenge .. for insensitivity/apathy research.
- Twist two nipples counter-clockwise challenge .. for… aw hell….. just for research in general.
- Teabag yourself … For Tea Party Affiliation Disease.
- Take your mom’s car to jiffy lube …for Porno addiction research.
- Vomit in a bucket & pour it over your head challenge… for binge drinking research.
- Smash your face into a mirror challenge … for Narcissism research.
- Poke yourself in the eye challenge …just because.
And don’t forget to video it and post it on You Tube or Facebook. Oh, and send money.
Weapon of Cash Infusion
Looks like our puppet thug in Iraq, Nuri al-Maliki is backing off his threat to keep his job by military force after being replaced by a newly-appointed and US-blessed thug. Of course all it took was a little persuasion in the form of our strongest and most reliable tool and weapon of international diplomacy and nation building: Bags O’Cash.
This is just a wild guess at this point but we can assuredly look forward to reports similar to the ones last year that exposed the CIA’s bribes to our puppet thug Afghan President Hamid Karzai who eagerly awaited each month for his bags, suitcases and backpacks of US cash totaling by some estimates tens of millions of dollars. Perhaps this is the most cost-effective method of getting countries to do what we want. Considering that the Afghanistan and Iraqi wars have cost the US taxpayers between 4-6 trillion dollars, bribing despots, thugs and dictators to behave as we wish costs less than the money, blood and havoc we wreak upon our nation and the victim nations we choose to invade. Let’s take a nice chunk of that $640 billion we now spend on our military and create a truely cost-effective weapon that needs no testing, no competing for major manufacturing contracts, a stealthy weapon that flies under the radar, penetrates bunkers like a farm boy in a field of ripe melons, an infrared guided surface-to-wallet missile that strikes and satisfies the most despotic heart of greed: The Pentagon’s Bag O’ Cash. Oh, and delivered by drones.
Does Obama Want to Spread Deadly Ebonics Disease?
Sarah Palin Speaks What’s In Her Mind: “Obama Wants to Spread Deadly Ebonics Disease.”
(Praajek is just back from an Alaskan sabbatical where he recently ran into former half-governor Sarah Palin in the Grizzly Paw tavern… Here are excerpts of his conversation with her.)
Well doggone it, Praajek…let’s talk Obama. First he shoots down that Malaysian jet plane airliner, with all those good Christian and other faith persons (and right after he ordered his thugs to capture that CNN one and make it disappear from our good blue earth), then he makes a secret sweetheart deal with Putin to give him Crimea in exchange for what cry me a river? …lifting the import tariffs on loose fitting Rooskie Motherland Jeans? And then, thru back door diplomatic maneuvers he invites thousands of Central American drug lord cartel kids to run to our borders and sneak in the dark of the night across that river or sewer pipes left unguarded by Obama to register to vote Democrat. And remember last spring when that group Boko Haram kidnapped those 200 Nigerian schoolgirls? Boko Harem, of course is an anagram for “a mark hobo” which of course is an anagram for “a harm book” which must mean that Islamaistic bible. You can betcha that our so-called President orchesterated that devacle. And just the other day you just know he must have given the thumps-up for those Sharia-Iraqie icy guys to have their way with those Kurds trapped on a mountaintop somewhere. We don’t know why yet, but you can bet he’s got something up his sleeve besides that grabby liberal hand. But now he’s really gone and done it by spreading a secretly-extracted vial of his dead father’s vile African blood and leaked it all over West Africa causing innocent people to get that Ebonics disease. His nefarious goal of course is to spread the disease throughout the US and have everyone speaking in Ebonics. Yup, our so-called Leader of the Free World has been rearin’ his head all over the world and just makin’ this God-blessed earth a lot less blessed and a lot more messed.
Welfare Cash Cows Graze On The Government Dole
Welfare Cash Cows Graze On The Government Dole
A standoff near Bunkerville, Nevada recently pitted welfare-rancher Cliven Bundy and an armed mob of gun-totting wanna-be cowboy thugs against the Bureau of Land Mgt. Mr. Bundy, whose cows have fed at the Government trough for free since 1993, refuses to pay for his cows’ food via a grazing fee of a mere pittance of a $1.35 per cow per day. (non-government private-sector grazing costs are upwards of $20 per day) His armed supporters are the same teabagger “cowboys” who want the “gummit” out of their Medicare. Welfare King Bundy now owes the Government more than $1 million in unpaid fees. In other words, he owes the American people, you and me. We are subsidizing this welfare deadbeat and his welfare-grazing cash cows.
Here is Rancher Bundy riding an expensive four-shoed horse, probably driving an expensive Silverado truck and buying expensive prime cut steaks (and probably lobster, too). All on the Government’s dime. Or one hundred thousand dimes. Actual Food Stamp (SNAP) families have to feed themselves and their children on about $4 a day per family member. Bundy’s cows get an all-they-can-eat feast for $1.35 a day and refuse to even pay that amount.
And that’s just the surface of the welfare trough from which he is skim-milking the American taxpayer. According to Welfare Ranching: The Subsidized Destruction of the American West, “other subsidies include taxpayer-supported research at western land grant universities and agricultural exemptions that lower property taxes paid by ranchers. There are handouts to help with nearly every problem: drought relief, low-interest agricultural loans, emergency livestock feed programs, emergency grazing on Conservation Reserve Program lands, to name a few. Even many of the fences crisscrossing the West’s “open” spaces are paid for by American taxpayers.” The authors explain that there also exists an “abundance of federal and state funding that props up the industry, including below-market grazing fees, emergency feed programs, low-interest federal farm loans, and many other taxpayer-funded programs”….not counting the environmental costs of “soil erosion; degraded water quality and the costs of cleanup; the spread of exotic weeds and the subsequent reduction in plant community productivity; and the costs of saving species endangered by livestock production.” All these plus the social costs of negative health impacts of promoting a meat-intensive diet. Mr. Bundy, your cowboy days are over. Pay up, or git along little doggie.
Read more about Welfare Ranching at: http://www.publiclandsranching.org/book.htm
http://www.praajek.com
Bitcoin vs. LitCoin…new currencies for a new age.
LitCoins, or Literature Coins (not to be confused with Litecoin, one of many alt currencies)…like Bitcoins, are a new currency. Unlike Bitcoin, LitCoin is not a crypto currency, i.e. based on cryptology and the solving of mathematical crypto equations. LitCoin is a paper, analog currency made up of pages torn from works of literature with higher values on literary masterpieces and lesser value on pulp and airport fiction. Like Bitcoin, LitCoin come onto the market by people who “mine” for coins, or ‘miners” in Bitcoin parlance. Bitcoin miners work computers aggregately to solve complicated mathematical equations in order to create new coins. People wanting to “create” or “mine” for LitCoin must go through a process of “reading” instead of “mining” for coins. Readers for LitCoin must solve complicated literary analysis of works of literature. For example, a Reader wanting to create new LitCoins might have to analyze the plot, structure, characterization, tone and mood of Melville’s Moby Dick; or discuss the symbolism, imagery of T.S, Eliot’s “The Wasteland.” Or, on a more linear basis, construct and diagram the fourth section of William Faulkner’s “The Bear.”
LitCoins can be earned only by non-collaborative effort unlike “miners” for Bitcoins who can summon the power of computers world-wide in solving crypto-equations. If one wants to “buy” or obtain Bitcoins, one must work through a Bitcoin exchange like Mt. Gox, physically located in Japan, and link to your bank account that contains your dollars or other fiat currency. Mt. Gox, in the news recently for “losing/misplacing $450 million worth of Bitcoins, began as an exchange station for collectors and traders of Magic the Gathering fantasy cards, thus M(magic) T(he) G(athering)…go figure. But one can buy LitCoins by going to any used bookstore and asking to buy LitCoins. Not all bookstores are authorized to sell them and it is up to you to discover which store sells them. This can only be done in person; no phone calls or Googling. Once you find an authorized LitCoin Exchange Bookstore (LEB) then all you do is whisper an esoteric quote from a major character in Russian literature (these quotes can change from day-to-day) pull out some of that old-school fiat currency folded in your purse of wallet and bingo you have a fistful or maybe a ream of LitCoins.
Like Bitcoins, LitCoins can be safely stored and protected. Bitcoin owners store their currency in digital “wallets,” software designed to allow payment for the free-flowing exchange of goods and services. LitCoin holders, on the other hand, store their currency in physical cloth “bookbags.” These analog cloth “book bags” are often adorned with commercial imprints or “endorsements” signifying allegiance to a particular brand; a bank, a department store, or sometimes printed with clever or whimsical statements such as “Mimimalist,” “ToteBag,” “Not A Plastic Bag,” or existential questions “What R U Look N @?,” or “What is the Meaning of My Bag?” The LitCoin “book bag” provides protection and security of LitCoins for the LitCoin owner. LitCoin can be easily exchanged for goods and services with few protocols required for the execution of the exchange unlike Bitcoin which requires lengthy encryption passwords and digital doodads like computers or smart phones.
Bitcoins were purportedly started by a mysterious Mr. Satoshi Nakamoto of the Island of Pseudonym who has so far escaped discovery by Google, NSA and People Magazine. LitCoins are generally thought to have been created the day before yesterday by a mysterious Ms. Mortimota Muckinfussamuss, who some say anonymously wrote the Cliff Notes on James Joyce’s seminal novel Ulysses.
Which new currency to use? I’m putting my money on LitCoin. As the drunken character Lebedev said in Dostoyevsky’s “The Idiot,” “There’s more wealth, but there’s less strength; the binding idea doesn’t exist anymore; everything has turned soft, everything is rotten, and people are rotten.” (Five Litcoins, please.)….praajek.com
Doggone War
Will this be what it’ll take to finally grab the attention of Americans to the fact that we are still fighting a war in Afghanistan. A war? In Afghanistan? So 2004, you say? How about over 2,100 American soldiers killed and nearly 180,000 wounded since 2001 as a cold bloody fact. But there’s hope. News reports that Taliban in Afghanistan has captured a top American military prize, a Colonel indeed. Who has four legs and a tail. The report of the Taliban capture of a U. S.or NATO military dog, named Colonel, might just wake our pet-crazed populace out of its complacency enough to ask a collective WTF are we still doing there? And now the Taliban has captured one of our finest…a courageous canine. Americans may have forgotten about the war but this outrage will not stand! Let’s recapture this warrior hound and bring him back home to a hero’s welcome. Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s bring our human soldiers home too.
Analogging My Life
Analogging My Life
I’m starting a new project for 2014. I’m converting my digital life to analog. I plan to capture all my old digital photos on Polaroid, Kodachrome, Ektachrome or B&W Tri-x. My digital music downloads will be converted to vinyl. Here’s a sample of a downloaded MP3 song that I recently anal-logged to wax cylinder. Plans are also in the works to print all my e-books as well as thousands of old Word Star documents. My work has just begun.
2013 Year In Review
Eyes Only – 2013 – The Movie
Like slow Netflix streaming
2013 kept us
Dreaming
That maybe we should have
Left it
On the digital cutting room Floor.
Deja vu it sure seems
We’ve seen this movie before.
While suffering
A sluggish economy
Buffering
Republicans applauded
The thuggish dichotomy
That one percent rules
While 99 percent fools
Binge-watched wall streeters
Take over the town.
This year even Ebert
gave it up
With two thumbs down.
Not a hit nor blockbuster
Like a Ted Cruz filibuster
Starring elite superjob “makers”
Supporting a cast of a million “takers”
The Hangover we’re now at sequel XIII
Let’s hope it’s the last one please no more.
Should have skipped it like Hotel floors
Between the twelve and the fourteen.
The Act Two
Blues and nationwide flu
Karma was due
For the POTUS
Who got the most of the Votus
Obamacare paid the price
For good reviews by the SCOTUS
The Prez danced in end zone Gloatus
To roll the dice
And neglect to do any Promotus.
An unexpected twist in plot
On the war machine’s backlot
Built a new rationale
For women combatants
Renamed now as Gal-
Warrior Wombatants.
Hipster zombies
Walking dead Romneys
Riding fixees so fedorable
Sipping micro brews so pourable
Like Katy Perry’s deplorable ROARable.
Or Mumford boys, Suspenders and hairshirts,
Banjos and beards,
Brooklyn Williamsburg
Rare dirt
In public personal pity-purges
Moaned their artisanal shi..y Dirges.
(Subway said that size didn’t matter
If their footlong didn’t Measure up
To more sup
On your platter
It’s their way of keeping you Slim not fatter.)
Higgs Bosun a sticky Particular particle
Came out of the closet
Like a cosmic farticle.
Global Warming gave itself a New name
Not Zoe or Chole just Climate Change
Offering now a seismic posit
Bad news for the weary
Deniers of science
That like evolution it’s a fact Not a theory.
(Same sex sexing
Lost its shame sex hexing
Won its legal marital nexus
In a lot of states but definitely Not Texas.)
The special effects starred
iPhones and androids
Paranoid tech wars
Apple Samsunging
Out-Gaga-ing MileyTonguing
And twerking their OS’s Onscreen with foam fingers
Swiping
Their bungholes wiping.
In a crucial scene
Social sharing
Went extreme
From beds to bath
And bongs beyond
Our meds and wrath
And wrongs;
We over-shared and boasted
Posted on and on
Our twitter news fed lives
Filled in the empty spaces
In the book of faces.
Toward the end of this flick
The theme of it just won’t stick
It begins with a “p” ah, yes Privacy
Spelled Pry-us-see.
In the name of security
We gave up obscurity
To the government hackers
Hi-jackers of our texts and Email
Who tapped our phones
Watched us from drones.
What caused our massive Passive Fail?
We fell asleep watching
Duck Dynasty crackers.
The leading man looked like A barista;
Exposed his government as Big Brutha
Voyeurista.
Ed Snowden’s reward for Those data terabytes
He’s now living the good life As a Muscovite.
The script called for love
So we clicked on dove
Dotcom
For every cohort
Whatever sort
There was a port.
Blew out the Match;
Disrupted the Harmony and
Jilted the J Date.
We dug for love at KoalMinersDigDeep;
Nodded off with NarcolepsSleep.
Locked down our love at BigHouseDotCom;
Wasted our love at SmokeRoachesWithMom.
Drooled with GeezersGottaGitsum
Unchallenged ourselves at DateDownDumb.
Lifted our Burkas at Muslim Mingle;
Learned to love ourselves at OnanSingle.
Quenched our desire for
midget firefighters at
Firemen Squirts;
Satisfied our pain with
Let’sGet2Getha&Hurt.
Not much action on the set
Instead a fiscal cliff-hanger
Teabagger gangbangers
Played Hunger Gamers
With arrows to the foodstamp safety net.
The plot thickened
A mystery transpired
Cruise shippers sickened
A Pope retired.
Hyperloop the new monorail
Why were people eating kale?
This movie contained graphic content; Explicit language
Situation disasters
Some natural some manmade.
Tornadoes, floods, wildfires, heat waves,
Bombings and deep freezes
Took many to their graves;
Something even killing all the Beesus.
Mass shootings were real Still No gun controls;
To keep armed to the teeth We sold our souls.
Killings rose like a killer Tsunami;
Flush Phlegmball called the Pope a commie.
At intermission we Electronically puffed
Talking about Weed of Wisdom stuff
Vaping on outdated laws.
Who wrote this script was
Legally high
In
Lulu lemoned rubbed raw thighs
With
K-Mart-jingling x-rated balls.
We’re buffering again
Little wheel a-spin
Our movie suddenly fades to Black;
This time Tony really did get whacked.
Back to the show
We’re streaming fast from the Cloud
That cinematic sound a loud
Droning mistake could be Maybe
But not in Pakistan who Knows?
Lookout Royal Baby!
Bare chested Pooty Putin
Posing half nudie nootin’
In the Motherland stirs not a
Rooty tootin’ ripple
Sharing the sight of his Tsarist nipples.
A manly show of a Russian metrosexual
Or maybe an outlawed Homosexual.
An emperor Caveman on a
Diet
Afraid to eat a little Pussy Riot.
The credits roll
The score lifts high
Villains and heros
The worst and the best
A juiced up Lance
Narcasistic Kanye West
This year gave birth
To some of the worst
And the usual others
Like the Koch Bruthas
Those villainaire major Teabagger fund raisers
Against the powerless Minimum wagers.
The new Pope in old shoes We saw in some photos;
The red ones he sent back to Dorothy and Toto.
The good guys were played By a cast not a lot of
Some gave up the the ghost and their earthly home
(Mandela deserves a much better poem).
The villains too many survived to be seen
in next year’s sequel “2014.”
LF Rudmann
http://www.praajek.com
©2013
Praajek To Sell Used Virginity to Highest Bidder
Praajek To Sell Used Virginity to Highest Bidder
Taking a cue from recent news reports that Brazilian college student Catarina Migliorini offered to sell her virginity twice after refusing an offer of $780,000, Praajek recently announced that he too will sell his used virginity to the highest bidder. It’s here for the asking…price, he said. This classic Virginity, although well-worn, shows well with great rustic curb appeal. A few dings and dents are apparent around the edges but this model is a real collector’s item. He said a minimum bid of .99 cents sounds reasonable and is in alignment with the price of an iTunes song download. “This is a once-in-a-lifetime offer,” said Praajek. The winning bidder will receive an authentic authorized Certificate of Authorized Authenticity (CAA) validating that your bid was accepted. (Consummation not required nor accepted). The lucky winner will also receive a coupon for .25 cents off the purchase of a half pound of Winter Red kale at a local participating grocer.
http://www.praajek.com
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/19/catarina-migliorini-virginity_n_4303653.html
Extreme Social Sharing
Extreme Social Sharing
In the pursuit of Total Social Sharing (TSS), Praajek has decided without much decision-making thought to disclose, reveal and share with the world intimate details of his personal life… to go where few in the Social Universe have gone before. No, he is not revealing the copious amounts of alcohol consumed at the Funky Bhudda Lounge last Thursday evening nor the lurid details of the three-or-fivesome all-girlly multi-mingle that debauched his crib after he was carried fully armed with lucious ladys from the Funky Bhudda. No, he will not share all his favo foods, injesting facilities, dreams, nightmares, bodily function depositing and waste management adventures. Maybe later. But the following represents his Commitment to the new Standards of Social Sharing which are meant to break the bonds of the restrictive Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPPA) and set new Modern Social Standards (MMS) henceforth to be known as Extreme Social Sharing or the Not Too Much Information Act. (NOTOMIA). Hereby, in the spirit of ESS is a manifest of meds that that Praajek ingests on a daily schedule.
