The Craven

The Craven  
The Craven  
(With apologies to E.A. Poe)

Once upon a midnight dreary, while Trump pondered leaks
and leery
over media complaints so furious at his volumes o’misbegotten tweets galore  —

While he plotted, clearly snacking, suddenly there
came a tapping,
As of Obama rap’n tapping crazy
From inside his microwavy.
“ ’Tis some thugger,” thus he muttered, “tapping at my
Oven door—
Only this and and a whole lot more.”

Back to his chamber & cell phone turning, all his coal within him burning,
Soon again he heard a tapping something louder than before.
“Surely,” said he, “surely that is something at my Oval Office door;
Let me see, then, what the threat is, and this mystery explore—
Let my tweets accusatory and this mystery
not ignore
’Tis fake news and nothing more!”
Open here he flung his twitters, when, with Many a fart and flitter,
In there be his TaxReturns
Of the corrupt days of yore;
Perched above his microwave’s door.
Quoth the TaxReturns “Nevermore.”

Guys & Dolls

Guys & Dolls
Maybe it’s just a coincidental diversion from the 24/7 Trump all news all day Trump-this-and-Trump-tweeted-that but dolls are suddenly in the news, fake or not. Dolls, as in American Girl Dolls. Or an American Girl “Boy” doll. As described by Mattel, this 18″ (tall) boy doll, with an algorithmically correct name of Logan Everett, is dressed in hipster t-shirt and dark washed jeans and plays drums in his friend Tenny Grant’s band. The guess is that Tenny (Tennyson?) is still taking guitar lessons in the Mattel incubation 3-D printing  laboratory. 
Since we live in an age when everything has political ramifications even dolls are now politicized and this new American Girl boy doll is shearing our fraying cultural fabric into even smaller shreds and threads.  Political and cultural conservatives are as outraged as are some liberal feminist factions condemning this incursion of plastic male chromosomes into the girly no-boys-allowed worlds of doll collection and play. Other self-proclaimed enlightened parents see Little Logan as a teachable lesson in diversity while others reportedly hold that little boys like to play with dolls too. 
And this brings us to another issue. Is our new American Girl Boy Logan a stealth “gateway doll” priming the pump not just for diversity but for homosexuality, transgenderization and even pedophilia?  (Will Mattel see large orders of Lil’ Logan from The Vatican? Just kidding, Francis!) What are we to do? One answer could be to embrace the newly announced Jazz Jennings Transgender Doll announced recently by a New York doll company, according to the New York Times. 
Based on the real 16 year-old Jazz Jennings, who at age 6 appeared on national television to discuss his transcendent journey from boy to girl, does the new Jazz Transgender doll solve this doll conundrum or add to the confusion and division? Some big questions arise. Foreskinmost – is Jazz T anatomically authentic? Or chromosomally correct? Is it only a matter of time before America’s boy doll Longan’s friend Tenny becomes “Tranny?” 
As Baby Boomers transition from boomers to doomers maybe it’s time for kids to play with old people dolls like the kind one finds on Pinterest. This will prepare them for their career fate of elder parent care. How about American Old Person Doll Elmer Hopkins, age 92, and his nursing home next door resident Florence Flowers, age 90. Elmer and Florence wear cotton jogging pants, pajamas and sweat shirts that say Have a Great Grampy/Grammy Day. The Elmer and Florence dolls comes with their own walkers with removable little tennis balls on the feet. But perhaps the best dolls for these troubled times might be Russian Matryoshka or babushka nesting dolls, one
inside the other, each one unveiling more and more of the rotten truth of Trump’s complicity with the Rooskies to steal the Presidential election. And I wanted to keep this subject just about dolls. Thanks, Trump. 

Thanks, Obama

Barrack Hussain Obama, 44th President
The most dignified, noble and decent man to ever lead America and the world, Barrack Hussain Obama, leaves the White House today and cedes the keys to the most vain, coarse, insecure, mentally deranged, contemptible and corrupt person to ever rule from our nation’s solemn Oval Office. 
Was Barrack Obama the most prepared man to assume the Presidency? Did he seek the office from purely altruistic motivations? Would he had even thought about pursuing the Presidency had he not been encouraged by insider professional political operatives who saw the opportunity to fulfill their political fortunes through a highly educated charismatic young African American with gifted oratory skills and a raw talent for connecting with people? No is probably answer. 
Barrack Obama spoke in dulcet refrains about hope and change. Not original ideas. Bill Clinton was the Man From Hope. All politicians stand for change. But Obama, a true first generation “African-American” — black African father from Kenya and white mother from Kansas, embodied the conceit of America’s melting pot, representing hope for a post-racial era. His voice echoed yearning, a plea to summon our better selves. We can do this, yes we can he said. And a popular majority of American voters and Presidential electors did. Twice. Then, days after his first Inauguration Republican knives were sharpened in the shadows of the majority Senate which declared its priority for the next four years would not be governing a legislative agenda but instead dedicating themselves to ensuring that the President not have another four years in office. Obama, like the rookie he was, wasted his first year in office naively attempting to compromise and “reach across” the partisan aisle. That was his style that successfully propelled him through his bi-racial life. When “go along to get along” hit the Republican brick wall he was still convinced that he could charm, call upon their “better angels” or at least mollify their dominant devils. Wrong. 
What I like about him is this: his intentions, ideas and hopes for change are positive. His proposals and ideas, unlike Google’s now abandoned motto, “do no evil,” sought to achieve common good. On the environment and climate change, the most important issues of our era, he lead the world in seeking solutions.  No new wars. No 911-like terror attacks on U. S. soil. Brought BinLaden to justice. He pulled us out of the Great Recession. Unemployment is at historic low levels. Obamacare is flawed, but well-aimed, well intentioned and 20 million uninsured now have health insurance. Obama sees America as already great with unlimited potential whereas a demagogue such as Trump sees himself as a demigod ruling by threats and fear of the future with hope furtively hiding in the past. 
It says a lot about recent presidencies that when Obama serves eight years with little or no administrative corruption and absolutely no personal scandals it becomes a hallmark. His Presidency embodied decency and decorum and adherence to the American family values that Republicans proclaim and preach but often ignore and defy through anti-family, anti-women, pro business policies. 
Thank you Barrack Hussain Obama for eight proud years of hard work, courageous leadership and devotion to America. Thanks Obama! 


How Do You Like Me Now?
Will the Wizzened Dark Evil One Endorse the Bloated-Faced Evil Orange One?
Ok Dick Cheney, nation building-invading Dr. Strangelove, you still sticking with Trump? The Mad Playboy says no more invading! At least he still loves water boarding, so dear to your stolen desiccated artificial heart.

Mr. Dick-tater Head
Mad Tyrant Trump’s campaign manager Paul Manafort lobbied for world-champion dictator-despots like Ferdinand Marcos, Angolan guerrilla mass-murderer Jonas Savimbi, Mobutu Sese Seko, dictator of Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of Congo), dictator torturer-extraordinaire Sani Abacha of Nigeria and Ukraine’s former mobster president Viktor Yanukovych ? Who could be his next client?  North Korea’s baby faced despot dictator Kim Jong Un?

Ask Your Doctor if Trump Is Right For You. 
Let’s ask an important question. Does Donald Trump really look healthy? By all outward appearances Mr. Trump’s florid face, slow pendulous gait, saggybaggy frame certainly leads one to assume he might not be in the most robust health. Although I’m not a doctor (I just play one on the internet) the aforementioned, plus his well-documented preference for high fat/sodium/sugar fast foods indicates a person with a high risk for cardiovascular disease and or diabetes. All candidates seeking the highest office in the world should not only release their medical records but should undergo a complete physical exam performed by an independent team of physicians with the results made public. This is the era of sharing, after all.

Extreme Wetting
Donald Trump’s announcement that he will employ “extreme vetting” for new wannabe immigrants begs for more clarification. Will new immigrant applicants be subjected to waterboarding to force their confessions of love for Sharia Law? Or just simple lie detector tests? Are you now, or have you ever been a member of an Islamic Terrorist organization? Maybe special extreme Rorschach tests: does this picture remind you of a burka or a suicide vest? Or maybe by “extreme” Trump means “extremities.” Think cattle prods and fingernails. Dark Cheney, you might be coming out of retirement.

Olympic Dudes.. I Feel Your Pain. 
I’ve had it! Enough is enough. Enuf already, Ok? Stop! Quit it now! I can’t take it any more. I’m fed up and just about had it up to here. Not there: HERE! I’m so tired of having my body objectified. I feel for those poor Olympic guys in Rio, the swimmers, the gymnasts, weight lifters. I feel their pain. Being ogled and whistled at one can almost feel the fantasization as described in recent Cosmopolitan Magazine headline: Olympic Gold Bulges. Cosmopolitan Magazine headline: Olympic Gold Bulges.

Michelle Actually Stole Melania’s Speech

Did Melania crib Michelle’s speech? Easy explanation. First: the answer is NO! Michelle actually plagiarized Melania’s speech. Wait, you say. Michelle gave her speech eight years before Melania wrote and spoke hers. What are you talking about? Well, if you live in the Fox News right-wing bubble, this is entirely possible and indeed a well-established fact. Reality bends into itself twisting truth inside out. Just like Obama’s mother deliberately married a Kenyan and gave birth to baby Barrack in Kenya, she knew all too well that someday her son would run for President and so destroyed his birth certificate and surreptitiously moved to Hawaii to establish his US citizenship.  Michelle Obama, in 2008, knew all too well that In 2016 Donald Trump’s third wife Melania would write an beautiful original speech to present at the Republican Convention to nominate her husband Donald Trump. We know how these sneaky liberals work…a dirty play plagiarized from the Clinton dirty tricks playbook. Obama/Clinton operatives reached illegally eight years into the future thru a Black Lives Matter Hole, and using a secret email server, tore a seam in the universe, grabbed a copy of Melania’s speech, which she had worked so hard on, and plagiarized it word for beautiful word. End of controversy. 
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Burnt Feet, Pit Bulls and Tickling.

And on a lighter note….
More cops killing black people, black people killing cops, Hillary’s careless emailing, Trump’s daily racist, misogynist, xenophobic, bigoted Tweets, Brexit fallout, the mass-shooting-of-the-month…alligator snatches toddler at Disney World…the worst of times…and the worst of times. What a summer so far. And the Trump Republican coronation convention still awaits. After the Dallas cop  sniper-murders The NY POST ran a William Randolph Hearst yellow-journalism banner head declaring “CIVIL WAR.”  (In 1897 Hearst dispatched illustrator Fredric Remington to cover for his newspaper the Cuban uprising against Spanish rule and supposedly told him “you furnish the pictures and I’ll furnish the war.”) 
Maybe America needs a breather. Instead of a war. 
Just a few weeks ago we were engaged in news accounts of the gorilla who was shot after tossing around a small boy who had fallen into its zoo pen. Boy 1. Gorilla 0. 
Later we were charmed by the heart-warming story of the cultish followers of self-help guru Tony Robbins who burnt their feet walking on his command across burning coals. Good times. 
And of course we all giggled uncontrollably at news articles about the latest athletic endeavor of Competitive Endurance Tickling. A new documentary, “Tickled” exposes this brutal underground, “fight club”-like dangerous sport. Belly laughs all around. 
Also in the news, a story, based on a new book, “Pit Bull… the Battle over an American Icon,” pits this viscous breed against its reputation as a face-ripping 4-legged monster dog. Not so fast, argues this book’s author. Pit Bully is really a cuddly, lovable lil’ ball of puppy fur. Hmmmm.  Good dog. Down boy…..down…..
But now it’s “BLACK/BLUE/All LIVES MATTER” 24-7. Predictions of race riots, vigilantes, mobs, civil war. I’d  walk across hot coals laughing until I cried  uncontrollably, a gorilla and a pit bull on leash, if all we had to worry and argue about were dogs, burnt feet and tickling.

Damn turd pol or the Damp old runt.

Remember Pat Paulsen? The comedian who ran for President from 1968 thru 1996. How about Pee Wee Herman, aka actor Paul Reubens whose Pee Wee’s Playhouse was shut down after he was arrested for an alleged minor public transgression purportedly involving his genitals and a dark movie house. He’s currently on the comeback trail. Of course we remember washed up actors Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger who both went on to become governors, one of them all the way to the Presidency thanks to the OPEC oil embargo, the Iranian hostage crises and a killer rabbit. Throw in Cliven Bundy, the crazy anti-government welfare rancher or Kanye West the narcissistic hiphop rappa-ego-maniacal self-proclaimed genius and world-savior. What’s the point of mentioning these doofus goofs? Donald Trump. I wouldn’t be more shocked, surprised and perplexed if any of these…Pat (gods rest his squirrelly soul) Pee Wee, Cliven, Arnold or Kanye were on track to actually, truly, really, holy-shit-gawds-save-us, become the Republican nominee for President than I am that a racist, misogonist, (fill-in the operative pejorative) New York City billionaire real estate con man might actually become President of the U. S. of A. (When Reagan was elected President I had to drag myself to a window the morning (in America) after the election to see if the sun would actually appear…to my dismay and shock, it did). 
Current analysis has it that Trump’s emergence is the simple result of the buzzards coming home to feast on the carrion of the 1960s-born Republican “Southern Strategy” roadkill. That SS emerged from the traditional Democrat south and American white suburban resentment of the Civil Rights and voting rights acts, demise of Jim Crow politics all encouraged by “dog whistle ” coded language used so effectively by Reagan, et al…states rights, welfare queens, busing and later the cultural issue weapons of GGGG — God, Guns, Grizzlies & Gays.  The once Democrat racist south transgendered and traded places with the anti-segregationist republican “party of Lincoln.” 
Although accurate, this analysis is incomplete. With the election of Obama in 2008 we were supposedly on the brink of a post-racial era, one in which America finally came to grips with its racist past and began to accept and embrace its destiny as a multi-cultural multiracial nation with equal rights and opportunities for all. We certainly pulled back from that brink, didn’t we. Way back. But now Trump’s emergence as the de-facto leader of the Republican Party begs further analysis, as Trump himself might say, “until we can figure out what’s going on here.” So what is going on here? His identification and exploitation of the Angry Man keys his success. Who are these Angry folks? Sure, some are the defeated diehard leftovers of the Sixties cultural wars. But on reflection Trump, and Bernie Sanders to a similar degree, seem to have tapped into a fracked-up vein of noxious volatile gas festering just below the surface bubbling up to an unaccommodating landscape of gigs instead of real jobs, unindustrialized service economies, jobs outsourced to foreign labor markets, outdated skill sets, down-sized efficiency-ized  work forces
Uberized, Amazoned and App’ed. 
Of course Trump doesn’t really understand these forces, he just blunders and thunders into the space created by them. Like the old P-Funk lyric “huffin’ and puffin’ you ain’t doin’ nuthin’,” Trump is good at thrusting and hustling but short-fingered on delivering any satisfactory solutions. Instead of answers Trump responds with brags. “Believe me, America will be the greatest because I’m the biggest, the best, the richest, my wife the most beautiful, my steaks the tastiest, my books the best best sellers, my clothes the most stylish, my shoes the shiniest, my hair the orangiest, my teeth the whitiest, my tan the tanniest, my hotels the swankiest, my kids the smartiest, my awesomeness the most awesomiest, my torturing will be the most beautifully painful, my wall the highest, my name-calling the most horribliest, my insults the most egregious…(looking at you, Pope Francis & Mother Theresa…) my Blacks, Hispanics and Muslims love me more than their children….” The more egregious the lies and brags the more people believe, or at least ignore them. 
How could this happen in America? I just don’t get it. Really, just what is going on here, anyway? 
I tried to generate a world class, best ever  anagram for the best name in the world, Donald Trump. My favorites: Damn turd pol. Damp old runt.

America…I’m this Bud for You

 Update: Anheuser-Busch recently confirmed it will change the name of its Budweiser 12-oz. cans and bottles with the name “America” from May 23 through election season in November. 
This Bud/America’s for you. So starting today I’m changing my name to “AMERICA” too. You can call me America, or Lawrence America. I’ll respond to either name, as long as I hear the American part. My new label will run from now thru the day after the presidential election. If Trump wins, I’m then changing my label to Lawrence Canada, or just plain Canada. 

Feeding the Angry Man

Feeding the Angry Man

Political correctness has been the whipping-boy issue of the far-right wing for many years. No one touts aversion to PC behavior more than Donald Trump, in large part basing his presidential run on mocking all things politically correct. Expressing politically incorrect statements and views has become the defining standard of what I call the new Angry Man movement. (I use the term “man” because Trumping appeals more to men than women, although there are of course, though fewer, Angry Women too!)

This backlash against political correctness, although not new and has been percolating for years, has now erupted volcanically, given heat from the steaming bowels of Trump who belches more vitriol than an OxyContin-infused radio talk show host (talkin' bout you, Flush Phlegmball!)

But it's not all Donald's fault. Recently political correctness has been it own worst enemy. He's only taking advantage of some high profile examples of PC goofiness and unleashing festering grievances left over from the self-perceived left-behind.

Trump is the wind (bag) beneath the wings of the angry. Seething silent anger just below the surface of civility, these Angry Men have had to keep their feelings in check for decades, every day a lost day that brought them closer to inexorable defeat in the lingering culture war of the Sixties. Yes, the Sixties Culture War rages on in the shallow cranial recesses of the religious right, Nixon's old law & order hard hats, the “silent majority” and their “poorly-educated” progeny still offended by anti-Vietnam protests, “free love,” a casual embrace of drugs, and civil rights victories. (“I love the poorly educated,” Trump declared after his Nevada primary victory last February.)

Now comes Trump, loud and brash, like a constipated cow suddenly effluent from gorging in a field of rotting beans. Trump's emissions, sulfurically foul, are whiffs of lilac and roses to the noses of his Angries. Finally, someone who is not afraid to say out loud what they've been longing to say forever. Not just someone, but a someone who could hold the highest office in the land. A someone who could make the White House the white house again. (Well, maybe the gold-plated White House?) And his calling card? Attack political correctness. A task which liberals today sometimes aid and abet. From trigger warnings and safe space demands of sensitive babyfied college students to accusations of “cultural appropriation” by minorities, political correctness is fast becoming a favorite pick up line for the right wing. College students who demand a trigger warning that a reading assignment or lecture might contain something offensive to their sheltered little minds forget the reason they are in college in the first place…to expand their minds, be exposed to different ideas: to become educated. Is it really cultural appropriation when a white student is shamed by Black students for wearing dreadlocks? What about a Black student who bleaches her hair blond? (Note: I'm willing to be schooled on this issue from another point of view) Of course political correctness is not really “running amok” as so many pundits and columnists seem be declaring and warning. But egregious examples, amplified by media, social and traditional, feed into the meme/trope that we've gone too far, that we are too sensitive, need to lighten-up, quit worrying about offending everyone (except we whites in power) and just enjoy life. Yeah, make America great again, like before civil and voting rights, environmental regulations, Medicare, Social Security, child labor laws, food safety laws. Those were the days my friends…we thought they'd never end…

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2015 – A Year of Living Fearfully©

2015 – A Year of Living Fearfully©
We got it quick, 
We got it now
Here a click 
There a click
We got it how?
Here a pick there a pick
In the Amazon pits
Bot Boys & Gig Girls
Ubering this and 
Ubering that
Working harder than 
The Pizza Rat.
So buy me a beer
And quench my fear
an IPA with a wise-ass label
“Bangin’Your Sister” or “Murdering Mabel.”
If you’re socially able
Pour me that hoppy Alcohol tincture
An artesinal brew called “Clinching Sphincters.”
My fear is palpable
That my order calculable 
Isn’t Pay-Pal-able
Delivered prime by the ISISman cometh
Venomous sous la table
With Hillary in a Muslim Hijibber
Jihaddin’ the penis off Justine Bieber.
My fears were real
As John Boehner tears
As true as Caitlyn’s 
Not a male
And Canadian poutine 
Is the new kale.
Even my fears 
Were afraid and scared
Laid bare by Obamacare
To heal us with medical P.O.T.U.S.
Put on notice 
By The F.L.O.T.U.S.
That our health insurance wouldn’t be valid
Unless we ate all our Kardashian placenta salad.
Throughout the year anxiety riding
On a jittery third rail guiding
Us on a dangerous journey
Suicide crusading avengers
Vowed to see us 
On a gurney. 
Look to the left, to the right
Feel the panic
An error of terror
Islamic as well 
As Christianic.
Change was loosed
Upon the Land
Transgendered, rendered, re-assigned
Maligned for being 
But all was ducky and we got lucky
The Pope fell for a lady from Kentucky
Blessing her multiple-partner unions
Wagging the Papal Celibate digit Proclaiming illicit
Same-sex communions.
Disappointment was a fave
Jay-Z’s TIDAL never waved.
Apple Set A Watch, man
Few raved.
Harper Lee unwound her clock
Her second first novel failed to ticktock
As the mockingbird’s old man
Joined the klan
That many saw as problematicus
The most popular Republican baby name 
Now happens to be, yup… Little Atticus.
The Status Quo
Did not Grow
We still hatin’on drunkened Russians
Still lovin’ on football concussions 
Predictable as shoot-first cops
Or Taylor Swift in short crop-tops.
Madman Don the Dandy Draper
Taught the World to Sing Carnally (no predictable doggerel rhyme)
In perfect harmony
With Kendrick Lamarr-money
Pimpin’ that poor butterfly’s wings
Inside Amy Schumer’s randy pants
There’s ample room 
For Drake to dance.
Backs to the Wall
Fed raisin’ rates
Drug Lord Shkreli
Scored world berates
Courteously flushed 
But the room’s still smelly.
Transgendering took the runway spot
Estrogened and testosteroned
Accepted respected and now condoned
By all except the chromosomes.
Guns still have us in their sights 
Open carry in the bars 
And church
Trolled by NRA sycophants,
But in the morgue room 
Stands the elephant,
Minions of Murder 
Foul beasts lurch
And then they slouch
Toward Deathlahem.
ISIS, ISIL, Houthis, Shabbab
Promise to bury us
It’s their job
Is it fear or imaginary
Or are we already buried 
In our mobile screens
Our virtual cemetaries.
The local police dressed 
To be seen 
As combat-ready armed Marines
Drowned out voices 
With on-the-ground boots
The cries of hands-up-don’t-shoot
And cause to shatter
The Dream 
That Black Lives 
Really do matter.
Next Year 
Don’t let your ears fill with fears
Of Islamaphobic political Smears
Humpty Trumpty
Will have a great fall
From his “big & beautiful” Xenophobic wall
And surety like taxes and and like death
To misquote MacBeth
“All our yesterdays have (dim) lighted fools
The way to dusty death, Out, out, brief candle (of darkness)
(Your)Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more. 
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.”
So buy me a beer
And quench my fear
an IPA with a wise-ass label
“Bangin’ Your Sister” or “Murdering Mabel.”
If you’re socially able
Pour me that hoppy 
Alcohol tincture
An Artesinal brew 
Called “Clinching Sphincters.”
(P.S.. Jon Snow is really dead. Thanks a lot, Obama!)
Happiness not Fear in the 2016 New Year.

