Category: Putin

Trumputin Syrian Plot

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Trumputin Syrian Plot
(Trigger warning: the following post contains speculations and alternative facts…read with caution). 
I’m not a conspiracy theorist. But indulge me as I sniff out a rats’ nest of matted hair, rotted pizza, moldy bits of borscht and the detritus of a desperate Trump administration. 
  
Syrian President “The Chinless Henchman” Assad purportedly nerve gasses civilians. He’s already winning the war against his citizens, as Trump says, bigly. So he wakes up one fine morning in his palace, slides off his silk sheets, stretches while gazing out his balcony window and thinks: “I think I’ll gas some folks today. What the hell.” Ok, dozens of innocents are brutally killed and maimed by his gas attack. Oh my gosh, Trump sees gut-wrenching photos of children and babies writhing in agony and is “moved.”  This from a guy who loathes immigrants and whose proposed budget wrecks havoc and suffering on the most vulnerable of Americans. If the recently deceased insult-comedian Don Rickles was “Mr. Warmth”  then Trump surely is “Mr Empathy.” So someone, maybe Ivanka, explains to him the concept of “human suffering.” Ivanka adds in a little deal-sweetener by telling her dad that Assad might have said his chin is larger than Trumps hands. Wow… now we’re talking real human suffering. Let’s bomb an airfield and show that low-energy Little Assad who’s the real boss. Bombs Away! Fifty nine Tomahawks chop up a Syrian runway. NBC’s Brian “The Exaggerator” Williams says he was “guided by the beauty of our weapons,” whatever that means. Other TV pundits declare that by shooting missiles Trump has become Presidential…apparently again, the first time after he exploited a Navy Seal’s death during a speech to Congress. What is it about causing death and destruction that makes mere mortals “Presidential?” But I digress. 
So, Assad nerve gasses his citizens, Trump teaches him a lesson by Tomahawking an airstrip, Trump is suddenly very “Presidential.”  His polls rise. No one is talking about his administration’s alleged collusion with the Russians to help him win the Presidency. Mission accomplished. 
Putin is now saying that Syrian rebels are responsible for the nerve gas attack, not Assad. No one with half of a brain believes that Putin didn’t know of the nerve gas attacks in advance. Did he evacuate his Russian “advisors” on the ground before the attack as many believe. (Damn, I’m sounding like Trump.. many have heard, lot of people are saying…) The big question is: did the Trump administration collude, again, with Putin to stage the gas attacks to take the heat off Trump, reduce interest in the investigation of Russia’s hacking our election and of course bolster Trump’s poll numbers. Putin agrees to order Assad to carry out the gas attacks, tells Trump he can shoot off a few Presidential Tomahawks to scalp an airstrip, allowing Trump officials to criticize Putin’s support for Assad demonstrating to the world that Trump and Putin are not pals. This puts Trump even deeper in debt to Putin but gives him breathing space, better poll numbers and that elusive “Presidential” patina. (A real challenge covering up that tanning salon orange). Meanwhile, Trump remains silent on Putin. No direct criticism. With Putin potentially holding that Golden Shower videotape, is it any wonder? 
Crazy? Yes. Unbelievable? Well, conspiracies are by their nature on the surface not believable. Conspiracy theories are not really theories as much as speculation.  The first dictionary definition of theory is:
  1. a coherent group of tested general propositions, commonly regarded as correct, that can be used as principles of explanation and prediction for a class of phenomena: Einstein’s theory of relativity.  Synonyms: principle, law, doctrine. 
Down the list of theory definitions at number 6 and 7 are:
…..contemplation or speculation: the theory that there is life on other planets; 
…..guess or conjecture: My theory is that he never stops to think words have consequences.
So, this new Trumputin Syrian nerve gas conspiracy is just that. Speculation. Like Trump’s conspiracy theory that Obama was born in Kenya. Except the latter has been disproven and the former has not. 
Now it’s on to North Korea. Rising provocations mean rising polls.  How “Presidential” will Trump look if he provokes a nuclear conflagration and WW-3? 
Read more like this and not like this at: http://www.mediaize.com

So Presidential!