Placeebonium
Jiscrapaflex
Beegbuksforabonerum
Expensaflo
Unafforderol
Untestedlix
Wastamonistin
Suckercillin
Fughettabowetamine
Furghototaykheterol
Askurdokturrol
Wadiddijestakaflex
Hottpharmasalesgurlix
Wiamytakndisarol
Notsurwhaditkursamine
Sidafexium
Kontraindakasazole
Resizurdikapam
Rugagro
Kreekykneesiusm
Randomoniums…or Where is Balloon Boy when we need him?
Randomoniums…or Where is Balloon Boy when we need him?
Ah, for the good old days of the boy in the runaway helium balloon and the breathless nonstop live coverage of a metallic balloon wafting thru the skies for hours before listlessly floating to the ground without a boy inside. Or even a more sinister yet semi-comical Kim Jong Un threatening to nuclearly annihilate us while he plays basketball with Dennis Rodman; oh where are you Casey Anthony, Amanda Knox and Jody Arias.. you sexy siren trio of murder trial celebrities? From yesteryear how about a good old-fashioned race-baited murder trial with a white Ford Bronco or a more recent crazy stand-ur ground vigilante? Those were the real news days. Remember Y2K? The Mayan Apocalypse? Nonstop coverage of Katrinas and Sandys…even terrorists bombings and murderous gun-nut rampages..all those made-for-media horrors that perversely unite and fixate Americans in orgies of prurient watching and watching. We like to watch. That’s what we do.
These past few weeks, Big Cable demanded that our attention be dominated by the Tea Bagger Congressional Gangstaas and their kidnap of the political process and a threat to crash the world’s economy. The ransom to be paid: a president and his health care law. The Tea Bagger Blood Gangastaas, are led by Ted “KraziKaKa” Cruz, a former government employee who has been a US Senator for 10 months and expects to be sworn in as the next President of the U. S. if he fails in his quest to have President Obama impeached before 2016. “KraziKaKa” Cruz and his T-Bagga Possse rule gerrymandered congressional hoods that are marked territories where no DemoCrip Kings gang members dare enter. They threaten other Repubakan Maniac Disciples rival gang districts with destruction if their leaders don’t hew the line and pay their respects. These Tea Bagga gangs are funded by outside national gangs like Freedomworks P. Stone Nation, ruled by the Biggie Koch Bruthas who now worry that the chaos they funded my come back to bite them in their cash boxes if their Tea Bagga minions crash the world economy. Better cool this gang warfare within the Repubakan Maniac Disciples before there is no longer a gang left. Oh well, the Koch Bruthas are planning their strategy for the next gang war skirmishes with the Democrips Kings next year. Meanwhile Big Cable already has as name for the upcoming wars:
“Debt Limit Destruction“.. It’ll be a TeaBagga drive-by… so get ready America…to hit the floor. Or maybe Balloon Boy will come back to help lift the debt ceiling.
Pooty Poot’s Polemic
In a NY Times editorial opinion article Russian President Vladimir Putin, aka Pooty Poot by G. W. Bush, takes America (and Obama) to task for its reliance on military aggression to solve international conflicts. “We must stop using the language of force and return to the path of civilized diplomatic and political settlement,” Putin writes.
Putin further says that although he and President Obama are increasing their mutual trust, he takes exception to the President’s assertion of American “exceptionalism” and that its policies make it an exceptional nation. Invoking the “lord” Putin says that people in all countries are created equal.
“It is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional….There are big countries and small countries, rich and poor, those with long democratic traditions and those still finding their way to democracy. Their policies differ, too. We are all different, but when we ask for the Lord’s blessings, we must not forget that God created us equal,” Putin concludes.
So Putin transforms himself from a cartoonish James Bond-type villain who outlaws gay rights, imprisons political rivals, (even the Pussy Riot girl band for public protests) to a wise and benevolent leader and champion of human rights and Nobel Peace Prize candidate schooling Obama on the need for restraint, on the perils of military action to promote our version of democracy. “Millions around the world increasingly see America not as a model of democracy but as relying solely on brute force, cobbling coalitions together under the slogan “you’re either with us or against us.”
Is Putin correct to challenge America on its claim of being “exceptional?” Does our policy of unilateral military strikes against any country that uses chemical weapons or commits genocide make us exceptional or just hypocritical. Our use of chemical napalm in Vietnam, our tacit approval of Saddam Hussain’s use of chemical weapons in its war with Iran in the 1980s could be construed as exceptional hypocrisy. As the only nation to ever use the destructive force of nuclear weapons on another country it would seem our exceptionalism could easily be interpreted by other people around the world as less than aspirational.
It’s easy to read Pooty Poot’s polemic as reasonable if not awkwardly written. (Couldn’t he hire an American English major to edit his writing?) America has relied on brute force, has acted in a “with us or against us” attitude exemplified in the extreme by G. W. Bush’s war on Iraq. But Pooty Poot.. come on…we may be hypocrites, but one thing is obvious, the Emperor wears no shirt.
Miley…The Genius of America
Miley…The Genius of America
America. Attention. Your attention is required now. If you have not seen Miley Cyrus’s recent VMA performance then you have missed one of the most important, seminal art achievements in Western culture. Ms.Cyrus’s spectacle, and I say “spectacle” in the true sense of wonderment, pageantry, virtuosity and sheer genius, stands alone among the few wondrous public acts ever shared with Americans, indeed humanity. Mother Theresa worked in silent anonymity bringing solace, relief and peace to the poor and sick. Einstein brought to science a new and relative perspective on space and time; the great composers Beethoven, Mozart, Brahms, Mahler, Debussy, along with moderns Glass and Cage gave us music as never before heard; Steve Jobs taught us to think and act differently; the monumental achievements of mankind can be chronicled, attested to and celebrated. But until now all these achievements pale, indeed are diminished by a 6 minute 23 second manifestation of The Great American Art. Period. No novel, poem, musical composition, painting, sculpture, architectural construction or other genius product of man’s imagination has ever captured the essence of America, its people, its business, its religions, its music, its scientific and technological achievements… all that defines its very culture as much as a tiny girl named Miley did on August 25, 2013. Remember that date. That day America found itself. From a Giant Teddy Bear emerged a Foamed Fingered Force that forged a final definition of America and its people. Remember 08-25-13. Your great grandchildren will recall that day in history. Tell your children now that you viewed it live on TV or later saw it on YouTube. Point them to it now so they can witness it for themselves and thus pass down thru their generations what history will remark and remember as The Great American Art. 
You Won’t Believe what This Kitty Kan Do
This Video Kitten Will Unwind Your Balls of Twine…most Amazing Screwed-up Eyeball-messing Kitty Performance of 2013!!! Click linkylink here:
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Five Most Craziest Sex Positions That You Will Blow Your Mind… in the Future
Five Most Craziest Sex Positions That You Will Blow Your Mind… in the Future
In the future, that time period that you can only dream about and that may or may not happen, conjugal body melding, doing the dirty deed, intercourse, just plain #%¥•}€ or what we now refer to as “sex” will occur thru some mind-blowing techniques and physical maneuvers unimagined today. Tomorrow’s sex will not be your father’s (nor mother’s) sex. Check out the FIVE (actually SIX) most important, unbelievable techniques that await you in the Future.
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Yippie Yi Ti Yo…Get Along ‘Lil Cheney….
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| Liz Cheney |
You Know That Wyoming Will Be Your New Home…..
Former Vice President and un- indicted war criminal Dick Cheney’s daughter Liz “The Non-Lesbian One” has thrown her netipot in the ring for a Senate seat in Wyoming, a state in the western part of the US that currently has two Senators representing all 562 citizens. (Compare California with two Senators for its 38 million souls).
The 46 year old mother of five moved to Wyoming last year thus establishing her residency in order to run for the Senate seat already held by Republican Mike Enzi, one of the most severe conservatives in the Senate. Ms. Cheney and her father believe Wyoming needs an even more severe, backward-looking conservative. Having held many jobs in government, Ms. Cheney has also worked on her father’s campaigns. In 2009 she helped establish a non-profit organization “Keep America Safe” which aims to keep America safe. Ms. Cheney also appears as a political pundit on Fox News often displaying her father’s recognizable snarl.
Mr. Cheney, Who’s the Real Traitor and Spy?
Former U.S. Vice President and un-convicted war criminal Dick Cheney Sunday proclaimed NSA leaker Edward Snowden a “traitor…and possibly a Chinese spy…” Looking perky and pink-cheeked, Mr. Cheney told his Fox TV hosts during an interview that if the NSA American citizen spy program had been in effect before the September 11 terrorists attacks on the U.S. then the attacks might have been thwarted. Mr. Cheney’s selective memory, perhaps compromised as a result of multiple heart attacks preceding his surprising receipt last year of a new heart from a mysterious and anonymous donor, overlooks another reason the 9-11 attacks were not uncovered. On August 6, 2001, a month before the attacks, the Bush Administration received a PDB “Presidential Daily Briefing” titled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.” According to a September 12, 2012 New York Times article, this warning from the CIA was a frustrated follow-up to two previous other briefs on May 1 and July 29, 2001 warning the White House that Bin Laden was planning to attack soon. Of course these warning were ignored on the advice of the Vice and his neo-con cronys. If Mr. Cheney had not chosen to ignore these warnings perhaps the 9-11 attacks could have been prevented. Mr. Cheney deliberately chose not to protect and defend the American people from a possible imminent attack which resulted in the massacre of nearly 3,000 defenseless citizens on American soil. Who’s the real traitor, Edward Snowden or Dick Cheney? And could Cheney be an al-Qaeda spy?
For What it’s Worth
There are serious implications of government gathering private info on citizens. If in the current Prism NSA National Security Agency (No Such Agency?) case it turns out that actual phone conversations, emails etc. were accessed, then we might be talking serious and criminal. But what is absurd is the shock and dismay being expressed that government would do or attempt to do this contrasted with the reality of how much people today are willing to divulge of their private info in public forums, like Facebook Twitter & other social media. When people post on Facebook or Twitter when & where they’re eating, peeing, who they’re sleeping with, that they’re drunk, high or visiting a museum or theatre why would they care if the government knows it too? It’s Facebook! You just posted it for the whole freaking world to see! (Even if you limit access to “friends” every time you post something it’s ultimately available for worldwide distribution.) I just ate this, here’s a photo of my caprese salad. I just arrived here.. I’m seeing this now.. I have a new grandchild and here’s 35 photos of her wrapped in swaddling cloth. I’m I’m I’m me me me look at me.. I’m important, I’m doing cool things, I’m relevant, I’m part if the world, I’m Special!!! And then when you find out the government is looking at the how Special you are… you are shocked. Shocked!
Cameras on every street corner, donut shop & grocery store. GPS in your car tells that GPS company and the government (government-licensed satellite) where you are & where you’ve been. Get cash from an ATM and you’ve left tracks. Grocery “value” key cards track your eating/drinking preferences. I’ve got 12 such cards on my key ring. The Target store chain admitted last year it could predict buyer purchases based on buyer history & demographics..i.e. stock more maternity items and junk food in low-income areas. If you shop at Lane Bryant with a credit card you might find it harder to buy health insurance. People talk loudly and freely and often purposely on cell phones in public places sharing intimate details of their “important” lives with annoyed and reluctant listening strangers. We live in a world where we are made to believe that sharing our personal information is cool, that privacy is not, that too much info is better than not enough. We say singsongedly “Too much in-for-ma-tion!” But we don’t really believe it.
So, do I trust the government with my personal info? Not any more than I trust my hospital, car dealer, grocery store, toll road agency, or the myriad other businesses and institutions I interact with.
At this point it has not been shown that the government actually listened or transcribed my phone calls or emails. The danger in the government’s Prism program is its potential to collect and store indefinitely our private communications and transactions. And why collect and store if it doesn’t use it.
If paranoia is justified then I must also be afraid of Verizon, ATT, Comcast, Citibank, Google, Apple, etc. Those companies already have my info. And I don’t get to elect their CEO or directors. Is there really any essential difference between a big corporation and a government agency besides election day accountability? The U.S.uses private military companies such as KBR (former Halliburton unit) and Blackwater to supply corporate soldiers to fight our wars; Booze Allen tech consulting derives 90% of its income from a government contract with NSA. Verizon provides a special physical fiber-optic pipeline to NSA. We need to unearth a vast supply of paranoia to cover all this.
Maybe we over-share
Can’t have it both ways..
Share it you bear it.
The issue is what will or could government do with your phone calls, email, social media updates?
Ultimately the total paranoid answer is “anything it wants to do to you it could.” Audit your taxes? Check. Restrict your travel.. deny passport, driver license? Seize your guns? Check. Deny medical care? Form a death panel? Sure. Make your life miserable? Lock you up? Kill you? Oh yeah! All this assumes that government is intrinsically evil. Or if not, then it will choose an evil path if given the choice; that we elect leaders who are so flawed, weak, manipulative and willing to ignore the Constitution that we might as well not give a damn about anything and just live our pitiful little lives under the lens of Big Brutha.
“Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you’re always afraid
Step out of line, the men come and take you away.” Buffalo Springfield
Praajek@gmail.com
Secret Government Data Mine Discovered in WV Hollow!
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| Government data miners photographed hauling data into secret mine using hi-capacity fiber-optic rail vessel. |
Praajek has just uncovered, thru proprietary wiki-hacking resources, a top-secret government Data Mine located in the foothills of a musty mountainous West Virginia hollow. Here are some exclusive photos I excavated from NSA data mines which show a top secret storage facility where the cell phone calls, Facebook postings, Instagram photos, old love letters, grocery lists, vehicle maintenance records, utility bills, old college essays, report cards, job evaluations, graduation classmate messages in high school yearbooks, baby teeth unclaimed by the Tooth Fairy, DNA samples of toenail clippings from unturned sofa cushions, New Year resolutions, Catholic Church member confessions, childhood mother’s day cards and first grade plaster hand imprints of millions of Americans. These exclusive photos also show government data mine workers hauling in for storage and analysis tons of private data from unsuspecting American citizens.
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This previously undisclosed photo shows a government top secret data storage facility in remote West Virginia hollow.
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Celebrate?
“Celebrate good times, come on!
Let’s celebrate
Celebrate good times, come on!
Let’s celebrate.”
….Kool & The Gang
Ok.. I know I should cut Boston some slack. The teenage Marathon Bomber is in the hands of the police. The older one is dead. There is much deserved relief among Bostonians and their suburban neighbors. Thank the gods & goddesses that these terrorists have been stopped from further mayhem. Then why does last night’s flag-waving, anthem singing, bare-chested celebration seem so “un” seemly. I ask myself what would I have done (sorry, can’t ask Jesus… he’s dead). Would I have been there in a frenzied chest-thumping mob singing and publicly celebrating like the mob broadcast on TV? Where were the TV networks when probably most of Boston stayed quiet and solemn in their homes with the sad acknowledgment that this type of terror in America will probably not be the last. That’s not really something to celebrate. Rather than celebrate, evidenced by the screaming, singing, dancing of the televised mob, I’m sure many Bostonians took this time to reflect, to hug their children in love more than celebration. But televising such a scene would not make good television.
The News…how much is too much?
The News…how much is too much?
The non-stop coverage of the tragic terror bombing in Boston by major cable and network TV news organizations is exploitative, wringing ratings bounty from tragedy in exchange for dubious reports of speculation, rumor, interviews with terror experts, maudlin personal accounts of victims by family, friends and neighbors. All disguised as “news.” News that the American public, as deemed by the media, supposedly needs in massive overdoses. And needs and needs more and more and more. Of course an event as horrific as a public bombing has to be covered as real news. But as soon as one of these violent events occur the media rolls out its pre-fab boiler plate disaster template replete with catchy “name,” The Boston Bombing.” Identify victims to highlight with personal profiles, reporters hang out in front of victims’ homes, conduct special interviews of neighbors. When all the relatives’ anguish, privacy and mourning has been exhausted then bring on Rudy Giuliani. We’ve seen it all before..again and again. We watch the replays of the disasters over and over, the weeping relatives, the long-faced newscasters. Wolf Blitzer fluffing his audience into an orgy of visual TV engorgement with his perfectly timed “This just in.. Breaking News… on top of breaking breaking breaking news; Anderson Cooper grim-faced with practiced reverent vocalizations of sympathy… Stay tuned we’ll be right back with more on this developing story ……Stay tuned… Stay tuned… Right after this commercial message from Teenna Twist stop-the-leaks-panty pads.
We’re back with newsbabe Stacey So’enso.. From box cutters to pressure cookers, let’s discuss… Joining me now is the spokesperson for the National Association of Pressure Cookers.
Let the news just be news.
The constant attempts to squeeze out a story from the slimmest of facts; the milking of a tragedy by repeated looping of horrific bloody videos; the frenzied pursuit of interviews with “experts” on any imaginable subject with the barest of relevance to the crime adds up not to legitimate news coverage but instead an attempt to stoke a morbid and prurient public hunger for a bloody insatiable feast on the aftermath of unspeakable tragedy.
Dick Cheney Apologizes…?
Since Dick Cheney won’t apologize for anything, I’ll do it for him…
Former President George Bush’s underling Vice P. Dick Cheney continues to rear his evil shrunken head grabbing headlines by criticizing Obama’s cabinet picks and insuring the world that he doesn’t apologize for or regret anything in his life.
Last year it was his “no apologies”memoir, now it’s a recent documentary, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO DICK CHENEY, which amounts another helping of sour left-over no-apologies. As the world recently marked the 10th anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, the Cheney-Bush-Rummy-Condi-Colin’s two trillion dollar war that slaughtered more than 4,400 Americans, injured more than 32,000 Americans and killed more than 100,000 Iraqis, Mr. Cheney continues to spend his remaining days on a self-congratulatory “no-apologies” tour.
If Mr. Cheney won’t apologize for his murderous war or anything else he’s done in his strangelovian life, well I suppose it’s time, before he passes from this world into the depths of his own special room in Hell, that someone steps up and apologizes for him. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it.
So here it goes: To all of Humanity.. I, Dick Cheney, offer my whole and transplant-hearted apologies for:
Dodging the Vietnam war draft five (5) times, while chicken-hawking and stoking the flames of wars for others to be maimed and killed in. I apologize profusely for publicly stating that “I had other priorities,” as my excuse for dodging service to my nation.