Pass the "No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act".


Enough is enough! 
Here’s what we need: 
Don’t control guns, ban them.
Presidential/Executive “Re-interpretation” of the Second Amendment concomitant with enactment by Congress or Presidential Fiat of the “No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act” also to be known as the “No Right to Own Guns Act.”
The manufacture, import and sale of firearms and ammunition for non-military in the U. S. and its territories will be banned. 
Phase One: A Federal ban on the civilian purchase of any firearm. This means hand guns, assault rifles, shotguns, hunting rifles, target/sport firearms. Also BB guns and similar varmint-hunting guns such as pellet guns, potato “spud” guns and all NERF-type projectile-emitting gun facsimiles. (BB/pellet and NERF-type guns are “gateway weapons” that lead to future desire/addiction to possess and use bullet-based firearms). Violation of the “No Gun Left Behind Act” is a zero tolerance, “one strike you are out” violation resulting In a minimum income-based fine of $20,000 and up. Inability or refusal  to pay the fine shall result in a minimum one year sentence to a firearm practice ranch for Federal Agents as a live target decoy. (Sentence commuted after one year if prisoner survives)
Phase Two: The President shall order all citizens to turn in to Federal Authorities any and all firearms they own or possess. Firearm owners complying will be compensated for the price that they paid for the firearm(s). Refusal to comply will result in fines and imprisonment. 
Phase Three: The National Guard, branches of the US military forces, Federal policing agents including the FBI, will conduct house-to-house inspections nationally for the purpose of confiscation of firearms. Non-compliance will result in imprisonment of head of household. 
Phase Four: local police will be required to “Stop & Frisk” suspected gun carriers at any time or place. Citizens will also be rewarded with cash bonuses for alerting police or Federal authorities to anyone who they suspect possessing a firearm. 
Hunters and firearm sport enthusiasts will be able to rent approved firearms from the federal government for limited use. Firearm renters shall have proper gun user insurance.  
Traditional firearm-based hunters who choose not to rent firearms will be provided with federal training in bow & arrow, knife and persistence hunting (stalking and chasing game on foot until animal is caught). 
Black market distribution of firearms will be controlled by Revenueurs a special elite strike force of Federal and civilian under- cover swat specialists. Funding for national firearm prohibition will be diverted from state, local and Federal drug enforcement since passage of the “Freedom to Purchase & Use Any Drug Act” Americans will be able to purchase and use any drug legally.
This should be considered only the first steps in freeing our country of the curse of firearms. Once these actions are enacted then America should really get serious about banning guns. 

One woman and one Pope.. just how Jesus wanted it..

Will Pope Francis abdicate the Papal Throne to be with Kim Davis? Rumors, just rumors say Vatican spokespriests in response to rumored rumors that the Pope has succumbed to the fleshy fruits of Morehead KY county clerk and sex goddess Kim Davis. 

“Although I’m the Pope I’m still a man…who among men could resist the siren song of this Kim Davis?” Pope Francis supposedly whispered to an aide in an overheard unsubstantiated conversation on the Papal flight back to Rome. 
If true, this would be Mrs. Davis’ first seduction of a Roman Catholic Pope. “I’ve had lots of pastors, reverends and a deacon or two,” Mrs. Davis supposedly said, “but Lord Almighty I never imagined a real live Pope…hee haw and whoopie doo.” 
Mrs. Davis reportedly told reporters she and Francis were brought together by Jesus and Tinder. “I was just doing some plain old Tindering in the fields of the Lord and wouldn’t you know it up popped the Pope so I quick-as-a-lump-of-lard-on-a-pile-of-grits Swiped Right…and heavens to holy matrimony next thang I see on my Google Android phone is a match made in heaven…one woman and one Pope.. just how Jesus wanted it”, she might have added. 

Random Ejaculations: (n. an abrupt, exclamatory utterance)

Oxymoron of the year: Clean Diesel
At their secret meeting last week did Kim Davis bend over backwards to kiss Pope Frank’s “ring.”    
Hillary’s campaign for president is beginning to be like that giant flower people lined up to see.. You know the one.. The Titan arum…or corpse flower.. It takes years to bloom and then smells like a rotting corpse. The smell is aimed at attracting pollinators (contributors) that help it reproduce.

Bernie’s The One

“From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. ” ..slogan popularized by Karl Marx
“From each according to his whatever, to each according to his wants.”  …new American slogan. 
Bernie, we hardly know ye. Present tense, thank you Sir. You are the anti-Hillary. The anti-any Republican. In a beauty hair pageant with Donald Trump you would win the mane event while Donald would coiff up hair balls. In a debate with Jeb! Bush you’d excoriate his exclamation point to the point of pointlessness. You’d drink Hillary under & over her email server, surgically excise Ben Carson’s brainless Islamaphobia; pour a thicker Kwickee Mart slurpee than Bobby Jindal, stop more traffic than Chris Crispee, sell more used cars than Scott Walker, outgun god in a gravy bowl of Huckabee grits; out-liber-randy Rand Paul, drink more water than Marco Rubio; shout crazy shit louder than Ted Cruz; dress down Carly Fiorina better than Trump. Sell more $8,000 a gallon HP ink than Carly Fiorina. 
Yes, Bernie…you can beat down any of those Repooblikan clowns in a one-on-one or group MMA smack down. There’s only one problemo. Bernie. You won’t be elected President. Damnit Bernie, when Nixon ran against Hubert H. in 1968 I was so disgusted I wrote-in commie party Gus Hall on my absentee college ballot. Gus didn’t win. The New Nixon was The One and Hubert wasn’t Bobby Kennedy or Gene McCarthy. And now Bernie, it’s your turn to hoist the red leftist rag and wave it in the face of red-necked America. You say you are not a socialist. You say you are a Democratic Socialist, one who seeks reform, not Revolution, thru the Democratic process (not revolution). All good and true. (Damnit where’s the Revolution?) Except many Americans have no sense of subtlety, no defining ability to differentiate. It’s black or it’s white; Good or Bad; Socialist or Commie; Government bad -Corporations (capitalism) good. 
With your socialist name tag you won’t mix well in that national November cocktail election party. So that’s why I have a 10 Point Plan to make you more palatable, lovable and maybe even so votable you could become our next President. 
1. If you are accused of being a socialist say hell yes that you use social media a lot, like Facebook and Instagram. 
2. Trump up your hair. Add some color–rusty red would look good. Get coiffed. That wispy curly white stuff blowing nimbus-like around your crown looks old. Like grandpa old. 
3. Say some real crazy shit.. Quit talking about policies, leadership and the future. Just say things like…make America #1 again. Americans like the number 1. One is better than two, right? Unless it’s beer or a double cheezewizz bacon burger and fries. 
4. Get a kitten and a puppy…carry them around in a basket while campaigning. Name one Stars and the other Stripes. Encourage folks to take selfies with them. 
5. Talk about how you are going to get America to stop fighting each other like cats and dogs and to share the basket like Stars and Stripes. Adorable. 
6. Incorporate the word “adorable” in your speech as often as possible. 
7. Wear a very large flag pin at all times. 
8. Be the Lone Ranger. Talk about the past. The good old days. Arrive at campaign stops on a fiery steed, a cloud of dust and a faithful Hispanic companion, Jose. Return with us now, America, to those thrilling days of yesteryear to fight for law and order. 
9. Always carry a Bible in your pocket. And a copy of the Constitution. The two go together like a kitten and a puppy in a basket. 
10. Just be yourself. Or not. 

Dead "FareThee Well" Last Concert Inspires Them to Keep on Truckin’…new Concert Dates Announced !

Dead “FareThee Well” Last Concert Inspires Them to Keep on Truckin’…new Concert Dates Announced !

On the heels of a blockbuster last tour and and final performance in Chicago this past weekend, the Grateful Dead Band, Inc.  announced today a worldwide tour of every nation on the globe. Newly installed “Dead” lead singer and guitarist Chad Kroeger, who recently left his band Nickleback, said that the Dead’s international fan base deserved another chance to experience the wonderment of expensive ticketry and musical nirvana at least one more final time. 
“The Grateful Dead brand represents the ultimate commercialization of Baby Boomer  values,” said Kroeger.  “And we certainly want to cash in on that,” he said. The former Nickleback band leader and cult rock idol says he want to his new band in new directions. “We’ll be re-constituting and re-purposing a lot of my old Nickleback greatest hits, slowing them down with a layer of chill, lethargy and insouciance particular to The Dead,” he explained. “It’s gonna be kind of sweet & sour…a umami kinda thing, with long stretches of blissful Dead-like drums hums and numbs, Kroeger said.  “Both Nickleback and Dead fans are gonna crush it large for this product, I mean experience.” 



Headed to Coachella or Lollapalooza…? Or maybe a Parisian visit to the Louvre or the great museums of Europe? Well leave Le Selfie Stick at home because more and more institutions and venues have banned the “mon bâton d’égoportrait” from public appearances. That’s why for a limited time only you can subscribe to a unique and personal service that obviates the need for that clumsy unwieldy instrument of vanity enhancement.    

With SelfieValet© you will have at your disposal the ultimate selfie stick: ME. Yes, if you act now, you can have me, SelfieValet, accompany you and your family, loved one or friends on your next vacation or travels. Yes, as SelfieValet I will be responsible for all of your precious selfies, selfieing you and friends or family in crazy-laughing “look-at-me” photos that will be the envy of all your Facebook friends. Leverage that cleavage and don’t let that big booty or set of chiseled abs go unnoticed and unshared. Now you can share yourself in all of your glorious vainglory in front of those Wonders of the World…what could be better than a goofy gaping-mouthed eyeball-bulging photo of You with the Taj Mahal or Sistine Chapel in the background. And just think about it… no more sore shoulders or cramped arms from stretching that cell phone-holding arm aloft… No more dragging that clumsy selfie stick — now so sadly banned in many places.  With SelfieValet every rapturous moment of your self-absorbed vacation life can be captured and shared with all of your boring friends who spend their lives at home in front of screens wishing they were you. Yes, for a limited time only SelfieValet is available for just pennies and dollars a day. Basic SelfieValet services require First Class airfare or Limo transportation for me to your venue or vacation site, accommodations (for me) at hotel or site near you, food and drink expenses and union-mandated rest breaks (for me)  required. SelfieValet Premium Service Plans also available. Don’t delay! Your online social cred is on the line…SelfieValet: it’s you…by me. Stickit2urself with SelfieValet.

Praajek’s Xmas Wish©

Praajek’s Xmas Wish©
Take the crist outa christmas
The holi outa day
Ban the wisemen in the courthouse
It’s the American way.
Take the ram outa Ramadan
The han outa Hanukkah
The dre outa dreidle
The t outa toy
The o outa oy
The j outa joy   
Take the jeez outa jesus
The bud outa Buddha
The krish outa Krishna
the chris outa Christ
the Yah outa Yahweh
the o outa o-my-gawd.
Take the fest outa festivus
The Kwa outa Kwaanzaa
Then take the sol outa Solstice
Make Santa sans San
Take the u outa Yule
And you’ll put the f  back in ool.
Do not ration 
These days of celebration:
string lights, make toasts
drink nog..add rum
take nothing outa nothing
and you’ll have a happy new year.

One of my List of 10 for 2014

My list of 10 most overused, phrases, language conventions & locutions of 2014. (English version). Ok, ’tis the season for this kind of thing so here’s my list:

#1: Worst. Conventions. Of. 2014. This. Convention. Intended. To. Impart. Serious. Emphasis. Must. Stop. Now
#2: Disruption. We don’t invent anymore. We disrupt. As in a  “startup” such as Uber disrupts the old taxi service business model; or Airbnb disrupting the hotel business. Ok, we get it. Now everything and everyone is “disrupting.” Whatever happened to “New and Improved?” Let’s disrupt disrupting. Or maybe just start inventing and re-inventing again. Please. 

#3: Adorable Especially when attributed to puppy and kitten videos. Along with variants such as “adorkable” when describing Zoey Deschanel and Aubrey Plaza. 
#4: Jaw dropping. Extremely surprised? Must everything that barely exceeds mediocre be announced with Taylor Swiftian open-mouthed astonishment. Let’s hit the pause on jaws. 
#5: How’s that working out for you? This one’s been hanging around for years now and shows no sign of weariness. Answer: It’s not working out for me. 
#6: Let’s do this thing. Why are we still hearing this decades-old locution? Leftovers from old Die Hard movies are still being served up in today’s violent video games of auto theft and warcraft. Let’s don’t do this thing anymore. 
#7: BenedictCumberbatch. Apparently some kind of famous something with weirdly beautiful eyes women want to blow. Anyway, let’s stop this Cumberbatching and start Cumberbitching. 
#8: She “rocks” a bikini; he “rocks” a tuxedo. Or, I would totally “rock” that jacket. Ok, to wear something and look totally cool in it, or make a major attitude statement by wearing it.. We get it. You would look pretty good in that car, coat, shoe etc. but I’m tired of rocking. Just wear the damn thing…or not. 
#9: Behead. Beheaded. Beheading.. Fortunately, this word did not become meme-y this year (maybe “meme” should be in this list.) But do media outlets have to blare the word “beheaded” whenever ISIS or whatever terror group kills a hostage? Isn’t it enough to just report that the victim was murdered? Why satisfy and reward these psychopaths by describing how they actually killed someone. Are we titillated by the concept of a human head being severed from its torso? Let’s kill this death description not only for its goryness but to deny terrorists their media glory. I’m relieved ISIS doesn’t have a wood chipper. 
#10: Lists. The top ten reasons people used to smoke in the bathroom in 1946. Five most wildly popular sex positions when Jesus walked the streets of Nazareth.  Fifteen reasons why the uncle is always described as drunk at Thanksgiving dinner. Top ten list of worst and overused words and phrases. Hmmmm.

I Shot Bin Laden, Damn’t

I Shot Bin Laden, Damn’t

I don’t want to do this but I finally must confess: I shot Bin Laden. Yup, it was lil’ ol’me who put two bullets right smack between his beady bearded eyes. I’m not supposed to tell anyone about this.. code of honor and all that. Hell, most folks, the ones I know like friends, relatives, kids, wife, dentist, doorman, personal shopper, hair stylist etc. thought I was too old to be a Navy SEAL, let alone a member of SEAL Team 6. But there I was on the night of May 2, 2011 landing inside Bin Laden’s compound, or what we hoped was his compound, and which turned out to actually be his compound. Our first chopper crashed but luckily I was on the second. Without giving away too many details I’ll just say that the climb up those back stairs in the dark seemed like the longest climb in my brief SEAL career. Up until now my lips have been SEALED..but it’s time for the truth to emerge before it is disclosed by other sources. And as others are already lining up to take credit for my heroic deed… one alleged SEAL has already written a book claiming he took the fatal shot while another poser came forth recently claiming he hit the bullseye. Well, you can soon read the unfiltered unvarnished, unpainted, bare neck’ed story from a first-person-shooter perspective in my soon-to-be-released book titled “I Shot The Terrorist But I Did Not Shoot His Deputy,” published by Hachette and available on Amazon. 

At Least The Ebola Dog Is Safe

Thank gods the Texas dog of the young nurse Ebola victim who contracted the disease from the now-deceased Liberian Ebola patient will not be euthanized. Unlike the poor mutt in Spain, (the Canine in Spainine), who to the horror of humanity was dispatched to doggy heaven after it's owner contracted Ebola, the nurse's dog is being cared for in a private isolation hound pound. According to a Reuters news report, “The dog was given food and water on Sunday by a specialized hazardous materials team that decontaminated the Dallas apartment of the worker, reported by local media to be a nurse in her mid-20s. The team also left a light on in the apartment for the dog.”

Awwww… Is that not just an adorable gesture? Don't leave poor old possibly Ebola-infected Poochy alone AND in the dark. Leave a light on! And after health workers in hazmat suits spend valuable time monitoring dogs and pets when human and health resources are scarce, they will focus on attending to the ever-increasing swath of possibly infectious humans. In this dog (pet)-obsessed nation at least we can take heart that even if Ebola wipes out a good chunk of humanity, we'll sleep deeply in our bloody graves knowing our precious pets weren't in the dark.

Does Obama Want to Spread Deadly Ebonics Disease?

Sarah Palin Speaks What’s In Her Mind:  “Obama Wants to Spread Deadly Ebonics Disease.”

(Praajek is just back from an Alaskan sabbatical where he recently ran into former half-governor Sarah Palin in the Grizzly Paw tavern… Here are excerpts of his conversation with her.)

Well doggone it,  Praajek…let’s talk Obama. First he shoots down that Malaysian jet plane airliner, with all those good Christian and other faith persons (and right after he ordered his thugs to capture that CNN one and make it disappear from our good blue earth), then he makes a secret sweetheart deal with Putin to give him Crimea in exchange for what cry me a river? …lifting the import tariffs on loose fitting Rooskie Motherland Jeans? And then, thru back door diplomatic maneuvers he invites thousands of Central American drug lord cartel kids to run to our borders and sneak in the dark of the night across that river or sewer pipes left unguarded by Obama to register to vote Democrat. And remember last spring when that group Boko Haram kidnapped those 200 Nigerian schoolgirls? Boko Harem, of course is an anagram for “a mark hobo” which of course is an anagram for “a harm book” which must mean that Islamaistic bible. You can betcha that our so-called President orchesterated that devacle. And just the other day you just know he must have given the thumps-up for those Sharia-Iraqie icy guys to have their way with those Kurds trapped on a mountaintop somewhere. We don’t know why yet, but you can bet he’s got something up his sleeve besides that grabby liberal hand.  But now he’s really gone and done it by spreading a secretly-extracted vial of his dead father’s vile African blood and leaked it all over West Africa causing innocent people to get that Ebonics disease. His nefarious goal of course is to spread the disease throughout the US and have everyone speaking in Ebonics. Yup, our so-called Leader of the Free World has been rearin’ his head all over the world and just makin’ this God-blessed earth a lot less blessed and a lot more messed. 

Analogging My Life

Analogging My Life

I’m starting a new project for 2014. I’m converting my digital life to analog. I plan to capture all my old digital photos on Polaroid, Kodachrome, Ektachrome or B&W Tri-x. My digital music downloads will be converted to vinyl. Here’s a sample of a downloaded MP3 song that I recently anal-logged to wax cylinder. Plans are also in the works to print all my e-books as well as thousands of old Word  Star documents. My work has just begun.

Praajek To Sell Used Virginity to Highest Bidder

Praajek To Sell Used Virginity to Highest  Bidder

Taking a cue from recent news reports that Brazilian college student Catarina Migliorini offered to sell her virginity twice after refusing an offer of $780,000, Praajek recently announced that he too will sell his used virginity to the highest bidder. It’s here for the asking…price, he said. This classic Virginity, although well-worn, shows well with great rustic curb appeal. A few dings and dents are apparent around the edges but this model is a real collector’s item. He said a minimum bid of .99 cents sounds reasonable and is in alignment with the price of an iTunes song download.  “This is a once-in-a-lifetime offer,” said Praajek. The winning bidder will receive an authentic authorized Certificate of Authorized Authenticity (CAA) validating that your bid was accepted. (Consummation not required nor accepted). The lucky winner will also receive a coupon for .25 cents off the purchase of a half pound of Winter Red kale at a local participating grocer.

Extreme Social Sharing

Extreme Social Sharing

In the pursuit of Total Social Sharing (TSS), Praajek has decided without much decision-making thought to disclose, reveal and share with the world intimate details of his personal life… to go where few in the Social Universe have gone before. No, he is not revealing the copious amounts of alcohol consumed at the Funky Bhudda Lounge last Thursday evening nor the lurid details of the three-or-fivesome all-girlly multi-mingle that debauched his crib after he was carried fully armed with lucious ladys from the Funky Bhudda. No, he will not share all his favo foods, injesting facilities, dreams, nightmares, bodily function depositing and waste management adventures. Maybe later. But the following represents his Commitment to the new Standards of Social Sharing which are meant to break the bonds of the restrictive Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPPA) and set new Modern Social Standards (MMS) henceforth to be known as Extreme Social Sharing or the Not Too Much Information Act. (NOTOMIA). Hereby, in the spirit of ESS is a manifest of meds that that Praajek ingests on a daily schedule. 


Randomoniums…or Where is Balloon Boy when we need him?

Randomoniums…or Where is Balloon Boy when we need him?

