Google Glasses…I got Mine! I’m the first…

Google Glasses…I got Mine! I’m the first…
I got the jump on Google’s recent offer to apply for the first consumer model of its augmented reality glasses. Regular folks had to go through an application process, write an essay and plunk down $1,500 for the honor to be the first on their network to have a computer on their face. 
With my inside-Google social creds I arrived home the other day to the receipt of a Fed-X package from the Google Factory with a pair of prototype Google Glasses. Among the myriad features, my GGs sport designer rare-element Refusomonium Steel frames with “SouperDouper” Optics lens. 
One of the most magical features, NostrilJamAudio, enables me to now smell sounds. This takes music listening to an all-new dimension allowing one to instantly perceive whether or not a particular song stinks…or “smells/sounds” good. I tested it out by letting Pandora randomly select a female 80’s pop singer. Out came Madonna singing a cover of Don McLean’s American Pie and instantly my olfactory senses were overwhelmed with a putrid smell of fresh shoe-stepped-in dog poop. I hit my iTunes playlist favos including Muse, (hoppy beer brew scent) Mana (lime and cilantro)  and Brahms Concerto for Piano no.2 in B flat minor ( cinnamon apple strudel). Wow. NostrilJam really works! 
 And that’s not all, folks. Yes, you can smell sounds, but you can also “see” smells with Google Glass’s nifty app called “sMellize” (smelly eyes…get it?) When I played and smelled that Madonna song with the sMellize app activated I actually saw thru the Google Glass “SouperDouper” lens a virtual re-creation of dog poop on a shoe. Amazing. 
Although I haven’t explored all the features on my new GGs I particularly enjoy the Sommelier Gizzy which automatically suggests and lets me virtually taste the perfect wine it algorithmically pairs with the dinner items I scan by looking at the menu. Pretty nifty, right? Let’s say I’m scanning the menu at Mr. Beef’s Italian beef walk-in on Orleans Street in Chicago. I focus my GG lens on the menu description of an extra large juicy beef with hot jardiniere. SommelierGizzy instantly brings up in my vision field a hip bottle of Muscatel Red. If I remove the Olfactory Sensory inset from my nostril (used for the NostrilJam app) and place it in my mouth I suddenly perceive a taste-sensation of that rich-bodied Muscatel Red. Crazy, right? 
Other features like the BlackHole Rectal Scan A-hole detector can warn me when I’m in the vicinity of jerks and assholes. Although Google touts this feature prominently in its promotions, it needs to work out some bugs. The A-Hole Detector kept giving me a warning even when I was alone and no one around. What gives, Google? 
Overall, Google Glass is everything one could expect from the Google Factory. Rumor has it that the next version of GG will incorporate the killer app “tOuchi-feeli,” which purportedly allows a GG explorer to virtually touch and feel one’s or another’s feelings. For example, if my significant one is feeling angry, I might be able to touch and feel the shape of that sadness as a tactile object, (sharp heavy?) and see it’s color (red?), and eventually even visually perceive it as maybe a chair which hits me in the head. Sweet, eh? 
And one last nice touch: included in every set of Google Glass is a special Hipster Hat. How cool is that? Eat your algorithms out, ye Googleless Goggleless ones. 
Click on image to enlarge.
Me Testing My New Google Glass
Click on image to enlarge…
New Google Glass Prototype

http://www.praajek.com

Author: Lawrence Rudmann

Multi-genre comedic political poet and trender/periscoper of what's around the corner. Avid tennis player and ukulele strummer. Comedic poetry stimulator and healer.

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