I also apologize for supporting and promoting the wiretapping of American citizens, warrant-less Gitmo detention of suspected enemies, and the waterboarding and torture of enemy combatants in defiance of the Geneva Conventions.
I apologize for my egregious and purposeful lies to the American public about the existence of WMDs in Iraq and my vile role in leading America into the invasion of a sovereign nation that had no role in the 9-11 attack on the US. I am also sorry for publicly stating that the Iraq War would be “an enormous success story.” (although I admit it was a financial success personally for me..ha ha). Although I apologize for that war, I admit that I will never be able to wash the blood of American soldiers and innocent Iraqi men, women and children from my greedy withered hands.
I apologize for my Iraq war profiteering that further enriched me by benefiting my former company Halliburton in its oil and construction ventures in that nation. I’m sorry that as Secretary of Defense – 1989-93- I awarded Defense contracts to Halliburton and later was paid $44 million as Chairman of Board and CEO of Halliburton.
I also apologize for tricking poor dumb George W. Bush into accepting me as his running mate in the 2000 election. By assigning myself as the head of his search team for a credible Vice Presidential candidate, I sifted thru all the potential applicants only to, behold, find the perfect Vice: me! (I’m really sorry for that one!).
Although I apologize for these and numerous other minor and mostly major (sorry, Harry, for shooting you on that hunting trip) failures, schemes and crimes against humanity, I also wish to apologize for the innumerable medical resources that I’ve spent, probably the result of 20 years of 3-pack-a-day smoking. My multiple heart attacks, pacemakers, vein transplants used up valuable medical time and money. My heart transplant last year grabbed a heart from an anonymous donor that could have certainly been given to a more worthy recipient than me.
Sincerely,
Dick Cheney, your humble public servant. (just kidding…)
Don’t Drone Me Bro ©.. World’s First Personal Drone Deflector
Don’t Drone Me Bro ©.. World’s First Personal Drone Deflector
With mounting concerns over the US government’s use of unmanned drones to kill American citizens, few are discussing defensive measures, beyond a Rand “BatshitKrazy” Paul filibuster, that citizens might deploy against a Government Drone Attack (GDA). Under top-secret protocols guided by the Paranoidial Society of America, I have just completed development of “Don’t Drone Me Bro©,” the world’s first Personal Drone Deflector. This unique personal headgear utilizes a patented highly effective deflective anti-drone silicate-based high-enamel coating called Teflonium. Combined with drone-signal-messing Warping Strips of special Tinfoilium, the “Don’t Drone Me Bro©” headgear offers state-‘o-the-art technology at state-‘o-the economy prices. Lovingly hand crafted by bearded Amish farmers near Wapokeneta, Ohio, the “Don’t Drone Me Bro©” Drone Deflector also relieves drone- scanning neck pain as well as that nagging sense of impending instant death from the sky. Apply today to be one of the first “DDMB pioneers” to try it out. Txt 312.339.2583 or twitter @praajek #dontdronemebro why you would like to be one of the first to receive a prototype model. But wait.. By applying now, if selected as a DDMB pioneer, you will also receive absolutely free an extra set of the patented Drone Signal-Messing Tinfoilium Warping Strips for extra drone death-defying protection. (Just pay shipping & handling.)
Papal Brackets
Fill in your Papal Brackets now…!!!
Google Glasses…I got Mine! I’m the first…
Google Glasses…I got Mine! I’m the first…
I got the jump on Google’s recent offer to apply for the first consumer model of its augmented reality glasses. Regular folks had to go through an application process, write an essay and plunk down $1,500 for the honor to be the first on their network to have a computer on their face.
With my inside-Google social creds I arrived home the other day to the receipt of a Fed-X package from the Google Factory with a pair of prototype Google Glasses. Among the myriad features, my GGs sport designer rare-element Refusomonium Steel frames with “SouperDouper” Optics lens.
One of the most magical features, NostrilJamAudio, enables me to now smell sounds. This takes music listening to an all-new dimension allowing one to instantly perceive whether or not a particular song stinks…or “smells/sounds” good. I tested it out by letting Pandora randomly select a female 80’s pop singer. Out came Madonna singing a cover of Don McLean’s American Pie and instantly my olfactory senses were overwhelmed with a putrid smell of fresh shoe-stepped-in dog poop. I hit my iTunes playlist favos including Muse, (hoppy beer brew scent) Mana (lime and cilantro) and Brahms Concerto for Piano no.2 in B flat minor ( cinnamon apple strudel). Wow. NostrilJam really works!
And that’s not all, folks. Yes, you can smell sounds, but you can also “see” smells with Google Glass’s nifty app called “sMellize” (smelly eyes…get it?) When I played and smelled that Madonna song with the sMellize app activated I actually saw thru the Google Glass “SouperDouper” lens a virtual re-creation of dog poop on a shoe. Amazing.
Although I haven’t explored all the features on my new GGs I particularly enjoy the Sommelier Gizzy which automatically suggests and lets me virtually taste the perfect wine it algorithmically pairs with the dinner items I scan by looking at the menu. Pretty nifty, right? Let’s say I’m scanning the menu at Mr. Beef’s Italian beef walk-in on Orleans Street in Chicago. I focus my GG lens on the menu description of an extra large juicy beef with hot jardiniere. SommelierGizzy instantly brings up in my vision field a hip bottle of Muscatel Red. If I remove the Olfactory Sensory inset from my nostril (used for the NostrilJam app) and place it in my mouth I suddenly perceive a taste-sensation of that rich-bodied Muscatel Red. Crazy, right?
Other features like the BlackHole Rectal Scan A-hole detector can warn me when I’m in the vicinity of jerks and assholes. Although Google touts this feature prominently in its promotions, it needs to work out some bugs. The A-Hole Detector kept giving me a warning even when I was alone and no one around. What gives, Google?
Overall, Google Glass is everything one could expect from the Google Factory. Rumor has it that the next version of GG will incorporate the killer app “tOuchi-feeli,” which purportedly allows a GG explorer to virtually touch and feel one’s or another’s feelings. For example, if my significant one is feeling angry, I might be able to touch and feel the shape of that sadness as a tactile object, (sharp heavy?) and see it’s color (red?), and eventually even visually perceive it as maybe a chair which hits me in the head. Sweet, eh?
And one last nice touch: included in every set of Google Glass is a special Hipster Hat. How cool is that? Eat your algorithms out, ye Googleless Goggleless ones.
Click on image to enlarge.
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| Me Testing My New Google Glass |
Click on image to enlarge…
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| New Google Glass Prototype |
Dysfunctional Government or Business?
Dysfunctional Government or Business?
Once again NY Times columnist David Brooks hits the (hammer) head on the (thumb) nail in today’s column. He asserts “that business people think that government is so dysfunctional that they are afraid to invest and spur growth.” They indeed might think government dysfunctional, but that’s not the reason for lack of new investment and hiring. And businesses might also be afraid to invest. They are afraid because they can afford to be afraid, but not a fear of government. A lot of businesses are sitting on stockpiles of cash and have learned during the past recession years that they can get by without additional hiring by demanding employees work longer and harder without significant wage increases. Not much incentive to hire when workers fear layoffs. First it was the excuse of the “fiscal cliff” for not expanding and hiring. Now it’s the sequestration. They blame the government when the real reason lies in their new timid austerity and obsession for wringing the maximum profits out of the minimum workforce rather than boldly investing, creating jobs and helping the economy expand. And maybe this time government, as Reagan once said, is also part of the problem. Not for interference and regulation or tax policies. It’s partially to blame because it’s not doing enough. It’s not spending enough to create new jobs. Once government unleashes the power of public sector jobs programs, investment in infrastructure, bridges, highways, the electrical grid, then dysfunctional business will see the error of its frugal fiscal folly and follow and cash-in with new investments and jobs.
Dog Faced
Lots of pics of the Steve Buscemi dog recently shared…
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| The Steve Buscemi Doggie |
Here’s my version of a new breed…The John Boehner Basset Hound
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| The Boehner Basset |
Buffalo Wings Clipped?… Try Kalahogies this Super Bowl.
Buffalo Wings Clipped?… Try Kalahogies this Super Bowl.
The widespread national panic over the fear of a chicken wing shortage may indeed be self-fulfilling. Hoards of “wingers” are storming grocers, lining up hours before store openings, even stalking loading docks of Sam’s Costco and Walmart. Major corporate chicken farms have reportedly been victims of midnight raids by marauding Super Bowl fans bent on having their wings and eating them too. In the rural South reports of broad-daylight chicken snatchings from back and front yards have been witnessed by locals.
Folks, there’s a better way. Forgot the “Buffalo Wing.”
As we slouch toward Super Bowl Sunday let us fore go the boring Buffalo Wing and masticate on the oral delights of Faux Calamari, or better known as Kalahogies. Faux, or fake calamari is similar to the artificial seafood crab stuff at the deli counter. It is the perfect Super Bowl snack made of real pork (the other white meat, right?) Real calamari, as we all know are those tasty little white chewy rings of battered and fried squid. Faux calamari, popularly known as Kalahogies, are little rings of chewy hog rectums, battered and fried to delicious nutritious chewiness. Boil them first until soft, then grill or deep fry slathered in spicy barbecue sauce. Serve and chew by the dozen. You’ll never go back to Buffalo.
With apologies to William Butler Yeats’ “The Second Coming.”:
“The Second Helping”
Turning & burning on the broiling gyre
The chicken cannot but fear the
Chickener;
Wings fall part, the skin cannot
Hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The buffalo-wing shortage is loosed
And everywhere
The half-time ceremony of
has-been rock stars
Is drowned out by beer commercials.
The best commercials lack all conviction
While the worst are full of
Passionate flatulence.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely a Second Helping is at hand.
The Second Helping! Hardly are Those words out
When a vast image of Barbequedis Porcina-rectumus
Eases my sight: somewhere in Lands of the dessert
A shape with hog body and the Head of a chicken
A glaze sticky and hot and pitiless As the sun,
Is dripping slowly down my chin While all about it
Real sad howls of the indignant
Wingless fans.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That XLVII Super Bowls of boring
Football
Were hexed to indigestion by the chili ladle
And what rough beast, its rectum well done at last,
Slouches towards the two minute
warning to be eaten?
"No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act".
Pass the “No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act”.
President Obama’s recent proposals to control the spread of guns in America does not go far enough. Here’s what we need:
Don’t control guns, ban them.
Presidential/Executive “Re-interpretation” of the Second Amendment concomitant with enactment by Congress or Presidential Fiat of the “No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act” also to be known as the “No Right to Own Guns Act.”
The manufacture, import and sale of firearms and ammunition for non-military in the U. S. and its territories will be banned.
Phase One: A Federal ban on the civilian purchase of any firearm. This means hand guns, assault rifles, shotguns, hunting rifles, target/sport firearms. Also BB guns and similar varmint-hunting guns such as pellet guns, potato “spud” guns and all NERF-type projectile-emitting gun facsimiles. (BB/pellet and NERF-type guns are “gateway weapons” that lead to future desire/addiction to possess and use bullet-based firearms). Violation of the “No Gun Left Behind Act” is a zero tolerance, “one strike you are out” violation resulting In a minimum income-based fine of $20,000 and up. Inability or refusal to pay the fine shall result in a minimum one year sentence to a firearm practice ranch for Federal Agents as a live target decoy. (Sentence commuted after one year if prisoner survives)
Phase Two: The President shall order all citizens to turn in to Federal Authorities any and all firearms they own or possess. Firearm owners complying will be compensated for the price that they paid for the firearm(s). Refusal to comply will result in fines and imprisonment.
Phase Three: The National Guard, branches of the US military forces, Federal policing agents including the FBI, will conduct house-to-house inspections nationally for the purpose of confiscation of firearms. Non-compliance will result in imprisonment of head of household.
Phase Four: local police will be required to “Stop & Frisk” suspected gun carriers at any time or place. Citizens will also be rewarded with cash bonuses for alerting police or Federal authorities to anyone who they suspect possessing a firearm.
Hunters and firearm sport enthusiasts will be able to rent approved firearms from the federal government for limited use. Firearm renters shall have proper gun user insurance.
Traditional firearm-based hunters who choose not to rent firearms will be provided with federal training in bow & arrow, knife and persistence hunting (stalking and chasing game on foot until animal is caught).
Black market distribution of firearms will be controlled by Revenueurs a special elite strike force of Federal and civilian under- cover swat specialists. Funding for national firearm prohibition will be diverted from state, local and Federal drug enforcement since passage of the “Freedom to Purchase & Use Any Drug Act” Americans will be able to purchase and use any drug legally.
This should be considered only the first steps in freeing our country of the curse of firearms. Once these actions are enacted then America should really get serious about banning guns.
Reanimated
Things I didn’t write about since late October: Praajek has been on “special” assignment, recovering from major robotic multiple insertion-point abdominal invasions. Five street cred-enhancing slugs to the stomach. The seven hour long surgery took so long because the robot was operated by a 15 year-old Hindu boy in Mumbai who was also doing tech calls for Dell Computer.
Obama re-elected. Oh, yeah, I predicted that didn’t I? Ah. Not. Actually. I was convinced, like Karl Rove, Dick Morris and Fox News that Romney would win. Despite Nate Silver’s daily tracking data crunches, Obama just seemed ripe for a Jimmy Carter-style wipe-out. My mis-praajekshun could have been the result of my tendency toward “catastrophizing” or always expecting that the worst thing will happen; “making a mountain out of a molehill,” a tendency toward expecting a catastrophic nuclear meltdown from forgetting your car keys. Anyway, I took great solace in the non-realization of my worst fear of a Romney presidency.
Can “good” ever come from catastrophes? No. But change can happen, change that can help prevent or mitigate the damage and impact of future disasters.
SuperStormSandy: NJ Gov.Chris Christy’s embrace of Obama incensed Repooblicans and certainly didn’t hurt The President’s re-election chances. SSS also led to further erosion of John Boehner’s reputation as he later delayed Republican approval of disaster funds for stricken SSS victims. More importantly, maybe the Climate Change “Truther Deniers” will re-evaluate their denial.
Newtown child mass murder gun shooting rampage. No. No one can say any “good” resulted from the gun-shooting mass murder of 20 children. Maybe now we’ll get laws against unbridled, uncontrolled gun ownership.
Mayan apocalypse collapyse. The world really did end. We just haven’t realized it yet. Proof? Just look at Apple’s stock plunge.
But the event that really rocked and shocked the earth to it’s molten core was @Pontifex, Pope Benedict’s new Twitter account. Are you following this guy? Ten days ago he tweeted: “May we defend the right of conscientious objection of individuals and institutions promoting freedom and respect for all.” Wow, sounds like he is ready to embrace same-sex marriage and equal rights for women.” Go @Pontifex!
Praajekshuns for 2013:
Nicki Minaj will reveal “she’s” really Dennis Rodman.
Lance Armstrong will admit that yes he did inject… his bike tires…with steroids.
Obama will issue a long-over-due executive order banning the use of YOLO.
The Republican Party will reanimate itself by replacing its elephant symbol with a Mexican Burro.
The Chicago Tribune fire one of its copy editors who accidentally printed the name of the Russian punk girl band Pussy Riot.
Rev. Al Sharpton will be “axed” by MSNBC.
President Mitt Romney
Four years ago people who voted in the United States elected to elect the first non-white President. Four years later voters will elect to not re-elect that first non-White President and elect, for the 56th time, a white man. Despite President Obama’s last two strong debate performances it was his dismal showing in the first debate that opened the door for Mitt to rush in. That door was already a fragile door kept closed by a reverse vacuum of Mitt mistakes sucking it shut rather than strong Obama weight against it. That weak-kneed first debate response showed an Obama in killer-rabbit mode, fearful to engage choosing flight instead of fight. And now with Mitt’s election and Obama’s defeat, we prepare for a new America, one ruled by a right-wing Teabagger ethic that endorses the insane concept of voting against one’s economic self-interest, that raises Christian religious myths above science, that believes access to affordable health card is not a right, that your social security should be trusted to Wall Street rather than the government, but that the government, not women themselves, should make decisions regarding their bodies and health.
This Age of Mitt ushers in a new America with a Supreme Court guaranteed to outlaw abortion, defend corporate over individual rights, promote the ownership and use of more handguns, assault rifles and stockpiling of ammo. Corporations will be people with additional powers to buy elections & threaten their workers to vote for Mitt-like candidates or else face lay-offs. The wealthiest one percent will reap bountiful bags of tax reductions while the middle class will continue to shrink slouching powerless toward a lower standard of living, fewer opportunities and burdened with increased taxes.
Obama sat on the sidelines for the first year of his presidency, failed to even try to sell the benefits and positive results of The Stimulus, the auto bailout and his affordable health care act. He let Mitch McConnell and John Boehner disrespect him and the Office and laid down the AstroTurf around his own political grave.
And now we face a new America…a corporate-theocracy serving the twin interests of big business and big religion. Which is a perfect fit reflecting Mitt Romney’s and his Morman Church’s ethic that merges religion and business/finance.
Welcome to the New America. Where the business of America is business and god, where business is a religion and religion our business.
Debatables
Will Romy wear a pink tie thinking he is pandering to women?
Instead of a handshake at start of debate O must give Romney a noogie & a wedgie.
O must not repeat that Romney’s pen_ _ (sion) is bigger than his.
In discussing Russian President Putin, O should force Romney to say the words “Pussy Riot.”
O must challenge Mitt to admit
he doesn’t know how many holes-in-one N.Korean leader Kim Jong Un achieved 1st time he golfed. (answer: 18)
Body language: Instead of pointing his finger this time Obama will just give Rommy The Finger.
O should remind us how embarrassing it could be 4 Mittens to visit London & France wearing Magic Morman Underpants.
US Bishops r threatening Catholics with eternal damnation if they vote 4 O. Would O support a first strike against the Vatican?
Zingers… and The Next Debate
Zingers… and The Next Debate
President Obama’s cringe-worthy, zingerless debate with Mitt the Re-Born Moderate can serve to give him and his advisors the courage to plot a new Zinger-filled strategy for his next encounter with RoboRom. I kept shouting at friends while watching Obama’s dismal limp performance that he was only playing, a la Ali, a Ropa-Dope strategy.. letting RoboRom wear himself out with his weary punches only to push off in the last rounds in a flurry of crisp and unrelenting flicks, jabs, lefts, rights, body blows and a coup de gras to Romney’s circuit board lit crainium. But no Ropa-dope. Just bent over defeated eyes cast down in a ” just let me go home and sleep..yo Michelle, let’s doit again-in-morn” body language.