Ah, for the good old days of the boy in the runaway helium balloon and the breathless nonstop live coverage of a metallic balloon wafting thru the skies for hours before listlessly floating to the ground without a boy inside. Or even a more sinister yet semi-comical Kim Jong Un threatening to nuclearly annihilate us while he plays basketball with Dennis Rodman; oh where are you Casey Anthony, Amanda Knox and Jody Arias.. you sexy siren trio of murder trial celebrities? From yesteryear how about a good old-fashioned race-baited murder trial with a white Ford Bronco or a more recent crazy stand-ur ground vigilante? Those were the real news days. Remember Y2K? The Mayan Apocalypse?  Nonstop coverage of Katrinas and Sandys…even terrorists bombings and murderous gun-nut rampages..all those made-for-media horrors that perversely unite and fixate Americans in orgies of prurient watching and watching. We like to watch. That’s what we do. 
These past few weeks, Big Cable demanded that our attention be dominated by the Tea Bagger Congressional Gangstaas and their kidnap of the political process and a threat to crash the world’s economy. The ransom to be paid:  a president and his health care law. The Tea Bagger Blood Gangastaas, are led by Ted “KraziKaKa” Cruz, a former government employee who has been a US Senator for 10 months and expects to be sworn in as the next President of the U. S. if he fails in his quest to have President Obama impeached before 2016. “KraziKaKa” Cruz and his T-Bagga Possse rule  gerrymandered congressional hoods that are marked territories where no DemoCrip Kings gang members dare enter. They threaten other Repubakan Maniac Disciples rival gang districts with destruction if their leaders don’t hew the line and pay their respects. These Tea Bagga gangs are funded by outside national gangs like Freedomworks P. Stone Nation, ruled by the Biggie Koch Bruthas who now worry that the chaos they funded my come back to bite them in their cash boxes if their Tea Bagga minions crash the world economy. Better cool this gang warfare within the Repubakan Maniac Disciples before there is no longer a gang left. Oh well, the Koch Bruthas are planning their strategy for the next gang war skirmishes with the Democrips Kings next year. Meanwhile Big Cable already has as name for the upcoming wars: 
Debt Limit Destruction“.. It’ll be a TeaBagga drive-by… so get ready America…to hit the floor. Or maybe Balloon Boy will come back to help lift the debt ceiling.

Miley…The Genius of America

Miley…The Genius of America

America. Attention. Your attention is required now. If you have not seen Miley Cyrus’s recent VMA performance then you have missed one of the most important, seminal art achievements in Western culture. Ms.Cyrus’s spectacle, and I say “spectacle” in the true sense of wonderment, pageantry, virtuosity and sheer genius, stands alone among the few wondrous public acts ever shared with Americans, indeed humanity. Mother Theresa worked in silent anonymity bringing solace, relief and peace to the poor and sick. Einstein brought to science a new and relative perspective on space and time; the great composers Beethoven, Mozart, Brahms, Mahler, Debussy, along with moderns Glass and Cage gave us music as never before heard; Steve Jobs taught us to think and act differently; the monumental achievements of mankind can be chronicled, attested to and celebrated. But until now all these achievements pale, indeed are diminished by a 6 minute 23 second manifestation of The Great American Art. Period. No novel, poem, musical composition, painting, sculpture, architectural construction or other genius product of man’s imagination has ever captured the essence of America, its people, its business, its religions, its music, its scientific and technological achievements… all that defines its very culture as much as a tiny girl named Miley did on August 25, 2013. Remember that date. That day America found itself. From a Giant Teddy Bear emerged a Foamed Fingered Force that forged a final definition of America and its people. Remember 08-25-13. Your great grandchildren will recall that day in history. Tell your children now that you viewed it live on TV or later saw it on YouTube. Point them to it now so they can witness it for themselves and thus pass down thru their generations what history will remark and remember as The Great American Art. 

Secret Government Data Mine Discovered in WV Hollow!

Government data miners photographed hauling data into secret mine using hi-capacity fiber-optic rail vessel.

Praajek has just uncovered, thru proprietary wiki-hacking resources, a top-secret government Data Mine located in the foothills of a musty mountainous West Virginia hollow. Here are some exclusive photos I excavated from NSA data mines which show a top secret storage facility where the cell phone calls, Facebook postings, Instagram photos, old love letters, grocery lists, vehicle maintenance records, utility bills, old college essays, report cards, job evaluations, graduation classmate messages in high school yearbooks, baby teeth unclaimed by the Tooth Fairy, DNA samples of toenail clippings from unturned sofa cushions, New Year resolutions, Catholic Church member confessions, childhood mother’s day cards and first grade plaster hand imprints of millions of Americans. These exclusive photos also show government data mine workers hauling in for storage and analysis tons of private data from unsuspecting American citizens.

This previously undisclosed photo shows a government top secret data storage facility in remote West Virginia hollow.


“Celebrate good times, come on!
Let’s celebrate
Celebrate good times, come on!
Let’s celebrate.”
….Kool & The Gang
Ok.. I know I should cut Boston some slack. The teenage Marathon Bomber is in the hands of the police. The older one is dead. There is much deserved relief among Bostonians and their suburban neighbors. Thank the gods & goddesses that these terrorists have been stopped from further mayhem. Then why does last night’s flag-waving, anthem singing, bare-chested celebration seem so “un” seemly. I ask myself what would I have done (sorry, can’t ask Jesus… he’s dead). Would I have been there in a frenzied chest-thumping mob singing and publicly celebrating like the mob broadcast on TV? Where were the TV networks when probably most of Boston stayed quiet and solemn in their homes with the sad acknowledgment that this type of terror in America will probably not be the last. That’s not really something to celebrate. 
Rather than celebrate, evidenced by the screaming, singing, dancing of the televised mob, I’m sure many Bostonians took this time to reflect, to hug their children in love more than celebration. But televising such a scene would not make good television. 
“We’re gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)
Let’s celebrate, it’s all right
We’re gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)
Let’s celebrate, it’s all right.”

The News…how much is too much?

The News…how much is too much?
The non-stop coverage of the tragic terror bombing in Boston by major cable and network TV news organizations is exploitative, wringing ratings bounty from tragedy in exchange for dubious reports of speculation, rumor, interviews with terror experts, maudlin personal accounts of victims by family, friends and neighbors. All disguised as “news.” News that the American public, as deemed by the media, supposedly needs in massive overdoses. And needs and needs more and more and more.  Of course an event as horrific as a public bombing has to be covered as real news. But as soon as one of these violent events occur the media rolls out its pre-fab boiler plate disaster template replete with catchy “name,” The Boston Bombing.” Identify victims to highlight with personal profiles, reporters hang out in front of victims’ homes, conduct special interviews of neighbors. When all the relatives’ anguish, privacy and mourning has been exhausted then bring on Rudy Giuliani.  We’ve seen it all before..again and again. We watch the replays of the disasters over and over, the weeping relatives, the long-faced newscasters.  Wolf Blitzer fluffing his audience into an orgy of visual TV engorgement with his perfectly timed “This just in.. Breaking News… on top of breaking breaking breaking news; Anderson Cooper grim-faced with practiced reverent vocalizations of sympathy… Stay tuned we’ll be right back with more on this developing story ……Stay tuned… Stay tuned… Right after this commercial message from Teenna Twist stop-the-leaks-panty pads. 
We’re back with newsbabe Stacey So’enso.. From box cutters to pressure cookers, let’s discuss… Joining me now is the spokesperson for the National Association of Pressure Cookers. 
Let the news just be news. 
The constant attempts to squeeze out a story from the slimmest of facts; the milking of a tragedy by repeated looping of horrific bloody videos; the frenzied pursuit of interviews with “experts” on any imaginable subject with the barest of relevance to the crime adds up not to legitimate news coverage but instead an attempt to stoke a morbid and prurient public hunger for a bloody insatiable feast on the aftermath of unspeakable tragedy.

Don’t Drone Me Bro ©.. World’s First Personal Drone Deflector

Don’t Drone Me Bro ©.. World’s First Personal Drone Deflector

With mounting concerns over the US government’s use of unmanned drones to kill American citizens, few are discussing defensive measures, beyond a Rand “BatshitKrazy” Paul filibuster, that citizens might deploy against a Government Drone Attack (GDA). Under top-secret protocols guided by the Paranoidial Society of America, I have just completed development of  “Don’t Drone Me Bro©,” the world’s first Personal Drone Deflector. This unique personal headgear utilizes a patented highly effective deflective anti-drone silicate-based high-enamel coating called Teflonium. Combined with drone-signal-messing Warping Strips of special Tinfoilium, the “Don’t Drone Me Bro©” headgear offers state-‘o-the-art technology at state-‘o-the economy prices. Lovingly hand crafted by bearded Amish farmers near Wapokeneta, Ohio,  the “Don’t Drone Me Bro©” Drone Deflector also relieves drone- scanning neck pain as well as that nagging sense of impending instant death from the sky. Apply today to be one of the first “DDMB pioneers” to try it out. Txt 312.339.2583 or twitter @praajek #dontdronemebro why you would like to be one of the first to receive a prototype model.  But wait.. By applying now, if selected as a DDMB pioneer, you will also receive absolutely free an extra set of the patented Drone Signal-Messing Tinfoilium Warping Strips for extra drone death-defying protection. (Just pay shipping & handling.)

Dysfunctional Government or Business?

Dysfunctional Government or Business?
Once again NY Times columnist David Brooks hits the (hammer) head on the (thumb) nail in today’s column. He asserts “that business people think that government is so dysfunctional that they are afraid to invest and spur growth.” They indeed might think government dysfunctional, but that’s not the reason for lack of new investment and hiring.  And businesses might also be afraid to invest. They are afraid because they can afford to be afraid, but not a fear of government.  A lot of businesses are sitting on stockpiles of cash and have learned during the past recession years that they can get by without additional hiring by demanding employees work longer and harder without significant wage increases. Not much incentive to hire when workers fear layoffs. First it was the excuse of the “fiscal cliff” for not expanding and hiring. Now it’s the sequestration. They blame the government when the real reason lies in their new timid austerity and obsession for wringing the maximum profits out of the minimum workforce rather than boldly investing, creating jobs and helping the economy expand. And maybe this time government, as Reagan once said, is also part of the problem. Not for interference and regulation or tax policies. It’s partially to blame because it’s not doing enough. It’s not spending enough to create new jobs. Once government unleashes the power of public sector jobs programs, investment in infrastructure, bridges, highways, the electrical grid, then dysfunctional business will see the error of its frugal fiscal folly and follow and cash-in with new investments and jobs. 

Buffalo Wings Clipped?… Try Kalahogies this Super Bowl.

Buffalo Wings Clipped?… Try Kalahogies this Super Bowl.
The widespread national panic over the fear of a chicken wing shortage may indeed be self-fulfilling. Hoards of “wingers” are storming grocers, lining up hours before store openings, even stalking loading docks of Sam’s Costco and Walmart. Major corporate chicken farms have reportedly been victims of midnight raids by marauding Super Bowl fans bent on having their wings and eating them too. In the rural South reports of broad-daylight chicken snatchings from back and front yards have been witnessed by locals.

Folks, there’s a better way. Forgot the “Buffalo Wing.”

As we slouch toward Super Bowl Sunday let us fore go the boring Buffalo Wing and masticate on the oral delights of Faux Calamari, or better known as Kalahogies. Faux, or fake calamari is similar to the artificial seafood crab stuff at the deli counter. It is the perfect Super Bowl snack made of real pork (the other white meat, right?)  Real calamari, as we all know are those tasty little white chewy rings of battered and fried squid. Faux calamari, popularly known as Kalahogies, are little rings of chewy hog rectums, battered and fried to delicious nutritious  chewiness. Boil them first until soft, then grill or deep fry slathered in spicy barbecue sauce. Serve and chew by the dozen. You’ll never go back to Buffalo.

With apologies to William Butler Yeats’ “The Second Coming.”:

“The Second Helping”

Turning & burning on the broiling gyre
The chicken cannot but fear the
Wings fall part, the skin cannot
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The buffalo-wing shortage is loosed
And everywhere
The half-time ceremony of
has-been rock stars
Is drowned out by beer commercials.
The best commercials lack all conviction
While the worst are full of
Passionate flatulence.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely a Second Helping is at hand.

The Second Helping! Hardly are Those words out
When a vast image of Barbequedis Porcina-rectumus
Eases my sight: somewhere in Lands of the dessert
A shape with hog body and the Head of a chicken
A glaze sticky and hot and pitiless As the sun,
Is dripping slowly down my chin While all about it
Real sad howls of the indignant
Wingless fans.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That XLVII Super Bowls of boring
Were hexed to indigestion by the chili ladle
And what rough beast, its rectum well done at last,
Slouches towards the two minute
warning to be eaten?

"No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act".

Pass the “No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act”.

President Obama’s recent proposals to control the spread of guns in America does not go far enough. Here’s what we need: 
Don’t control guns, ban them.
Presidential/Executive “Re-interpretation” of the Second Amendment concomitant with enactment by Congress or Presidential Fiat of the “No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act” also to be known as the “No Right to Own Guns Act.”
The manufacture, import and sale of firearms and ammunition for non-military in the U. S. and its territories will be banned. 
Phase One: A Federal ban on the civilian purchase of any firearm. This means hand guns, assault rifles, shotguns, hunting rifles, target/sport firearms. Also BB guns and similar varmint-hunting guns such as pellet guns, potato “spud” guns and all NERF-type projectile-emitting gun facsimiles. (BB/pellet and NERF-type guns are “gateway weapons” that lead to future desire/addiction to possess and use bullet-based firearms). Violation of the “No Gun Left Behind Act” is a zero tolerance, “one strike you are out” violation resulting In a minimum income-based fine of $20,000 and up. Inability or refusal  to pay the fine shall result in a minimum one year sentence to a firearm practice ranch for Federal Agents as a live target decoy. (Sentence commuted after one year if prisoner survives)
Phase Two: The President shall order all citizens to turn in to Federal Authorities any and all firearms they own or possess. Firearm owners complying will be compensated for the price that they paid for the firearm(s). Refusal to comply will result in fines and imprisonment. 
Phase Three: The National Guard, branches of the US military forces, Federal policing agents including the FBI, will conduct house-to-house inspections nationally for the purpose of confiscation of firearms. Non-compliance will result in imprisonment of head of household. 
Phase Four: local police will be required to “Stop & Frisk” suspected gun carriers at any time or place. Citizens will also be rewarded with cash bonuses for alerting police or Federal authorities to anyone who they suspect possessing a firearm. 
Hunters and firearm sport enthusiasts will be able to rent approved firearms from the federal government for limited use. Firearm renters shall have proper gun user insurance.  
Traditional firearm-based hunters who choose not to rent firearms will be provided with federal training in bow & arrow, knife and persistence hunting (stalking and chasing game on foot until animal is caught). 
Black market distribution of firearms will be controlled by Revenueurs a special elite strike force of Federal and civilian under- cover swat specialists. Funding for national firearm prohibition will be diverted from state, local and Federal drug enforcement since passage of the “Freedom to Purchase & Use Any Drug Act” Americans will be able to purchase and use any drug legally.
This should be considered only the first steps in freeing our country of the curse of firearms. Once these actions are enacted then America should really get serious about banning guns. 


Things I didn’t write about since late October: Praajek has been on “special” assignment, recovering from major robotic multiple insertion-point abdominal invasions. Five street cred-enhancing slugs to the stomach. The seven hour long surgery took so long because the robot was operated by a 15 year-old Hindu boy in Mumbai who was also doing tech calls for Dell Computer.

Obama re-elected. Oh, yeah, I predicted that didn’t I? Ah. Not. Actually. I was convinced, like Karl Rove, Dick Morris and Fox News that Romney would win. Despite Nate Silver’s daily tracking data crunches, Obama just seemed ripe for a Jimmy Carter-style wipe-out. My mis-praajekshun could have been the result of my tendency toward “catastrophizing” or always expecting that the worst thing will happen; “making a mountain out of a molehill,” a tendency toward expecting a catastrophic nuclear meltdown from forgetting your car keys. Anyway, I took great solace in the non-realization of my worst fear of a Romney presidency.

Can “good” ever come from catastrophes? No. But change can happen, change that can help prevent or mitigate the damage and impact of future disasters.

SuperStormSandy: NJ Gov.Chris Christy’s embrace of Obama incensed Repooblicans and certainly didn’t hurt The President’s re-election chances. SSS also led to further erosion of John Boehner’s reputation as he later delayed Republican approval of disaster funds for stricken SSS victims. More importantly, maybe the Climate Change “Truther Deniers” will re-evaluate their denial.

Newtown child mass murder gun shooting rampage. No. No one can say any “good” resulted from the gun-shooting mass murder of 20 children. Maybe now we’ll get laws against unbridled, uncontrolled gun ownership.

Mayan apocalypse collapyse. The world really did end. We just haven’t realized it yet. Proof? Just look at Apple’s stock plunge.

But the event that really rocked and shocked the earth to it’s molten core was @Pontifex, Pope Benedict’s new Twitter account. Are you following this guy? Ten days ago he tweeted: “May we defend the right of conscientious objection of individuals and institutions promoting freedom and respect for all.” Wow, sounds like he is ready to embrace same-sex marriage and equal rights for women.” Go @Pontifex!

Praajekshuns for 2013:

Nicki Minaj will reveal “she’s” really Dennis Rodman.

Lance Armstrong will admit that yes he did inject… his bike tires…with steroids.

Obama will issue a long-over-due executive order banning the use of YOLO.

The Republican Party will reanimate itself by replacing its elephant symbol with a Mexican Burro.

The Chicago Tribune fire one of its copy editors who accidentally printed the name of the Russian punk girl band Pussy Riot.

Rev. Al Sharpton will be “axed” by MSNBC.

President Mitt Romney

Four years ago people who voted in the United States elected to elect the first non-white President. Four years later voters will elect to not re-elect that first non-White President and elect, for the 56th time, a white man. Despite President Obama’s last two strong debate performances it was his dismal showing in the first debate that opened the door for Mitt to rush in. That door was already a fragile door kept closed by a reverse vacuum of Mitt mistakes sucking it shut rather than strong Obama weight against it. That weak-kneed first debate response showed an Obama in killer-rabbit mode, fearful to engage choosing flight instead of fight. And now with Mitt’s election and Obama’s defeat, we prepare for a new America, one ruled by a right-wing Teabagger ethic that endorses the insane concept of voting against one’s economic self-interest, that raises Christian religious myths above science, that believes access to affordable health card is not a right, that your social security should be trusted to Wall Street rather than the government, but that the government, not women themselves, should make decisions regarding their bodies and health. 
This Age of Mitt ushers in a new America with a Supreme Court guaranteed to outlaw abortion, defend corporate over individual rights, promote the ownership and use of more handguns, assault rifles and stockpiling of ammo. Corporations will be people with additional powers to buy elections & threaten their workers to vote for Mitt-like candidates or else face lay-offs.  The wealthiest one percent will reap bountiful bags of tax reductions while the middle class will continue to shrink slouching powerless toward a lower standard of living, fewer opportunities and burdened with increased taxes. 
Obama sat on the sidelines for the first year of his presidency, failed to even try to sell the benefits and positive results of The Stimulus, the auto bailout and his affordable health care act. He let Mitch McConnell and John Boehner disrespect him and the Office and laid down the AstroTurf around his own political grave. 
And now we face a new America…a corporate-theocracy serving the twin interests of big business and big religion. Which is a perfect fit reflecting Mitt Romney’s and his Morman Church’s ethic that merges religion and business/finance. 
Welcome to the New America. Where the business of America is business and god, where business is a religion and religion our business. 


Will Romy wear a pink tie thinking he is pandering to women?

Instead of a handshake at start of debate O must give Romney a noogie & a wedgie.

O must not repeat that Romney’s pen_ _ (sion) is bigger than his. 
In discussing Russian President Putin, O should force Romney to say the words “Pussy Riot.”
O must challenge Mitt to admit 
he doesn’t know how many holes-in-one N.Korean leader Kim Jong Un achieved 1st time he golfed. (answer: 18)
Body language: Instead of pointing his finger this time Obama will just give Rommy The Finger.
O should remind us how embarrassing it could be 4 Mittens to visit London & France wearing Magic Morman Underpants. 
US Bishops r threatening Catholics with eternal damnation if they vote 4 O. Would O support a first strike against the Vatican?

Zingers… and The Next Debate

Zingers… and The Next Debate
President Obama’s cringe-worthy, zingerless debate with Mitt the Re-Born Moderate can serve to give him and his advisors the courage to plot a new Zinger-filled strategy for his next encounter with RoboRom. I kept shouting at friends while watching Obama’s dismal limp performance that he was only playing, a la Ali,  a Ropa-Dope strategy.. letting RoboRom wear himself out with his weary punches only to push off in the last rounds in a flurry of crisp and unrelenting flicks, jabs, lefts, rights, body blows and a coup de gras to Romney’s circuit board lit crainium. But no Ropa-dope. Just  bent over defeated eyes cast down in a ” just let me go home and sleep..yo Michelle, let’s doit again-in-morn” body language. 
An acquaintance in Kansas City, MO, Wayne Bowser, held a debate-night gathering anticipating a zinger cream-filled evening requiring his guests to eat a Hostess Zinger (which he served in abundant amounts) each time O or R served up a debate zinger. Needless (yet required) to say, Bowser will be  doling out left-over twin Zingers to his two twin teenage sons for breakfast, lunch & dinner until at least November 6th. 
Maybe if Obama had partaken in a cream-filled Zinger or two before the debate instead of early-celebrating his wedding anniversary…jeez, even cauliflowered-eared brain-addled boxers know not to have sex the night before, let alone right before you climb into the ring…he might have been sugar-energized enough to un-clog his sex-weakened brain. Sex makes the legs weak. Brain too. Obama drowning in post-coital endorphins.. every other word an “uh”… Surprised he didn’t whisper to Romney “I love u too baby….” Holy Sheet. Worst. Debate. Performance. Ever. (Sorry for use of: most. trite. construction. ever.)
So, next debate. Let the zingers fly. Here are ten zinger suggestions for Obama.. an Obama who will be sex-starved, edgy, angry ( yeah First Dude.. channel your inner Samuel L. Jackson), cold-blooded and thirsty and hungry to kill anything standing behind a podium or within ten feet of Your Personal Presidential Space. 
Zinger # 1: Well, there you go a Bain! 
Zinger # 2: I knew Snooki…and Sir, you are no Snooki ! 
Zinger # 2: Don’t go get’n your  Magic Morman underpants all in a knot. 
Zinger #3: Govna… I knew Honey Boo Boo… And Sir, you are no Honey Boo Boo !
Zinger # 4: Govanur, You need to put on your Big Boy Magic Morman Underpants. 
Zinger # 5: Yeah, you and the Dressage horse you rode in on.
Zinger # 6: You and your One Per%ers deserve a tax reduction like Todd Akin deserves an Award from the National Organization of Women. 
Zinger # 7: You have flip-flopped so often that Sea World stock just tripled. And so has the world beach sandal industry. 
Zinger # 8: Your hair has been dyed so much that it could serve on a death panel. 
Zinger # 9: And yo Mama.. jeans. 
Zinger # 10: You been more brainwashed by the Tea Party than your daddy was brainwashed by Vietnam.

