2013 Year In Review

Eyes Only – 2013 – The Movie

Like slow Netflix streaming
2013 kept us
That maybe we should have
Left it
On the digital cutting room Floor.
Deja vu it sure seems
We’ve seen this movie before.

While suffering
A sluggish economy
Republicans applauded
The thuggish dichotomy
That one percent rules
While 99 percent fools
Binge-watched wall streeters
Take over the town.
This year even Ebert
gave it up
With two thumbs down.

Not a hit nor blockbuster
Like a Ted Cruz filibuster
Starring elite superjob “makers”
Supporting a cast of a million “takers”
The Hangover we’re now at sequel XIII
Let’s hope it’s the last one please no more.
Should have skipped it like Hotel floors
Between the twelve and the fourteen.

The Act Two
Blues and nationwide flu
Karma was due
For the POTUS
Who got the most of the Votus
Obamacare paid the price
For good reviews by the SCOTUS
The Prez danced in end zone Gloatus
To roll the dice 
And neglect to do any Promotus.

An unexpected twist in plot
On the war machine’s backlot
Built a new rationale
For women combatants
Renamed now as Gal-
Warrior Wombatants.

Hipster zombies
Walking dead Romneys
Riding fixees so fedorable
Sipping micro brews so pourable
Like Katy Perry’s deplorable ROARable.
Or Mumford boys, Suspenders and hairshirts, 
Banjos and beards,
Brooklyn Williamsburg
Rare dirt
In public personal pity-purges
Moaned their artisanal shi..y Dirges.

(Subway said that size didn’t matter
If their footlong didn’t Measure up
To more sup
On your platter
It’s their way of keeping you Slim not fatter.)

Higgs Bosun a sticky Particular particle
Came out of the closet
Like a cosmic farticle.
Global Warming gave itself a New name
Not Zoe or Chole just Climate Change
Offering now a seismic posit
Bad news for the weary
Deniers of science
That like evolution it’s a fact Not a theory.

(Same sex sexing
Lost its shame sex hexing
Won its legal marital nexus
In a lot of states but definitely Not Texas.)

The special effects starred
iPhones  and androids
Paranoid tech wars
Apple Samsunging
Out-Gaga-ing MileyTonguing
And twerking their OS’s Onscreen with foam fingers
Their bungholes wiping.

In a crucial scene
Social sharing
Went extreme
From beds to bath
And bongs beyond
Our meds and wrath
And wrongs;
We over-shared and boasted
Posted on and on
Our twitter news fed lives
Filled in the empty spaces
In the book of faces.

Toward the end of this flick
The theme of it just won’t stick
It begins with a “p” ah, yes Privacy
Spelled Pry-us-see.
In the name of security
We gave up obscurity
To the government hackers
Hi-jackers of our texts and Email
Who tapped our phones
Watched us from drones.
What caused our massive Passive Fail?
We fell asleep watching
Duck Dynasty crackers.

The leading man looked like A barista;
Exposed his government as   Big Brutha
Ed Snowden’s reward for Those data terabytes 
He’s now living the good life As a Muscovite.

The script called for love
So we clicked on dove
For every cohort
Whatever sort
There was a port.
Blew out the Match;
Disrupted the Harmony and
Jilted the J Date.
We dug for love at KoalMinersDigDeep;
Nodded off with NarcolepsSleep.
Locked down our love at BigHouseDotCom;
Wasted our love at SmokeRoachesWithMom.
Drooled with GeezersGottaGitsum
Unchallenged ourselves at DateDownDumb.
Lifted our Burkas at Muslim Mingle;
Learned to love ourselves at OnanSingle.
Quenched our  desire for
    midget firefighters at
Firemen Squirts;
Satisfied our pain with

Not much action on the set
Instead a fiscal cliff-hanger
Teabagger gangbangers
Played Hunger Gamers
With arrows to the foodstamp safety net.

The plot thickened
A mystery transpired
Cruise shippers sickened
A Pope retired.
Hyperloop the new monorail
Why were people eating kale?

This movie contained graphic content; Explicit language
Situation disasters
Some natural some manmade.
Tornadoes, floods, wildfires, heat waves,
Bombings and deep freezes
Took many to their graves;
Something even killing all the Beesus.

Mass shootings were real Still No gun controls;
To keep armed to the teeth We sold our souls.
Killings rose like a killer Tsunami;
Flush Phlegmball called the Pope a commie.
At intermission we Electronically puffed
Talking about Weed of Wisdom stuff
Vaping on outdated laws.
Who wrote this script was
Legally high
Lulu lemoned rubbed raw thighs
K-Mart-jingling x-rated balls.

We’re buffering again
Little wheel a-spin
Our movie suddenly fades to Black;
This time Tony really did get whacked.

Back to the show
We’re streaming fast from the Cloud
That cinematic sound a loud
Droning mistake could be Maybe
But not in Pakistan who Knows?
Lookout Royal Baby!

Bare chested Pooty Putin
Posing half nudie nootin’
In the Motherland stirs not a
Rooty tootin’ ripple
Sharing the sight of his Tsarist nipples.
A manly show of a Russian metrosexual
Or maybe an outlawed Homosexual.
An emperor Caveman on a
Afraid to eat a little Pussy Riot.

The credits roll
The score lifts high
Villains and heros
The worst and the best
A juiced up Lance
Narcasistic Kanye West
This year gave birth
To some of the worst
And the usual others
Like the Koch Bruthas
Those villainaire major Teabagger fund raisers
Against the powerless Minimum wagers.
The new Pope in old shoes We saw in some photos;
The red ones he sent back to Dorothy and Toto.
The good guys were played By a cast not a lot of
Some gave up the the ghost and their earthly home
(Mandela deserves a much better poem).
The villains too many survived to be seen
in next year’s sequel “2014.”

LF Rudmann