An acquaintance in Kansas City, MO, Wayne Bowser, held a debate-night gathering anticipating a zinger cream-filled evening requiring his guests to eat a Hostess Zinger (which he served in abundant amounts) each time O or R served up a debate zinger. Needless (yet required) to say, Bowser will be doling out left-over twin Zingers to his two twin teenage sons for breakfast, lunch & dinner until at least November 6th.
Maybe if Obama had partaken in a cream-filled Zinger or two before the debate instead of early-celebrating his wedding anniversary…jeez, even cauliflowered-eared brain-addled boxers know not to have sex the night before, let alone right before you climb into the ring…he might have been sugar-energized enough to un-clog his sex-weakened brain. Sex makes the legs weak. Brain too. Obama drowning in post-coital endorphins.. every other word an “uh”… Surprised he didn’t whisper to Romney “I love u too baby….” Holy Sheet. Worst. Debate. Performance. Ever. (Sorry for use of: most. trite. construction. ever.)
So, next debate. Let the zingers fly. Here are ten zinger suggestions for Obama.. an Obama who will be sex-starved, edgy, angry ( yeah First Dude.. channel your inner Samuel L. Jackson), cold-blooded and thirsty and hungry to kill anything standing behind a podium or within ten feet of Your Personal Presidential Space.
Zinger # 1: Well, there you go a Bain!
Zinger # 2: I knew Snooki…and Sir, you are no Snooki !
Zinger # 2: Don’t go get’n your Magic Morman underpants all in a knot.
Zinger #3: Govna… I knew Honey Boo Boo… And Sir, you are no Honey Boo Boo !
Zinger # 4: Govanur, You need to put on your Big Boy Magic Morman Underpants.
Zinger # 5: Yeah, you and the Dressage horse you rode in on.
Zinger # 6: You and your One Per%ers deserve a tax reduction like Todd Akin deserves an Award from the National Organization of Women.
Zinger # 7: You have flip-flopped so often that Sea World stock just tripled. And so has the world beach sandal industry.
Zinger # 8: Your hair has been dyed so much that it could serve on a death panel.
Zinger # 9: And yo Mama.. jeans.
Zinger # 10: You been more brainwashed by the Tea Party than your daddy was brainwashed by Vietnam.
Romney’s Secret Weapon
Romney Unleashes Secret Weapon to Win White House
Republican nominee for President Mitt Romney today revealed a devastating new tactic which many predict will propel him to the Oval Office and his Party to the capture of both houses of the legislative branch. The new campaign strategy, unleashed at recent public supporter-only rallies, shows that Romney has finally decided to get serious about winning the Presidency. Leaders of his party as well as opposition Democrats seem both shocked and surprised that Romney would employ what many would consider tantamount to a “nuclear” option to take command of the upcoming election. “Never before has a candidate shouted so loudly at a political rally,” said one taken-aback advisor. “This guy can really shout.” By shouting at extreme decibel levels, Romney’s new secret weapon – shouting loudly – is expected to revive his moribund campaign, excite his base, bring home the undecided, turn-on his wife and make his four or five sons really, really proud of him. Oh, and make him President, too.
Exclusive – Topless Queen Elizabeth.
This blog has recently come into possession of exclusive photos taken of a topless Queen Elizabeth vacationing in a remote beach spot on the Isle of Wight. The exclusive photos of the Queen’s Royal boobs and Royal Bottom are posted here: the revealing uncovered upper and lower parts have been digitally blurred for the protection of young (& old) eyes. The Topless Queen photos become public just as the Royal Family and the World are recovering from the shocking topless photos of Princess Kate. “This is just too much to “bare” a close friend of the Royal Family reportedly said. 
GOP Says Don’t Buy iPhone5
Don’t Buy New iPhone5 – GOP Memo Warns
A secret “eyes-only” memo from the Republican National Committee warns party faithful of the threat that the new Apple iPhone5 presents to their Party capturing the White House in November. “…it is imperative that we (party leaders) discourage the purchase nationwide… of the eyePhone Five (sic) ..” the memo goes on to explain that increased sales of the new smart phone could help “bolster the economy, help create and sustain jobs, ..exactly when we need to tamp-down voter and consumer confidence in a re-covering economy.” The top-secret memo reflects recent predictions from sources such as a JP Morgan economist (referenced recently in a Sept. 16 New York Times article) who said that the new iPhone “could add one-quarter to one-half a percentage point to 4th quarter annualized growth in the gross domestic product.”
The memo, possibly written by something, a computer program, or someone named a “Reince Priebus” ( which could be a code name .. Anagram is:
I spurn ice beer?) goes on to discourage Republicans from purchasing the “eyephone” (sic) until after the November election…it is crucial to our success in November that the public perceives the economy to be wallowing and stagnating in a morass of Democrat/ Liberal/Socialist apologetic apathy… sales of this new-fangled Apple ei-phone must be stopped.”
What’s Missing Here?
Barack Obama wants keep his job as President of the U. S. He made this clear last night with a speech that was both visionary, human, humble, aspirational but not especially inspiring. Last week the former Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney accepted his party’s nomination as if he were accepting a multi-million dollar bonus from his board of directors. In comparison to The President’s speech Massachusetts Governor Mitt’s speech was perfunctory, straight, bloodless and boring. “I accept… thank you…elect me, cut my taxes even more, god bless America.”
Obama laid out his accomplishments, (although Bill Clinton did a better job of that a couple of night ago), told us why it’s a good idea to re-elect him, shared some specific plans, tried to set some national goals (train 2 million future workers) talked about our current wars (because Massachusetts Mitt failed to even mention war), repeated his multi-source renewable and non-renewable energy plans even giving a shout-out to “clean coal,” (you listening West-By-Gawd-Virginia?), and mentioned, yes, The Almighty…God! The total package of words and ideas were delivered with strong oratorical passion and sincerity.
But still, something was missing. Maybe it was a clear laid-out challenge to create a national jobs program, similar to FDR’s Civilian Conservation Corps (CCD); maybe it was the lack of a bold government jobs stimulus plan that would shock the Republicans, lay down the gauntlet and say to the American people that these are tough times that require tough measures. America’s infrastructure needs to be repaired: bridges, roads, electrical grid, the nation’s internet backbone needs to be brought up to the speed that most countries already enjoy. America’s education system needs repair, student loan obligations need to be reduced. Big government money to put America back on its feet. The ultimate challenge to the Republican plan to make the rich richer so they can gorge on more cake and spill crumbs for the rest of us.
With today’s anemic jobs report Obama should have laid it all on the table..a now or never challenge, bold, risky yet full of the hope and change he once promised.
www.praajek.com
Call Them Out
Call Them Out
Brave words, words that we needed to hear have been spoken during the first 2 nights of the Democratic National Convention. I’ve heard endorsements of equal pay for equal work and praise for the end of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” in the military. I have been gratified by speeches from supporters of a woman’s right to choose how she will handle her pregnancy, and of a gay person’s right to choose whom they will marry. President Clinton tonight spoke the hard truths that a Romney-Ryan reign will bring us.
But who will be courageous enough to speak out against Republicans’ veiled racist attacks against President Obama?
Am I the only one who heard Republicans’ subtle emphasis–throughout their convention–on the first word of our country’s residence for the President? “The WHITE House,” speaker after speaker repeatedly said, as if from scripts signaling to all bigots that they share their prejudice and intolerance. The WHITE House.
It’s time to call them out, to call out that yes, we hear what you are saying and yes we know exactly what you mean.
When Clint Eastwood said so viciously at his surprise convention appearance last week “Look here: We own this country” how many of us cringed as we saw thousands of white people leap to their feet and roar with furious delight? One does not have to have ears tuned for racial insensitivities to understand the sickening subtext of a near hysterical non-diverse mono-cultural mass of people shouting in repeating unison “We (White People) own this country.”
That’s not exactly what they said. But that’s what they meant.
Republican Platform: They Built It.
What’s more bizarre than Angel Dudeini’s Republican Revelations? How about a dose of Republican Reality? Here are the highlights of Romney’s Republican Platform, voted on and approved by delegates this week. The Platform represents the Republicans’ guiding principles and vision for America.
1. Support for the public display of the Ten Commandments. (Comment: display at all Wall Street brokerage houses and major banks)
2. Grant Constitutional Rights to unborn fetuses. (Comment: just make sure they have a photo ID before they try to vote)
3. Uphold rights to purchase unlimited amounts of ammunition, ammo clips or assault rifle ammo magazines. (Comment: ensure gun & ammo shops have strong presence at all Republican Conventions.)
4. Encourage undocumented laborers to go home. (Comment: who says you can’t go home again.)
5. Outlaw same-sex marriage. (Comment: That’s so gay!)
6. Ensure that English is our national language. (Comment: Speak English very loudly so everyone can understand you.)
7. Require photo ID’s to vote. (Comment: Welcome home Jim Crow)
8. Repeal the estate tax. (Comment: Attention Walmart shoppers…now you don’t have to pay taxes on that multi-million $ estate you inherited)
9. Encourage development of coal-fired energy and reduce EPA regulations on limiting greenhouse gases. (Comment: don’t just move the mountaintop.. Remove it! )
10. Raise the age for Medicare eligibility. (Comment: Medicare will now only pay for hospice.)
11. Encourage more home schooling, single-sex classrooms and abstinence education instead of sex ed & family planning programs. (Comment: what’s a little ‘homemade sin’ among kin?)
That’s it. In all it’s goofy harshness. Even Angel Dudeini couldn’t make this stuff up.
Romney’s Heartbreak of Hemorrhoids
More Angel Dudeini revelations:
Mitt Romney to Share Heartbreak of Hemorrhoids with America.
M-Rom will share with the American public Thursday night his lifelong struggle to overcome hemorrhoids and toenail fungus. Romney will detail the personal agony he endures even to this day in his battle with incessant rectal burning and itching and the heartaches and turmoil his afflictions have wrecked upon his wife Ann and multiple sons. A leaked draft excerpt of his nominating acceptance speech highlights how M-Rom will connect his intimate personal tribulations with the daily struggles of the over-taxed and underworked American middle class. “America’s tax burdens and dependence on useless government expenditures such as air traffic control, highway maintenance, Social Security, Medicare, food safety, emergency disaster relief, farm subsidies… are as irritating as the fungus growing under my right big toenail,” Romney is expected to say. “You think Bill Clinton felt your pain? Well allow me to disabuse America of that… I feel real pain.. from my butt down to my big toe.”
Advisors expect M-Rom’s speech to help re-introduce him to the American people and convey
that even though Gov. Romney is a privileged multi-millionaire who has accumulated vast wealth by avoiding paying taxes and owns a fancy tax-exempt horse that prances & dances in the Olympics, he is also a man with common-man ailments of itching & burning.
www.praajek.com
Romney to Build Fallopian Pipeline
Every day (well, some days) thru the conclusion of the Republican Convention Praajek reveals top-secret Romney policy plans that were recently revealed in my sleep by an Angel named Dudeini. He deposited at the foot of my bed a Golden Tax Return upon which is etched an outline of how a Romney Administration plans to rule America.
Romney to Build the Fallopian Pipeline
Angel Dudeini told Praajek that a Romney Administration shall make rapeseed a legitimate agricultural crop in America. Currently, most of the rapeseed is grown in Canada and pressed into Canola Oil. By legitimatizing the production of rapeseed, America’s bio-fuel use will soar and lubricate our engines of production. To speed up America’s use of rapeseed oil Romney plans to build the Fallopian Pipeline to import Canadian rapeseed oil. To direct this major initiative Romney will create a new Cabinet Department of Ladies Health & Animal Husbandry to be overseen by former Congressman Todd Akin.
Cabinet Secretary Akin will bring his considerable knowledge of women’s biology and health issues along with his expertise in management of domestic lady and agricultural affairs to solve our nation’s energy, agricultural and lady problems. Romney says that after rapeseed is firmly implanted in American soil we will no longer be dependent on Canada for our Canola oil and will rename it Amerola Oil. The Fallopian Pipeline will then be re-purposed to “allow passage of eggs from American chicken farmers’ hen houses to homes across the US,” he said.
Angel Reveals to Praajek
Angel Reveals to Praajek Romney’s Secret Plans For America.
Every day (well, most days) thru the conclusion of the Republican Convention Praajek will reveal secret policies and plans that a Romney Administration will pursue if elected. These top-secret policy plans were revealed to me in my sleep last night by an Angel named Dudeini. He deposited at the foot of my bed a Golden Tax Return upon which is etched an outline of how a Romney Administration plans to rule America. Here-forth is a synopsis of the etchings, starting with “Order Primary Firstus.” I shall reveal other Orders in subsequent posts.
Energy Erectus Primary Order
1. End all government subsidies for alternative renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, pedal but not nuclear. Romney is to advance legislation that calls for local small business neighborhood fracking permits. U.S. oil & gas conglomerates such as Exxon, ConocoPhillips, Marathon and Chevron are to be granted Federal imminent domain permits to explore fracking for natural gas in low-income neighborhoods in America’s largest blue-state cities. Under Romney’s secret energy plan Exxon, for example, will be encouraged through special Federal FIMBY – Frack In My Back Yard – subsidies to develop under-used blighted, low-income neighborhoods as fracking sites.
The FIMBY Project as explained in a special Romney Golden Energy Whitepaper will clear out former “Citizens of Welfare (COWs) residents who contribute only negative productivity to the American economy. These COWs, the whitepaper details, shall be re-located to Nevada as volunteers loading nuclear waste in a proposed “Harry Reid Memorial Nuclear IRS Tax Returns National Depository.” Romney shall institute a new national “Drill Sideways Baby Drill” energy policy to be spearheaded by former Republican VP candidate and half-governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin who will oversee a new non-federal non-department of energy called the Private Individual Select Sector of Energy Resources (PISSER).
More Angel Dudeini Revelations tomorrow..
What? Me Sorry?
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| Alfred E. Ryan |
Mitt & Paul. M-Rom and P-Ry. The Hardy Boys grown up. 1950’s central casting All-American Dad & Son, a Norman Rockwell Father’s Day rendering would have used these two as models. Boomer & Gen-X warriors in the Republican War On Women hook up to hunt small varmints and noodle catfish. Early in their careers, Ryan drove a hotdog car, Oscar Mayer’s Wienermobile while M-Rom drove with a hot dog on his car roof. Now Mitt in his Mom Jeans and P-Ry muscled-up with his P90X workout regimen are suddenly surprised by the public reaction to Ryan’s Congressional co-sponsor buddy Todd “Forcible Rape”Akin who recently held forth on the mysteries of how women can flip a pregnancy prevention switch if they have been “legitimately” raped.
P-Ry last year co-sponsored with Akin a “no Medicaid funding for forcible rape” bill. Ryan also co-sponsored a “personhood” bill which defined life as beginning with dirty thoughts of sex. Now Romney is shocked that Akin said what his running mate Ryan himself supports. As Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Neuman would have said, “Most people don’t act stupid: it’s the real thing!”
Higgs Boson Ready for its Close-up
Colliding News… This just in.. Actually already in, tomorrow.. First close up of the Higgs Bosum.
Scientists at a secret government underground Collider Lab announced today, (tomorrow in String Theory Time) the first photo of the recently-announced Higgs Bosun also referred to by atheistic scientists and the uninformed lame street media as the “God Particle.”
The photo of the Higgs, taken with a high-intensity “Super Duper” camera, captured the particle as it rested momentarily during its historic high-speed race around the 17mile underground collider track. The photo shows a smiling Boson wearing what appears to be a t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan “i B Who B.” Curators at the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky said they welcome the photo depiction of the “God Particle” and are working on a new animatronic diorama of boy Jesus riding a Higgs Bison atop a dinosaur.
Deadly Deja vu.. all over again.
A crazy person buys assault rifles and handguns. Goes to a public place and shoots everyone he can. Nation registers shock. NRA goes silent. Requisite front page photos of victims' families crying, hugging each other. Killer is identified and given a middle name. (all killers must have their middle name named). Drawings of the killing scene choreographed and detailed .. Killer enters here; victim # one shot here.. Killer exits here… Arrested or kills himself at this spot. President calls for day of prayer. Killers life story captured by friends & acquaintances. Police bolster security in public places similar to crime scene. Some public officials call for stronger (any?) gun controls. NRA says guns don't kill people or something stupid like that. Flowers & teddy bears line site of killings. Victims buried. Apprehended killing suspect jailed awaiting trial. Later found guilty. Sentenced to life in prison or executed. Life goes on in the American world of easy guns. Next crazy person buys assault rifle, handguns, etc. Killing starts over. NRA hauls in more money to ensure the killing continues.
—not The End—
Lawrence Rudmann
The Hard Working One Percent
Friday, July 13….According to New York Times columnist David Brooks today's “elites achieve and preserve their status not mainly by being corrupt but mainly by being ambitious and disciplined. They raise their kids in organized families. They spend enormous amounts of money and time on enrichment. They work much longer hours than people down the income scale driving their kids to piano lessons and then taking part in conference calls from the waiting room.”
This pretty well sums up the mind- set of the one-percenters. These poor “down the income scale” slobs don't work hard enough, don't drive their un-organized (code for single-parent families) kids to piano lessons and damn-it they need to do a lot more conferencing on their iPhones and Blackberries. No wonder they are “down-scale.” This is Romney's America. NY Times' Paul Krugman writes in today's Times that Brooks' “down-scales” will be “hurt not helped, if we end up with a government of the 0.01 percent, by the 0.01 percent, and for the 0.01 percent.”
Lawrence Rudmann
Super Connected Mom
Come on Moms, Mom up!!
Mitt & "Mom"…?
Speculation about Mitt Romney’s choice of a Vice President running-mate is nearing critical mass. Will he choose Florida’s gusano boy-wonder and faux-Cuban refugee Senator Marco Rubio, (Mitt and Marco.. conservative Cheech & Chong dopplegangers?); another Floridian Jeb “It’s My Turn” Bush? Gotta win Florida, right? Ohio is a must-win, too, so there’s lots of talk about Ohio’s Junior Senator Rob “The Cincinnati Kid” Portman. But with polls showing a major gender gap and the Republican Party’s War on Women (WOW), Mitt might just need to pick a women to punch his ticket to the White House. Michelle “Krazy Eyes” Bachmann? Naw, her eyes are too crazy. Sarah Palin already cashed-in her “game-change” card and with her aging-porn star looks might detract from 65-year old Mitt’s anti-aging “Just For Men” Morman-formula look. With his “severely conservative” creds always in question, Mitt needs to hook up with a real “severe” female conservative; one who will smooth the wavy flaggings of the Teabaggers; one who will soothe the sorrows of the sanctimonious Sanitorium supporters. A Vice President candidate who is a reflection of today’s multi-cultural, multi-tasking women and mothers. I present to Mitt his very own real “Game Changer” running mate: Virginia Foxx.