Romney’s Secret Weapon

Romney Unleashes Secret Weapon to Win White House
Republican nominee for President Mitt Romney today revealed a devastating new tactic which many predict will propel him to the Oval Office and his Party to the capture of both houses of the legislative branch. The new campaign strategy, unleashed at recent public supporter-only rallies, shows that Romney has finally decided to get serious about winning the Presidency. Leaders of his party as well as opposition Democrats seem both shocked and surprised that Romney would employ what many would consider tantamount to a “nuclear” option to take command of the upcoming election. “Never before has a candidate shouted so loudly at a political rally,” said one taken-aback advisor. “This guy can really shout.” By shouting at extreme decibel levels, Romney’s new secret weapon – shouting loudly – is expected to revive his moribund campaign, excite his base, bring home the undecided, turn-on his wife and make his four or five sons really, really proud of him. Oh, and make him President, too.

Exclusive – Topless Queen Elizabeth.

This blog has recently come into possession of exclusive photos taken of a topless Queen Elizabeth vacationing in a remote beach spot on the Isle of Wight. The exclusive photos of the Queen’s Royal boobs and Royal Bottom are posted here: the revealing uncovered upper and lower parts have been digitally blurred for the protection of young (& old) eyes. The Topless Queen photos become public just as the Royal Family and the World are recovering from the shocking topless photos of Princess Kate. “This is just too much to “bare” a close friend of the Royal Family reportedly said. 

GOP Says Don’t Buy iPhone5

Don’t Buy New iPhone5 – GOP Memo Warns

A secret “eyes-only” memo from the Republican National Committee warns party faithful of the threat that the new Apple iPhone5 presents to their Party capturing the White House in November. “…it is imperative that we (party leaders) discourage the purchase nationwide… of the  eyePhone Five (sic) ..” the memo goes on to explain that increased sales of the new smart phone could help “bolster the economy, help create and sustain jobs, ..exactly when we need to tamp-down voter and consumer confidence in a re-covering economy.” The top-secret memo reflects recent predictions from sources such as a JP Morgan economist (referenced recently in a Sept. 16 New York Times article) who said that the new iPhone “could add one-quarter to one-half a percentage point to 4th quarter annualized growth in the gross domestic product.”
The memo, possibly written by something, a computer program, or someone named a “Reince Priebus” ( which could be a code name .. Anagram is: 
I spurn ice beer?) goes on to discourage Republicans from purchasing the  “eyephone” (sic) until after the November election…it is crucial to our success in November that the public perceives the economy to be wallowing and stagnating in a morass of Democrat/ Liberal/Socialist apologetic apathy… sales of this new-fangled Apple ei-phone must be stopped.”

What’s Missing Here?

Barack Obama wants keep his job as President of the U. S. He made this clear last night with a speech that was both visionary, human, humble, aspirational but not especially inspiring.  Last week the former Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney accepted his party’s nomination as if he were accepting a multi-million dollar bonus from his board of directors. In comparison to The President’s speech Massachusetts Governor Mitt’s speech was perfunctory, straight, bloodless and boring. “I accept… thank you…elect me, cut my taxes even more, god bless America.”

Obama laid out his accomplishments, (although Bill Clinton did a better job of that a couple of night ago), told us why it’s a good idea to re-elect him, shared some specific plans, tried to set some national goals (train 2 million future workers) talked about our current wars (because Massachusetts Mitt failed to even mention war), repeated his multi-source renewable and non-renewable energy plans even giving a shout-out to “clean coal,” (you listening West-By-Gawd-Virginia?), and mentioned, yes, The Almighty…God! The total package of words and ideas were delivered with strong oratorical passion and sincerity. 
But still, something was missing. Maybe it was a clear laid-out challenge to create a national jobs program, similar to FDR’s Civilian Conservation Corps (CCD); maybe it was the lack of a bold government jobs stimulus plan that would shock the Republicans, lay down the gauntlet and say to the American people that these are tough times that require tough measures. America’s infrastructure needs to be repaired: bridges, roads, electrical grid, the nation’s internet backbone needs to be brought up to the speed that most countries already enjoy.  America’s education system needs repair, student loan obligations need to be reduced. Big government money to put America back on its feet. The ultimate challenge to the Republican plan to make the rich richer so they can gorge on more cake and spill crumbs for the rest of us. 
With today’s anemic jobs report Obama should have laid it all on the table..a now or never challenge, bold, risky yet full of the hope and change he once promised.

Call Them Out

Call Them Out
Brave words, words that we  needed to hear have been spoken during the first 2 nights of the Democratic National Convention.  I’ve heard endorsements of equal pay for equal work and praise for the end of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” in the military. I have been gratified by speeches from supporters of  a woman’s right to choose how she will handle her pregnancy, and of a gay person’s right to choose whom they will marry. President Clinton tonight spoke the hard truths that a Romney-Ryan reign will bring us. 
But who will be courageous enough to speak out against Republicans’ veiled racist attacks against President Obama?  
Am I the only one who heard Republicans’ subtle emphasis–throughout their convention–on the first word of our country’s residence for the President? “The WHITE House,” speaker after speaker repeatedly said, as if from scripts signaling to all bigots that they share their prejudice and intolerance. The WHITE House.  
It’s time to call them out, to call out that yes, we hear what you are saying and yes we know exactly what you mean. 
When Clint Eastwood said so viciously at his surprise convention appearance last week “Look here: We own this country” how many of us cringed as we saw thousands of white people leap to their feet and roar with furious delight?  One does not have to have ears tuned for racial insensitivities to understand the  sickening subtext of a near hysterical non-diverse mono-cultural mass of people shouting in repeating unison “We (White People) own this country.”   

That’s not exactly what they said. But that’s what they meant.

Republican Platform: They Built It.

What’s more bizarre than Angel Dudeini’s Republican Revelations? How about a dose of Republican Reality? Here are the highlights of Romney’s Republican Platform, voted on and approved by delegates this week. The Platform represents the Republicans’ guiding principles and vision for America. 

1. Support for the public display of the Ten Commandments. (Comment: display at all Wall Street brokerage houses and major banks)

2. Grant Constitutional Rights to unborn fetuses. (Comment: just make sure they have a photo ID before they try to vote)

3. Uphold rights to purchase unlimited amounts of ammunition, ammo clips or assault rifle ammo magazines. (Comment: ensure gun & ammo shops have strong presence at all Republican Conventions.) 

4. Encourage undocumented laborers to go home. (Comment: who says you can’t go home again.)

5. Outlaw same-sex marriage. (Comment: That’s so gay!)

6. Ensure that English is our national language. (Comment: Speak English very loudly so everyone can understand you.)

7. Require photo ID’s to vote. (Comment: Welcome home Jim Crow)

8. Repeal the estate tax. (Comment: Attention Walmart shoppers…now you don’t have to pay taxes on that multi-million $ estate you inherited)

9. Encourage development of coal-fired energy and reduce EPA regulations on limiting greenhouse gases. (Comment: don’t just move the mountaintop.. Remove it! )

10. Raise the age for Medicare eligibility. (Comment: Medicare will now only pay for hospice.)

11. Encourage more home schooling, single-sex classrooms and abstinence education instead of sex ed & family planning programs. (Comment: what’s a little ‘homemade sin’ among kin?)

That’s it. In all it’s goofy harshness. Even Angel Dudeini couldn’t make this stuff up.

Romney’s Heartbreak of Hemorrhoids

More Angel Dudeini revelations: 
Mitt Romney to Share Heartbreak of Hemorrhoids with America. 

M-Rom will share with the American public Thursday night his lifelong struggle to overcome hemorrhoids and toenail fungus. Romney will detail the personal agony he endures even to this day in his battle with incessant rectal burning and itching and the heartaches and turmoil his afflictions have wrecked upon his wife Ann and multiple sons. A leaked draft excerpt of his nominating acceptance speech highlights how M-Rom will connect his intimate personal tribulations with the daily struggles of the over-taxed and underworked American middle class. “America’s tax burdens and dependence on useless government expenditures such as air traffic control, highway maintenance, Social Security, Medicare, food safety, emergency disaster relief, farm subsidies… are as irritating as the fungus growing under my right big toenail,” Romney is expected to say. “You think Bill Clinton felt your pain? Well allow me to disabuse America of that… I feel real pain.. from my butt down to my big toe.” 
Advisors expect M-Rom’s speech to help re-introduce him to the American people and convey 
that even though Gov. Romney is a privileged multi-millionaire who has accumulated vast wealth by avoiding paying taxes and owns a fancy tax-exempt horse that prances & dances in the Olympics, he is also a man with common-man ailments of itching & burning.

Angel Reveals to Praajek

Angel Reveals to Praajek Romney’s Secret Plans For America. 
Every day (well, most days) thru the conclusion of the Republican Convention Praajek will reveal secret policies and plans that a Romney Administration will pursue if elected. These top-secret policy plans were revealed to me in my sleep last night by an Angel named Dudeini. He deposited at the foot of my bed a Golden Tax Return upon which is etched an outline of how a Romney Administration plans to rule America. Here-forth is a synopsis of the etchings, starting with “Order Primary Firstus.”  I shall reveal other Orders in subsequent posts. 

Energy Erectus Primary Order
1. End all government subsidies for alternative renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, pedal but not nuclear. Romney is to advance legislation that calls for local small business neighborhood fracking permits. U.S. oil & gas conglomerates such as Exxon, ConocoPhillips, Marathon and Chevron are to be granted Federal imminent domain permits to explore fracking for natural gas in low-income neighborhoods in America’s largest blue-state cities. Under Romney’s secret energy plan Exxon, for example, will be encouraged through special Federal FIMBY – Frack In My Back Yard –  subsidies to develop under-used blighted, low-income neighborhoods as fracking sites. 
The FIMBY Project as explained in a special Romney Golden Energy Whitepaper will clear out former “Citizens of Welfare (COWs) residents who contribute only negative productivity to the American economy. These COWs, the whitepaper details, shall be re-located to Nevada as volunteers loading nuclear waste in a proposed “Harry Reid Memorial Nuclear IRS Tax Returns National Depository.” Romney shall institute a new national “Drill Sideways Baby Drill” energy policy to be spearheaded by former Republican VP candidate and half-governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin who will oversee a new non-federal non-department of energy called the Private Individual Select Sector of Energy Resources (PISSER).

More Angel Dudeini Revelations tomorrow.. 

What? Me Sorry?

Alfred E. Ryan

Mitt & Paul. M-Rom and P-Ry. The Hardy Boys grown up. 1950’s central casting All-American Dad & Son, a Norman Rockwell Father’s Day rendering would have used these two as models. Boomer & Gen-X warriors in the Republican War On Women hook up to hunt small varmints and noodle catfish. Early in their careers, Ryan drove a hotdog car, Oscar Mayer’s Wienermobile while M-Rom drove with a hot dog on his car roof. Now Mitt in his Mom Jeans and P-Ry muscled-up with his P90X workout regimen are suddenly surprised by the public reaction to Ryan’s Congressional co-sponsor buddy Todd “Forcible Rape”Akin who recently held forth on the mysteries of how women can flip a pregnancy prevention switch if they have been “legitimately” raped. 
P-Ry last year co-sponsored with Akin a “no Medicaid funding for forcible rape” bill. Ryan also co-sponsored a “personhood” bill which defined life as beginning with dirty thoughts of sex. Now Romney is shocked that Akin said what his running mate Ryan himself supports. As Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Neuman would have said, “Most people don’t act stupid: it’s the real thing!”

Higgs Boson Ready for its Close-up

Colliding News… This just in.. Actually already in, tomorrow.. First close up of the Higgs Bosum. 
Scientists at a secret government underground Collider Lab announced today, (tomorrow in String Theory Time) the first photo of the recently-announced Higgs Bosun also referred to by atheistic scientists and the uninformed lame street media as the “God Particle.”
The photo of the Higgs, taken with a high-intensity “Super Duper” camera, captured the particle as it rested momentarily during its historic high-speed race around the 17mile underground collider track. The photo shows a smiling Boson wearing what appears to be a t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan “i B Who B.”  Curators at the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky said they welcome the photo depiction of the “God Particle” and are working on a new animatronic diorama of boy Jesus riding a Higgs Bison atop a dinosaur.

Deadly Deja vu.. all over again.

A crazy person buys assault rifles and handguns. Goes to a public place and shoots everyone he can. Nation registers shock. NRA goes silent. Requisite front page photos of victims' families crying, hugging each other. Killer is identified and given a middle name. (all killers must have their middle name named). Drawings of the killing scene choreographed and detailed .. Killer enters here; victim # one shot here.. Killer exits here… Arrested or kills himself at this spot. President calls for day of prayer. Killers life story captured by friends & acquaintances. Police bolster security in public places similar to crime scene. Some public officials call for stronger (any?) gun controls. NRA says guns don't kill people or something stupid like that. Flowers & teddy bears line site of killings. Victims buried. Apprehended killing suspect jailed awaiting trial. Later found guilty. Sentenced to life in prison or executed. Life goes on in the American world of easy guns. Next crazy person buys assault rifle, handguns, etc. Killing starts over. NRA hauls in more money to ensure the killing continues.

—not The End—

Lawrence Rudmann

The Hard Working One Percent

Friday, July 13….According to New York Times columnist David Brooks today's “elites achieve and preserve their status not mainly by being corrupt but mainly by being ambitious and disciplined. They raise their kids in organized families. They spend enormous amounts of money and time on enrichment. They work much longer hours than people down the income scale driving their kids to piano lessons and then taking part in conference calls from the waiting room.”

This pretty well sums up the mind- set of the one-percenters. These poor “down the income scale” slobs don't work hard enough, don't drive their un-organized (code for single-parent families) kids to piano lessons and damn-it they need to do a lot more conferencing on their iPhones and Blackberries. No wonder they are “down-scale.” This is Romney's America. NY Times' Paul Krugman writes in today's Times that Brooks' “down-scales” will be “hurt not helped, if we end up with a government of the 0.01 percent, by the 0.01 percent, and for the 0.01 percent.”

Lawrence Rudmann

Favo New Gadgets

Pooper hoover

Gotta love these two new gadgets from Hammacher-Schlemmer…a handy dog dung vacuum in smart gray and yellow designer colors. With this upright popper hoover you won’t ever have to suck it up and bend to hand-scoop again. Just suck it up.  And as a companion device, Hamm-Schlem offers a handy food extruder…in stylish gray and white…turns your food into a soft-serve “silky-smooth” confection. Stuff in the food and out comes the extruded delight. Suck it up and enjoy. Five Yums for both gadgets.

Food Extruder

Praajek 2.12

He.s back. Praajek. v2.12.  After a three-month sabbatical from his award-winning blog, “Praajek,” Praajek resumes today. “My hiatus took me to some mountaintop somewhere for a consultation with Guru Dashfokashi who imparted to me his latest inculcations, visions, dire heedings and warnings as well as herbal delights and remedies. Today I return to almost exactly the spot where I launched my short 90 day sojourn back in late December 2011. Actually,  I’m a bit off-register by several pico-degrees, but essentially I’ve landed back here intact; not tanned, but proverbially rested and ready. 
Guru Dashfokashi
I’ve already steeled myself to venture into the severely conservative Republican Galaxy of God and Forced Vaginal Probes to the land of Rick “SanitoriumSantorum  with his frothy mix of political sexual smegma and on to the far-out Universe of Willard “Corporations-R-People” Romney and  into the Republican No Country for Young Women and eventually to the forbidden barren Democratic deserts of demonic doom and its Lands of Our-Lordlessness. So here goes:
Just Published
Buy it Now!
The Praajek Project, the first three years. Relive the glorious years of 2008 thru 2011 through the mind and eyes, ears, fingers and other body parts of Praajek. This just-published compilation of the “Best of Praajek” (that means all of Praajek) is now available as a paperback book to proudly grace your coffee table and provide endless hours of bedtime reading and entertainment for you, your loving ones, family and guests. This large format book is now available for the low-low price of $29.99. And now, for a limited time, you can order a signed-by-the-author and numbered The Praajek Project for just $30. That’s right! For just a penny extra, you can have a collector’s edition of The Praajek Project to display on your coffee table and to enjoy and cherish for a life-time. To order, just email for instructions on where to send your personal check, money order or hard cash to order this highly-sought-after book. Don’t delay. Order The Praajek Project now. Praajek is sitting all alone to take your orders.

The Secret of Siri …A Praajek Exclusive

Just who is Siri? That wise machina with the voice of a disembodied siren in the new iPhone4s (“s” for Siri); she who speaks volumes in flat, compressed cadences and, depending on the question, with a discernible touch of irony, impatience and often a “yeah, right, ok I know your type, so here’s my answer,” tenor. Siri. Your personal assistant. She’s all yours. Or so you think. 
Siri, the elusive one,
 behind her mask.
Siri Sistaas..busy answering
iPhone commands and
questions from around the globe.
After an in-depth exhaustive investigative investigation, Praajek has uncovered the Secret of Siri. That smooth reassuring responsive revealer, that foxy voxy is not what you think. She’s not just an artificial intelligent voice-recognition algorithm. Siri is real. I tracked her down after a world-wide search that took me to the far corners of a round globe. But there she was, busy directing a team of Sistaa Siris in the backroom of a Berwyn, IL  after-market car stereo shop. She allowed me a few photos and an interview…which I’ll share with you in a future post. Their iphones were ringing steadily and the drone of their respondent voices sounded like monks chanting after a meager dinner. Siri allowed this photo, although she insisted on remaining unidentified behind her mask. 

Life Begins With "Dirty Thoughts"

Anti-choicers Push for Definition of Life as Beginning with “Dirty Thoughts.”

National anti-choice leaders are attempting to place a measure on state ballots which would define life and “personhood” as beginning when a “man or woman (boy or girl) thinks about sex and /or is aroused by thoughts that could possibly result in eventual procreation.”

The ballot initiative would also bestow the status of “personhood” on acts of male masturbation “triggered or spawned” by female sexual fantasies (male Gay fantasies are exempted) which anti-choice leaders assert could result in “seeds of life.” If approved by voters in targeted states it would define life as beginning with heterosexual thoughts and/arousal and /or production of seed-carrying semen. (Similar Gay thoughts and resulting productions are exempted)

“If a citizen has a dirty thought about do'n-it, then a real person might just be created,” said one anti-choice advocate. “Male or female, dirty thoughts can lead to a fertilized egg, so we must protect that fertilized egg person by giving those nasty thoughts the status of a person, understand, y'all?”

Advocates for the ballot initiative declined to elaborate on how such a measure, if it became law, would be enforced.

The “Dirty-Thoughts”measure follows a Mississippi attempt to ban birth control by re-defining the term “person” to include “all human beings from the moment of fertilization, cloning or the functional equivalent thereof.” Opponents of the measure say it would also ban birth control and a woman taking a “morning-after” pill could possibly be charged with murder. Mississippians will vote on that initiative on Nov. 8.

The Next Sarah Palin

Virginia Foxx, R-5, NC

Oh, Sarah, we broadly knew ye. Farewell ye Sarah. Your recent  “refudiation” of Presidential aspirations leaves us yearning, burning for more of you. Your winks and blinks, your sexy syntax and colloquial u-betchas, squirmishes, lock and re-loads. Your fake One Woman Wild West Show, camera-staged moose shooting, turkey eviscerations, fish-in-a-barrel wolf hunt shootings from a helicopter, mythical caribou field-dressings. We’ll miss your fresh and inventive re-interpretations of history, your vision and far-sighted view of Russia from your front porch. But like an aging porn star, which you so closely resemble, in person and persona, your acts no longer titillate, they fail to hit our hot buttons and flog our fantasies. Your scenes no longer evoke how-does-she-do-it gasps of wonderment but instead seem like sad faded re-runs with weary predictable money-shots. 
So where does Sarah’s retirement as our national political lap dancer leave us? Who will accept her dance pole, once so shiny and slick. Who will right-standing right-wingers and teabaggers shower with their un-requited ardor and adulation? Michelle Bachmann? Her wild-eyed visage, monotone ejaculations of bland and obvious teabagasms do little to elevate her above the horde of raving extremists eager to accept the  furry mantle of a Mama or Girly Grizzly.
So who then? Instead of a Mama Grizzzly how about a Madam Foxy? The obvious choice? North Carolina Congresswoman Virginia Foxx (R-5th), a foxy attractive fresh faced yet experienced narrow-focused, traditional extremist with Bible-thumpin old fashioned, anti-choice,anti-govmit, anti-socialist, anti-gay, anti-feminist values. A cultural warrior who can re-ignite the cultural wars of the 1960’s and keep’em smoking and festering. According the the Almanac of American Politics, Foxx, while in the State Legislature “… sponsored a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and a bill to deny Social Security benefits to illegal aliens. She actively supported gun rights and home schooling, and she opposed abortion rights. In the House she was one of 11 members voting against passage of the $52 billion relief package following Hurricane Katrina yet taking credit for $500,000 for a teapot museum in Sparta, NC.” A teapot museum. If that doesn’t establish her Teabagger cred then what? Foxx seems to have it all to step into Palin’s pumps. Audacious willingness to support and promote extreme positions, obvious charisma, babe starlet looks and over-the-top sex appeal. Picture Virgie Foxx in a pair of nine inch Manolos, short sharpened pencil skirt, just a touch of killer cleavage. A Teabaggers wet dream, a political cougar on the prowl for that ultimate one night stand, a chance to rule the night, guide the nation, bring us back to the 18th Century when men were men and women were glad of it. Yes, Virginia, there might be a Santa Claus for you. God didn’t open the door for Sarah to walk thru. Maybe He’s getting ready to be the Gentleman and open your door. Then you can strut through it, swing down the runway and maybe  tack on another x to your name. Triple X rated. The new Sarah Palin.

