Republican Platform: They Built It.

What’s more bizarre than Angel Dudeini’s Republican Revelations? How about a dose of Republican Reality? Here are the highlights of Romney’s Republican Platform, voted on and approved by delegates this week. The Platform represents the Republicans’ guiding principles and vision for America. 

1. Support for the public display of the Ten Commandments. (Comment: display at all Wall Street brokerage houses and major banks)

2. Grant Constitutional Rights to unborn fetuses. (Comment: just make sure they have a photo ID before they try to vote)

3. Uphold rights to purchase unlimited amounts of ammunition, ammo clips or assault rifle ammo magazines. (Comment: ensure gun & ammo shops have strong presence at all Republican Conventions.) 

4. Encourage undocumented laborers to go home. (Comment: who says you can’t go home again.)

5. Outlaw same-sex marriage. (Comment: That’s so gay!)

6. Ensure that English is our national language. (Comment: Speak English very loudly so everyone can understand you.)

7. Require photo ID’s to vote. (Comment: Welcome home Jim Crow)

8. Repeal the estate tax. (Comment: Attention Walmart shoppers…now you don’t have to pay taxes on that multi-million $ estate you inherited)

9. Encourage development of coal-fired energy and reduce EPA regulations on limiting greenhouse gases. (Comment: don’t just move the mountaintop.. Remove it! )

10. Raise the age for Medicare eligibility. (Comment: Medicare will now only pay for hospice.)

11. Encourage more home schooling, single-sex classrooms and abstinence education instead of sex ed & family planning programs. (Comment: what’s a little ‘homemade sin’ among kin?)

That’s it. In all it’s goofy harshness. Even Angel Dudeini couldn’t make this stuff up.

Romney’s Heartbreak of Hemorrhoids

More Angel Dudeini revelations: 
Mitt Romney to Share Heartbreak of Hemorrhoids with America. 

M-Rom will share with the American public Thursday night his lifelong struggle to overcome hemorrhoids and toenail fungus. Romney will detail the personal agony he endures even to this day in his battle with incessant rectal burning and itching and the heartaches and turmoil his afflictions have wrecked upon his wife Ann and multiple sons. A leaked draft excerpt of his nominating acceptance speech highlights how M-Rom will connect his intimate personal tribulations with the daily struggles of the over-taxed and underworked American middle class. “America’s tax burdens and dependence on useless government expenditures such as air traffic control, highway maintenance, Social Security, Medicare, food safety, emergency disaster relief, farm subsidies… are as irritating as the fungus growing under my right big toenail,” Romney is expected to say. “You think Bill Clinton felt your pain? Well allow me to disabuse America of that… I feel real pain.. from my butt down to my big toe.” 
Advisors expect M-Rom’s speech to help re-introduce him to the American people and convey 
that even though Gov. Romney is a privileged multi-millionaire who has accumulated vast wealth by avoiding paying taxes and owns a fancy tax-exempt horse that prances & dances in the Olympics, he is also a man with common-man ailments of itching & burning.

Romney to Build Fallopian Pipeline

Every day (well, some days) thru the conclusion of the Republican Convention Praajek reveals top-secret Romney policy plans that were recently revealed in my sleep by an Angel named Dudeini. He deposited at the foot of my bed a Golden Tax Return upon which is etched an outline of how a Romney Administration plans to rule America. 

Romney to Build the Fallopian Pipeline

Angel Dudeini told Praajek that a Romney Administration shall make rapeseed a legitimate agricultural crop in America. Currently, most of the rapeseed is grown in Canada and pressed into Canola Oil. By legitimatizing the production of rapeseed, America’s bio-fuel use will soar and lubricate our engines of production. To speed up America’s use of rapeseed oil Romney plans to build the Fallopian Pipeline to import Canadian rapeseed oil. To direct this major initiative Romney will create a new Cabinet Department of Ladies Health & Animal Husbandry to be overseen by former Congressman Todd Akin.

Cabinet Secretary Akin will bring his considerable knowledge of women’s biology and health issues along with his expertise in  management of domestic lady and agricultural affairs to solve our nation’s energy, agricultural and lady problems. Romney says that after rapeseed is firmly implanted in American soil we will no longer be dependent on Canada for our Canola oil and will rename it Amerola Oil. The Fallopian Pipeline will then be re-purposed to “allow passage of eggs from American chicken farmers’ hen houses to homes across the US,” he said.