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| Virgee Foxx, Future Veep |
I wrote about Congresswoman Foxx last year in this blog as the new Sarah Palin. “Want a Mama Grizzzly? then how about a Madam Foxy? North Carolina Congresswoman Virginia Foxx (R-5th) ….is a foxy attractive fresh faced yet experienced narrow-focused, traditional extremist with Bible-thumpin old fashioned, anti-choice,anti-govmit, anti-socialist, anti-gay, anti-feminist credentials and values. A cultural warrior who can re-ignite the cultural wars of the 1960’s and keep’em smoking and festering. According the the Almanac of American Politics, Foxx, while in the State Legislature “… sponsored a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and a bill to deny Social Security benefits to illegal aliens. She actively supported gun rights and home schooling, and she opposed abortion rights. In the House she was one of 11 members voting against passage of the $52 billion relief package following Hurricane Katrina yet taking credit for $500,000 for a teapot museum in Sparta, NC.” A teapot museum. If that doesn’t establish her Teabagger cred then what? Foxx seems to have it all to step into Palin’s pumps. Audacious willingness to support and promote extreme positions, obvious charisma, babe starlet looks and over-the-top sex appeal. Picture Virgee Foxx in a pair of nine inch Manolos, short sharpened pencil skirt, just a touch of killer cleavage. A Teabaggers wet dream, a political cougar on the prowl for that ultimate one night stand, a chance to rule the night, guide the nation, bring us back to the 18th Century when men were men and women were glad of it. Yes, Virginia, there might be a Santa Claus for you. God didn’t open the door for Sarah to walk thru. Maybe He’s getting ready to be the Gentleman and open your door. Then you can strut through it, swing down the runway….” with Mitt on your arm. Mitt, she’s yours for the asking.
Favo New Gadgets
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| Pooper hoover |
Gotta love these two new gadgets from Hammacher-Schlemmer…a handy dog dung vacuum in smart gray and yellow designer colors. With this upright popper hoover you won’t ever have to suck it up and bend to hand-scoop again. Just suck it up. And as a companion device, Hamm-Schlem offers a handy food extruder…in stylish gray and white…turns your food into a soft-serve “silky-smooth” confection. Stuff in the food and out comes the extruded delight. Suck it up and enjoy. Five Yums for both gadgets.
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| Food Extruder |
Secure Yourself
Hate those web site security questions? You know, name of elementary school; dog’s name or breed; mother’s maiden name. Don’t seem secure enough enough for you? How about these:
Answer the following security questions: choose six of the following; enter your answer and click save:
Number of candles you blew-out on your first birthday:___________
Middle name of first person you had sex with:____________
Brand name of your Grandmother’s first refrigerator:_______
Race of first person to whom you either gave or received a blow job:____________
The highest temperature reached in the city where you were born on the day of your birth:_________
Number of people you have had sex with:_________________
If stranded as a character in a book, on what island would you choose to have access to?________
Favorite sexual position:_________________
Name of your high school janitor’s wife:__________
Favorite sex act:________________________
Name of politician you least sexually fantasize about:______________
Sex act you would only do with a stranger:_______________
Length of your favorite body part:__________
At what age did you smoke your first doobie?__________
Number of miles you got on your first set of tires:__________
Which Disney cartoon movie character do you most sexually fantasize about:__________
Favorite floor wax;___________
Political Cheesy Grits
Newt Gringrich’s poor showing in recent primaries is disproving the theory of Granular Convection…that an object with a larger surface area will rise to the top of a shifting mass…e.g. the reason that Brazil nuts in a can of mixed nuts are always are on the top.
Best pundit quip of the week: Washington Post writer Jonathan Capehart on Mitt Romney’s embarrassing solicitous Southern comments about cheesy grits, y’alls and fried food: “it’s like he’s on safari in his own country.”
Whoops..He Did It Again
Channeling has-been pop diva Britney Spears, Rick “Frothy Mix” Santorum, after winning the Mississippi and Alabama Republican primaries last night, told supporters that, sans “whoops,” “we did it again.” Rick licked Newt, Mitt (man on newt?) and Ron. Santorum, field general for the Republican’s WOW…War on Women, now only trails Mitt in nomination delegates by about half. Dems may be salivating over the prospect of a Santorum-led ticket, but should be leery. America elected Ronald Reagan, whom many, including myself, thought was the most ridiculous candidate ever. Until he won. And became the most ridiculous President ever.
Praajek 2.12
He.s back. Praajek. v2.12. After a three-month sabbatical from his award-winning blog, “Praajek,” Praajek resumes today. “My hiatus took me to some mountaintop somewhere for a consultation with Guru Dashfokashi who imparted to me his latest inculcations, visions, dire heedings and warnings as well as herbal delights and remedies. Today I return to almost exactly the spot where I launched my short 90 day sojourn back in late December 2011. Actually, I’m a bit off-register by several pico-degrees, but essentially I’ve landed back here intact; not tanned, but proverbially rested and ready.
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| Guru Dashfokashi |
I’ve already steeled myself to venture into the severely conservative Republican Galaxy of God and Forced Vaginal Probes to the land of Rick “Sanitorium” Santorum with his frothy mix of political sexual smegma and on to the far-out Universe of Willard “Corporations-R-People” Romney and into the Republican No Country for Young Women and eventually to the forbidden barren Democratic deserts of demonic doom and its Lands of Our-Lordlessness. So here goes:
Just Published
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| Buy it Now! |
The Praajek Project, the first three years. Relive the glorious years of 2008 thru 2011 through the mind and eyes, ears, fingers and other body parts of Praajek. This just-published compilation of the “Best of Praajek” (that means all of Praajek) is now available as a paperback book to proudly grace your coffee table and provide endless hours of bedtime reading and entertainment for you, your loving ones, family and guests. This large format book is now available for the low-low price of $29.99. And now, for a limited time, you can order a signed-by-the-author and numbered The Praajek Project for just $30. That’s right! For just a penny extra, you can have a collector’s edition of The Praajek Project to display on your coffee table and to enjoy and cherish for a life-time. To order, just email praajek@gmail.com for instructions on where to send your personal check, money order or hard cash to order this highly-sought-after book. Don’t delay. Order The Praajek Project now. Praajek is sitting all alone to take your orders.
The Secret of Siri …A Praajek Exclusive
Just who is Siri? That wise machina with the voice of a disembodied siren in the new iPhone4s (“s” for Siri); she who speaks volumes in flat, compressed cadences and, depending on the question, with a discernible touch of irony, impatience and often a “yeah, right, ok I know your type, so here’s my answer,” tenor. Siri. Your personal assistant. She’s all yours. Or so you think.
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| Siri, the elusive one, behind her mask. |
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| Siri Sistaas..busy answering iPhone commands and questions from around the globe. |
After an in-depth exhaustive investigative investigation, Praajek has uncovered the Secret of Siri. That smooth reassuring responsive revealer, that foxy voxy is not what you think. She’s not just an artificial intelligent voice-recognition algorithm. Siri is real. I tracked her down after a world-wide search that took me to the far corners of a round globe. But there she was, busy directing a team of Sistaa Siris in the backroom of a Berwyn, IL after-market car stereo shop. She allowed me a few photos and an interview…which I’ll share with you in a future post. Their iphones were ringing steadily and the drone of their respondent voices sounded like monks chanting after a meager dinner. Siri allowed this photo, although she insisted on remaining unidentified behind her mask.
Life Begins With "Dirty Thoughts"
Anti-choicers Push for Definition of Life as Beginning with “Dirty Thoughts.”
National anti-choice leaders are attempting to place a measure on state ballots which would define life and “personhood” as beginning when a “man or woman (boy or girl) thinks about sex and /or is aroused by thoughts that could possibly result in eventual procreation.”
The ballot initiative would also bestow the status of “personhood” on acts of male masturbation “triggered or spawned” by female sexual fantasies (male Gay fantasies are exempted) which anti-choice leaders assert could result in “seeds of life.” If approved by voters in targeted states it would define life as beginning with heterosexual thoughts and/arousal and /or production of seed-carrying semen. (Similar Gay thoughts and resulting productions are exempted)
“If a citizen has a dirty thought about do'n-it, then a real person might just be created,” said one anti-choice advocate. “Male or female, dirty thoughts can lead to a fertilized egg, so we must protect that fertilized egg person by giving those nasty thoughts the status of a person, understand, y'all?”
Advocates for the ballot initiative declined to elaborate on how such a measure, if it became law, would be enforced.
The “Dirty-Thoughts”measure follows a Mississippi attempt to ban birth control by re-defining the term “person” to include “all human beings from the moment of fertilization, cloning or the functional equivalent thereof.” Opponents of the measure say it would also ban birth control and a woman taking a “morning-after” pill could possibly be charged with murder. Mississippians will vote on that initiative on Nov. 8.
The Next Sarah Palin
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| Virginia Foxx, R-5, NC |
Oh, Sarah, we broadly knew ye. Farewell ye Sarah. Your recent “refudiation” of Presidential aspirations leaves us yearning, burning for more of you. Your winks and blinks, your sexy syntax and colloquial u-betchas, squirmishes, lock and re-loads. Your fake One Woman Wild West Show, camera-staged moose shooting, turkey eviscerations, fish-in-a-barrel wolf hunt shootings from a helicopter, mythical caribou field-dressings. We’ll miss your fresh and inventive re-interpretations of history, your vision and far-sighted view of Russia from your front porch. But like an aging porn star, which you so closely resemble, in person and persona, your acts no longer titillate, they fail to hit our hot buttons and flog our fantasies. Your scenes no longer evoke how-does-she-do-it gasps of wonderment but instead seem like sad faded re-runs with weary predictable money-shots.
So where does Sarah’s retirement as our national political lap dancer leave us? Who will accept her dance pole, once so shiny and slick. Who will right-standing right-wingers and teabaggers shower with their un-requited ardor and adulation? Michelle Bachmann? Her wild-eyed visage, monotone ejaculations of bland and obvious teabagasms do little to elevate her above the horde of raving extremists eager to accept the furry mantle of a Mama or Girly Grizzly.
So who then? Instead of a Mama Grizzzly how about a Madam Foxy? The obvious choice? North Carolina Congresswoman Virginia Foxx (R-5th), a foxy attractive fresh faced yet experienced narrow-focused, traditional extremist with Bible-thumpin old fashioned, anti-choice,anti-govmit, anti-socialist, anti-gay, anti-feminist values. A cultural warrior who can re-ignite the cultural wars of the 1960’s and keep’em smoking and festering. According the the Almanac of American Politics, Foxx, while in the State Legislature “… sponsored a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and a bill to deny Social Security benefits to illegal aliens. She actively supported gun rights and home schooling, and she opposed abortion rights. In the House she was one of 11 members voting against passage of the $52 billion relief package following Hurricane Katrina yet taking credit for $500,000 for a teapot museum in Sparta, NC.” A teapot museum. If that doesn’t establish her Teabagger cred then what? Foxx seems to have it all to step into Palin’s pumps. Audacious willingness to support and promote extreme positions, obvious charisma, babe starlet looks and over-the-top sex appeal. Picture Virgie Foxx in a pair of nine inch Manolos, short sharpened pencil skirt, just a touch of killer cleavage. A Teabaggers wet dream, a political cougar on the prowl for that ultimate one night stand, a chance to rule the night, guide the nation, bring us back to the 18th Century when men were men and women were glad of it. Yes, Virginia, there might be a Santa Claus for you. God didn’t open the door for Sarah to walk thru. Maybe He’s getting ready to be the Gentleman and open your door. Then you can strut through it, swing down the runway and maybe tack on another x to your name. Triple X rated. The new Sarah Palin.
Steve Jobs
My first computer was not a Mac. A diehard wanna-be command-line early adopter I fiercely defended the user's right to control the interface, give direct commands, master Basic and dominate DOS. It was 1984 and the first Macintosh computer had just been released into the world. None of that dumbed-down DOS friendly non-macho girly interface for me. I was using a Leading Edge computer, cheap … $1,800. In 1984. That's probably $5,000 bucks or more today. My Korean Leading Edge had a big floppy disk drive, and a blank screen that stayed minimalistly blank with only a small blinking cursor quietly and patiently waiting for me to type a command to do something. Format disk. And other commands which I've happily forgotten.
One day I visited a friend who showed me his new Mac. Hmmm. Kind of cool. What's that? A mouse? Ok. The screen was neatly arranged with pictures — icons of commands. A folder for files. A printer. A sketch pad for drawing. A trash can. Let me try it.
That day changed my life. At least the tech side of my life, a side which would necessarily come to be more dominate as the years passed. I went home and sadly turned on my Leading Edge computer and it's slow blinking little cursor shyly prompting me to command it to do something by typing arcane characters and symbols in exacting sequence and spacing. Leading edge? I soon sold it and bought a Mac. And later another and another and newer, faster smaller beautiful machines that became virtual members of our family, siblings to our children.
Today our lives are enhanced by the vision that Steve Jobs accomplished. His death leaves us not fearing shadows of the past, the techno abyss of the blinking cursor, but to a future that only looks back to learn, a future that as Steve often said in different ways, rejoices more in the journey while continuously dreaming of a destination. Steve, you're still on your journey and we're still traveling with you.
Numbers Game
Why didn't Apple just call it the iPhone 5 instead of wimpy-sounding 4S. First big mistake by Apple in quite a while. The big mistake could have been avoided by the small solution of naming yesterday's-announced new iPhone the iPhone 5. That's what everyone wanted and expected. Then in six months or a year reveal the, you guessed it… iPhone6, or the iSix..or the SixSenz… a “phone” that would be a virtual sixth sense, anticipating and fulfilling your every need, non-need or whim. The new iPhone 4S almost meets that goal with SIRI (not Suri, Tom & Katie's seedling), a virtual personal assistant or butler you call for by simply commanding “her” to do whatever.. Sort of like, “James, tea please and then have the footman bring round the carriage.” But 4S? Sounds like a midrange model Chevy Malibu when the world wanted a Ferrari.
Obama’s Brave "Moment"
He’s the milquetoast kid bullied relentlessly at summer camp. When his parents arrive and he’s a safe distance away, he leans out the window, yells and shakes his fist at the bullies from the safe distance of mummy & daddy’s car speeding home. Take that… he says.. I’ll tax those millionaires, you wait and see… and you better not touch social security …and I’m cutting the military…and guess what, I’ve got a jobs plan!
Brave talk now that he knows that he’s going home…to his base. …he knows the bullies will never really let him have his way. But at least now he can thumb his nose, naay-naay, naay-naay naaay. Now he can look tough.. while campaigning in suburban backyards across the nation. Instead of the streets of America littered with the detritus of the once hopeful and now unemployed. Instead of really being tough during the past two years, he played the victim, the kid who always tried to “play nice.” The kid who each time he got his skinny butt kicked by the bullies, told his family that he really held his own, that, although he didn’t fend off any blows, didn’t land any either, he felt pretty good about doing the right thing, seeing things from their perspective, reaching out to them, meeting them more than half-way… their way, why, he even offered to lower his pants before the bullies actually de-pantsed him in front of the whole school. But now, with the bullies at a safe distance, having already issued their ultimatums, threats, demands, and with summer camp now ending, he can speak out, chest out, impress with his new-found toughness. His just-discovered resolve. His inner-boehner. Those bullies won’t bother me any more. This is my moment, he says.
I hope this really is President Obama’s often-referred to “moment.” It’s not a moment too soon. Yes, the Republican bullies are backing off a bit. but they’re still lingering around the corner, leaning menacingly against the hallway walls ready to stick out a random foot, a blindside push, snickering to their teabagging fans that you are not legit, that defeating you is worth every job lost and every American not hired. That it’s worth it if defeating you means defeating America. So welcome to the land of the brave, Mr. President. Gird yourself for battle, brace your middle for the blows, raise your fists, head and your voice today above the shouts for yesterday. For over two years you’ve accepted and invited the abuse, the beatings, the insults too meekly, all too kindly. Now step away from the lectern, the lesson plans, the telepromter, come to the middle of the ring and fight. It’s the last round, the bell has rung, you’ve taken a beating and you need a knock-out.
Chicago Tribune Banishes Doonesbury
Looks like the conservative ghost of Old “Colonel” McCormick ( or maybe Fox President Roger Ailes) visited the editorial room of the Chicago Tribune last night. Seeking my daily nourishment of Doonesbury this morning, the only comic with any intelligent redeeming value, I was shocked to find the following statement buried between the banal panels of “comics” where Doonesbury usually stands out: “This week’s “Doonesbury” does not meet our standards of fairness. Please enjoy this substitute strip.”
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| Click to enlarge |
The recent Doonesbury storyline has Fox News “ace reporter” Roland Hedley tweeting excerpts from a yet-unpublished book about Sarah Palin, “The Rogue” written by Joe McGinness..(publication date, September 19.) The strip pokes fun at Palin’s reputation as a politician who doesn’t read a lot. The Trib apparently thinks this doesn’t meet the Fox News standard of “fair and balanced.” Funny that the Trib doesn’t think it’s fair to tease a public figure about not reading while denying me a product that I’ve paid to read. Think I’ll cancel my Trib subscription for a week. Here’s the link to the forbidden Doonesbury strip: http://www.doonesbury.com/
Obama’s Job Plan Leaked
Praajek has just received a draft of several pages of President Obama’s highly anticipated plan to stimulate the creation of new jobs. These pages, received thru a secret source, are possibly original, with several pages appearing water-marked and tobacco stained by Speaker Boehner’s tears of joy and cigarette tanned fingers.
Step One: Free the Job Creators. By eliminating all taxes for Americans making at least $250,000 annually, these wealthy Americans will take that much-needed added wealth and trickle it down to the unemployed masses. New jobs will be created in industries such as yacht-building, vacation home maintenance and cleaning, luxury auto detailing and corporate jet maintenance.
Step Two: Keep Wealthy Families Strong Act. By eliminating all inheritance taxes, wealthy families will be insured that their legacy of job creation will be continued by their heirs, just chomping at the bit to get started in the job-creation business.