Steve Jobs

My first computer was not a Mac. A diehard wanna-be command-line early adopter I fiercely defended the user's right to control the interface, give direct commands, master Basic and dominate DOS. It was 1984 and the first Macintosh computer had just been released into the world. None of that dumbed-down DOS friendly non-macho girly interface for me. I was using a Leading Edge computer, cheap … $1,800. In 1984. That's probably $5,000 bucks or more today. My Korean Leading Edge had a big floppy disk drive, and a blank screen that stayed minimalistly blank with only a small blinking cursor quietly and patiently waiting for me to type a command to do something. Format disk. And other commands which I've happily forgotten.

One day I visited a friend who showed me his new Mac. Hmmm. Kind of cool. What's that? A mouse? Ok. The screen was neatly arranged with pictures — icons of commands. A folder for files. A printer. A sketch pad for drawing. A trash can. Let me try it.

That day changed my life. At least the tech side of my life, a side which would necessarily come to be more dominate as the years passed. I went home and sadly turned on my Leading Edge computer and it's slow blinking little cursor shyly prompting me to command it to do something by typing arcane characters and symbols in exacting sequence and spacing. Leading edge? I soon sold it and bought a Mac. And later another and another and newer, faster smaller beautiful machines that became virtual members of our family, siblings to our children.

Today our lives are enhanced by the vision that Steve Jobs accomplished. His death leaves us not fearing shadows of the past, the techno abyss of the blinking cursor, but to a future that only looks back to learn, a future that as Steve often said in different ways, rejoices more in the journey while continuously dreaming of a destination. Steve, you're still on your journey and we're still traveling with you.

Obama’s Brave "Moment"

He’s the milquetoast kid bullied relentlessly at summer camp. When his parents arrive and he’s a safe distance away, he leans out the window, yells and shakes his fist at the bullies from the safe distance of mummy & daddy’s car speeding home. Take that… he says.. I’ll tax those millionaires, you wait and see… and you better not touch social security …and I’m cutting the military…and guess what, I’ve got a jobs plan!  
Brave talk now that he knows that he’s going home…to his base. …he knows the bullies will never really let him have his way. But at least now he can thumb his nose, naay-naay, naay-naay naaay. Now he can look tough.. while campaigning in suburban backyards across the nation. Instead of the streets of America littered with the detritus of the once hopeful and now unemployed.  Instead of really being tough during the past two years, he played the victim, the kid who always tried to “play nice.” The kid who each time he got his skinny butt kicked by the bullies, told his family that he really held his own, that, although he didn’t fend off any blows, didn’t land any either, he felt pretty good about doing the right thing, seeing things from their perspective, reaching out to them, meeting them more than half-way… their way, why, he even offered to lower his pants before the bullies actually de-pantsed him in front of the whole school. But now, with the bullies at a safe distance, having already issued their ultimatums, threats, demands, and with summer camp now ending, he can speak out, chest out, impress with his new-found toughness. His just-discovered resolve. His inner-boehner. Those bullies won’t bother me any more. This is my moment, he says.  
I hope this really is President Obama’s often-referred to “moment.” It’s not a moment too soon. Yes, the Republican bullies are backing off a bit. but they’re still lingering around the corner, leaning menacingly against the hallway walls ready to stick out a random foot, a blindside push, snickering to their teabagging fans that you are not legit, that defeating you is worth every job lost and every American not hired. That it’s worth it if defeating you means defeating America. So welcome to the land of the brave, Mr. President. Gird yourself for battle, brace your middle for the blows, raise your fists, head and your voice today above the shouts for yesterday. For over two years you’ve accepted and invited the abuse, the beatings, the insults too meekly, all too kindly. Now step away from the lectern, the lesson plans, the telepromter, come to the middle of the ring and fight. It’s the last round, the bell has rung, you’ve taken a beating and you need a knock-out. 

Chicago Tribune Banishes Doonesbury

Looks like the conservative ghost of Old “Colonel” McCormick ( or maybe Fox President Roger Ailes) visited the editorial room of the Chicago Tribune last night. Seeking my daily nourishment of Doonesbury this morning, the only comic with any intelligent redeeming value, I was shocked to find the following statement buried between the banal panels of “comics” where Doonesbury usually stands out: “This week’s “Doonesbury” does not meet our standards of fairness. Please enjoy this substitute strip.”
Click to enlarge
The recent Doonesbury storyline has Fox News “ace reporter” Roland Hedley tweeting excerpts from a yet-unpublished book about Sarah Palin, “The Rogue” written by Joe McGinness..(publication date, September 19.) The strip pokes fun at Palin’s reputation as a politician who doesn’t read a lot. The Trib apparently thinks this doesn’t meet the Fox News standard of “fair and balanced.”  Funny that the Trib doesn’t think it’s fair to tease a public figure about not reading while denying me a product that I’ve paid to read. Think I’ll cancel my Trib subscription for a week.  Here’s the link to the forbidden Doonesbury strip:

Obama’s Job Plan Leaked

Praajek has just received a draft of several pages of President Obama’s highly anticipated plan to stimulate the creation of new jobs. These pages, received thru a secret source, are possibly original, with several pages appearing water-marked and tobacco stained by Speaker Boehner’s tears of joy and cigarette tanned fingers. 
Step One: Free the Job Creators. By eliminating all taxes for Americans making at least  $250,000 annually, these wealthy Americans will take that much-needed added wealth and trickle it down to the unemployed masses. New jobs will be created in industries such as yacht-building, vacation home maintenance and cleaning,  luxury auto detailing and corporate jet maintenance.
Step Two: Keep Wealthy Families Strong Act. By eliminating all inheritance taxes, wealthy families will be insured that their legacy of job creation will be continued by their heirs, just chomping at the bit to get started in the job-creation business. 
Step Three: The Un-Cuff  Big Business Act. By reducing the Corporate tax rate to one percent, these mighty engines of productivity, led by their now-shackled sacrificing Titan CEOs, will finally have the resources to merge with each other, eliminate job-related waste and employee inefficiencies, create less expensive products for the American consumer by moving operations off-shore and advantaging foreign worker wage and benefit efficiencies. 
Step Four: The Homeland Manifest Environmental Destiny Act. By enacting this land-marking bill, onerous environmental laws and regulations which hinder job creation will be obliterated from our now strangled Homeland. Mountain-top national park top soil removal projects will uncover rich deposits of clean coal in land now burdened  and “protected” by Federal land nannies;  back-yard mom and pop Fracking operations will tap deep bubbles of natural gas across our Homeland;  a new On-Shore Oil Drilling initiative will unleash lush deposits of “black gold” from America’s shore lines and beaches now being used for the unproductive purpose of recreation.
Step Five: Let Kids Be Kids Laws. By eliminating all anti-bullying laws we will ensure a renewable supply of American Corporate and Republican leaders. In his speech to Congress, scheduled whenever Speaker Boehner allows, the President is scripted to tell the American people that  “….today’s little bullies are our leaders of tomorrow.”
Step Six: Operation Clean Your Own Mess Kit will eliminate FEMA. Removing federal interference in local disasters will spur public self-reliance and stimulate local boot-strap disaster clean up jobs.
Check back here at for additional details of the President’s plans to “Rehire America.” 

Blame it on the Boss Obama

In America's sweeter times… like the early 60's the nation danced and blamed it on the bossa nova. “The Dance of Love.”

Today we shuffle, not dance, and we blame it on the Boss Obama. In a Haze of Malaise.

Do we detect a faint scent of Jimmy Carter wafting from the White House? Carter's failed Presidency was a direct result of external circumstances… the Arab oil embargo and the Iranian hostage situation. Killer rabbits and malaise aside, Carter at least told the American people the truth, keeping his campaign pledge to not lie. He said we were addicted to oil, needed to become more independent, learn to conserve and that he lusted in his heart. It was a message that people didn't want to hear.

If only Obama had a little lust in his cool droning heart. Or signs of real warm blood coursing thru his complacent veins. Is there not any outrage that stirs his soul? Avoid conflict, at any cost, seems to be his mantra.

Obama won't tell us anything, won't stand up and fight forces challenging America's prosperity. He's all saddle & no horse as some say. Or all paddle and no canoe. Or all rattle and no battle. Or all faddle and no fittle. Ok, enuf.

So, let's all sing that old Eydie Gorme hit from 1963:

I was at a dance
When he caught my eye
Standin' all alone
Lookin' sad and shy
We began to vote
Electing him with hope
But now I know
I'll have to let him go.

Blame it on the Boss Obama
With his need to please
Blame it on the Boss Obama
He's always on his knees.
Oh it all began with reaching across the aisle in fear
And his leading
Always from the rear
Blame it on the Boss Obama
The dance of tears.

Obama Switches Parties; denounces Oprah;

In last-minute efforts to avoid a national economic default of epic proportions, and ensure reduced taxes for the nation's wealthy job creators, President Obama today announced that he would switch parties and become a Republican embracing in totality the Republican conservative agenda for America. To sweeten the deal, the President also said he would denounce TV mogul Oprah Winfrey, arrest Rev. Al Sharpton and consider repeal of the 13th Amendment which abolished slavery. Mr. Obama also promised to consult with the dermatologist and plastic surgeon of the late King of Pop Michael Jackson to begin a regimen of skin lightening and facial reconstruction to create a visage resembling Vivien Leigh/Scarlett O'Hara.

After last week's offer of his two daughters, Malia and Sasha was rejected by Speaker John Boehner and Republican Senate leader Mitch McConnell, Mr. Obama's new outreach to the Republicans is hoped to at least stir some interest of the Tea Bagger Party in resolving the impasse.

“At least now he's heading in the right direction,” said Speaker Boehner. “As soon as he fires Biden and replaces him with Michele Bachmann, I think we might be able to move toward a solution,” he said. “Also, abolishing that 13th Amendment thing is an absolute necessity,” he said.

After the President's offer to eliminate Leftist deficit-digging programs like Meals-On-Wheels, School Lunch and Head Start and raising Medicare and Social Security eligibility to age 89 was deemed “too timid and not enough” by House Republicans, the Administration now seems willing to publicly announce that the President now thinks that Oprah sucks.

“If this doesn't close the deal, then nothing will,” an unnamed White House aide said.

Obama Offers Up Malia & Sasha to Placat

In his second press conference in as many weeks President Obama today raised the stakes in the high risk debt ceiling-budget deficit negotiations with Republican leaders.

“Not only do I propose to raise the age for Social Security and Medicare eligibility to 85, eliminate Medicaid, Head Start, and the Depts. of Education, Energy and Environmental Protection Agency, today I also offer my two beloved daughters, Malia and Sasha,” the President announced.

Republican Speaker John Boehner responded that although the sacrifice of the President's daughters was a good start, “The President's insistence on eliminating the excess-profits tax loop-holes on producers of Loopholes is a deal-breaker.”

Speaker Boehner said that raising the taxes on America's Loophole industry is a job killer.

“Increasing taxes on job-creating small loophole businesses is a recipe for disaster. The American People need American-made loopholes for job-creating engines like corporate jet and yacht makers, golf-course developers, gold-plated faucet and titanium toilet handle crafts, limousine and high-performance luxury sports car manufacturers, just to name a few of these essential industries,” the Speaker said.

“Throwing his daughters into the deal is sweet, but we, the Real American People, need Real American-born incentives, not the progeny of a Kenyan-born colonialist-socialist Mau Mau ideology, the Speaker said.

An unnamed source close to the President reacting to the Speaker's response remarked that if Republicans turn down this deal then the President will consider throwing-in his mother-in-law as a bonus.

The Girl with the Bella Vita Tattoo and the Republican Rapture

Yes, she's the Girl Who Played With Gyre, circled herself in a mad dance of subterfuge and guileless misdirection. She's a girl whose innocent verdict kicked a hornet's nest of outrage, sending those with soap-Oprah lives into spasms of dental and gingival gnashing and weeping. Yes, she's Lisbeth-like, the mythic salamander resisting fire. With tears. For whom does her tale toll a sad single symphony? It tolls for Caylee?

Did she do it? The duct tape. The nanny. The tattoo. The dancing. The car trunk. The elfin ears and stretched back hair that you can almost smell across the airwaves. Wet glassy eyes. Young. Nubile. Casey alive. Caylee dead. Who did it?

Does it matter at this point in time? As we move inexorably toward a world unknown. Toward a Republican Rapture where the Left Behind are our elderly, our impoverished, our jobless, our ill, our children. A Republican Rapture that saves the strong, wealthy, the material needless. The Saved who can pay the unsaved left-behinds to guide their corporate jets through the eye of the proverbial needle.

A jury of her peers found Casey Anthony not guilty of murdering her two year-old Caylee. Should they have found her Innocent instead of Not Guilty?

Who will judge John Boehner, Eric Cantor and their followers after they inflict their Republican Rapture on the World? See their tattoos? Bella Vita.

Tally Ho, Tally Bahn

Obama's got to quit pronouncing
Taliban as Tally Bahn.. Same with
“Pauk e stahn.” It's Packy-stan. In Amerakan that is.

Peace with Honor.. Or “honour” as Obi would say.

Sit down with Tallybahn.

What will be the size of the peace table? Shape… Round, oval, sq or rectangular?
His voice is beginning to actually sound like Nixon.
The tide is turning
Still dark days ahead
Light on the horizon
God Bless. Us.

Lawrence Rudmann

What the Pundits Won’t Say

Let’s be frank here. Media pundits are all over themselves and each other with deep questions and analysis concerning why so many Republicans, considered as potential candidates, are checking into the Republican roach motel and checking out as soon as they can. O my gosh, they gush, Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour decides he doesn’t have enough fire in his belly to mount a campaign. With a belly as big as Barbour’s maybe it was the belly and not the dying embers that told him he’d never get elected. Old, White and fat. Not a good prescription for victory. Well, what about Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels? Says his wife put the kibosh on a run. Or was it the fact that Daniels is about 5’6″ inches tall giving him diminutive chances of actually being elected. Taller candidate always wins, especially when the gap is this large. Ok, Donald Trump. The Hair. Need we say more? Ok, he’s fat, too. Then there’s Newt. Come on. Although Obama got elected despite his first name, does America really want a President Newt? And, of course, he’s obese and funny looking. I’m not saying it’s right that a potential candidate be judged by his/her looks, body mass index, stature or hairstyle, but that’s really the way it is in America folks. In this society, ever so hooked on youth, beauty, abs, jawlines, T’s and A’s it’s a fact of life that perhaps even the physically flawed candidates realize before the voters get a chance to see and judge them waddling, holding down hairpieces, huffing’ and puffin’ and stepping up on podium boosters on the proverbial campaign trail, path, track or route. Prediction for Republican 2010 ticket: Mitt Romney and Texas Gov. Rick Perry. Remember Massachusetts Kennedy and Texas LBJ? 

The Fat Cat Ticket

Republicans have often been collared with the “fat cat” tag for lusting- after and hopping in, cash bags tumescent, between the sheets of wealthy campaign constituents climaxing in a happy feted and sated finish.  Now a real fat-cat Repoob presidential ticket can be envisioned, one which would tip the political and bathroom scales as the heaviest weighted campaign in GOP history. With weight accompanying their heavy reputations as (fat) bullies, Newt Gringrich, weighing in near the three hundred summit and New Jersey Governor Chris Christy…topping at least the big three hundred and more would be a Presidential ticket that literally could not fly…  at least together on the same campaign plane. Their campaign slogan? “Newt and Chris.. Too Big to Fail” ? Or maybe “Two Buckets of Lard in Every Fridge.” Of course, nearly 60% of Americans are officially overweight or obese so there lies their base, a huge constituency that could just possibly get off their slouching couches and waddle to the polls. And, catching their breaths, maybe vote, too. Or, we could hope the Repoobs nominate 5’5″ Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels and another vertically-challenged candidate (Christine “Not a Witch” O’Donnell?)  and we’d have the shortest …. naw, forget it…that’s what podium boosters are for. 

Change we can believe in.

Another day another war.

Who knew Obama would be the next great crusader.

On to Syria, Bahrain, Yemen.. Hell, Iran, too! Western Christian countries killing more Muslims…wonder how that'll work out?

Maybe we'll be equal opportunity World Police. On to North Korea… Venezuela…Cuba….

Are we defending innocent people from ruthless dictators? Or just some people who happen to live in certain oil- rich lands.

Is our addiction to oil a subtext for the ease at which we seemingly get sucked into these quicksand desert quagmires or is it naive to believe that our government acts on behalf of the collective will of its citizens who desire to see the democratic liberties they enjoy shared with people with fewer freedoms? It is naive.

War-thirsty and ratings-hungry CNN TV's near 24/7 coverage of the initial bombing invasion struck a particularly smug and almost congratulatory tone showing grainy night bombing video of Tripoli along with turgid and self-satisfied commentary by ex-generals paid to compare this little war with CNN's famous coverage of the Kuwaiti and Bagdad bombings.

“Well, Wolf, we're not seeing the vivid night vision footage with colorful trailing rocket fire that we saw in the Gulf War…” one General said describing the CNN video of US Libyan bombings that were undoubtedly slaughtering innocent Libyans just as Gadhafi himself promised to do. Wolf disappointedly agreed that this video wasn't nearly as compelling. But just wait, you could almost see his eyes light up with the possibility of more exciting and colorful video in coming days.

As President Obama says, the U. S. has “special capabilities”… war room-speak for Tomahawk missiles, stealth bombers, predator drones… Hi-tech state of art war machines. When was the last time superior US “special capabilities” won a war against local armies defending their homeland against foreign invaders. Vietnam… Afghanistan, Iraq? Obama says no US troops will be committed to on-the-ground combat in Libya. Sound familiar? Change we can believe in.

Nuclear Randomoniums

The Japanese people exemplify the definition stoicism: calm acceptance of all occurrences as the unavoidable result of divine will or of the natural order. Courage and calmness in the face if great adversity. One wonders how Americans would react in the face of such disaster. Would we calmly, diligently, collectively work together to rebuild, or would we arm ourselves with our arsenal of Glocks, Assault rifles, and shotguns, retreat to our bunkers and play out the survival of the fittest script written for the dark side of our national character. Let's hope we would not be frantically digging up our cache of gold coins and loading our ammo clips but instead show the stoicism and bravery that we are seeing in Japan.

Today there is a Hollywood script writer sketching out the screenplay for a TV movie called “The Fukushima Fifty… Nuclear Heroes Who Saved Japan.” It will air around Christmas time this year.

Republicans are already clenching their teeth and shaking their fists at nuclear namby-pamby liberals who are questioning the safety of U.S. Nuclear plants. Why do Republicans love nuclear energy so much? (maybe they wouldn't if those pinko liberal elitist were in favor of nuclear power..then they might be against it.) But, liberals tend to favor less dependence on non-renewable energy sources and greater energy diversity with alternative renewable forms such as solar, wind, geo- thermal (SWaG). Since Republicans (and many Dems, too), are in servitude to Big COG — Coal, Oil and Gas, the hobby lobby and campaign cash-poor alternatives are taboo. In the Republican World, Nukes Rule.

Will there ever be another nuke plant built in the U. S. ? Probably not. At least not until a place is found and agreed upon to store, i.e. bury the waste. No spent fuel rods,which are never totally “spent,” have ever been disposed. Thousands of tons of dangerous fuel sit submerged in pools or in outdoor concrete and steel casks at all U. S. nuclear facilities.

Best quote by a nuclear safety expert: “It's low (accident) probability and high consequences.”

Republicans: Obama Caused Japan Earthquake & Tsunami

Republican Leaders John Boehner, Mitch McConnell and other influencers yesterday said that blame for the recent devastating earthquakes & tsunami in Japan “lay squarely at the feet of this President and his reckless socialist policies.”
House Speaker Boehner singled out the health care reform law for particular blame. “The cataclysmic repercussions of this socialist takeover of our health care system has had tectonic consequences on our world,” he said.
Senate Leader McConnell pointed to Obama's Wall Street financial reform bill for “shaking the fundamental stability of the world's economic system.”
Former Governor Mike Huckabee weighed in with accusations of Obama's Kenyan Mau Mau ancestry for a de-stabilizing effect. “All that spear-chucking by Obama's grandfather's Kenyan anti-British terrorist friends obviously has had a delayed butter-fly effect shifting the globe's axis .. the first time this has happened since the creation of the world about 6,000 years ago,” he said.
According to Minnesota Rep. Michelle Bachmann, Obama should apologize to America and Japan for his role in this disaster. “Since that historic day when our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence right here on the concourse of the Mall of America in 1932 freedom has been ringing across the world. Now the only ringing is in the ears of over-taxed anti-Liberty Bell sound of Tsunami warnings that Obama wants to re-locate that Famous Liberty Bell from Washington D. C. to his communist neighbor Bill Ayers' front yard.”
According to former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, the Japan nuclear plant melt-downs could have been avoided if only Obama wasn't so lazy and sanctimonious about matrimony. “I loved my country so much that I sacrificed two marriages when my wives were worn out and sick. It's obvious that Obama's madrassa-fueled brain-washing has affected his judgement concerning adultery and left these nuclear power plants vulnerable.”
Former Alaska half-governor Sarah Palin tweeted: Obama = Disaster = Earthquakes = Tsunami.

2010: Foreclosed but Not Forgotten

2010: Foreclosed but Not Forgotten

Two thousand ten
Now a has-been
One to remember
One to recall It
Let's re-wind'er
A reminder
Of what went down
The rabbit hole.

The world came together
When the earth fell apart
Opened eyes
And rendered hearts
Real tears fell
For Lil' Haiti's Hell
Not like the Grim Weeper
John Boehner
The dim reaper
Of political gain
But for reasons much saner
Real human pain
That quake that hit her
Gave a purpose to Twitter.