Lawrence Rudmann1 Comment

PresidenTsar Trumputin continues to break records, exceed the best and out-tremendous-ize winning while out-superlativizing and most-hyperbolisizing just about everything and everyone in the galaxy. No one is more “less racist, less anti-Semitic” says Him Who Is He or He Who Is Him.  “No one respects women more than me,” he has said on too many occasions. And now our New PresidenTsar has even exceeded his own Wonderfulness by reading a speech (the Best speech ever!) line by wonderful line one after another and another! Whew! We’re blown away by all his majestic ability to read. But last night’s Speech of Speeches set a new record for the Greatest Exploitation of a Grieving Military Widow. As The PresidenTsar himself might say, “No one exploits grieving war widows better than me.” Trump over-milked the audience’s sympathies for Carryn Owens, whose Navy Seal hero husband Chief Petty Officer William “Ryan” Owens, was killed last month in a fcuked-up mission in Yemen. His exploitation of Chief Ryan and his widow served to justify his own reckless approval of the ill-fated, poorly planned mission. Trump’s “enemy of the American people” media praised his phony compassion. Even the liberal CNN pundit Van Jones joined fellow duped-commentators by calling Trump’s fraudulent focus on Mrs Ryan “one of the most extraordinary moments you have seen in American politics, period.” Jones further slobbered over himself declaring that Trump “…became president of the United States in that moment, period. That thing you just saw him do, if he finds a way to do that over and over again, he’s going to be there for eight years.” Well, that’s that! I guess we can expect many more ill-planned military excursions which will serve up lots of victims and widows and family to be showcased for the next PresidenTsar speech. Chief Ryan, little did you know that by sacrificing your life, you created a “president.” America grieves your death for so many reasons.

Hillary: Tough As Nails

Lawrence RudmannLeave a comment
Who do want as President, a tough proven hard ass who will stare down Vlad the Imputin or a bloated thin-skinned sissy-manboy who sucks up to and admires bullies like Putin. Hillary, or Hellary if you choose, is a short low center-of-gravity no-nonsense woman who won’t be knocked over. 
Ok, she can be a stingy with the truth… when it’s personal….but damn she’ll drown you without compassion in a bathtub of hard truths, hard facts and hard-headed realistic policy proposals. 
With a built-in bullshit detector honed to a laser point by a lifetime of living with Bill, Hillary will chew you up, spit you out and grind your sorry deplorable prevaricating ass into a cosmic wedgie. Whatever that is. And yes, she has strategically decided to stay “married” to The Bill. You can bet that one of her first actions as President on the proverbial DAY ONE will involve a special Presidential Proclamation with a huge scrollygirly-font banner-head that reads: D.I.V.O.R.C.E.  She knows she owes that special “Day One” action to all her sisters who voted for her. And to her granddaughter and Chelsea. 
Deceitful Donald cares not a tinker’s dam for The Truth.  He creates his own truths, or as Hillary said in the first debate he “lives in his own reality.” Which although a clever line, was wasted on his supporters who thought it was a compliment. (Of course most of his supporters do not watch things like debates, preferring a good re-run of Duck Dynasty or Neck’ed an Abraded.”
Hillary has been criticized all her public life (as are many women) for her looks, dress, hairstyle. The headband. The bangs. The pantsuits. The frown. The smile. The laugh. Her legs. Does she react like an insecure self-obsessed teenager? No. she moves on, self assured and confident that decent people will accept her and judge her on what she does and has accomplished for the public good. 
Compare & contrast that to Donald, master of the Art of The Fear, a seventy-year old man obsessed with his fluffy bleached combed-forward-back & over hair extensions, overweight and pendulous yet fat-shaming women who don’t meet his standards of beauty … “no fat pigs, dogs, slobs or disgusting animals.” And of course not pregnant. (Trigger Warning: Imagine climbing in bed with a naked Trump.) Trump has the Temperament and self-assurance of an eighth grade mean girl.
Enough of Trump. We’re here with Hillary. Don’t trust her? I bet Putin, Kim Jong-un and that crazy Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte don’t trust her either. After the mild, gentlemanly erudite Obama, America seems to be pining for a “strongman” President who can scare the crap out of dictators, despots and terrorists with a no-nonsense dose of hardcore reality…this is the way it is fellows. Now boys, let’s sit down and work it out. Or else. Hillary: strongwoman. Mild-mannered she is not. How could she be after fighting, scratching, clawing and outmaneuvering her way to the top, busting thru glass ceilings like a Die Hard Bruce Willis crashing thru a skyscraper window. Her father didn’t stake her millions of bucks to start a business. She used her brains, not daddy’s money, to begin her long slog to the top. 
All candidates hyperbolically declare that they are “fighters” and that they will fight for you. Hillary is fond of saying that too, with this difference: she’s been in one cage fight after another, winning some, losing some. But she never declines a challenge to climb back in the next cage to administer a beatdown on her opponent. The woman can fight and will fight good fights as President. 
Oh, and unlike Donald, Hillary doesn’t mind being called “Hillary.” She doesn’t demand Senator or Madam Secretary. Donald requires everyone, even his son-in-law, to nonsobriquet him as Mr. Trump. Hillary won’t be called Hillary next January 20. From then on we’ll just call her Madam President. 
More like this and not like this at: praajek.com

