The president-erect’s transition team entertainment committee is working overtime (without pay, of course) to make the Jan 20th presidential Inauguration Great Again. After all, President Barrack Obama’s two Inaugurations included only just about every A-list artist, performer and entertainer from around the world. So many offered to perform that to accommodate everyone his Presidential Inauguration would have taken weeks and made Woodstock look like a middle school Xmas pageant. But Mr. T has given his minions orders to book the Best, Most Amazing, Top Shelf, A++ Stars to showcase his coronation. How’s that working out?
Here are just a few Trump inaugural celebrity entertainers who have been booked so far. Some have committed; others are aspirational.
The number-one “get” is a 16 year-old girl named Jackie Ivancho. Yep, That Jackie? So far this is the only firmly committed act, besides The Madison Square Garden Rockettes dancers, except those who opted out, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Others invited but not yet committed include:
Lady Gaga? No, but Lady Gaggag… ex porn star turned gospel singer will perform her hit single ” Jesus I’m Hot for Your Body & Blood
Wayne Newton, of course.. singing his big 1963 hit Danke Schoen. Newton will represent Native Americans as he claims he is of Cherokee heritage.
Katy Perry? No, But at least the Perry part.. Branson, MIssouri‘s very own Perry Como, 1950-60 crooning sensation and traditional Xmas songster.
Pussy Riot – Russian All-girl punk performance band. Perfect for the Pussy Grabber-In-Chief.
Frank Sinatra? He’s certainly dead enough and would be the perfect reflection of the president-erect’s treatment and views of women and of course Frank’s “little man” bullying personality would match Trump’s to a capital T. So solicitations to his daughter Nancy have been extended should she be interested in walking her white go-go boots all over Mr. T’s star-studded stage.
70’s hair band Badfinger. What Don really likes is their hair. But also because the band is SHORT two Finger members who suicided themselves SHORTLY after becoming popular in those early 1970 days.
Pharrell WillIams? Well, Pharrell actually said that he would not be “HAPPY” to perform for the Celebration of Darkness. But his great uncle Andy Williams, of Xmas song fame and
major star in Branson, MO, has indicated thru his legal guardian great grandchildren, that he might, emphasis on might, be available to perform at the trumpian gala.
Kayne West? Trumpie’s best bet for a so-called true A-list entertainer. He’s pals with the Big Grabba. Says he woulda voted fo’em if he’d voted. Made a special pilgrimage to the Tower to rap wit’em. Egos like smokin’ eggos from a hot-wired toaster. Mutual Sadmiration Society. This could happen. For the life of me I can’t see Kanye and Twrumpie performing “Life of Pablo” but we can only hope.
Aging faux-rocker turned country western wannabe, Ted Nugent will probably do something in addition to reprising some of his best racist rants and tirades. He might even demo some of his recipes from his popular book, “Kill it and Grill It.”
Direct from Petersburg, Kentucky comes amazing acts from the Eighth Wonder of the World, The (Cretin) Creation Museum. The main creationist performance will be a teenage Jesus Christ riding bareback on a baby dinosaur. (This act of course proves that Earth is only several thousand years old and that Jesus loves bareback riders)
And floating down Pennsylvania Ave., on loan from the Cretin Creation Museum, will be Noah’s Ark, filled with animals two-by-two poopin’ an whoopin’ an ruttin’ and buttin’ and growlin’ & howlin’. Good times.
The two entertainment capitals of the World, Vegas and Branson, Missouri are expected to contribute world-class acts of song, dance and general white working class merriment. Here are a few of the highlighters we hope will entertain the billions and billions of Trump fans who will be gathered to watch this amazing, yuuge historic winning moment.
The Amazin’ Pet Circus will be invited to delight the galaxy during this “Make The Inauguration Great Again” Extravaganzalapalooza.
No one loves hillbilly music and backyard hog comedy more than the new president Trump, who as a New York City self-proclaimed billionaire, is famous for his musical talents playing the saw, hair comb and wash-board while clicking his heels and stompin’ in his Gucci clodhoppers. No one can heehaw better than Donald. He is the best heehawler. Believe him!
The “Branson’s Famous Baldknobbers” will keep the global intergalactic audience in stitches with their music and comedy antics, most hilariously their famous act called the “Kingdom of Droopy Drawers”…just the type of comedy loved by the Trump family.
And, topping it all off, that crazy Branson Japanese fiddle player who delights astounded audiences by playing real fast. And by golly he’s Japanese, too!
Yessir, it’s gonna be a real down-home old white man ho-down (except for that Japanese fiddler). Guaranteed to be the Greatest Presidential Inauguration celebration ever seen by man. Eat your heart out Obama. Believe me.