The British finally revenged
All their tea
We once boiled in our sea
Their oiled gusher engulfed us
Tophat or topkill maybe sealed the deal
For a billion gallons of drill baby drill. While Obama fluctuated
On and off
Shore solutions to toil
In the oil fields of
Pollution's woes
Roiled the watery graves
Of eleven men
Down below.
So BP Tony went on the attack
By crying out loud
“I'd like my life back.”

Scary times full of fear
Villains and heros
Distract us from Bedbugs and
Prayer rugs near ground zero.
Down for a single count went Blago Not a hair out place upon his noggo. Christine O'Donnell's not so witchy Jail-baited Lindsay's becoming kitschy. Pope says you might enter the kingdom
Even if You don a condom.

We showed our maturity
At airport security
TSA in a funk
Bro, don't touch my junk
Don't taser my razor
Or laser my blazer
Like a wall street bonus
The onus is on you to prove
If you're too big to fail
Maybe u need corporate Sildenafil
Just ask your banker he won't tell.

Hacktavist wacktavist
Wiki whacks and hackey sacks
Miley Salvia-ating on a bong
Bristol dancing that was wrong
NPR tried raising millions
Backfired firing old Juan Williams
Once Groupon a time
Google eschewed evil as a crime
Bret Farve texting, what a croc Toyotas ran but now can't stop
We're sticker-shocked by a Chevy Volt Four Loko liquor rocked revolt.

Who won the World Cup in a sport called Soccer?
Best movie a Hurt Locker?
Another sport for White Men manly Needed an oversized cup called Stanley.
And a porn star's promise to play the vuvuzelas
Of her 23,000 twitterers if her team didn't loozala.
And with the Cup within reach
Like Lebron, took her talents to South Beach
Rather than heed the Octopus named Paul
Who predicted the land of nether would fall
Again like LeBron left fans in pain When her lovely Netherlands lost to Spain

Zombies and Vampires
Birthers flat-earthers
We're all stuck in Middle East quagmires
Heat-packing teabaggers steeping in ire
Talking taxes and bailouts and death panel
Scares Constitutional fundamentalist purity
Strap-on guns their rights to bear
But dangit don't touch my Social Security
Mortgage deduction or my Medicare. Deficits and the economy deep in a ditch
But teabaggers silent on tax cuts for the rich.

Good news bad news
Political whiners
The good-old-days piners
We're on the wrong track
Want to take our country back
Rescue it like Chilean miners
Return it to its glory
An eightieth century bad romance story.
But we got GaGa we got Glee
Justin Beiber, little dweeber
Math or science not in fashion
Laundry tan and gym
With Kim Kardashian
Devolution's a dead end Situation
But it's no flukie
For a girl named Snookie.

Foreclosures Posers
Political Hosers
Entered & exited stage left and right They took their turns
Bowed and texted c u lata
Our only hero in two o ten
Jetblew his job Steven Slater.
But in two 0 eleven
I'll dream a fantasy farce
That Lisbeth Salander kicks
Sarah Palin's grizzlied arse.

Two thousand ten
Now a has-been
One to remember
One to recall It
Let's re-wind'er
A reminder
Of what went down
The rabbit hole.

Happy New Year to all .. 2010

Sent from my iPhone

Praajek is Baaack….

Praajek has been on sabbatical for the past few months…every day a Sun Day on my way to the mountain top to commune with Guru Baksheeshiidashmi and contemplate the WOWs…Wonders of Wonders, Worlds of Worlds, Whys of Whys, Wilds of Wilds and Weeds of Wisdom. The sojourn was the gestation for the destination, the quest for zest. Guru Baksheeshiidashmi blessed me with bouquets of visions, new insights and a choreography of celestial cognizance. I took copious notes during my time-less sessions with the Guru; Come with Praajek as he occasionally shares this Wisdom with you.
Guru Baksheeshiidashmi


Who's advising this President? Or why can't this President think for
himself and propose something creative, strong, futuristic? Inspire
the nation. We will go to the moon. We will become energy independent
and lead the world in solving global climate change. We will build the
best hybrid cars, starting tomorrow… build a nation high- speed rail
system, create a national youth corps to help clean-up the Gulf. We
will jump-start and fast-track solar and wind energy projects in every
community. We will divert half of the Pentagon's military budget to
pay for this. We will nationalize energy companies. Something… Do
something bold, Mr. President. No. Instead he implores us to pray. Damn.

It’s Back to Bomb-Making School

The FBI says this bomb was one of the most sophisticated devices they have ever seen. “We got lucky on this one, ” said the anonymous FBI official. “Let’s hope we never see another one like this.” 

I wish I’d read and heard something like the above in media reports this week instead of the the truth, which apparently was that this bomb sucked,  an amateurish attempt using the wrong kind of fertilizer and a simplistic made-to-fail recipe cobbled together from various bomb-making procedures from various web sites. 

Yeah, I know we live in a free-speech society with open access free and unconstrained media, but not sure I feel,  at a gut-level,  so great when I hear on every media outlet that the terrorist who made the Times Square car bomb was an idiot. Whoops, say the terrorists, we’ll never build another one like’s time for re-medial bomb-making courses for all our terrorists. Instead, if they’re going to build more bombs, let them build this kind. The kind that don’t explode. 

Ubetchyas…obvious mutterings

Ubetchya the The Obama administration's desire to bring alleged Sept.
11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to New York to face charges in a
civilian federal court will not happen as a result of the recent
failed car bombing of Times Square.

Ubetcha the Obama administration's desire to allow more off-shore oil
drilling is dead in the oily waters off the Gulf Shore.

Ubetcha the Repoob's oily attempts to describe the Gulf Shore oil
spill as Obama's Katrina moment , although slick, will gather about as
much traction as a gerbil in an oil can.

Ubetcha the Vatican term “de-frock” for kicking out a pedo priest
seems a bit unseemly…maybe they should say “de-pants.”


Must we aknowledge and celebrate everytime another celebrity joins

I'm beginning to feel sorry for Tiger Woods.

Tiger seems desperate. The Nike dad commercial is embarrassing to watch.

Of course great sports stars are not always great people. Tiger's like
Big Bill Tilden, one of the greatest tennis players. Off court and in
his private life Tilden had a predilection for teen boys. Except Big
Bill's public “exposure” came only after his career was over. Also,
Big Bill played a sport, unlike golf, that required real athleticism.
Tiger's athletic skills were obviously required and utilized off the

Sent from mi mePhone

Republican Health Care Reform Poison

Watching Repooblican House leader John “Cigarette Tan Man” Boehner at last night’s House vote on Health Care reform reminded me of a spoiled brat screaming at mommy in a grocery store for a bag of gummy bears. In this pitiful little temper trantrum of coughed-up “hell-no’s” one could almost see dusty particulate clouds of ancient nicotine dust emitted from Boehner’s frothing, quavering cigarette-craving lips. He’ll need extra time in the tanning bed today after having busted half of his facial capalliaries during his curse-laden rant. So much for Repoobs honoring the dignity of the House of Representatives. One of Boehner’s pre-rant exhortations was for restoration of House “comity” or mutual respect. He pronounced it “comedy.”

Bart Stupak finally grew a pair. I think. His crazy demands for an abortion-proof health care bill garnered him sought-after national notoriety and made him a hero of the anti-choice, protect-the-unborn-but-not-the-born crowd. Until he voted against his own resolution and was shouted down from the Repoobican side with a scream of  “baby-killer.” How’d that all work out for you, Bart?

So now President Obama has a victory. After sitting out most of his first year on the sidelines, he finally awoke in the nick of time to rescue his signature piece of legislation. Repoobs are set to continue attacking, calling it Obamacare or Pelosicare, whipping up more scary scenarios of doom, collapse of modern American society, destruction of American culture. With all their weeping and gnashing of teeth, the best the Teabaggers can do seems to be literally spitting on congressional democrats. If the behavior of the repoobs and the sickening antics of the anti-government Medicare/Social Security recipient Teabaggers is any indication, maybe this does foreshadow the end of days. Let’s hope all the poison has been spent and we can now go on to live up to the promise that America represents. Health care for everyone is just the beginning of that promise.

The Hollow Man

Indiana’s milquetoast wussy Senator Evan Bayh is such a sensitive wan creature. With his Prufrockian crisply center-parted haircut, Senator Bayh sees life as a clean cut,  extra-starched spit-polished rigid rectitudinous walk on the safe side. The rigors and messy business of American legislating is just too messy for this soft hyper-sensitive official with the ninety pound weakling constitution. All this nasty “partisanship” is soooo offending. Goodness gracious. What must I do? he swoons.“Do I dare?…. “Do I dare?…Time to turn back and descend the stair, With a bald spot in the middle of my hair…Do I dare to eat a peach? measure out my life with coffee spoons… (my apologies, T.S. Eliot). Good riddance, Senator. The Democratic Party can do better.


Does anyone really ever refer to Sarah Palin as “the Governor” ..
except Fox News..?

Ok, let's don't call it ” global warming” anymore.. It's “climate
change.” Especially since Repoobs think crazy snow storms in
Washington D.C. are proof that the climate is not “warming.” Maybe
they need to watch Al Gore's “An Inconvenient Truth” again.. And
again…or wonder why Vancouver's Winter Olympics need to make snow.

Evolution is not a “theory”… It's not the theory of evolution.. It's
the LAW of evolution.

Life's a comedy for those who think;
A tragedy for those who feel.
…..Jean De La Bruyere

If u can't be a good example
At least be a horrible warning
…..Catherine Aird, author

New Orleans Gives Up…Decision to Just Party From Now On

With the excitement of the Super Bowl victory by the Saints over a team from Indiana, newly-elected New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu, with blessing from the city council and local business organizations, approved a measure that will put the city on a permanent path of partying and celebrating.

“All this effort to rebuild our beloved city is just crazy, you know,” said Mayor Landrieu. “What we do best here is Parteeee, not this work, clean-up, re-build sheet,” he said. “From now on, we’ll direct our energies toward serious, balls-2-the levees, down’n and real-dirty celebratin’ the crap out everything,” said the Mayor, following a late-night council session where members drunkenly whooped approval of the measure.

“With our Super Bowl victory and Mardi Gras just around the corner, we are ready to launch this great city as America’s Party,” said one member of New Orleans Chamber of Commerce.  “We’ve got the infrastructure for celebration, the civic mood for gettin’ down, restaurants to feed the fun seekers, and women who know how to party like there’s no tomorrow,” he said. “Let’s face it, this city will never really make it…we’ll never be an Indianapolis, Omaha or one of those other successful cities…so let’s capitalize on our positives…whoooeeeeeee….lets parteeee, dude!” he shouted. 

Tigre Woods on Salt Petre Regimen

Unreliable sources have confirmed rumors that Tiger Woods has graduated Cum Laude from sex-addiction school at the Institute of Sexual Rehabilitation in Hattisburg, Mississippi and will re-unite with his wife and family at a graduation party on Super Bowl Sunday. Same sources also confirm that Dr. Woods, who is now has a PhD in sex-addiction, will be required to consume daily doses of potassium nitrate, or Saltpetre in order to maintain his hard-earned degree. Woods is reportedly piloting a special new sub-dermal Salt Petre implant pump which disperses doses of the compound whenever he makes eye contact with a cocktail waitress. Woods’ wife, Elin, reportedly has also prepared a special Super Bowl chili seasoned generously with the sex-inhibiting compound. Commonly used in the production of fireworks and explosives, saltpetre is also a powerful sex drive retardant (woops, sorry for the R-word, Sarah…) and erection flaccididator. Woods’ wife also reportedly hopes that the combination of Salt Petre and Ambiem will help her newly educated hubby adjust to life at home, challenges in cocktail lounges, driveways and fairways with reduced slicing and hooking.

How to Save Haiti…Let it be the 51st State

Concurrent with the sighs of desperation and grief over the devastation in Haiti are the inevitable questions of how will this seemingly god/man-forsaken little nation (not withstanding goofy TV preacher Pat Robinson who apparently is close enough to Satan to know the deals she makes with people) ever recover and become a land with more hope and less suffering.

One answer might be Statehood. Let’s help put Haiti on the path to become our 51st state.

Like Puerto Rico, Haiti could first become a U.S. Commonwealth and eventually be eligible for statehood.

Historically, Haiti has modern roots…since the Sixteen Hundreds, that mirror Puerto Rico. Both islands were invaded by the Spanish-led Columbus whose incursions enslaved, infected and decimated the indigenous Arawak Indians known as Taínos. Both islands imported African slaves as replacement chattel. Under U.S. administrative jurisdiction, Haiti could hasten its recovery while providing many cultural and economic benefits to the mainland U.S., just as Alaska and the Hawaiian Islands do. As U.S. citizens, just as Puerto Rican citizens do, Haitians could join our military…god knows we need all the recruits we can get to fight our myriad colonial nation-building wars in the Middle East. As U.S. citizens, just as Puerto Ricans do, Haitians would pay taxes income taxes, contribute to Social Security and thus become eligible for federal assistance programs such as food stamps, Medicaid and Medicare.

As we assist Haiti in overcoming this unimaginable tragedy, let’s work to give Haitians an option out of its history of exploitation, betrayal, occupation by foreign rulers, national despots and hopelessness. A national Haitian referendum on becoming a commonwealth of the U.S. and the possibility of statehood might be the answer to the question: how does Haiti ever survive and join the 21st century. 

Meanwhile, everyone can help with donations of money. Click here for Google’s site for Disaster Relief:

Also accepting cash and in-kind donations are the following sites: UNICEF (1-800-4UNICEF), Direct Relief, Yele Haiti, Partners in Health, Red Cross, World Food Program, Mercy Corps (1-888-256-1900), Save the Children, Lambi Fund, Doctors Without Borders, The International Rescue Committee, Care, William J. Clinton Foundation
The following organizations are accepting SMS donations in the US only:
    •    SMS text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts
    •    SMS text “YELE” to 501501 to Donate $5 to Yele Haiti’s Earthquake Relief efforts

Whew, Thank God Al Rokker is on the scene in Haiti!

In the wake of the devastating earthquake in Haiti, first responders seem to be TV news celebrity anchors and reporters. It’s good to know Anderson Cooper and fellow news stars are first on the scene, providing first hand accounts of the mass human suffering. Especially gratifying is the sight of NBC’s weather clown Al Roker,  (2008 host of Celebrity Family Feud !) reporting live wearing a red baseball cap and tan military-style shirt telling us that there is widespread chaos and devastation. Thanks, Al.

Meanwhile, everyone can help with donations of money. Click here for Google’s site for Disaster Relief:

Also accepting cash and in-kind donations are the following sites: UNICEF (1-800-4UNICEF), Direct Relief, Yele Haiti, Partners in Health, Red Cross, World Food Program, Mercy Corps (1-888-256-1900), Save the Children, Lambi Fund, Doctors Without Borders, The International Rescue Committee, Care

The following organizations are accepting SMS donations in the US only:

  • SMS text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts
  • SMS text “YELE” to 501501 to Donate $5 to Yele Haiti’s Earthquake Relief efforts


With Obama Administration’s approval to house terrorist suspects now held in Guantánamo Bay in a rural Illinois prison, the right-wingnut weeping and wailing, muxing and bruxing is keeping them hooked on Ambien. What if the terrorist suspects escape and infiltrate or take over the bucolic village of Thompson, IL where the now-empty hi-security prison stands? What if terrorist buddies move to Thompson to be closer to their incarcerated buddies? Will the terrorist suspects be granted conjugal rights…with a local girl or boy they fall in love with during a Christian-like compassion visit and then get married? Will they be allowed to Twitter? Damn, so many things could go wrong that could lead to decreased American security. One major safeguard the residents of Thompson could employ would be to remove all monkey bars from public playgrounds and backyards. As we all know, there is nothing a terrorist suspect would like better than to escape and head to the closest set of monkey bars in order to get back in shape for further terrorist acts. Monkey bars… Get rid of ’em.

Susan Boyle Admits to Affair with Tigre

In another unconfirmed shocking and revealing rumor it is rumouredly reported that British singing sensation Susan Boyle has possibly admitted to a torrid one-night stand with golfer billionaire Tigre Woods. “I always called him “Tigre,” the Britain’s Got Talent star contestant reportedly says. “It just sounds so much classier than just that plain old beasty, pouncing name.” According to various unconfirmed reports, Ms. Boyle says that while astride him during their alledged one-nighter, he demanded she sing a full-throated “I Dreamed a Dream.” “Of course I obliged him,” she reportedly said.

War Strateegery

Although former President Bush couldn’t pronounce “strategy” one certainly cannot accuse the Obama Administrtion of not having a “strategy,” even if they pronounce it “stratastrophe.” Recently released is a powerpoint presentation with 31 slides outlining in maniacal detail its “Dynamic Planning for COIN (Counterinsurgency) in Afghanistan.” Here are a few of the slides…which should give one total faith in Obama’s new war adventure: This unclassified document from the Office of the Joint Chiefs of Staff shows the U.S. military’s plan for “Afghanistan Stability/COIN Dynamics – Security.”
Double click on images to enlarge.

 click here for the entire Obama slide presentation…”strateegery.”
The full presentation that includes the Spirograph strategy map (pdf)

On The Eve of War

America, although it probably doesn't know it nor really cares, is on
the eve of war tonight. Tomorrow, if all goes as predicted, President
Obama, who came to power as the candidate who would end the Iraqi war,
now is ready to engage and thrust America fully into a war against
Afghanistan. So much for “change we can believe in.”

Steal this Book

Best anagrams for that book with Palin’s picture on the cover, called “Going Rogue.” …

  • Gouge Groin
  • Ego Rouging

I went to a christian bookstore and stole the book about Palin. Refused to buy it. Encourage all to steal it. And steal it from a christian bookstore. Or better yet, Walmart.

This is the End?

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes…again

…”The End”…The Doors

Do we live in an apocalyptic time? In America crazy gun-wielding, Nazi-sign waving tea-baggers, a Muslim Army shrink seeking virgins in heaven, hostage-takers, school-shooting loners, child kidnapers and serial killers headline the news. Violence rules. And the #1 rule is guns. Without them where would we be? Pry away those guns from the dead cold fingers around the triggers of the American maelstrom. Don’t pry for me, America. Pry away, pry away.

November brings two movie releases about these apocalyptic times. One, about The End; the Apocalypse to end all Apocalypses, or as German director Roland Emmerich says so cliche-ly, “the mother of all apocalypses.”  The movie, “2012” gets its raison d’être from the now popular myth of a Maya prediction that the end of the world will be in 2012. Mostly special CGI effects with John Cusak outrunning an exploding apocalyptic fireball as he leaps to escape into a half-flying jet…whew, damn Apocalpyse almost burned my ass, he almost says.

The other doomsday November flick….gloomy November the month of doom…is based on Cormac McCarthy’s elegiac and terrifying novel, “The Road.” A father (Vigo Mortensen) trudges thru a post-atomic bombed-out world (filmed mostly in Pittsburgh) with his son, on a quest for….nothing really…just survival, although he tells his son they travel to keep the fire (of humanity) alive. Along the way they encounter the usual detritus of Armageddon: burnt homes, bodies, an unopened Coca Cola (great product placement…but should have had them running across a homeless, old football roadster,  Mean Joe Greene, former Pittsburgh Steelers defensive tackle, who reprises the famous 1981 TV commercial by giving the boy his Coke…).

Anyway, of the two movies, I’d go down “The Road.” At least it’s a story, albeit depressing, that has some special meaning, instead of just special effects.

Man-up Mr. President

What a difference a year makes….last year at this time America (about 60%) was celebrating the victory of Barack Obama’s election as President of the U.S., unarguably the most powerful job on earth. Except because of the way Obama has embraced his job, it doesn’t seem all that powerful anymore. With a 9 million vote plurality, Mr. Obama has squandered his mandate of just-say-hope in exchange for worthless across-the-aisle gestures to just-say-nope Repoobs. In the name of bi-partisanship, his audacious quest for “change you can believe in” has taken the path of least resistance, instead of Robert Frost’s “road less traveled.” Instead of “yes we can,” Mr. Obama limps slowly, body language gasping “guess we can’t.” Instead of bold he seems bought and sold. Instead of hoops, he now golfs. At least he still gives good speech. A year later is all lost? We like to think not. Here are some things Obama can do from this day on to reclaim his lost  mojo.

Man up 1. There will never be honest hands across the aisle. Quit reaching out…there’s only a palm buzzer in those repoob hands you longingly seek to grasp.

Man up 2. Take it to them. Enough defense. As in tennis, (enough football metaphors) always move forward…don’t stand still and get caught in “no man’s land.”

Man up 3. Fire Rahm. Yes, can Emmanuel. He hasn’t served you well. Hire Howard. As in Howard Dean. Rahm Emmanuel is too caught up in his own self-importance…his tough guy visage in his morning mirror satisfies him. And no one else the rest of the day.

Man up 4. Fire Tim Geither. He may be competent but this guy is the face of arrogance and condescension.

Man up 5. Have the testicular fortitude to tell General McChrystal no. No more American troops for an undeclared war on a stone-age land of people so battle-scarred and hardened by invasions from foreigners that they know life only as war. What do we gain in exchange for the blood of our nation’s youth?

Robert Frost wrote it:
“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

More e-bookings

Guest non-blogga HaafTime’s comments on my previous post re: e-books deserve to be raised to eye level…here he says:

I see some other problems with the e-book.
(1) In a down economy, bookmark production and sales will be drastically reduced.
(2) I see difficulties with teaching our daughters how to walk with socially accepted posture with an e-book balanced on their head. Perhaps with a leveling app!!
(3)I don’t want to ever see a stack of e-books karate chopped.
(4) It would be impossible to be assumed intelligent on the subway or in the park reading an e-book instead of a paperback. One might just assume you are playing a video game.
(5) It would be way too expensive to burn Sarah Palin and Glen Beck e-books
(6) You could never again use the phrase,”makin a scene with a magazine”
(7) Last but not least, and I have a little experience with this one, criminals will no longer be allowed to have the book thrown at them! I’ll put that one on the plus side.