2014 – Hoarding & Lording and Baring & Sharing

Lawrence Rudmann1 Comment

2014 – Hoarding & Lording and Baring & Sharing

Hoarders and Lorders
First Class boarders
Fast-lane one-percenters
Kept passing
And amassing
While the 99
Settled-in Pharelly Happy
And Sappy
By baring and sharing
Selfies and songs
Not about Wall Streeter wrongs
Or big bankers the wankers
Who sank the middle classes
Instead just laid down like lambs
And Instagramed
Our Big Asses.

The Year in Review
More déjà vu
Back to Iraq
The Taliban captures
Our Afghan Army Hound
To the past we’re bound
No Boots on the Ground
Just drone it in
Death from Abuzz
Make ISIS Was Was.

The Foxes roided
Economic good news they voided
Accorded
This the Year of Fear
Sourced our ills
To the reign
Of Barack Hussein
Who can’t-say-nope
To those drug mule kids
We be hatin’
On our border violatin’
With calves the size of cantaloupes.

That’s not all
Sarah Palin saw
Our African Prince
Had just the tonic
He imported the deadly virus
Ebonics.

In the never ending battle 
For Obamafear
That Obamakill would drown us 
In medical bills
Ebola dropped handshakes and fist bumps down to our heels
We right-wringed a dried-out federal budget deal
Cut disease research cause we’d rather be dead
And pour buckets of ice water on our heads instead.

The Foxes saw
With fear
And malice
From afar
Obama disappear
That Malaysian airliner
The Executive Action Immigration signer
Tea baggers soon regretted their
Putin Piner shouts of “real leader”
As his ruble roiled
In a glut of US oil
He’s now boiled borsht with cold chopped liver
While Obama sings “Crimea River.”

Obama’s sins
On him The Foxes pinned
He hacked J-Law’s nudie selfies
Sold ’em to Boku Harem themselfies
Wrote the lyrics to “It’s All About the Bass.”
Uncoupled unconscious Gwyneth and Chris
Encouraged Michael Sam and his boyfriend’s kiss
Caught Michelle at midnight in the fridgerator
Cold cocked Janay and Jay-Z in elevators.
But the smoking gun, folks,
Was tokin’
A Commie Cuban Fat Cigar
In a ‘57 Chevy car.
A bridge way too far.

For some this year served as a lesson
The Pope said dogs might go to Heaven
“Who am I to judge,” he sounded zany
Easier he said, for a dog, than for Dick Cheney
For who’s reserved a special place in Hell
For rectal-de-hydration in an eternal cell.
                                                 
Rick Perry hopes to be less “oops-ier”
In unGoogled horn-rimmed glass
He looks even more the ass
Running again with pants more poopier.

Others took a road less travelled
Bill Cosby came unravelled
Rejected as a driver for Uber
His face not funny smile less goofy
Delivering roofies
For a start-up called Luber.

For 2015 here’s some advice:
If you shot Bin Laden
That he’s dead will suffice.

If your name is Grover last name Norquist
Or even Casper the famous Milquetoast
Please don’t tweet that you drove a Hippie van
To the Black Rock desert and Burning Man.

Don’t get excited by the next Podcast Serial
I’ll give you a glimpse of the new material:
It’s not Adnan,
It’s not Jay,
It’s not Mr. S.,
It’s not boyfriend Dave.
The Serial killer is…you simp…
The Male Chimmmppp!…Chimp?

  (For those who missed
The Serial podcast referenced above…
A verse for you to leave or love.)

The Polar Ice Cap
May be melting
Like a face-lift of Renee Zellweger.
Climate change
If you say, “Hell, go figure!”
Then this year’s Super Bowl half time
You know it
Will feature America’s favorite Poets.

