Trumputin Syrian Plot
(Trigger warning: the following post contains speculations and alternative facts…read with caution).
I’m not a conspiracy theorist. But indulge me as I sniff out a rats’ nest of matted hair, rotted pizza, moldy bits of borscht and the detritus of a desperate Trump administration.
Syrian President “The Chinless Henchman” Assad purportedly nerve gasses civilians. He’s already winning the war against his citizens, as Trump says, bigly. So he wakes up one fine morning in his palace, slides off his silk sheets, stretches while gazing out his balcony window and thinks: “I think I’ll gas some folks today. What the hell.” Ok, dozens of innocents are brutally killed and maimed by his gas attack. Oh my gosh, Trump sees gut-wrenching photos of children and babies writhing in agony and is “moved.” This from a guy who loathes immigrants and whose proposed budget wrecks havoc and suffering on the most vulnerable of Americans. If the recently deceased insult-comedian Don Rickles was “Mr. Warmth” then Trump surely is “Mr Empathy.” So someone, maybe Ivanka, explains to him the concept of “human suffering.” Ivanka adds in a little deal-sweetener by telling her dad that Assad might have said his chin is larger than Trumps hands. Wow… now we’re talking real human suffering. Let’s bomb an airfield and show that low-energy Little Assad who’s the real boss. Bombs Away! Fifty nine Tomahawks chop up a Syrian runway. NBC’s Brian “The Exaggerator” Williams says he was “guided by the beauty of our weapons,” whatever that means. Other TV pundits declare that by shooting missiles Trump has become Presidential…apparently again, the first time after he exploited a Navy Seal’s death during a speech to Congress. What is it about causing death and destruction that makes mere mortals “Presidential?” But I digress.
So, Assad nerve gasses his citizens, Trump teaches him a lesson by Tomahawking an airstrip, Trump is suddenly very “Presidential.” His polls rise. No one is talking about his administration’s alleged collusion with the Russians to help him win the Presidency. Mission accomplished.
Putin is now saying that Syrian rebels are responsible for the nerve gas attack, not Assad. No one with half of a brain believes that Putin didn’t know of the nerve gas attacks in advance. Did he evacuate his Russian “advisors” on the ground before the attack as many believe. (Damn, I’m sounding like Trump.. many have heard, lot of people are saying…) The big question is: did the Trump administration collude, again, with Putin to stage the gas attacks to take the heat off Trump, reduce interest in the investigation of Russia’s hacking our election and of course bolster Trump’s poll numbers. Putin agrees to order Assad to carry out the gas attacks, tells Trump he can shoot off a few Presidential Tomahawks to scalp an airstrip, allowing Trump officials to criticize Putin’s support for Assad demonstrating to the world that Trump and Putin are not pals. This puts Trump even deeper in debt to Putin but gives him breathing space, better poll numbers and that elusive “Presidential” patina. (A real challenge covering up that tanning salon orange). Meanwhile, Trump remains silent on Putin. No direct criticism. With Putin potentially holding that Golden Shower videotape, is it any wonder?
Crazy? Yes. Unbelievable? Well, conspiracies are by their nature on the surface not believable. Conspiracy theories are not really theories as much as speculation. The first dictionary definition of theory is:
- a coherent group of tested general propositions, commonly regarded as correct, that can be used as principles of explanation and prediction for a class of phenomena: Einstein’s theory of relativity. Synonyms: principle, law, doctrine.
Down the list of theory definitions at number 6 and 7 are:
…..contemplation or speculation: the theory that there is life on other planets;
…..guess or conjecture: My theory is that he never stops to think words have consequences.
So, this new Trumputin Syrian nerve gas conspiracy is just that. Speculation. Like Trump’s conspiracy theory that Obama was born in Kenya. Except the latter has been disproven and the former has not.
Now it’s on to North Korea. Rising provocations mean rising polls. How “Presidential” will Trump look if he provokes a nuclear conflagration and WW-3?