Obama Offers Up Malia & Sasha to Placat

In his second press conference in as many weeks President Obama today raised the stakes in the high risk debt ceiling-budget deficit negotiations with Republican leaders.

“Not only do I propose to raise the age for Social Security and Medicare eligibility to 85, eliminate Medicaid, Head Start, and the Depts. of Education, Energy and Environmental Protection Agency, today I also offer my two beloved daughters, Malia and Sasha,” the President announced.

Republican Speaker John Boehner responded that although the sacrifice of the President's daughters was a good start, “The President's insistence on eliminating the excess-profits tax loop-holes on producers of Loopholes is a deal-breaker.”

Speaker Boehner said that raising the taxes on America's Loophole industry is a job killer.

“Increasing taxes on job-creating small loophole businesses is a recipe for disaster. The American People need American-made loopholes for job-creating engines like corporate jet and yacht makers, golf-course developers, gold-plated faucet and titanium toilet handle crafts, limousine and high-performance luxury sports car manufacturers, just to name a few of these essential industries,” the Speaker said.

“Throwing his daughters into the deal is sweet, but we, the Real American People, need Real American-born incentives, not the progeny of a Kenyan-born colonialist-socialist Mau Mau ideology, the Speaker said.

An unnamed source close to the President reacting to the Speaker's response remarked that if Republicans turn down this deal then the President will consider throwing-in his mother-in-law as a bonus.


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