Angel Reveals to Praajek

Angel Reveals to Praajek Romney’s Secret Plans For America. 
Every day (well, most days) thru the conclusion of the Republican Convention Praajek will reveal secret policies and plans that a Romney Administration will pursue if elected. These top-secret policy plans were revealed to me in my sleep last night by an Angel named Dudeini. He deposited at the foot of my bed a Golden Tax Return upon which is etched an outline of how a Romney Administration plans to rule America. Here-forth is a synopsis of the etchings, starting with “Order Primary Firstus.”  I shall reveal other Orders in subsequent posts. 

Energy Erectus Primary Order
1. End all government subsidies for alternative renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, pedal but not nuclear. Romney is to advance legislation that calls for local small business neighborhood fracking permits. U.S. oil & gas conglomerates such as Exxon, ConocoPhillips, Marathon and Chevron are to be granted Federal imminent domain permits to explore fracking for natural gas in low-income neighborhoods in America’s largest blue-state cities. Under Romney’s secret energy plan Exxon, for example, will be encouraged through special Federal FIMBY – Frack In My Back Yard –  subsidies to develop under-used blighted, low-income neighborhoods as fracking sites. 
The FIMBY Project as explained in a special Romney Golden Energy Whitepaper will clear out former “Citizens of Welfare (COWs) residents who contribute only negative productivity to the American economy. These COWs, the whitepaper details, shall be re-located to Nevada as volunteers loading nuclear waste in a proposed “Harry Reid Memorial Nuclear IRS Tax Returns National Depository.” Romney shall institute a new national “Drill Sideways Baby Drill” energy policy to be spearheaded by former Republican VP candidate and half-governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin who will oversee a new non-federal non-department of energy called the Private Individual Select Sector of Energy Resources (PISSER).

More Angel Dudeini Revelations tomorrow.. 

What? Me Sorry?

Alfred E. Ryan

Mitt & Paul. M-Rom and P-Ry. The Hardy Boys grown up. 1950’s central casting All-American Dad & Son, a Norman Rockwell Father’s Day rendering would have used these two as models. Boomer & Gen-X warriors in the Republican War On Women hook up to hunt small varmints and noodle catfish. Early in their careers, Ryan drove a hotdog car, Oscar Mayer’s Wienermobile while M-Rom drove with a hot dog on his car roof. Now Mitt in his Mom Jeans and P-Ry muscled-up with his P90X workout regimen are suddenly surprised by the public reaction to Ryan’s Congressional co-sponsor buddy Todd “Forcible Rape”Akin who recently held forth on the mysteries of how women can flip a pregnancy prevention switch if they have been “legitimately” raped. 
P-Ry last year co-sponsored with Akin a “no Medicaid funding for forcible rape” bill. Ryan also co-sponsored a “personhood” bill which defined life as beginning with dirty thoughts of sex. Now Romney is shocked that Akin said what his running mate Ryan himself supports. As Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Neuman would have said, “Most people don’t act stupid: it’s the real thing!”

Higgs Boson Ready for its Close-up

Colliding News… This just in.. Actually already in, tomorrow.. First close up of the Higgs Bosum. 
Scientists at a secret government underground Collider Lab announced today, (tomorrow in String Theory Time) the first photo of the recently-announced Higgs Bosun also referred to by atheistic scientists and the uninformed lame street media as the “God Particle.”
The photo of the Higgs, taken with a high-intensity “Super Duper” camera, captured the particle as it rested momentarily during its historic high-speed race around the 17mile underground collider track. The photo shows a smiling Boson wearing what appears to be a t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan “i B Who B.”  Curators at the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky said they welcome the photo depiction of the “God Particle” and are working on a new animatronic diorama of boy Jesus riding a Higgs Bison atop a dinosaur.

Deadly Deja vu.. all over again.

