The Next Sarah Palin

Virginia Foxx, R-5, NC

Oh, Sarah, we broadly knew ye. Farewell ye Sarah. Your recent  “refudiation” of Presidential aspirations leaves us yearning, burning for more of you. Your winks and blinks, your sexy syntax and colloquial u-betchas, squirmishes, lock and re-loads. Your fake One Woman Wild West Show, camera-staged moose shooting, turkey eviscerations, fish-in-a-barrel wolf hunt shootings from a helicopter, mythical caribou field-dressings. We’ll miss your fresh and inventive re-interpretations of history, your vision and far-sighted view of Russia from your front porch. But like an aging porn star, which you so closely resemble, in person and persona, your acts no longer titillate, they fail to hit our hot buttons and flog our fantasies. Your scenes no longer evoke how-does-she-do-it gasps of wonderment but instead seem like sad faded re-runs with weary predictable money-shots. 
So where does Sarah’s retirement as our national political lap dancer leave us? Who will accept her dance pole, once so shiny and slick. Who will right-standing right-wingers and teabaggers shower with their un-requited ardor and adulation? Michelle Bachmann? Her wild-eyed visage, monotone ejaculations of bland and obvious teabagasms do little to elevate her above the horde of raving extremists eager to accept the  furry mantle of a Mama or Girly Grizzly.
So who then? Instead of a Mama Grizzzly how about a Madam Foxy? The obvious choice? North Carolina Congresswoman Virginia Foxx (R-5th), a foxy attractive fresh faced yet experienced narrow-focused, traditional extremist with Bible-thumpin old fashioned, anti-choice,anti-govmit, anti-socialist, anti-gay, anti-feminist values. A cultural warrior who can re-ignite the cultural wars of the 1960’s and keep’em smoking and festering. According the the Almanac of American Politics, Foxx, while in the State Legislature “… sponsored a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and a bill to deny Social Security benefits to illegal aliens. She actively supported gun rights and home schooling, and she opposed abortion rights. In the House she was one of 11 members voting against passage of the $52 billion relief package following Hurricane Katrina yet taking credit for $500,000 for a teapot museum in Sparta, NC.” A teapot museum. If that doesn’t establish her Teabagger cred then what? Foxx seems to have it all to step into Palin’s pumps. Audacious willingness to support and promote extreme positions, obvious charisma, babe starlet looks and over-the-top sex appeal. Picture Virgie Foxx in a pair of nine inch Manolos, short sharpened pencil skirt, just a touch of killer cleavage. A Teabaggers wet dream, a political cougar on the prowl for that ultimate one night stand, a chance to rule the night, guide the nation, bring us back to the 18th Century when men were men and women were glad of it. Yes, Virginia, there might be a Santa Claus for you. God didn’t open the door for Sarah to walk thru. Maybe He’s getting ready to be the Gentleman and open your door. Then you can strut through it, swing down the runway and maybe  tack on another x to your name. Triple X rated. The new Sarah Palin.

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