Step Three: The Un-Cuff Big Business Act. By reducing the Corporate tax rate to one percent, these mighty engines of productivity, led by their now-shackled sacrificing Titan CEOs, will finally have the resources to merge with each other, eliminate job-related waste and employee inefficiencies, create less expensive products for the American consumer by moving operations off-shore and advantaging foreign worker wage and benefit efficiencies.
Step Four: The Homeland Manifest Environmental Destiny Act. By enacting this land-marking bill, onerous environmental laws and regulations which hinder job creation will be obliterated from our now strangled Homeland. Mountain-top national park top soil removal projects will uncover rich deposits of clean coal in land now burdened and “protected” by Federal land nannies; back-yard mom and pop Fracking operations will tap deep bubbles of natural gas across our Homeland; a new On-Shore Oil Drilling initiative will unleash lush deposits of “black gold” from America’s shore lines and beaches now being used for the unproductive purpose of recreation.
Step Five: Let Kids Be Kids Laws. By eliminating all anti-bullying laws we will ensure a renewable supply of American Corporate and Republican leaders. In his speech to Congress, scheduled whenever Speaker Boehner allows, the President is scripted to tell the American people that “….today’s little bullies are our leaders of tomorrow.”
Step Six: Operation Clean Your Own Mess Kit will eliminate FEMA. Removing federal interference in local disasters will spur public self-reliance and stimulate local boot-strap disaster clean up jobs.
Check back here at Praajek.com for additional details of the President’s plans to “Rehire America.”
Blame it on the Boss Obama
In America's sweeter times… like the early 60's the nation danced and blamed it on the bossa nova. “The Dance of Love.”
Today we shuffle, not dance, and we blame it on the Boss Obama. In a Haze of Malaise.
Do we detect a faint scent of Jimmy Carter wafting from the White House? Carter's failed Presidency was a direct result of external circumstances… the Arab oil embargo and the Iranian hostage situation. Killer rabbits and malaise aside, Carter at least told the American people the truth, keeping his campaign pledge to not lie. He said we were addicted to oil, needed to become more independent, learn to conserve and that he lusted in his heart. It was a message that people didn't want to hear.
If only Obama had a little lust in his cool droning heart. Or signs of real warm blood coursing thru his complacent veins. Is there not any outrage that stirs his soul? Avoid conflict, at any cost, seems to be his mantra.
Obama won't tell us anything, won't stand up and fight forces challenging America's prosperity. He's all saddle & no horse as some say. Or all paddle and no canoe. Or all rattle and no battle. Or all faddle and no fittle. Ok, enuf.
So, let's all sing that old Eydie Gorme hit from 1963:
I was at a dance
When he caught my eye
Standin' all alone
Lookin' sad and shy
We began to vote
Electing him with hope
But now I know
I'll have to let him go.
(Chorus)
Blame it on the Boss Obama
With his need to please
Blame it on the Boss Obama
He's always on his knees.
Oh it all began with reaching across the aisle in fear
And his leading
Always from the rear
Blame it on the Boss Obama
The dance of tears.
This says it all.. About Obama
This says it all.. About Obama.
Must read: From today’s New York Times.. What Happened to Obama?
This says it all.
There was a story the American people were waiting to hear — and needed to hear — but he didn’t tell it. http://nyti.ms/oYlDJx
The Republican Rapture
The Republican Rapture, like the end-of-world Raptures regularly predicted by religious goofs, may have failed to rapture us this time, but as a result of the agreement Obama signed today we might still be on schedule for an American meetup with an economic Dooms Day. Pushed by right-wing Teabagging Republican zealots, the hope of the Republican Rapture was similar to the May 21 (now Oct. 21) Judgement Day that Christian Family radio old guy, Harold Camping, said would separate the Saved from the Left Behind. The August 2, 2011 Republican Rapture would, like the Jesus Rapture, save the Wealthy and Leave Behind the middle and lower income class of Americans. The Debt Ceiling “debate” was formulated and positioned to wreck havoc on the American economy affecting all but the Wealthy, like Number Two Congressional Leader and lead Debt Ceiling negotiator Eric Cantor, who according to Salon (and reported in the Wall Street Journal) “holds between $1,000 and $15,000 invested in ProShares Trust Ultrashort 20+ Year Treasury EFT. The fund aggressively “shorts” long-term U.S. Treasury bonds, meaning that it performs well when U.S. debt is undesirable. (A short is when the trader hopes to profit from the decline in the value of an asset.)” The crazy religious Rapture asserts that most won’t be saved because they don’t accept Jesus as their savior. With a Republican Rapture, most of America won’t be saved unless it accepts John Boehner (or Mitch McConnell, or Eric Cantor, or any of the Teabagging representatives) as its savior.
Although President Obama did not, as I described in previous posts below, offer his daughters Malia and Sasha up to the Republican debt “negotiators,” nor did he actually switch parties and become a Republican, denounce Oprah, arrest Rev. Al Sharpton and offer to rescind the 13th Amendment, Mr. Obama, in his temperamentally timid and accommodating manner, gave the farm away instead of even offering to sell it. It’s been said in dozens of ways that the key to failure is trying to please everyone. Mr. Obama may indeed go down as one of history’s worst negotiators, not only showing his hand as soon as the cards are dealt, but making his best bid before anyone has made a move. He did it on the extension of the Bush tax cuts, health care’s public option and now the debt ceiling extension. One wonders who talked him out of texting Bin Laden and giving him a heads-up that we were coming for him…only the “balanced” thing to do, right? Was it Hillary who stopped Obama’s Osama booty call that night?
Hillary. Oh, Hillary. Did we dismiss you without cause in 2007? Why do I see you at the table with the Republican Rapturers negotiating the Debt Limit? Why do I see John Boehner’s spray-on nicotine tan sweat-drip down his jowly cheeks while avoiding your Hillary Stare; licking your lips in an evil cojones-ripping squint at Eric Cantor, and with a toss of your latest hair-do whiplash to tears the blowfish-faced Mitch McConnell. I hear you Hillary. Spending cuts. Yeah, sure…but real tax increases (not bullshit revenue enhancements) on you Bigbuck Mofas and your Bigbuck Mofa lobbyists, corporate jetsetters, bankers, wall street hedgefunders and oil barons. Take it or leave it. I’ll sign the damn debt limit extension using the 14th Amendment or maybe just Presidential prerogative to save the Republic. Oh, Hillary. You must be almost sighing, bemused now at how your conqueror now rules and leads. He leads from behind. And thus leaves us behind wallowing in the entrails of the Republican Rapture.
Obama Switches Parties; denounces Oprah;
In last-minute efforts to avoid a national economic default of epic proportions, and ensure reduced taxes for the nation's wealthy job creators, President Obama today announced that he would switch parties and become a Republican embracing in totality the Republican conservative agenda for America. To sweeten the deal, the President also said he would denounce TV mogul Oprah Winfrey, arrest Rev. Al Sharpton and consider repeal of the 13th Amendment which abolished slavery. Mr. Obama also promised to consult with the dermatologist and plastic surgeon of the late King of Pop Michael Jackson to begin a regimen of skin lightening and facial reconstruction to create a visage resembling Vivien Leigh/Scarlett O'Hara.
After last week's offer of his two daughters, Malia and Sasha was rejected by Speaker John Boehner and Republican Senate leader Mitch McConnell, Mr. Obama's new outreach to the Republicans is hoped to at least stir some interest of the Tea Bagger Party in resolving the impasse.
“At least now he's heading in the right direction,” said Speaker Boehner. “As soon as he fires Biden and replaces him with Michele Bachmann, I think we might be able to move toward a solution,” he said. “Also, abolishing that 13th Amendment thing is an absolute necessity,” he said.
After the President's offer to eliminate Leftist deficit-digging programs like Meals-On-Wheels, School Lunch and Head Start and raising Medicare and Social Security eligibility to age 89 was deemed “too timid and not enough” by House Republicans, the Administration now seems willing to publicly announce that the President now thinks that Oprah sucks.
“If this doesn't close the deal, then nothing will,” an unnamed White House aide said.
Obama Offers Up Malia & Sasha to Placat
In his second press conference in as many weeks President Obama today raised the stakes in the high risk debt ceiling-budget deficit negotiations with Republican leaders.
“Not only do I propose to raise the age for Social Security and Medicare eligibility to 85, eliminate Medicaid, Head Start, and the Depts. of Education, Energy and Environmental Protection Agency, today I also offer my two beloved daughters, Malia and Sasha,” the President announced.
Republican Speaker John Boehner responded that although the sacrifice of the President's daughters was a good start, “The President's insistence on eliminating the excess-profits tax loop-holes on producers of Loopholes is a deal-breaker.”
Speaker Boehner said that raising the taxes on America's Loophole industry is a job killer.
“Increasing taxes on job-creating small loophole businesses is a recipe for disaster. The American People need American-made loopholes for job-creating engines like corporate jet and yacht makers, golf-course developers, gold-plated faucet and titanium toilet handle crafts, limousine and high-performance luxury sports car manufacturers, just to name a few of these essential industries,” the Speaker said.
“Throwing his daughters into the deal is sweet, but we, the Real American People, need Real American-born incentives, not the progeny of a Kenyan-born colonialist-socialist Mau Mau ideology, the Speaker said.
An unnamed source close to the President reacting to the Speaker's response remarked that if Republicans turn down this deal then the President will consider throwing-in his mother-in-law as a bonus.
The Girl with the Bella Vita Tattoo and the Republican Rapture
Yes, she's the Girl Who Played With Gyre, circled herself in a mad dance of subterfuge and guileless misdirection. She's a girl whose innocent verdict kicked a hornet's nest of outrage, sending those with soap-Oprah lives into spasms of dental and gingival gnashing and weeping. Yes, she's Lisbeth-like, the mythic salamander resisting fire. With tears. For whom does her tale toll a sad single symphony? It tolls for Caylee?
Did she do it? The duct tape. The nanny. The tattoo. The dancing. The car trunk. The elfin ears and stretched back hair that you can almost smell across the airwaves. Wet glassy eyes. Young. Nubile. Casey alive. Caylee dead. Who did it?
Does it matter at this point in time? As we move inexorably toward a world unknown. Toward a Republican Rapture where the Left Behind are our elderly, our impoverished, our jobless, our ill, our children. A Republican Rapture that saves the strong, wealthy, the material needless. The Saved who can pay the unsaved left-behinds to guide their corporate jets through the eye of the proverbial needle.
A jury of her peers found Casey Anthony not guilty of murdering her two year-old Caylee. Should they have found her Innocent instead of Not Guilty?
Who will judge John Boehner, Eric Cantor and their followers after they inflict their Republican Rapture on the World? See their tattoos? Bella Vita.
Praajek.com
Tally Ho, Tally Bahn
Obama's got to quit pronouncing
Taliban as Tally Bahn.. Same with
“Pauk e stahn.” It's Packy-stan. In Amerakan that is.
Peace with Honor.. Or “honour” as Obi would say.
Sit down with Tallybahn.
What will be the size of the peace table? Shape… Round, oval, sq or rectangular?
His voice is beginning to actually sound like Nixon.
The tide is turning
Still dark days ahead
Light on the horizon
God Bless. Us.
Lawrence Rudmann
What the Pundits Won’t Say
Let’s be frank here. Media pundits are all over themselves and each other with deep questions and analysis concerning why so many Republicans, considered as potential candidates, are checking into the Republican roach motel and checking out as soon as they can. O my gosh, they gush, Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour decides he doesn’t have enough fire in his belly to mount a campaign. With a belly as big as Barbour’s maybe it was the belly and not the dying embers that told him he’d never get elected. Old, White and fat. Not a good prescription for victory. Well, what about Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels? Says his wife put the kibosh on a run. Or was it the fact that Daniels is about 5’6″ inches tall giving him diminutive chances of actually being elected. Taller candidate always wins, especially when the gap is this large. Ok, Donald Trump. The Hair. Need we say more? Ok, he’s fat, too. Then there’s Newt. Come on. Although Obama got elected despite his first name, does America really want a President Newt? And, of course, he’s obese and funny looking. I’m not saying it’s right that a potential candidate be judged by his/her looks, body mass index, stature or hairstyle, but that’s really the way it is in America folks. In this society, ever so hooked on youth, beauty, abs, jawlines, T’s and A’s it’s a fact of life that perhaps even the physically flawed candidates realize before the voters get a chance to see and judge them waddling, holding down hairpieces, huffing’ and puffin’ and stepping up on podium boosters on the proverbial campaign trail, path, track or route. Prediction for Republican 2010 ticket: Mitt Romney and Texas Gov. Rick Perry. Remember Massachusetts Kennedy and Texas LBJ?
Anagram The Candidates
“My name is only an anagram of toilets.”…T.S. Eliot
“All the life’s wisdom can be found in anagrams. Anagrams never lie.”..anon.
Tim Pawlenty:
Wimpy Talent (this says it all)
Latent Wimpy
Latent Wimpy
NattyWimple
Tiny Wet Lamp
Play New Mitt
Wilt Me Panty
At My Newt Lip
Mitt Romney:
Memory Tint (yes, indeed…you remember your RomneyCare?)
My Mot Inert (yup, your word’s pretty inactive)
My Not Merit (Hey, It’s my turn…just give me the nomination)
Newt Gingrich:
Wringing Retch (the sound of the political body gagging)
Wretch Ringing (don’t answer it !)
Mitch Daniels:
Latched Minis (don’t unlock the secret of that podium booster)
Clean Dim Shit (clean, sure…but he’s not really a dim shit…just short)
Sarah Palin:
Sharia Plan (ha, now we know who’s really Muslim)
Anal Has Rip (uh…. yeah…..)
Chris Christy:
Rich Shits Cry..(need more tax cuts!)
Donald Trump: (Your Magic Carpet ride is over)
Land Turd Mop (so that’s what’s on your head)
Damn Turd Pol (anagrams don’t lie)
Michele Bachmann:
No good anagrams, but the word “maniac” shows up a lot in combo with other non-sensical words…sounds about right, right?
The Fat Cat Ticket
Republicans have often been collared with the “fat cat” tag for lusting- after and hopping in, cash bags tumescent, between the sheets of wealthy campaign constituents climaxing in a happy feted and sated finish. Now a real fat-cat Repoob presidential ticket can be envisioned, one which would tip the political and bathroom scales as the heaviest weighted campaign in GOP history. With weight accompanying their heavy reputations as (fat) bullies, Newt Gringrich, weighing in near the three hundred summit and New Jersey Governor Chris Christy…topping at least the big three hundred and more would be a Presidential ticket that literally could not fly… at least together on the same campaign plane. Their campaign slogan? “Newt and Chris.. Too Big to Fail” ? Or maybe “Two Buckets of Lard in Every Fridge.” Of course, nearly 60% of Americans are officially overweight or obese so there lies their base, a huge constituency that could just possibly get off their slouching couches and waddle to the polls. And, catching their breaths, maybe vote, too. Or, we could hope the Repoobs nominate 5’5″ Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels and another vertically-challenged candidate (Christine “Not a Witch” O’Donnell?) and we’d have the shortest …. naw, forget it…that’s what podium boosters are for.
USA USA – Bin Laden Killed ! Go Team, Go…We’re # One…We’re # One !
Call it drunken college Spring Break pent-up boredom, or just crazy mis-expression of relief that the world’s terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden had been murdered by American Special Ops, the demonstrations in front of the White House and elsewhere last night seemed a bit, well, unseemly. Yes, Americans are and rightly should be happy to see justice finally prevail with OBL’s demise. But celebrating in the streets, dancing for the TV cameras, waving “number one” fingers in the air screaming USA USA is more befitting a celebration for a sports accomplishment rather than a reaction to a serious act of bringing a violent terrorist to justice. Killing OBL will not be the end of the terrorist threats that people the world-over face. Americans dancing in the streets is tantamount to former President Bush telling Iraqi insurgents to “bring it on.” Instead of waving fingers, climbing trees and dancing for the cameras, America is better served by its citizens in quiet reflection and thanking their personal gods, their government leaders and brave soldiers who exacted this long over-due justice. America will be better served by it’s citizens, Democrats, Republicans, independents using this moment in history to work together to solve it’s economic and social problems which will do more to strengthen America than all the finger-waving celebrations of the death of Osama Bin Laden.
Royal Questions
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| Kate in College Fashion Show Dress |
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| Camilla |
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| Princess Di |
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| William’s “Camilla” in-waiting? |
WESTMINSTER ABBEY, ENG.— The Big Question: How long will the Marriage last? Is there a “Camilla” backstage? Although he looks more like mum Lady Di, could he actually have an eye, like Daddy Charles, for a more English-style older Camilla-like gargoyle harridan?
Who wears a red suit for his wedding? Santa?
Why no Royal Rogaine for new Hubby William?
Will William’s valet now administer his Royal Toothpaste to his Royal Toothbrush as is done for Father Charles daily?
Honeymoon in Niagara Falls? Thunderbird Motel. (recommended once-upon-a-time location of my honeymoon with my bride!)
Will Prince Harry do a Royal Kegstand at the Reception after-party? And show his game by mackin on that snowflake Bridesmaid Pippa?
She’s QUEEN Elizabeth. Where’s her Crown?
Donald Trump President Obama’s Secret Half Brother?
Why is Donald Trump pursuing the illegitimization of Barack Obama as President of the United States? Is Trump’s recent conversion as a “Birther” challenging Obama’s place of birth a pretense to cover up what could be the REAL TRUTH? Is Trump, who was born in 1946 to real estate tycoon Fred Trump, hiding the existence of INCREDIBLE AND FANTASTIC SECRET documents possibly hidden in an underground safe below the Trump Village Coney Island housing complex? Are there rumors that these INCREDIBLE SECRET AND FANTASTIC documents reveal the HIDDEN TRUTH about Donald Trump’s relationship to the President of the United States? Was Obama, born in 1961, actually the offspring not of a Kenyan “Mau Mau” father as ex Governor Mike Huckabee alleges, but the progeny of a SECRET relationship with a Trump household African-American (Son Trump himself states that he has always had good relationships with “The Blacks.”) employee and maybe The Donald’s Federally-funded (FHA) real estate tycoon father? Did the elder Trump bring this POSSIBLY EXISTING child, whom he perhaps named Barry, into the Trump family perhaps causing great jealousy and resentment from the then-15 year-old coddled Donald? Did this lead to the elder Trump maybe taking the baby Barry to Hawaii and maybe hiring a woman who would adopt him and create a Kenyan father ruse biography that exists today? A lot of questions that Donald Trump needs to answer. What is the SHOCKING TRUTH that he could he be HIDING?