A crazy person buys assault rifles and handguns. Goes to a public place and shoots everyone he can. Nation registers shock. NRA goes silent. Requisite front page photos of victims' families crying, hugging each other. Killer is identified and given a middle name. (all killers must have their middle name named). Drawings of the killing scene choreographed and detailed .. Killer enters here; victim # one shot here.. Killer exits here… Arrested or kills himself at this spot. President calls for day of prayer. Killers life story captured by friends & acquaintances. Police bolster security in public places similar to crime scene. Some public officials call for stronger (any?) gun controls. NRA says guns don't kill people or something stupid like that. Flowers & teddy bears line site of killings. Victims buried. Apprehended killing suspect jailed awaiting trial. Later found guilty. Sentenced to life in prison or executed. Life goes on in the American world of easy guns. Next crazy person buys assault rifle, handguns, etc. Killing starts over. NRA hauls in more money to ensure the killing continues.

—not The End—

Lawrence Rudmann

The Hard Working One Percent

Friday, July 13….According to New York Times columnist David Brooks today's “elites achieve and preserve their status not mainly by being corrupt but mainly by being ambitious and disciplined. They raise their kids in organized families. They spend enormous amounts of money and time on enrichment. They work much longer hours than people down the income scale driving their kids to piano lessons and then taking part in conference calls from the waiting room.”

This pretty well sums up the mind- set of the one-percenters. These poor “down the income scale” slobs don't work hard enough, don't drive their un-organized (code for single-parent families) kids to piano lessons and damn-it they need to do a lot more conferencing on their iPhones and Blackberries. No wonder they are “down-scale.” This is Romney's America. NY Times' Paul Krugman writes in today's Times that Brooks' “down-scales” will be “hurt not helped, if we end up with a government of the 0.01 percent, by the 0.01 percent, and for the 0.01 percent.”

Lawrence Rudmann

Mitt & "Mom"…?

Speculation about Mitt Romney’s choice of a Vice President running-mate is nearing critical mass. Will he choose Florida’s gusano boy-wonder and faux-Cuban refugee Senator Marco Rubio, (Mitt and Marco.. conservative Cheech & Chong dopplegangers?); another Floridian Jeb “It’s My Turn” Bush? Gotta win Florida, right? Ohio is a must-win, too, so there’s lots of talk about Ohio’s Junior Senator Rob “The Cincinnati Kid” Portman. But with polls showing a major gender gap and the Republican Party’s War on Women (WOW), Mitt might just need to pick a women to punch his ticket to the White House. Michelle “Krazy Eyes” Bachmann? Naw, her eyes are too crazy. Sarah Palin already cashed-in her “game-change” card and with her aging-porn star looks might detract from 65-year old Mitt’s anti-aging “Just For Men” Morman-formula look. With his “severely conservative” creds always in question, Mitt needs to hook up with a real “severe” female conservative; one who will smooth the wavy flaggings of the Teabaggers; one who will soothe the sorrows of the sanctimonious Sanitorium supporters. A Vice President candidate who is a reflection of today’s multi-cultural, multi-tasking women and mothers. I present to Mitt his very own real “Game Changer” running mate: Virginia Foxx.
Virgee Foxx, Future Veep
I wrote about Congresswoman Foxx last year in this blog as the new Sarah Palin. “Want a  Mama Grizzzly? then how about a Madam Foxy?  North Carolina Congresswoman Virginia Foxx (R-5th) ….is a foxy attractive fresh faced yet experienced narrow-focused, traditional extremist with Bible-thumpin old fashioned, anti-choice,anti-govmit, anti-socialist, anti-gay, anti-feminist credentials and values. A cultural warrior who can re-ignite the cultural wars of the 1960’s and keep’em smoking and festering. According the the Almanac of American Politics, Foxx, while in the State Legislature “… sponsored a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and a bill to deny Social Security benefits to illegal aliens. She actively supported gun rights and home schooling, and she opposed abortion rights. In the House she was one of 11 members voting against passage of the $52 billion relief package following Hurricane Katrina yet taking credit for $500,000 for a teapot museum in Sparta, NC.” A teapot museum. If that doesn’t establish her Teabagger cred then what? Foxx seems to have it all to step into Palin’s pumps. Audacious willingness to support and promote extreme positions, obvious charisma, babe starlet looks and over-the-top sex appeal. Picture Virgee Foxx in a pair of nine inch Manolos, short sharpened pencil skirt, just a touch of killer cleavage. A Teabaggers wet dream, a political cougar on the prowl for that ultimate one night stand, a chance to rule the night, guide the nation, bring us back to the 18th Century when men were men and women were glad of it. Yes, Virginia, there might be a Santa Claus for you. God didn’t open the door for Sarah to walk thru. Maybe He’s getting ready to be the Gentleman and open your door. Then you can strut through it, swing down the runway….” with Mitt on your arm.  Mitt, she’s yours for the asking. 