Obama Disgraces America…by Winning Nobel Peace Prize

Obama screwed up again. At least according to Repooblicans, he can’t do anything right. This time the President has the audacity to go out and win the Nobel Peace Prize. How dare him! Figures, figure the Repoobs, the Prize is decided by a bunch of “furraners”…who love one of their ilk. Show us that birth certificate, you Nobel Prize winner.

Can we blame, not the Bossa Nova, but the BushaRova, for the Olympic committee’s decision last week to shrug off Chicago and award the games to Rio? After eight years of showing America’s ugly backside to the world, the U.S. snub was a small tweak to pay. Despite winning the Nobel Peace Prize, it will take more than one year for Obama to makeover the Ugly American Bush years.

He may have won the Nobel Peace Prize, but might also be in contention for the Rummy Rumsfeld War Prize (still under development by a world-wide committee of war mongers) if President Obama capitulates to the blood-thirsty desires of General Stanley McChrystal for more American cannon fodder in Afghanistan. Maybe the Nobel committee should have waited a few weeks…or years, for their decision.

Dear Young Comrades In Education:

Praajek has just received from an unnamed source in the White House speech-writing office a copy of a first draft of his controversial speech to school children advocating his socialist agenda. Here are excerpts:

Dear Young Comrades: Welcome back from your voluntary summer of service to your local community and future great nation…which some in our old capitalist system refer to as “vacation.” As we celebrate our nation’s workers this Labor Day season, it is a time to praise the collective will of the people who pay thru honorable taxes the costs of your worthy education and future service to the state. It is also a time to remind you of your collective responsibility to achieve greatness thru your state-funded education, not for the sake of personal aggrandizement, but for the collective good of our worker society. Today is the not only the first day of the Peoples’ Education Calendar, it is the first day of another noble opportunity for each of you to work is unison thru brother/sisterhood for the worthy goal of distributing the wealth of our soon to be, under my Beloved Leadership, great nation. Go forth, Young Comrades..conquer and overcome your old capitalist fears of competition, work together in egalitarian fellowship and read daily together from my Teachings of Your Beloved Leader for the wisdom you need and seek in your communitarian lives.
…President Obama

Boomer Doom

The health care reform “debate,” not much of a real debate so far with gun-totin’ Lyndon LaDouche, NRA, and other wacky hate groups dominating the town-hall discussions, has focused on the ridiculous lie that Obama wants government bureaucrat-staffed “death panels” to make decisions on “end of life” options, or as the President himself described “pulling the plug on grandma.” Fueled by Sarah “The Quitter” Palin, Repooblican House leader John “The Fake Tan Cigarette Man” Boehner, the goofy “death panel” charge actually grabbed some traction and along with the “public option-socialist health care” lies has succeeded in digging serious potholes for Obama’s health care reform initiatives.

The “death panel” idea was actually touched on humorously in Christopher Buckley’s (son of late conservative-elitist William F. Buckley) 2007 novel, “Boomsday.” The story features a hot, late twenties PR blogger babe who half-seriously proposes that Baby Boomers, when reaching retirement commit to committing suicide (Voluntary Transitioning) in order to reduce Social Security burdens on her generation and ameliorate boomer drain on economic resources. In exchange for pulling the plug on themselves at an agreed-upon age, Boomers would receive government incentives such as free Botox, Viagra and exemptions from estate taxes. The idea catches fire nationally as the whateva-genners take to retirement villages and burn down (up) boomer golf courses. A presidential contender runs on the voluntary transitioning platform rousing the ire of the Catholic Church and rightwing-nut christian hate mongers. It’s all funnier than it sounds. If only the “Obama Death Panels” fabrications were so funny.
Check out Bill Maher’s imagined TV game show, “American Death Panel.

Hurricane Bob?

Hurricane Claudette, we hardly knew ye….blown away by Hurricane Bill. What’s with naming hurricanes anyway? Why always whitebread names…where’s the healthy whole wheat fiber? Where’s hurricane Darnell, Lateshia, Precious, Darius, Jamal, Tyrone, DeShawn, Tayshaun. Here are the National Hurricane Center‘s 2009 Atlantic names for hurricanes:
* Ana * Bill * Claudette * Danny * Erika * Fred * Grace * Henri * Ida * Joaquin * Kate * Larry * Mindy * Nicholas * Odette * Peter * Rose* Sam* Teresa * Victor* Wanda. (ok, Henri, Joaquin and Odette are a bit more exotic) Otherwise….boring. I want a Hurricane Johnelle.

Solution to American Obesity … At least half of it…

Afghanistan has quietly passed a law permitting Shia men to deny their
wives food and sustenance if they refuse to obey their husbands’
sexual demands. (Doesn’t this make you proud that American lives are
being sacrificed there to defend this wonderfully progressive
country.) Now if only America had a law like this female obesity rates
would plummet like Obama’s approval ratings.

Sent from mi mePhone

Ugly Sarah

Ok, this is really gonna hurt. Hurt Sarah “The Quitter” Palin and her rabid little fan base. In America we're not supposed to judge people on their looks, pulchritudinous or lack thereof (?) but have you noticed how Palin, as her rhetoric gets uglier, is morphing from an approved-level of American-defined attractiveness to a countenance that bears more & more similarity to the face of…not attractive.. In other words, (I'm trying to be nice, here) the uglier she talks the uglier she becomes. If she keeps this up she'll have no base whatsoever… her suppport up until now based mainly on old white Southern-culture guys who thinks she's hot.

Sent from mi mePhone

Stink Like A Rock Star

So dudes, you're pretty hot on Guitar Hero…can even crank some sick air guitar? What's missing?….beyond real musical talent, a Wilco-like backup band, a big recording contract and arenas full of fans waving iPhone cigarette lighters and swarms of backstage pre-moistened nubile groupies?

I'll tell you what's missing: you don't SMELL like a rock star, dumbshit !

Well now you can exude Nine Inch Nails, the aroma of Aerosmith, spray on a tang of Tool, a boquet of Black Sabbath, be redolent of Rage ATM, be stenchy of Sex Pistols and even achieve a wiff of Weezer.

All by just buying fashion designer John Varvatros' new perfume for men, “Rocker Volumn One” (other “volumns” on the way?). The new manfume, which comes in a “flacon” instead of a bottle, (a flacon is a flask or bottle, illiterate nitwit) purports to evoke a “heavy metal rock'n' roll vibe.”

It's all in the nose. Now get rockin', fool.

Sent from mi mePhone

Bill to the (Girl) Rescue

Last week North Korea called Hillary Clinton a funny lady who looks like a “primary schoolgirl” or “a pensioner going shopping”,

This week her husband Bill traveled to North Korea…not to defend her honor by challenging Kim Il Sung to nuclear duel at dawn, but to bring home the two young imprisioned American journalists held since March and recently sentenced to 12 years in a sure-death work camp. Big Bill, as always, got his girls.

Sent from mi mePhone

Peace, All !

Back.. and not yet “recovered” from a week-long blogging hiatus. Last
time I do that.

First: cool it y'all. Take a deep breath. Life is good, whether we are
in recovery, remission, recession, regret, relapse, reclusion or

Last week I posted some random musings of blogger friend Daamage'd.
One item wondered about Obama's toughness on getting health care
reformed; another was a riff on the old joke about smoking after sex;
and thirdly (sp?) a “wondering,” half in jest and half in frustration,
about why society won't allow an addict who recovers to lead a healthy
life declare ” I beat (the Big A) addiction! ” Just as one who
survives cancer can say (“smugly” …more on that word in a moment) I
beat the Big C.

Whew… well, as you can see from the nearly 30 comments below,
Praajek's guest blogger's addiction/cancer supposition unleashed a
torrent of hate and invective. You would have thought that Daamage'd
had proposed legalizing child porn or Republican maritial fidelity.

Let's be honest here folks. Some of these comments are just plain
hateful. (thank the gods Molly Carter of the Hazelden Institute
injected, I mean, shed light on all this darkness. Thanks Molly for
your defense of Daamage'd). Why the intolerance for free speech and
the right to express an opinion …. even one indelicately
expressed…. Disagree, yes .. But cool it on the hate stuff.

Which brings us to Daamage'd's ill-chosen use of the word “smugly”
which I should have edited. In a defense re-comment, Daamage'd wrote
that she, like Obama recently, should “recalibrate” his use of the “s”
word, which detracted and distracted from the real message: that, why
can't a recovered drug victim declare victory just as a recovered
cancer ( or heart disease, etc) victim?

Granted, not all… indeed not most, cancer victims engage in
behaviors that contribute to or actually cause their disease… Family
history, DNA, environmental and socio-economic factors all can doom
one to many different diseases. But what about Winston who chooses to
smoke cigarettes, surely an invitation to lung cancer; or Donald, who
ignores basic dietary hazards and is tempted to try the quad beef
pattie quad cheese quad bacon quad-almighty burger? Surely one who
gives in to the temptation to eat one of these nutritional gateway
food drugs cannot be surprised to find himself coming back for
more…a moral failing that could lead to cancer or heart
failure? …who am I to judge?

So, let's remain cool…continue to communicate.. but ditch the diss,
muffle the mean and hang the hate..

Sent from mi mePhone


(while praajek is taking a few moments off, guest blogga DaMaage'd offers some randums..

If a “quality” health care bill is ever going to be passed, Barrack Obama will have to learn how to flex muscles. Our President walks up to the press podium with the swagger of FittyCent and magically transforms into Prince, formally known as Obama, the “LEADER” of the free world..!!!

The new Iphone, known for burning and smoking after use, reminds me of a question presented to me a few years back, ” Dude, do you smoke after sex?” My response ” I don't know, I never look down”

How come we “recovering” addicts are always recovering and therefore never cured while cancer survivors are afforded the smug phrase ” Yea, I beat the Big C.” Why can't I say “yo, I beat the Big A.”

Sent from mi mePhone

The Real Moon Landing… & Vampires

Those moonwalk conspirisists, estimated to be about six percent of
Americans who believe that the 1969 moon landing was faked, created
and filmed in an earthly studio, have it all wrong. Recently-released
NASA videos..purportedly restored and enhanced, have just been issued
and prove these luney moonies have huge craters in their theories.
NASA's new films clearly show that the “landing” actually took place,
not in a Hollywood movie lot, but was filmed on the planet Vampira, a
blood-red secret moon of our moon, totally hidden from earthly eyes by
ancient red clouds of Vampira Dusta. The Apollo XI astronaughts
overshot our cheesy Man-in-the-Moon and landed instead on Vampira, a
much smaller planet that scientists and astromoners have kept
conspiritorily TOP SECRET from the world's public masses. What the
Apollo “moon” astronaughts brought back to earth were not moon rocks,
but rather boots and suits covered in red Vampira Dusta.

Billions and billions of light years ago … even before there were
light years, there were “Dark” years…years in which Vampires stalked
and ruled the galaxies. A cataclysmic eruption on planet Vampira wiped
out all life sending torrents of Vampire blood incinerated into dust
as a protective cloud enshrouding it from earth eyes. Until 1969 when
Neil Armstrong mistakenly set boot on the dried-blood surface. When
the Apollo boys landed back on earth, they spread the dark red Vampira
Dusta on earth. Our Government has kept us in the dark about this…
But now I am revealing the truth… It took almost 40 years for the
Vampira Dusta the incubate on earth. Now just look at the New York
Times bestseller book list. Five of the top bestsellers are Vampire
books. We are quietly, in the still of the night, becoming obsessed
with Vampires. It is now our fate, which the Government has covered up
for 40 years, to slowly yet inexororably, populate the earth with

Is it a coincidence that earth's first “living” Vampire, Michael
Jackson, just conveniently dies weeks before the 40th Anniversary of
the lunar landing? The very Vampire Jackson who mesmerized the world
with his “moonwalk?”

Luney Moony moonlanding conspirisists, you got it wrong. Now you know.

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Goofy Golfy

Recent NY Times article quoted a golf pro instructor saying that one of the worst things golfers could do before a round was hit golf balls on the practice range.
“Going to the range usually messes the average golfer up for the whole day,”
“They should start by just swinging several different clubs without hitting anything,” he said. “Warm up your swing and your muscles for maybe 10 minutes.

Response from one dedicated Praajek follower to this advice:

“The key word is “average” golfer and that's all any and most of us will ever hope to be. With that in mind, here are a few realistic warm up routines I have instilled in my game. 1st, walk vigorously to the clubhouse and order 18 Miller products with ice and methodically place in an Igloo cooler. Commence ingesting aprox 48 oz's prior to first tee. This will alleviate most 1st tee stresses. The 12 oz curl is imperative for proper elbow and shoulder function as well as eye/ hand coordination. Continue this practice throughout the round, staggering your Millers every other hole or as needed. Should this routine be so sucessful to the point of potentially lowering your handicap, reach into your bag and light up a big fat one, deeply inhaling to the point of a mild cough, but not to disturb other “average'rs”. This will certainly insure a double or triple bogey or possibly a quad. This will virtually guarantee the stabilization of current handicap status
for future gambling ventures. If these suggested routines are rigorously followed, a most fulfilling round will be earned.”

Having played golf on occasions, I have to agree. That's what I've come to appreciate about golf….it's not an athletic endeavor… Nor a real sport.. But rather just a past-time like playing cards. What other professional sport, which golf purports to be, allows you to bring a personal butler along to carry your equipment and counsel you as to how to play the game? Ha… Gotta love a “sport” like that.

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Most Absurd Headline

Leave it yo the good old gray lady New York Times to hire a headline writer to “pen” this July 13 headline:
“It lacks the Swaggar of 'Borat' but 'Bruno' opens on Top at the Box Office”.
SWAGGER??? No no no. Swagger is John Wayne, goofy George W. Bush in a flight suit . Swagger is “swaggar”…it's what Fity Cent does, what half of country western singers try to do: a fake dishonest machismo that says “hey, in case you missed it I'm a man.”
The new Sasha Cohen Baron film, “Bruno” is about an over-the-top, bend-ova backwards gay fashionista from Austria who visits homophobic America. Bruno don't do “swaggar.” Limp-wristfuls of mincing and princing, but no swagger. Hey, can't wait to see “Bruno.” Try to get some sleep til I post my review.

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The Good Died Younger

Robert Strange McNamara, the slick-haired “boy wonder” president of Ford Motors and “smartest man” John F. Kennedy said he knew and who appointed him as his war czar in 1961, died July 6. He managed the Vietnam war with his then-unique skills of systems analysis and tacitly sent thousands of young Americans to often gruesome deaths in the jungles of Vietnam. He later, in his long 93 year life, admitted that he knew the war was futile but failed to share his doubts. He died quietly and peacefully in his sleep.

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Michael Jackson … It’s all our fault.

Watching clips of the Pop King's extravaganza memorial and the concurrent non-stop media coverage it's clear that the fifty year old dancer-singer was really Jesus Christ re-incarnated. His songs of love and oneness, His miracle feet able to walk on the moon while earth bound, His Love of little children…. His betrayal by those closest to Him and His eventual crucifixion on the cross of modern culture….how could we not see? How could we let our prejudices against plastic surgery and skin whiteners blind us to the real vision of His Holiness, Jesus Jackson Christ. Forgive us, oh Sequinned Gloved One. In three days Ye shall Rise Again. I'm coloring eggs in anticipation.

King of Whiteface?

King of Whiteface?

A comment from Anonymous to my recent post about Mike Jackson's death warrants being undug from the “comments” section… Here it is…
Yea “P” the little man boy will certainly be missed as well as the boundries he sucessfully crossed. Micheal Jackson, the Asa Yoelson ( Al Jolson ) of the 21st century, only in WHITEFACE. The similarities are remarkable. ( Al Jolson A Biography by John Kenrick ) Both would remain emotional children for their entire lives, both sentimentalist with hearts of gold, who conquered and in turn ignored young woman, and both would be refered to as man-boys. Jacko would cross the ultimate racial barrier by doing everything humanly possible in transforming his African ethnic makeup. He took a page right out Griffins ” Black Like Me” He would change his appearence and instead of going south, Jacko would run the gauntlet through Motown and Harlam. This could never had happened in the 60's with the likes of Bobby Seal,Eldridge Cleaver and Dick Gregory spouting the belief(and rightfully so) that black is beautiful..!! Our most famous man-boy also redefined the
American socio-sexual environment, performing for the masses simulating female masterbation, one hand caressing his breast, the other hand between his crotch, minus the middle finger. It would become a Jacko trademark. The King of Pop, for sure but maybe, just like Jolson, the King of Vaudeville as well..!
SAT JUN 27, 08:45:00 PM 2009

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Holy jeezus, why won't this REPUBLICAN SC Gov. Sandford guy just shutup? Now he's giving extended interviews about his romantic affair with Argentina Maria. Next he'll be on Oprah…Or throwing chairs at his wife on Jerry Springer. Why doesn't the dude just resign, divorce wifeypoo and fly to Buenos Aires and live happily u(until he gets the urge to go hiking agaIn) for some time ever-after with curvy hips Maria? How could the media say that this guy had a “once-promising political future?”. He's goofy as hell. Ah, and in…loooove.

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The Thriller is Gone

The Thriller is Gone

Woe b we… The Thriller Is Gone!! That Big Hand in the Sky reached
down and took the White Gloved Hand Heavenward. Children of the World
suffer today, playgrounds are silent and sleepy songs of bedtime joy
bewilders restless little hearts. Goodnight oh Uniformed Gloved Fine-
featured one…now you can Just Beat It in Heaven.

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Recharging with Maria…

“After a barrage of news media requests about the missing governor began Monday, the governor's spokesman, Joel Sawyer, released a statement on Monday afternoon saying that the governor was taking some time to recharge” ….NY Times, 06/25/2009.

Oh, those lusty Repoobs…another one caught with his pants down. Gotta love this one, though … South Carolina Gov Mark Sanford's first excuse for his strange six day disappearance was that he was hiking….oh yeah, hiking alright… hiking Argentina Maria's skirt …don't cry for me, Argentina….nor America.

Dylan Looks

The ever-evolving Bob Dylan and his music in recent years has, in my opinion degenerated along
with his infamously growly voice. His latest album, Together Thru Life, with unoriginal blues and old standard riffs you’ve heard a thousand times before, exude bitterness and loss, and bitterness because of loss the way few artists can do today. I no longer go to his live concerts…at one last year in Chicago he sat the entire time behind a keyboard wearing a wide-brimmed straw hat and mumbled thru a bunch of incomprehensible songs. Didn’t know whether to feel sorry for him or for me for spending the big bucks on the tickets. His refusal to ever play a “hit” from the past, or even non-hits from the recent past, seems more like incapability rather than just simple stubbornness. Still gotta love the guy, though…for some of the best music ever written and recorded.
Hey…Dylan’s current riverboat/western look makes him seem as if he was separated at birth from NASCAR dude Richard Petty. And was Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno character foreshadowed by this photo of Dylan?

Prediction Confirmed

Just as I predicted recently hypocritical Repoobs are ramping up criticism of Obama for not speaking out stronger against the Iranian regime for stealing their 2000 Presidential election playbook. Too bad we meek Americans stood by like lambs while BushCheney et al stole the election from Al Gore. If we'd been more courageous like the Iranian people perhaps we would have been spared 8 years of the disasterous Bush regime.

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Ling & Lee

Laura Ling. Euna Lee. Who? Just two young journalists in a North Korean prison. Sentenced June 8 by North Korea's top Central Court, the two are accused and were found guilty of undefined “grave crimes” against the government. They face 12 years in the world's worst prison system, a virtual death camp according to sources who have survived it. As TV journalists for Current TV is a youth-oriented network founded by the winner of the 2000 US presidential election Al Gore. Available on most cable TV systems, Current provides news of national and international events and issues not covered by any other news outlets. Catering to the Holy-Grail 18-34 age demographic, Current intersperses short news reportage by its young correspondents with short viewer-generated videos, You Tube cuts and lite-hearted movie reviews and cartoons. It's witty, fast-paced, non-attention demanding and most of all entertaining. All things that regular network and big cable news is
not. When it was announced briefly last week of Ling and Lee's conviction and 12 year sentence, most media briefly covered it. Since then it has almost dissappeared from any news. After already having been detained for three months in North Korea, the two reporters now face a sentence tantamount to death. It's a delicate situation for the US but let's hope the Obama Administration is working behind the scenes to free them before it's too late.

Ahmadinajad Steals… US Repoob Election Playbookn

Gone too long
(Back. Almost…) Seems like Iranian crazyman leader Mamoud Ahmadinajad has stolen the recent election by stealing the U.S. Repoobican 2000 presidential playbook…Intimidate voters, rig voting boxes, hold back paper ballots in key opposition strongholds. Of course we can look forward to Repoob leaders Flush Phlegmball, Dick Cheney and Carrie Prejean accusing the Obamaninistas of not protesting the Iranian “selection” of Ahmadinjahad…stay alert.

— This message was composed with PhatWare WritePad.

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Am Too Iron Ass Yo*

*(Anagram for Sonia Sotomayor)

Ok, let’s cut to the salsa of basic political analysis. One of Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor’s major issues, heretofore unspoken, is not her race, not her previous case rulings, not her statement that judges make policy, and not any activist judicial leanings she might or not harbor. It’s her looks. Her stringy hair, her unkempt body image, her general over-all sloppy personal appearance. Look, if British Idol singing-sensation Susan Boyle can get a makeover, then why in the hell didn’t Team Obama take this woman to a salon and get her hair styled. Repoobs took a moo-moo-wearin’, dirty-jeaned, rat-haired governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, on a Bergdorf Goodman shopping spree. Most would agree she cleaned-up rather nicely. Wake up Team Obbie. If you want these upcoming Senate hearings to go smoothly, squeeze this woman into a Body Shaper (as seen on TV !), shop her at BG’s and schedule an appointment at Garren’s New York for a full-service salon treatment. Guarantee she won’t be Borked.