The American People?
Who are these “American People” who want the Republican leaders, the President, the teabaggers to do all the things they are supposed to do. “The American People elected us to cut taxes and spending.” “The American People want us to ensure the social safety net and create jobs.” ” We must do the will of the American People.” Who are these “American People” who have such diverse needs? Cut taxes. Cut Defense Spending. Cut All Spending Except Military. Invest in infrastructure. Cut Government. Invest in Job Creation. Stop Obamacare. Reform Health Care. Increase taxes on the wealthy. Cut taxes on corporations and the wealthy.
Both Political parties invoke this sacrosanct mantra “The American People” as automatically and effortlessly as chewing sugar-free gum. This small near-religious ejaculatory utterance, “the American People,” has become the go-to phrase that politicians inject as their “closer/winner”, their “word of god.”
Although it is difficult to compare Presidential voting patterns with Midterm voting results, in the 2008 Presidential election, about 63% of eligible registered voters (213 million) actually voted. Thirty three percent of those votes were Democrat (70 million) and about 28% (60 million) voted Republican.
In the 2010 Midterm elections the voter participation rate was only 35% of the total registered voters (estimated 213 million). (In the United States, it has been common to report turnout as the sum of votes for the top race on the ballot, because not all jurisdictions report the actual number of people who went to the polls.) Democrats, who President Obama said took a “shellacking,” represented about 16% (34 million) of the total eligible voters (213 million) and Republicans were approximately 18% (37 million) of the total who could have voted. (About 4.5% of registered eligibles voted “other” than Democrat or Republican)
So with about 37 million or 18% of “American People” voting Republican in the 2010 Midterm elections, Republican leaders boldly proclaim they are carrying out the will of the people. Yes they are. At least the will of about 18% of those who voted. The point is that invoking the will of “the American people” to anchor your policy arguments and decisions is disingenuous but mostly meaningless. But Democrats and Republicans (Teabaggers) do it without challenge. It’s what the American People want them to do.
Liz Taylor’s Shocking Double Life
Revelations that recently-deceased actor Liz Taylor was born with a rare condition that caused her to grow double eyelashes which contributed to her thick eyelash-alluring look were recently announced. Praajek has just learned from his Hollywood sources that Taylor was also apparently afflicted with rare double eyebrow syndrome (DDEES), a condition she covered by blending her two left and right hirsute eyelines with black Sharpie markers giving her the appearance of having think black eyebrows to accompany her double eyelashes. One of the world’s most celebrated beauties, Ms.Taylor is also rumored to have had a double chin condition which in later life she found more challenging to blend.
Watch The Amazing ObaGumby Bend Over….again.
The Amazing Folding Man, President Obama, is about to display his contortionist abilities as he reprises one of his best cave-ins and fold-ins upon himself and his political supporters on a nation-wide stage. The President savors opportunities to show off his spine bending feats, as he has done so frequently during his term. Some of his most famous political death-applying (for Democrats) acts will someday be memorialized in a special ObaGumby Memorial Statue in the Softee Freeze Hall of Fame. Remember his amazing “Reach Across the Aisle” maneuvers during his first two years culminating in an invitation to Reboobs to join him for dinner last Fall which they rejected because they were busy preparing more tax cuts for the rich? Remember the Health Care Reform Bend Over?” Wow, what a show as Mr. Obama bent over backwards to accommodate Repoobs’ insistence on a plan that would continue to enrich Big Pharma and Big Insurance. Executed perfectly. And how could we forget his most Houdini-like escape from defeating the extension of the Bush tax cuts. That nifty sleight-of- hand negotiation that left us head-scratching and incredulous saw the Maestro give the Repoobs everything they asked for including extending nearly $700 Billion tax cuts for the wealthy top two percent of American earners. Now the Repoobs want to negotiate the 2011 budget by insisting on about $30 billion in cuts. Obama countered with $31 Billion. Sensing that the Great Folder could outdo his recent feats, the Repoobs then countered again with $73 billion in cuts only to contain giggles as the President negotiated by agreeing to $73 billion in cuts. Wow, can this guy negotiate. Let’s Make a Deal, said the Repoobs. $73 billion is not enough. We want more. And more. Will Mr. Obagumby say that he’s got’em right where he wants ’em and give more and more? We await, on the edge of our chairs for his next…maybe a triple inside-out pretzel bend-over culminating with both hands extended through his crossed legs presenting the Repoobs a silver tray with the entire federal budget (sans military) neatly stacked, counted and ready for stuffing in the pockets of the Bigs everywhere.
Change we can believe in.
Another day another war.
Who knew Obama would be the next great crusader.
On to Syria, Bahrain, Yemen.. Hell, Iran, too! Western Christian countries killing more Muslims…wonder how that'll work out?
Maybe we'll be equal opportunity World Police. On to North Korea… Venezuela…Cuba….
Are we defending innocent people from ruthless dictators? Or just some people who happen to live in certain oil- rich lands.
Is our addiction to oil a subtext for the ease at which we seemingly get sucked into these quicksand desert quagmires or is it naive to believe that our government acts on behalf of the collective will of its citizens who desire to see the democratic liberties they enjoy shared with people with fewer freedoms? It is naive.
War-thirsty and ratings-hungry CNN TV's near 24/7 coverage of the initial bombing invasion struck a particularly smug and almost congratulatory tone showing grainy night bombing video of Tripoli along with turgid and self-satisfied commentary by ex-generals paid to compare this little war with CNN's famous coverage of the Kuwaiti and Bagdad bombings.
“Well, Wolf, we're not seeing the vivid night vision footage with colorful trailing rocket fire that we saw in the Gulf War…” one General said describing the CNN video of US Libyan bombings that were undoubtedly slaughtering innocent Libyans just as Gadhafi himself promised to do. Wolf disappointedly agreed that this video wasn't nearly as compelling. But just wait, you could almost see his eyes light up with the possibility of more exciting and colorful video in coming days.
As President Obama says, the U. S. has “special capabilities”… war room-speak for Tomahawk missiles, stealth bombers, predator drones… Hi-tech state of art war machines. When was the last time superior US “special capabilities” won a war against local armies defending their homeland against foreign invaders. Vietnam… Afghanistan, Iraq? Obama says no US troops will be committed to on-the-ground combat in Libya. Sound familiar? Change we can believe in.
Nuclear Randomoniums
The Japanese people exemplify the definition stoicism: calm acceptance of all occurrences as the unavoidable result of divine will or of the natural order. Courage and calmness in the face if great adversity. One wonders how Americans would react in the face of such disaster. Would we calmly, diligently, collectively work together to rebuild, or would we arm ourselves with our arsenal of Glocks, Assault rifles, and shotguns, retreat to our bunkers and play out the survival of the fittest script written for the dark side of our national character. Let's hope we would not be frantically digging up our cache of gold coins and loading our ammo clips but instead show the stoicism and bravery that we are seeing in Japan.
Today there is a Hollywood script writer sketching out the screenplay for a TV movie called “The Fukushima Fifty… Nuclear Heroes Who Saved Japan.” It will air around Christmas time this year.
Republicans are already clenching their teeth and shaking their fists at nuclear namby-pamby liberals who are questioning the safety of U.S. Nuclear plants. Why do Republicans love nuclear energy so much? (maybe they wouldn't if those pinko liberal elitist were in favor of nuclear power..then they might be against it.) But, liberals tend to favor less dependence on non-renewable energy sources and greater energy diversity with alternative renewable forms such as solar, wind, geo- thermal (SWaG). Since Republicans (and many Dems, too), are in servitude to Big COG — Coal, Oil and Gas, the hobby lobby and campaign cash-poor alternatives are taboo. In the Republican World, Nukes Rule.
Will there ever be another nuke plant built in the U. S. ? Probably not. At least not until a place is found and agreed upon to store, i.e. bury the waste. No spent fuel rods,which are never totally “spent,” have ever been disposed. Thousands of tons of dangerous fuel sit submerged in pools or in outdoor concrete and steel casks at all U. S. nuclear facilities.
Best quote by a nuclear safety expert: “It's low (accident) probability and high consequences.”
Republicans: Obama Caused Japan Earthquake & Tsunami
Republican Leaders John Boehner, Mitch McConnell and other influencers yesterday said that blame for the recent devastating earthquakes & tsunami in Japan “lay squarely at the feet of this President and his reckless socialist policies.”
House Speaker Boehner singled out the health care reform law for particular blame. “The cataclysmic repercussions of this socialist takeover of our health care system has had tectonic consequences on our world,” he said.
Senate Leader McConnell pointed to Obama's Wall Street financial reform bill for “shaking the fundamental stability of the world's economic system.”
Former Governor Mike Huckabee weighed in with accusations of Obama's Kenyan Mau Mau ancestry for a de-stabilizing effect. “All that spear-chucking by Obama's grandfather's Kenyan anti-British terrorist friends obviously has had a delayed butter-fly effect shifting the globe's axis .. the first time this has happened since the creation of the world about 6,000 years ago,” he said.
According to Minnesota Rep. Michelle Bachmann, Obama should apologize to America and Japan for his role in this disaster. “Since that historic day when our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence right here on the concourse of the Mall of America in 1932 freedom has been ringing across the world. Now the only ringing is in the ears of over-taxed Americans..an anti-Liberty Bell sound of Tsunami warnings that Obama wants to re-locate that Famous Liberty Bell from Washington D. C. to his communist neighbor Bill Ayers' front yard.”
According to former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, the Japan nuclear plant melt-downs could have been avoided if only Obama wasn't so lazy and sanctimonious about matrimony. “I loved my country so much that I sacrificed two marriages when my wives were worn out and sick. It's obvious that Obama's madrassa-fueled brain-washing has affected his judgement concerning adultery and left these nuclear power plants vulnerable.”
Former Alaska half-governor Sarah Palin tweeted: Obama = Disaster = Earthquakes = Tsunami.
Bullyboyz
It’s more than ironic that President Obama and First Lady Michelle are holding special hearings today on “Bullying Prevention.” Although the issue of school bullying is one that parents and schools should seriously address, is “school bullying” important enough for the President of the U.S. to weigh in on with a special national hearing? In the midst of a destructive recession with unemployment at disastrous levels, economic and soul-sucking wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (is Libya next?), a nation on the verge of an oil addiction fit of delirium tremens, social safety net programs on the sacrificial altar of heart-eating Republicans hungry for more tax cuts for the über rich, America’s hard-fought worker collective bargaining rights heading for state and national shredders, an education system that rewards sports achievements over math and science, even the watered-down health care reforms under heavy daily attack.
Yes, The President says, lets talk about school bullying instead. If Obama wants to address bullying, maybe he should look at himself and his weak-kneed congressional Democrats. This Administration has been bullied relentlessly and mercilessly by Republicans from Day One. In schools, one cannot blame the bullied victims. But this Administration gives new meaning and license to the concept of bullying. In this case we can and must blame the victims. Obama set the tone by allowing himself to be bullied and Democrats milk-toastishly bowed their heads and submitted to the beatings.
Once there was something called the Bully Pulpit. Presidents from Roosevelt, Kennedy, Johnson and Reagan bullied strongly from that platform to the advantage of their constituents who elected them. Maybe this President should hold a summit on Presidential Bullying…how to do it and how to prevent it. Let schools and parents deal with the other kind.
Throw Like an Egyptian
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| The Next Andy Pettitte? |
Latin America has been the Mecca of Major League Baseball Recruitment for years, with countries like Dominican Republic, Cuba, Puerto Rico and Venezuela contributing heavily to the the League’s rosters. After a recent convo with a Praajek Bruthaa, it dawned on both of us that Baseball has been ignoring what is perhaps the richest goldmine of potential baseball talent in the world..namely the dusty, sand and rock-strewn streets of the Middle East. Observing the ongoing mass protests in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, it is acutely apparent that these rock-throwing protesters have major-league arms, able to hurl stones far and accurately with fastball speed. Not only a rich source of mounders, these guys could obviously play outfield as well, tracking down base runners with laser-guided drone precision. But could they field as well? They certainly are proving their head-strong ability to catch granite fireballs with their heads, so their ability to convert to digital catches instead of analog has to give one hope that Maged and Mustafa could make spectacular diving center and outfield catches too. In the history of baseball, there has been only one major league player from the Middle East, pitcher Craig Stansberry, born in Saudia Arabia; and near Middle East but with a lot of rocks, Afghanistan, where pitcher Jeff Bronkey, retired, was born. Neither were true Mid East Region natives, so it’s obvious that a lot of native throwing talent has been over-looked. MLB scouts, get thee to the Middle East. Get thee to Egypt.
Chicago’s Big Blizzardo
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| State Street in Chicago |
Yup, just as predicted by Praajek, Chicago was nearly destroyed by a once-in-a-epoch snow storm that completely buried the city, covering landmarks such as the Willis (formerly Sears Tower) Tower and the John Hancock building. Here are a few of the photos I was able to capture as great risk to my life and various limbs, organs and personal appurtenances. Long known for it’s steely nonchalant attitude toward major snow storms, Chicagoans woke this morning and with shovels in hand began the digging-out that would send them dutifully on their way to their places of work, worship, food and drink. Destroyed but not down. That’s Chicago.
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| Downtown Chicago |
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| Lake Shore Drive |
Oprah’s Half Sister…You’ve Only Seen the Half of It
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| Oprah Warily Greets Half of Her Sister |
Following her latest world-shocking revelation that she has a … gasp… “Half Sister” … Oprah Winfrey has revealed to Praajek that she will soon reveal.. in a capital R … an even greater shocking Revelation…maybe the most amazing, shocking and unbelievable Revelation of All Times! If you thought a “half-sister” was shocking, brace yourself readers for what could be a revelation of such cataclysmic proportions that it could literally and figuratively vibrate, seize and even crack the foundations of humanity itself. Stay tuned..for Oprah has given Praajek permission to Reveal this Revelation to the world, whispering to me that its enormity was even too huge for her to get her head around, let alone make the Revelation herself. Check back here…..SOON !!!
POTUS’s SOTU
The President made us wait until the very end, second to the last sentence, to tell us what the State of the Union is, (a traditional early line in most SOTU speeches…eg. “I’m here to tell you tonight that the State of our Union sucks.”) He finally ended our suspense with these words: “And tonight, more than two centuries later, it’s because of our people that our future is hopeful, our journey goes forward, and the state of our union is strong.” Whew. I thought he’d never get to it.
Although a generally tepid speech, he did get a few things right…and a few things not so. On the positive side he spoke directly into the camera, unlike Michelle “CrazyEyes” Bachman who addressed the wrong camera in her strange CNN-telemezerized rant. Most Americans under 30 have no idea of what “Sputnik” is, let alone his lofty goal for a “Sputnik Moment.” It’s a shame, but most Americans of any age probably don’t know what “sputnik” means. And these are the people Obama is promising a job with Google or Facebook? (Just waiting for a few Birthers and Teabaggers to say this proves that Obama is a Commie…wants Amerika to have one of them Rooskie Sputnik “comma-nustt” moments…see, I told ya so!) There were no soaring, poetic lines in Mr. Obama’s speech; no “Ask Not What…” Kennedyesque memorable lines; no calls for great sacrifice..well, he did ask Big Oil to pay more taxes. (I’m asking Congress to eliminate the billions in taxpayer dollars we currently give to oil companies) No call to curb handgun violence…he still fears the National Rifle Association; he dissed sports and the career of public relations….(We need to teach our kids that it’s not just the winner of the Super Bowl who deserves to be celebrated, but the winner of the science fair. We need to teach them that success is not a function of fame or PR, but of hard work and discipline.) Hey, celebs and their PR agents work hard, too!
Repoonbs always criticize Obama for not promoting American Exceptionalism. He certainly played the Exceptionalism card last night. Comment: Why can’t we just be a great country instead of being The Greatest?
Overall, not a memorable speech, but one with workman-like, middle of the road, vanilla missionary positions on most issues. As a member of the Professional Left it was disappointing.
2010: Foreclosed but Not Forgotten
2010: Foreclosed but Not Forgotten
Two thousand ten
Now a has-been
One to remember
One to recall It
Let's re-wind'er
A reminder
Of what went down
The rabbit hole.
The world came together
When the earth fell apart
Opened eyes
And rendered hearts
Real tears fell
For Lil' Haiti's Hell
Not like the Grim Weeper
John Boehner
The dim reaper
Of political gain
But for reasons much saner
Real human pain
That quake that hit her
Gave a purpose to Twitter.
The British finally revenged
All their tea
We once boiled in our sea
Their oiled gusher engulfed us
Tophat or topkill maybe sealed the deal
For a billion gallons of drill baby drill. While Obama fluctuated
On and off
Shore solutions to toil
In the oil fields of
Pollution's woes
Roiled the watery graves
Of eleven men
Down below.
So BP Tony went on the attack
By crying out loud
“I'd like my life back.”
Scary times full of fear
Villains and heros
Distract us from Bedbugs and
Prayer rugs near ground zero.
Down for a single count went Blago Not a hair out place upon his noggo. Christine O'Donnell's not so witchy Jail-baited Lindsay's becoming kitschy. Pope says you might enter the kingdom
Even if You don a condom.
We showed our maturity
At airport security
TSA in a funk
Bro, don't touch my junk
Don't taser my razor
Or laser my blazer
Like a wall street bonus
The onus is on you to prove
If you're too big to fail
Maybe u need corporate Sildenafil
Just ask your banker he won't tell.
Hacktavist wacktavist
Wiki whacks and hackey sacks
Miley Salvia-ating on a bong
Bristol dancing that was wrong
NPR tried raising millions
Backfired firing old Juan Williams
Once Groupon a time
Google eschewed evil as a crime
Bret Farve texting, what a croc Toyotas ran but now can't stop
We're sticker-shocked by a Chevy Volt Four Loko liquor rocked revolt.
Who won the World Cup in a sport called Soccer?
Best movie a Hurt Locker?
Another sport for White Men manly Needed an oversized cup called Stanley.
And a porn star's promise to play the vuvuzelas
Of her 23,000 twitterers if her team didn't loozala.
And with the Cup within reach
Like Lebron, took her talents to South Beach
Rather than heed the Octopus named Paul
Who predicted the land of nether would fall
Again like LeBron left fans in pain When her lovely Netherlands lost to Spain
Zombies and Vampires
Birthers flat-earthers
We're all stuck in Middle East quagmires
Heat-packing teabaggers steeping in ire
Talking taxes and bailouts and death panel
Scares Constitutional fundamentalist purity
Strap-on guns their rights to bear
But dangit don't touch my Social Security
Mortgage deduction or my Medicare. Deficits and the economy deep in a ditch
But teabaggers silent on tax cuts for the rich.