Happy New Year – 2015
Lawrence

My Nude Photos Hacked, Sacked, Jacked, Whacked and unpacked for the world to…

Lawrence Rudmann1 Comment
Don’t look now (seriously) but the biggest news story of the summer has just gotten bigger (worse). Not only have nudie pics of lady actors, tall thin ladies who model clothes, attractive celebrated females (femlebrities) such as Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence and a bunch of other cutie-nudie posers been hacked by a cloud hacker, now I discover that my own extensive and HUGE nudie selfie-portfolio has been violated by an unknown shoebox hacker. 
In a breach of privacy unknown in the Western and Eastern worlds and throughout my neighborhood, I discovered recently that my secret stash of nude selfies which I had cleverly stashed in the bottom of a gym bag under a pile of sweaty smelly socks and underwear, was scattered all over my smelly sweaty closet floor. Someone had been rummaging through my secret gym bag and unearthed my precious nudie selfies. Tossed hither and thither were 3×5″ Polaroids of me in various degrees of nudity: freezing my naked butt off building a snowman; running naked in a Naked Iron Man Triathlon thru the Mojave Desert; body-painted and birthday-suited in the Black Rock Nevada desert at Burning Man doing flaming cartwheels with fellow “Burner” Grover Norquist; romping full-frontal, fearless and feckless, at a Ruby-on-Rails after-seminar coding rave; swimming and diving bare-skinned and buck-nekked at an all nudie Mitch McConnell Blob Fish look-alike festival in Honey Dip Kentucky… All these and more…oh the privacy! 
Are some of them missing? Did the hackysacker photo them with his iPhone and now prepares to seed the clouds with them letting loose upon the land a global swarming of my hunkyjunk?  
Who pirated my privacy? I want to know! Was it you Apple? Or “Don’t Be Evil” Google? NSA or Edwin Snowden? Surely my humble closet and gym bag would present no challenge for the considerable hacking skills of this cowardly, traitorous, unAmerican Putin-boot-lickin’whistle-blower-with-no-country Rooskie-lovin’ former CIA-NSA employee. In a world where a guy has to live in fear that his nude selfies might be exposed to that world…in a world where one’s sacred gym bag is pried open letting loosed upon the world foul dirty sock emanations and nude selfies…is a world where the only thing left to do is….stop taking nudie selfies? Damn you cleaning lady, I know you did it !
http://www.praajek.com

Pooty Poot’s Polemic

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In a NY Times editorial opinion article Russian President Vladimir Putin, aka Pooty Poot by G. W. Bush, takes America (and Obama) to task for its reliance on military aggression to solve international conflicts. “We must stop using the language of force and return to the path of civilized diplomatic and political settlement,” Putin writes. 

Putin further says that although he and President Obama are increasing their mutual trust, he takes exception to the President’s assertion of American “exceptionalism” and that its policies make it an exceptional nation. Invoking the “lord” Putin says that people in all countries are created equal. 
“It is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional….There are big countries and small countries, rich and poor, those with long democratic traditions and those still finding their way to democracy. Their policies differ, too. We are all different, but when we ask for the Lord’s blessings, we must not forget that God created us equal,” Putin concludes. 
So Putin transforms himself from a cartoonish James Bond-type villain who outlaws gay rights, imprisons political rivals, (even the Pussy Riot girl band for public protests) to a wise and benevolent leader and champion of human rights and Nobel Peace Prize candidate schooling Obama on the need for restraint, on the perils of military action to promote our version of democracy. “Millions around the world increasingly see America not as a model of democracy but as relying solely on brute force, cobbling coalitions together under the slogan “you’re either with us or against us.” 
Is Putin correct to challenge America on its claim of being “exceptional?” Does our policy of unilateral military strikes against any country that uses chemical weapons or commits genocide make us exceptional or just hypocritical. Our use of chemical napalm in Vietnam, our tacit approval of Saddam Hussain’s use of chemical weapons in its war with Iran in the 1980s could be construed as exceptional hypocrisy. As the only nation to ever use the destructive force of nuclear weapons on another country it would seem our exceptionalism could easily be interpreted by other people around the world as less than aspirational. 

It’s easy to read Pooty Poot’s polemic as reasonable if not awkwardly written. (Couldn’t he hire an American English major to edit his writing?) America has relied on brute force, has acted in a “with us or against us” attitude exemplified in the extreme by G. W. Bush’s war on Iraq. But Pooty Poot.. come on…we may be hypocrites, but one thing is obvious, the Emperor wears no shirt.