The Fat Cat Ticket

Republicans have often been collared with the “fat cat” tag for lusting- after and hopping in, cash bags tumescent, between the sheets of wealthy campaign constituents climaxing in a happy feted and sated finish.  Now a real fat-cat Repoob presidential ticket can be envisioned, one which would tip the political and bathroom scales as the heaviest weighted campaign in GOP history. With weight accompanying their heavy reputations as (fat) bullies, Newt Gringrich, weighing in near the three hundred summit and New Jersey Governor Chris Christy…topping at least the big three hundred and more would be a Presidential ticket that literally could not fly…  at least together on the same campaign plane. Their campaign slogan? “Newt and Chris.. Too Big to Fail” ? Or maybe “Two Buckets of Lard in Every Fridge.” Of course, nearly 60% of Americans are officially overweight or obese so there lies their base, a huge constituency that could just possibly get off their slouching couches and waddle to the polls. And, catching their breaths, maybe vote, too. Or, we could hope the Repoobs nominate 5’5″ Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels and another vertically-challenged candidate (Christine “Not a Witch” O’Donnell?)  and we’d have the shortest …. naw, forget it…that’s what podium boosters are for.