Good news bad news
Political whiners
The good-old-days piners
We're on the wrong track
Want to take our country back
Rescue it like Chilean miners
Return it to its glory
An eightieth century bad romance story.
But we got GaGa we got Glee
Justin Beiber, little dweeber
Math or science not in fashion
Laundry tan and gym
With Kim Kardashian
Devolution's a dead end Situation
But it's no flukie
For a girl named Snookie.
Foreclosures Posers
Political Hosers
Entered & exited stage left and right They took their turns
Bowed and texted c u lata
Our only hero in two o ten
Jetblew his job Steven Slater.
But in two 0 eleven
I'll dream a fantasy farce
That Lisbeth Salander kicks
Sarah Palin's grizzlied arse.
Two thousand ten
Now a has-been
One to remember
One to recall It
Let's re-wind'er
A reminder
Of what went down
The rabbit hole.
Happy New Year to all .. 2010 www.praajek.com
Sent from my iPhone
Merry Xmas, Mr. Bigbucks
The warm glow of the holiday season permeates this week, one in which we saw President Obama live up to the true Xmas spirit of “It’s better to give than receive.” In announcing his “compromise” with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, agreeing to give big New Year Bonuses to the nation’s wealthiest, our President certainly gave a lot more than he received. MillyBillyaires get two years of big tax cuts worth at least $40,000 a year (average is nearly $70,000) while the newly unemployed are available for up to 13 months of benefits worth about $300 a week. Such a deal! The tax cuts for the rich will require the U.S. to borrow from China and Saudi Arabia up to a trillion dollars. Take that, Mr. Deficit ! President Obama says this is not a “short game” but a “long game” explaining his strategy to accept small incremental gains (e.g. health care reform) in pursuit of longer-ranged goals. What he doesn’t seem to realize or to acknowledge is that the “game” did not kick off the day he was inaugurated two years ago. The Repoobs kicked off this game more than 30 years ago, pushing forward their return-to-the-Confederacy, take America Back (to the 18th century) game plan that now gives them red zone field position near the Democrat’s goal line. (sorry for the stupid sports metaphors, but Obama started it). Given the situation, with Repoobs ready to take over the House and dominate the Senate with their minority, Obama sees his capitulation as they pragmatic way out. Always pragmatism. Never standing firm, drawing the line and defending it, fighting for it. Maybe it’s time to discuss 2012 options.
Obama Chia Cojones
Remember the Chia Obama from a few years back. Back when our President wasn’t President, when he spoke boldly of Hope, Change…you are the change, he said. Guess we didn’t listen close enough. He clearly did mean, you are the change. Not him. Because not much has changed, especially when it comes to who is running the Big Show. Repoobs, fresh from their Midterm application of shellac are bolder than ever. Following this week’s mini-summit at the White House, Repoob leaders Boehner and McConnell emerged with with their pretend faces grim as they lip-synched their Obama-facetime as “a nice meeting.” Obama himself, strode jauntily to the podium and announced a new era of compromise and cooperation. Looking thinner than ever, he had the look of a man who had just been pick-pocketed, realizing the futility of chasing the robbers sucks it up and says, oh well, I didn’t really need my wrist watch, wallet and car keys anyway. And besides, those muggers looked hungry.
True to form, the rustlers showed up the next day flaunting their booty and demanding even more. Nothing will get done until our millionaires get their average $80.000 a year tax break, said McConnell. Nothing. If that’s Obama’s definition of Compromise and Cooperation then I have a new holiday gift to add to your list: Obama Chia Cojones. Just sprinkle with a little spinal fluid and they grow fig leafs to cover their minuscularity.
Royal Wedding Dress..Finalists Revealed
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| Prince Philip’s Favo? |
Of course this is not a fashion blog, but there are times when a subject is so overwhelmingly relevant to national and world-wide interests, and indeed humankind in general that it simply must be addressed front-up and face-on and rightly shared with all. In this case, the relevant and worthy subject is of course which wedding dress will the future Royal Princess Kate Middleton choose for her recently announced nuptials to Charming Prince William. The yet-unannounced venue, revealed here by Praajek in a recent post, is rumored to be the romantic Chapel of Love in Las Vegas, Nevada Fourth of July weekend next summer. Now, Praajek has learned that the Royal couple have winnowed the choice of a wedding dress that will wrap her willowy frame to the FINAL FOUR. Shown here for the first time, this bombshell-breaking story is huge even for a Praajek exclusive. These secret photos were obtained thru unofficial diplomatic channels via Scotland Yard and American Homeland Security personnel. You may vote for your favorite dress although it is rumored that the Queen Herself has already weighed-in and expressed her decision. Click on photos to enlarge.
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| Queen’s favo? |
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| Kate Favo? |
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| Prince’s Favo? |
Obama Thanks Republicans for Dissing Him
Calling the recent Republican rejection of his invitation to have dinner with him at the White House this week a pleasant surprise, President Obama promised to re-invite the Rude Repoobs as soon as possible. “This time I’ll be a bit more solicitous…and perhaps not so presumptive that an invitation from the President of the United States would be met with friendly acceptance and appreciation. My bad,” the President said. Republican leaders John Boehner and Mitch McConnell reportedly felt that the dinner menu, which included cheese burgers, American fries/onion rings and Slurpees was too elitist. “Typical Democrat fare..how about something for the Common Man, and what the heck’s wrong with a little Merlot, huh?” said Boehner.
The Republican Leadership did agree to meet with the White House Chief of Janitorial Services (COJ) to discuss efforts to reduce spending on cleaning services in the President’s personal residence rooms of the White House.
“Does the so-called “First” Family really need their sheets changed every week?” asked McConnell at a weekly press gaggle in the Oval Office, which the President makes available to the Repubicans for business duties on an as-needed bi-partisan basis.
Flicking his cigarette ash on the President’s new Oval Office carpet, Boehner reiterated “American taxpayers need to know that their hard-earned money is not going down the drain to pay for extra SoftScrub and Sani-Flush for all those bathrooms in the White House. We’re drawing a line in the dust on this issue,” he said.
In response, President Obama said if the Republicans approved he would discuss personal White House sanitary and cleaning cost escalations with the COJ toward an effort to reduce expenses and please the Republican leaders.
The President also apologized to the Republicans for his recent “uppity” behavior and promised to act in a more bi-partisan manner in order to heed to the wishes of the American electorate who elected him President in 2008.
Boehner responded by urging the President to order some Pentagon-grade ash trays for their Oval Office.
Royal Vegas Wedding
This just in: Praajek has just received confirmation from an unnamed and often-reliable source that British Prince William Windsor will marry his recently fiancéed girlfriend Kate Middleton in an elaborate ceremony at the Chapel of Love storefront chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada on July 4th next summer. Sources also report that one of the top Vegas Elvis impersonators will preside over the ceremony. Praajek will share additional details on this exciting development as they develop. Praajek also has received an advance draft of the Royal Wedding Invitation which is displayed here.
If you are looking for a real Elvis Wedding then check out Vegas Weddings at: www.702Wedding.com
Click on image to enlarge.
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| image courtesy of Vegas Weddings |
Chambre of Kommerce…Where’s the Love?
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| Reuters photo by Jason Reed |
Are these Indian businessmen members of the International Chamber of Commerce (ICC)? Probably not gauging from the expressions of awe, wonderment and pure joy on their faces while greeting President Obama during a speech on his recent India trip. Obama must wonder why expressions on U.S. businessmen might not be similar. Especially after he bailed out Wall Street and Big Banking, essentially keeping their supersized padded wallets protruding from their bailed-out flannel suit pockets. Why can’t Obama ask the old Mae West-like question, “Is that a fat wallet in your pocket or are you glad to see me? ”
Of Tea Bags and Slurpees…
Fun time returns. Yes, it’s boring when the enemy is vanquished. Power breeds less discontent than apathy. It’s been painfully dull the past two years of Obama-Democratic lethargy and timidness; their masochistic need to be bullied by the No-nothing Do-nothing Repoobs. How many times can we implore Obama to “stand-up and fight?” Just when you think he’s about to channel his inner Harry Truman he slinks away, tail between legs muttering his Oomm-like reach-across-the-aisle mantra “com…pro…mise….com…pro…mise… The man will never change. In a recent New York Times interview, Northwestern University prof and historian Gary Wills notes that Obama, coming from both Black and White cultures has had to accommodate and compromise all his life to survive. It’s ingrained in his personality DNA. He’s not a fighter and never will be. I knew we were in trouble when shortly after becoming President he abandoned basketball and took up golf, the ultimate non-confrontational, self-competing (and defeating) hobby-sport ever devised by man. A gentleman’s game, hands are clean, no sweating just fretting. Hit the little ball in the little hole. How sweet.
So, here we are. Two years later. Yes, a watered-down health care law (hey, better than nothing), some weak Wall Street banking financial reform (hey, better than nothing), a weak stimulus (hey, better than nothing) that actually saved and created a lot of jobs and reduced taxes although Obama decided in his own inimitable low-key good-government manner not to spend anything telling people about it. When Bush/Rove cut taxes they sent everyone a letter saying a check was on the way…and then followed-up with a real check in the mail. Wow, look what President Bush did for me. Maybe President Obama’s new campaign motto should be “Better than Nothing.” Because that’s what we face for the next two years from Brutha Boehner and Blob Fish Mitch McConnell.
But hey…it’s fun time again. Now we have some real visible foils to have fun with. Besides Boehner and Blobby, there’s Minnesota’s Michele “Hypno-Eyes” Bachman, Tennessee’s Rand “Aqua Buddha” Paul, South Carolina’s Jim “No Boyfriend Sex 4 Single Female Teachers” DeMint; and the Mama Grizzlie herself “UBetcha Winky-wink. Missed sorely will be Alaska’s Joe “We Hardly Knew Ye” Miller, Delaware’s Christine “Not A Witch” O’Donnell and Nevada’s Sharron “Don’t Vote U Hispanics Besides U Look Asian 2 Me” Angle. Strange brew, those Tea Baggers.
Time to get back to the fun stuff.
Good News for Trapped Miners?
New Reality show: Trapped Miners….bad news, miners….you’ve got another 2 months underground…good news….we’re sending down a dozen ladies…televised to the world. Go for it! (Bad news, flash…sending down Barney Frank instead.)
Brutha Boehner.. Possible First Black Speaker of House
First the Repooblicans hire an African-American, Michael Steele to head their campaign operations. Obama’s Black and he’s President… We gotta get a Black guy too! Now, although it curdles their dark ossified pale white hearts, Repoobs could be on the threshold of thrusting African American Congressman John Boehner into the Speaker’s seat should they take over the House with big November victories. Could this help expand their base by attracting several Black American voters? Anything is possible.
Islamic Mosque Problem Solved!
The distance (according to Google Maps) from WTC site to 45 Park Place is .2 miles or 1,056 feet. This is obviously too close, violating the well-know American Christian building code that requires the construction of any new mosque to be at least 1,060 feet from any American site destroyed by terrorists. Four feet. Move it away another four feet and there’s no problem. Why can’t people just look up the building codes? That’s why we have them. Besides obvious building codes, one needs to only refer to the Holy Bible for an answer to whether or not build the mosque. Isaiah 65 says:
Don’t come too close or you will defile me! I am holier than you!’ These people are a stench in my nostrils, an acrid smell that never goes away….” and in 2 Chronicles 6, …”nevertheless thou shalt not build the temple…” So there! Simple answers to a simple problem.
Praajek is Baaack….
Praajek has been on sabbatical for the past few months…every day a Sun Day on my way to the mountain top to commune with Guru Baksheeshiidashmi and contemplate the WOWs…Wonders of Wonders, Worlds of Worlds, Whys of Whys, Wilds of Wilds and Weeds of Wisdom. The sojourn was the gestation for the destination, the quest for zest. Guru Baksheeshiidashmi blessed me with bouquets of visions, new insights and a choreography of celestial cognizance. I took copious notes during my time-less sessions with the Guru; Come with Praajek as he occasionally shares this Wisdom with you.
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| Guru Baksheeshiidashmi |
Pray?
Who's advising this President? Or why can't this President think for
himself and propose something creative, strong, futuristic? Inspire
the nation. We will go to the moon. We will become energy independent
and lead the world in solving global climate change. We will build the
best hybrid cars, starting tomorrow… build a nation high- speed rail
system, create a national youth corps to help clean-up the Gulf. We
will jump-start and fast-track solar and wind energy projects in every
community. We will divert half of the Pentagon's military budget to
pay for this. We will nationalize energy companies. Something… Do
something bold, Mr. President. No. Instead he implores us to pray. Damn.
Sir Topham Hatt to the Rescue
At last British Petroleum (BP) has the solution to stop their offshore gusher in the Gulf of Mexico. BP announced today that they would deploy the last-resort “Top Hat” solution and employ the services of the “Fat Controller,” Sir Topham Hatt, of Thomas the Tank railways. “Sir Topham was lowered to the sea bed floor last night and is presently… in the immediate area of the leak and the plan is to have him positioned over the leak and functioning by the end of the week,” British Petroleum representative Bryan Ferguson said. This is not the first time Sir Hatt has been called into action. A talented engineer, in 1914, Topham Hatt was called upon for his engineering skill to construct a bridge to link Sodor with the Mainland, as well as a number of branch lines and improvements to locomotive facilities. He was then made a Director of the railway. “Now it’s an oil leak, say BP officials. As soon as Sir Topham tops-off this leak, he’ll return to the Isle of Sodor to continue directing Thomas the Tank car and his friends on the Thomas the Tank children’s show. “
It’s Back to Bomb-Making School
The FBI says this bomb was one of the most sophisticated devices they have ever seen. “We got lucky on this one, ” said the anonymous FBI official. “Let’s hope we never see another one like this.”
I wish I’d read and heard something like the above in media reports this week instead of the the truth, which apparently was that this bomb sucked, an amateurish attempt using the wrong kind of fertilizer and a simplistic made-to-fail recipe cobbled together from various bomb-making procedures from various web sites.
Yeah, I know we live in a free-speech society with open access free and unconstrained media, but not sure I feel, at a gut-level, so great when I hear on every media outlet that the terrorist who made the Times Square car bomb was an idiot. Whoops, say the terrorists, we’ll never build another one like this..it’s time for re-medial bomb-making courses for all our terrorists. Instead, if they’re going to build more bombs, let them build this kind. The kind that don’t explode.
Ubetchyas…obvious mutterings
Ubetchya the The Obama administration's desire to bring alleged Sept.
11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to New York to face charges in a
civilian federal court will not happen as a result of the recent
failed car bombing of Times Square.
Ubetcha the Obama administration's desire to allow more off-shore oil
drilling is dead in the oily waters off the Gulf Shore.
Ubetcha the Repoob's oily attempts to describe the Gulf Shore oil
spill as Obama's Katrina moment , although slick, will gather about as
much traction as a gerbil in an oil can.
Ubetcha the Vatican term “de-frock” for kicking out a pedo priest
seems a bit unseemly…maybe they should say “de-pants.”
Randomoniums
Must we aknowledge and celebrate everytime another celebrity joins
Twitter?
I'm beginning to feel sorry for Tiger Woods.
Tiger seems desperate. The Nike dad commercial is embarrassing to watch.
Of course great sports stars are not always great people. Tiger's like
Big Bill Tilden, one of the greatest tennis players. Off court and in
his private life Tilden had a predilection for teen boys. Except Big
Bill's public “exposure” came only after his career was over. Also,
Big Bill played a sport, unlike golf, that required real athleticism.
Tiger's athletic skills were obviously required and utilized off the
fairways.
Sent from mi mePhone
Republican Politico-Porn Stars
Sarah “The Quitty” Palin campaigned today with Michele “The Pink Elephant” Bachmann in Minnesota. Ten thousand white middle and older-aged people, mostly dowdy white women and tea-baggers attended, swooned, screamed and squirmed in ecstasy.
Why is it we must always mention, when we mention Palin, that she is attractive? For a middle-aged lady, that is. So is Bachman…actually better-looking than Palin. Maybe it’s because there is such a paucity of attractive women in the Republican Party. Washington (politics) has been called Hollywood for ugly people and Palin and Bachmann defy that stereotype. Both crazy ladies look like aging porn stars, Palin in her black leather (actually black velvet today), Michele in her anti-gay yellow plastic jacket. Like the political porn stars they are, both used language oozing with double entendre, dripping with politico-sexual red-meat come-ons. They were great double-teaming their audience, who were used to watching rather than joining the fun.
“Someone better tell Washington that that pink elephant is on the move, and 2010 is shaping up to be the year that conservative women get together and help take back this country,” Palin said. “And Michele is leading the stampede!” ..today’s Minnesota rally for Michele Bachmann.
“Someone better tell Washington that that pink elephant is on the move, and 2010 is shaping up to be the year that conservative women get together and help take back this country,” Palin said. “And Michele is leading the stampede!” ..today’s Minnesota rally for Michele Bachmann.
“So if in fact there is a nation who is compliant with all the rules ahead of time…if they fire against the United States, a biological weapon, a chemical weapon, or maybe a cyber attack, then we aren’t going to be firing back with nuclear weapons,” said Bachmann. Today’s Minnesota campaign rally.
Some other great Michele Bachmann quotes from the past:
Some other great Michele Bachmann quotes from the past:
“Don’t Palinize Me!”
“Not all cultures are equal.”
“We’re running out of rich people in this country.”
“”I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”
“Little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal and natural and perhaps they should try it.”
“Literally, if we took away the minimum wage—if conceivably it was gone—we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.” —Michele Bachmann, 1/26/05, Jobs, Energy and Community Development Committee, testifying against SF 3, a bill to raise the MN minimum wage and advocating the elimination of the minimum wage altogether.
“No one that I know disagrees with natural selection — that you can take various breeds of dogs … breed them, you get different kinds of dogs,” she said. “It’s just a fact of life. … Where there’s controversy is (at the question) ‘Where do we say that a cell became a blade of grass, which became a starfish, which became a cat, which became a donkey, which became a human being?’ There’s a real lack of evidence from change from actual species to a different type of species. That’s where it’s difficult to prove.” – Michele Bachmann quoted in the Stillwater Gazette, September 29, 2003.
Mediaize 