Gawd, Guns, Gays and Grizzlies

While President Obama and Democrats fight to rescue the economy…the HR-passed credit card bill for example….Republicans take on the Big Issues that Americans are really concerned with. By tacking on a special Amendment to the credit card bill, which blocks deceptive and abusive credit card practices by banks, the Republicans showed America who really cares for them, which party is looking out for their best interests.

What is this Republican amendment that Americans have hungered after and which will likely propel the Republicans back to national leadership? The Amendment allows all Americans, and non-Americans, to carry firearms in National Parks. Whew ! Thank Gawdalmighty I can finally visit a Yellowstone National Park and feel safe with my fully automatic Glock 18.

Republicans have been running on four basic wedge-issues for decades. God (that covers a multitude of sins); Guns (anti-gun control); Gays (anything non-traditional in American life); and Grizzlies (anti-environmental issues). With this heat-packin’ amendement to the Credit Card bill, Republicans have hit two of their best-loved issues, guns and grizzlies. Now, to fine-tune this Right-2-Bear Arms legislation, Repoobs should ban Gays from enjoying the fruits of this special new law. Nuthin’ more dangerous than a gun-totin’ ho-mo-sex-u-al in a National Park. Armed to the teeth, you never know what kind of pree-verted thangs them gay might make them park bears do. Former Repoob Senator Rick “Man-on-Dog” Santorum, where are you, boy?


  • Is Nancy Pelosi trying to bring back the big shoulders 80’s look or has she just not bought any new clothes lately.
  • New York Times Guidelines for Submitting a Wedding Announcement: Couples posing for pictures should arrange themselves with their eyebrows on exactly the same level and with their heads fairly close together. Couple pictures should be printed in a horizontal format.
  • 9-11 mastermind, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, is now referred to in most media outlets as KSM. Guess after enduring 183 waterboardings in one month one gets a cute appellation…”mastermind KSM.” Wonder if OBL is jealous. (Hey, is this guy still in Gitmo, or have we turned him over to DBC (Dicky Bruce Cheney?).
  • Don’t know about you but I”m glad Obama’s not releasing any more torture photos. Seeing lots of Dick Cheney on TV recently fulfills any morbid curiosity I might harbor about what the face of torture looks like.
  • What did Bats do to piss off God so much. First it made them bats. Now it’s killing them-off with a white-nose fungus.

Mr. Tuffy

The snarl of the upper lip seems to be more pronounced these days. The voice, low and modulated, barely rises or lowers with any emphasis, creating an ominous sense of fear, of impending doom like a movie mobster Don who addresses his crew and calmly, barely changing his cadence, slips out a pool stick to suddenly crush the skull of an unsuspecting employee. (seen that film?) (oh, and, and click on the pic of Miss Calif for more…pic here just window dressing)

Read Maureen Dowd in today’s NY Times….
“…..Cheney has popped out of his dungeon, scary organ music blaring, to carry on his nasty campaign of fear and loathing.”

The Man Who Thought He Was King works hard to create this image of a tough guy in a suit, of restrained violence, a don’t fcuk with me or I’ll-rip-your-head off personae. But don’t be fooled. This is a person who five times (asked for and received five deferments) dodged service in Vietnam, a conflict he supported and where he could have shown just how really tough he was. When asked about his deferments, Cheney reportedly said, “I had other priorities in the ’60s than military service.”

This is a little man who stretched his four-year college career to six…gosh, scary war still being waged.

This is the lip-snarling, darth vader-wannabe who, after the 9-11 attacks… which happened on his and his mentor’s watch… hid in an undisclosed location (bunker) for nearly eight years, and like Osama Bin Laden, periodically issued politically-motivated dire warnings of imminent terrorists attacks.

And now he has his wife and daughter speaking for him in defense of his war crimes. Little Liz and wifeypoo Lynne say that daddy’s torture tantrums kept America safe and if you disagree you are “fashionable… (and) side with the terrorists.” What’s next, grandson Samuel, baby of daughter Mary and her partner Heather, in a special TV ad for grumpa’s torture pleasures? You one tough dude, Mr. Cheney.

Nude Photo of Arlen Spector Revealed…Leadership Position with Dems in Jeopardy

A nude, topless and partially buttocked photo of U.S. Senator Arlen Spector was discovered today by Praajek and is published here for the first time. According to an unreliable source, the nude Spector photo was taken several years ago while he was still a Republican. Positions of Democrat Senate Leadership require that Senators sign a release attesting that they have never posed nude for photographs. At post time, Praajek was unable to reach the Senator for a statement.

Re-Branding or Reconstruction…of the GOPers..Part 2

Former Congressman and vice presidential candidate Jack Kemp’s recent death stimulates the current national discussion about the future of the Republican Party. Kemp, a moderate Republican, represented a faction that wanted to expand the base of the party to minorities beyond it’s southern white support. (click here to read an excellent column by Bob Herbert in the May 5, New York Times on Kemp and his “Futile Quest.” )

Kemp failed and today’s Repoobs remain isolated, mostly southern and primarily white. The Party’s failure to change and its stubborn pursuit of ideals constructed and promoted since the beginning of the confederacy leaves it today with a core constituency still clinging to white supremacy as it’s basic, if often disguised and publicly denied, belief.

Disguised in the robes of faith and religion, “modern” Republicanism (oxymoron) adheres to rigidity, fundamentalism and intolerance on issues of immigration,(keep non-whites out) gun control (protect whites from non-whites) science/evolution (aryanism, god is christian white, we didn’t come from a bunch of monkeys) government activism (states’ rights…keep federal “gummit” outta here so we can make the rules); anti-unionism (keep good jobs for whites), health care (less is more…for non-wealthy and non-whites), individual rights (gay marriage…them gays worse than minorities), women’s’ rights (right to choose, keep men..whitemen… on top); and their marquee issue, taxation (reduce taxes that fund social programs designed to help the poor, like food stamps and medicaid.)

Of course a small faction of moderate Republicans soldier on down this destructive lock-step march to irrelevancy; one, like Arlen Spector, defected. Other moderates wince in the face of their party’s new leaders, Rush Limbaugh (aka Flush Phlegmball) and Sarah “U-Betcha-Winkin'” Palin. Their call for a re-brand of their party sounds hollow, like re-naming Swine Flu H1N1. Spells and smells like pig’s HINI to me.

Re-branding the Rebublican Party… and the Return of the Confederates

Today’s Republican Party, coming off major national repudiation, is engaged in serious self-assessment, weeping, teeth-gnashing and internecine battles for leadership. There is talk about re-branding the Party, not re-branding it, or just killing it off and burying it. This year’s Abraham Lincoln bicentennial should serve as a history lesson and baseline reminder to today’s “just say no to everything because we have no answers” Republicans. (Thanks to fellow neighbor and truthsayer, Monty M. for penning the following for Praajek’s blog)

Leading up to 1860, the Republican Party stood for national unity, government support for economic progress and education; it embraced immigration and equal access for all Americans to the land in the west. The Confederacy was born out of a rejection of that Republican Party.

Confederates were parochial and regional. They opposed government support for new roads, bridges, canals and railroads. Their opposition to the industrial revolution and government support for education was rooted in their dependence on the plantation economy of the South. The Confederates’ were suspicious and hostile toward cities and immigrants; their class-system with plantation owners at the top supported by slaves and their free labor served them well.

Although the Confederates were defeated in their attempt to destroy the country to protect their parochial interests, vestiges of the confederacy lingered. Jim Crow laws challenged Reconstruction and the South continued to lag behind the rest of the county in education, industrial progress and equality. Despite the eventual demise of Jim Crow laws and the success of the Civil Rights movement, the culture of the Confederacy persisted. White Democratic Southerners were ripe for exploitation by the Republicans’ “southern strategy” of the 1960s, effectively transforming the Republican Party into new Confederates.

Today’s Republican Party is now primarily a regional, southern white party. As in the 1860s, there are still some copperheads in the north, some even who recognize this. RNC party-leader Michael Steele, the organization’s first Black, pitifully says he wants to make his party more “hip hop” and appealing to urban Blacks. His hope is an admission that Republicans are now small town, white and rural with little appeal in America’s cities.

America today faces enormous challenges transforming its economy based on new sources of energy and emerging technologies, building a new national infrastructure, health care system and educating young Americans to transform the country. The Republican party continues to be the defenders of old-world big oil, coal and Big Pharmacy, opposing the infusion of new immigrant talent, continually opposing programs such as Social Security, Medicare and unemployment insurance, safety-net nutrition programs such as food stamps and school meals all at the expense of national progress.

The election of Abraham Lincoln in 1860 unified the Confederates in opposition to everything his Republican Party stood for; it tore the country apart. The New Confederates today, as did their predecessors, stand united in opposition to progress. Lincoln would not recognize his Republican Party today and in honor of his bicentennial the Republican party should change its name to reflect it’s values: the Confederate Party.

For other views on this subject, check out the book, “Neo-Confederacy and the New Dixie Manifesto (Euan Hague, Edward H. Sebesta, and Heidi Beirich).

Flying Fatties

Airline carriers’ recent policy to require obese passengers to purchase two seats (or three, if needed?) has sparked a lot of useless media discussion. My plan is better. All passengers step on the scales at check-in and pay according to their weight. If you exceed a baseline weight for your height, you pay an increase accordingly. Someone said that making fun, jokes, etc. of fat people is the last taboo..that fat people are the last minority we can make fun of…only problem with that is that in the U.S. the “overweight and obese” now make up the majority.

Hugo, Obama, and the Dick

There was no smell of sulfur at last week’s Summit of the Americas. Venezeula’s El Thugo, Hugo Chavez, missed George Bush and his after-shave scent of Satan. Instead, he got a whiff of Obamaman, a strong, confident, clean smell exuding strength and honesty of character. Obama was confident enough to shake the little wwf wrestler-dictator’s hammy hand…a gesture that said to the world…yo, dude, you don’t scare us. Bunker Boi Dick, “The Dick” Cheney, self-proclaimed president-in-exile, condemned “The Handshake” as a sign of jimmycarter-style weakness. As opposed to Bush-Cheney-style weakness and insecurity that demanded a captured terrorist be water-board tortured six times a day for 30 days. Torturing prisoners is Cheney’s standard of a strong nation. Shaking the hand of an opponent is weakness in his tortured mind. Phew, what’s that odor coming from the Dick’s bunker in Hell?

Must read book of the week: #2 seller on
The Open Veins of Latin America…five centuries of the pillage of a Eduardo Galeano. Presented to President Obama by Hugo Chavez.

KillJoy Was Here

Beware if you’re packing heat and want to drink ardent spirits in eating/drinking establishments in Ohio. Restaurants in this wild and wooly (mid)western state must prominently display signs warning of a felony commission should you be carrying a firearm. How can the NRA stand for this flagrant violation of Second Amendment rights to drink without the protection of a Glock 19.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.…. Mitch Ratcliffe

OMG…older, ugly female person can sing !!

Can you believe it? This deserves to be right up there with Batboy and Patrick Swazee’s fourth cancer death on the cover of the National Enquirer, “Ugly, homely woman sings.”

American idol contestant and YouTube sensation Susan Boyle shocked American Idol judges and audience by opening her mouth and revealing a voice like an angel. But look at her. Holy sheeeet….how could she possibly even carry a tune, let alone belt out in perfect tonal ranges words set to music…aka a song. Damn…12 million YouTube viewers must also have been totally shocked. Wonders never cease. See it here:

Professor Obama

Watching Obama’s press conference last night I was struck not only by his eloquence and ability to offer detailed, rational and sensible explanations to questions, but also by his aversion to succinctness and tendency to over-answer, his inability to stop himself after answering the question and continue to restate and build on and explain again his answer.

Although I think he could be a more effective communicator by curtailing his long, professorial lecture-like answers, it’s not difficult to appreciate his eloquence over what we were subjected to during the past eight years. While listening to Obama, I kept envisioning what it would sound like if Obama channeled Bush and gave Bush-like press conference replies. To most of the questions, Obama would hunch his shoulders, lean forward, squint his eyes together and say things like:

“Yeah, well, that’s not what we’re doin’. My budget means freedom, you know, for all the peoples.”

“Yeah, well, so what? next question.

“Tim Geithner…he’s a good man. That means he’s not bad. I stand on him 100 percent.” next question.”

“Yeah, this economy’s a war. I’m a war President. Look, picture me like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Y’all with me?”

You gotta hand it to old George the Past Prez, he knew what succinctness was all about. Those awful instances when he did try to explain something in-depth he would get himself tangled hopelessly in his own words and end up gesticulating vehemently to draw attention from his inarticulateness, like a dog whupped for peeing on the floor who turns around a starts licking himself.

Mr. Obama’s professorial lectures may sound like relief from years of tortured Bush utterances, but the American people are notoriously fickle and easily bored. In four years, we hope eight, Americans will again be hankering fur a real plain-speakin’ dude or dudess who’ll give us simple one-line answers to in-depth complex questions. Take it to the bank… I mean Treasury, pardner.

The B Word

What’s a five letter word for greed, corruption and moral turpitude? In today’s recession-wracked economy it seems the B-Word, BONUS, is the new dirty word for the depravity and excess exemplified by the AIG bonus-bestowed instant millionaire employees._
It wasn’t that long ago that the Bonus word adhered closely to its original meaning, from the Latin for “good.” Bonum, boni, bona, bonum, bono, bonum._

In one of my favo movies, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” Clark Griswold, food technologist and inventor of the non-nutritive cereal varnish” and “the last real family man,” stakes his purchase of a backyard swimming pool family xmas gift on his receipt of his annual xmas salary bonus check. We worry with him when his bonus check is late and cheer him along as he rants against his boss when he finally receives a “Jelly of the Month Club” gift certificate in lieu of a bonus check….“I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless,dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?

Latin for the opposite of bonus? Malus. As in: Noun
malus (plural maluses)
(business) The return of performance-related compensation originally payed by an employer to an employee as a result of the discovery of a defect in the performance.

Do the new government-funded AIG welfare millionaire employees have a malus clause in their contracts?


Did John Stewart Save the Economy?

Ever since Comedy Central’s Daily Show host John Stewart vivisected CNBC TV’s financial entertainers…Maria Bartiromo, madmoney Jim Cramer et al, the stock market and other key financials have improved steadily.

Kraziest Pope Ever?

Pope Benny (the Ninny?) un-excommunicates holocaust-denier Bishop Richard Williamson, then backtracks after a world-wide uproar (what ever happened to infallibility?…I know, it only applies to pronouncements on faith, etc); now, in a trip to Africa, the only continent that shows growth in the Catholic faith, he says that condoms are not the answer to AIDS and will only help spread the disease that infects more people on that continent (67%) than anywhere else in the world. In response to critics who say he might be a bit out of touch with reality, he quips “the myth of my solitude makes me laugh.” Ha ha.

Bonus Boners…some of the recently revealed multi-million dollar bonuses awarded to hundreds of AIG geniuses were described as “retention bonuses.” AIG says the new millionaire employees are no longer with the firm.

Thanks, Dick Cheney

Thank you Dick Cheney…for reminding me to ask: Why in the hell aren’t you behind bars? Opening my meager news-filled yet color photo-laden Chicago Tribune this morning to the headline: Cheney says Obama puts U.S. at risk. Wait a minute, who is this guy? Oh, yeah, Dick Cheney, former Vice Prez and the personification of pure political evil. This is the guy who cooked up the unnecessary U.S. invasion of Iraq. That’s right, attack a country that didn’t attack us and that presented no viable threat to us. His Halliburton Boyz would make Iraq’s oil safe and secure for Big Oil companies; Iraqis would scatter flowers along the roads in appreciation of our occupation. Oh, well, so they were IEDs instead of flowers…we rid the world of an evil dictator, by golly. One down, dozens more. This is the guy who transformed America from a moral standard guiding light for all nations to a country that promoted torture of prisoners, perverting its Constitution and military code of honor; this is the guy who used the attack of September 11, 2001 on America (hey, Dick, 9-11 happened on your watch, buddy !) as a cudgel of fear to promote the the political agenda of his morally bankrupt Republican Party. There is more than enough evidence, alone on the basis of his violation of the Geneva Conventions regarding treatment of prisoners, to try and hopefully convict him for war crimes. Put America at risk? Dick Cheney…you need to take ownership of that accomplishment.


President Obama is being criticized for working too hard. He’s trying to do too much…trying to do too many things…like trying to save America. One day he’s passing and signing a stimulus bill to save and create jobs. Then he’s trying to get health care for all Americans. Next he’s trying to stop global warming, then reform education spending and then make the rich pay more taxes. Today he signed a bill that was Bush’s responsibility last October to keep the government running. WTF’s what’s wrong with this guy, anyway? After two terms of Bush’s nonadministration, a reign that saw the not-present-dent literally on-vacation for almost half his eight years, we now have a President who wants to earn his pay by working. As a teenager I once worked as a gopher on a construction site and got chewed-out by a boss for doing my little pick-things-up job too fast. “Hey, kid, slow the fcuk down, you making us look bad…we gotta make this job last,” he advised none too kindly. Maybe that’s Obama’s problem. The nation got used to a lazy President. “Slow down, Barack, making us look bad,” say the Repoobs.


* national obsession with chewing on pre-digested food, belched up from first stomach of ruminants (cud-chewing)

Does anyone under age 70 listen to Flush Phlegmball? Let’s be honest here…this guy’s audience base are geezer rednecks.

Is the nation finally thru agonizing over First Lady Michelle’s sleeveless dresses and muscular arms?(does she need a Snuggie?) What’s next, a national discussion of her Dress Barn-size booty? Remember E.U.’s Da Butt?

A college in Liverpool, England is offering a Master’s Degree in Beatle-ology. Maybe some Kentucky college could offer a GED certificate in Billy Ray Cyrus-ology…achy-breaky studies.

Has anyone ever seen a more sad-sack, depressed-looking, barely-engaged person than Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner? I know the economy is down, but couldn’t this guy ever smile or show some sign that real blood flows thru his veins?

(like my photoshoped pic of Flush above?…Shepard Fairly did it with an AP pic of Obama and became a rich posterboy…hmmm)

Snuggies? Naw…try these..

Put down that phone…do not call that toll-free number to purchase your new Snuggie…the blanket with sleeves…do not join the millions of Snuggie-wuggies until you have seen Praajek’s new line of products WITH SLEEVES. These new warmers WITH SLEEVES are just what you need on these cold recession (depression?) plagued evenings. With a Snuggie, you are only covered in the front, all hospital gowney leaving your backside exposed to the elements. Praajek’s new line of recession-warmers…WITH SLEEVES…will warm your cockles and arms and make you the envy of your friends. To hell with your 401k…stay really warm where you really need it with Praajek’s new warmers WITH SLEEVES.

The Chuggie…it’s a chair WITH SLEEVES !

The Tuggie…it’s a toilet WITH SLEEVES !

….and just off the Child China assembly lines, the new Buggie, a bed pillow WITH SLEEVES !

Operators are sitting, peeing and sleeping…(in sleeves) to take your orders. For more info email them at

Good DAY.

As a former neighbor of Paul Harvey…he lived a few houses down the street…just want to say I hope that your final limo ride to the big studio in the sky went smoothly, Mr. H. We were used to seeing Mr. Harvey on his frequent walks around the block always wearing his xxxtra large bright yellow sweat shirt emblazoned with the words “GOOD DAY.” And always very bald without his blond, curly toupee. He walked very fast for a an octogenarian, never stopping to chat, but always with quick wave of the hand and nod of the head. On halloweens all the kids in the hood loved hitting multiple times his white 22-room mansion where Mr. Harvey would drop giant Baby Ruths, Butterfingers and Snickers into their bags. Every weekday morning a special limo would be sitting in his circular driveway…with “Angel” on the license plate to drive him to his downtown loop office. When younger, I thought of Paul Harvey as a right-wing conservative. Later on, I came to see him as a comical, old-fashioned corn-ball vestige of the radio “news” ham. A lovely neighbor, eighty year-old Winnie, in Columbus, Ohio would not miss his afternoon broadcast. She literally giggled and flushed when talking about him. That’s when I started to look at him in a new light and actually enjoyed listening to him…bemused, a guilty little pleasure. Good Morning America…and let’s hope for more…Good Days.

Not Til The Fat Man Sings

Socialism…??? Repoobs are so behind the curve, so last generation, that they believe using the term “socialist” will be an anti “morning-in-america” scary ringtone for young Americans. Poor Repoobs are so out of it that they don’t realize that today the word “social” hooks up with the term “social networking,” as in FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, blogs, the very modes of communication that bind the youth of today. In other words, “socialism” rings hollow, if not outright silent as a term to scare Americans born after 1970.

Repoobs want a return to Reaganism, the “mourning-in-america” days of geezer, white picket-fenced-in good ol’days. And now with Flush Phlegmball as the the new repooblican leader, Dems could not be more pleased. Flush Hopes Obama Fails. But right now, America and… Obama Hopes…Flush Fails.

Rocky Mountain Sigh

What does one do in Estes Park, Colorado in February? Poor Praajek awoke one morning last week in Estes Park, CO…(don’t ask why)…answer: not much. See Elk. (elk at church…praying after previous night of staggering) Eat elk…slightly bitter, chewy and elky; and drink beer. Best was “Staggering Elk” with dancing elk labeling the bottle and singing “Born to be Wild.”
Best Book Shop: MacDonald Book Shop. Despite commercial covers of Janet Evanovich, John Grisham and Lisa Scotaline leaning provocatively in the window, this warm and homey tiny shop feels like a real book store with narrow dark stacks, a slightly musty page and paper aroma and books by real authors such as T.C. Boyle and Denis Johnson. And not to sound to much like a travel guide, if you do ever awake one morning in Estes Park and look out windows or tents to see panoramas of snow peaked mountains, (kinda boring…I thought they were clouds….like we see in Chicago) you might as well check out the only touristy place worth your time….the Stanley Hotel….built in 1906 by Stanley the Steamer himself…one of his steamy autos sits in the lobby.
(Click on images to enlarge)