Favo New Gadgets

Pooper hoover

Gotta love these two new gadgets from Hammacher-Schlemmer…a handy dog dung vacuum in smart gray and yellow designer colors. With this upright popper hoover you won’t ever have to suck it up and bend to hand-scoop again. Just suck it up.  And as a companion device, Hamm-Schlem offers a handy food extruder…in stylish gray and white…turns your food into a soft-serve “silky-smooth” confection. Stuff in the food and out comes the extruded delight. Suck it up and enjoy. Five Yums for both gadgets.

Food Extruder

Secure Yourself

Hate those web site security questions? You know, name of elementary school; dog’s name or breed; mother’s maiden name. Don’t seem secure enough enough for you? How about these:
Answer the following security questions: choose six of the following; enter your answer and click save:
Number of candles you blew-out on your first birthday:___________
Middle name of first person you had sex with:____________
Brand name of your Grandmother’s first refrigerator:_______
Race of first person to whom you either gave or received a blow job:____________
The highest temperature reached in the city where you were born on the day of your birth:_________
Number of people you have had sex with:_________________
If stranded as a character in a book, on what island would you choose to have access to?________
Favorite sexual position:_________________
Name of your high school janitor’s wife:__________
Favorite sex act:________________________
Name of politician you least sexually fantasize about:______________
Sex act you would only do with a stranger:_______________
Length of your favorite body part:__________
At what age did you smoke your first doobie?__________
Number of miles you got on your first set of tires:__________
Which Disney cartoon movie character do you most sexually fantasize about:__________
Favorite floor wax;___________

Political Cheesy Grits

Newt Gringrich’s poor showing in recent primaries is disproving the theory of Granular Convection…that an object with a larger surface area will rise to the top of a shifting mass…e.g. the reason that Brazil nuts in a can of mixed nuts are always are on the top. 
Best pundit quip of the week: Washington Post writer Jonathan Capehart on Mitt Romney’s embarrassing solicitous Southern comments about cheesy grits, y’alls and fried food: “it’s like he’s on safari in his own country.”
Whoops..He Did It Again
Channeling has-been pop diva Britney Spears, Rick “Frothy Mix” Santorum, after winning the Mississippi and Alabama Republican primaries last night, told supporters that, sans “whoops,” “we did it again.” Rick licked Newt, Mitt (man on newt?) and Ron. Santorum, field general for the Republican’s WOW…War on Women, now only trails Mitt in nomination delegates by about half. Dems may be salivating over the prospect of a Santorum-led ticket, but should be leery. America elected Ronald Reagan, whom many, including myself, thought was the most ridiculous candidate ever. Until he won. And became the most ridiculous President ever. 

Praajek 2.12

He.s back. Praajek. v2.12.  After a three-month sabbatical from his award-winning blog, “Praajek,” Praajek resumes today. “My hiatus took me to some mountaintop somewhere for a consultation with Guru Dashfokashi who imparted to me his latest inculcations, visions, dire heedings and warnings as well as herbal delights and remedies. Today I return to almost exactly the spot where I launched my short 90 day sojourn back in late December 2011. Actually,  I’m a bit off-register by several pico-degrees, but essentially I’ve landed back here intact; not tanned, but proverbially rested and ready. 
Guru Dashfokashi
I’ve already steeled myself to venture into the severely conservative Republican Galaxy of God and Forced Vaginal Probes to the land of Rick “SanitoriumSantorum  with his frothy mix of political sexual smegma and on to the far-out Universe of Willard “Corporations-R-People” Romney and  into the Republican No Country for Young Women and eventually to the forbidden barren Democratic deserts of demonic doom and its Lands of Our-Lordlessness. So here goes:
Just Published
Buy it Now!
The Praajek Project, the first three years. Relive the glorious years of 2008 thru 2011 through the mind and eyes, ears, fingers and other body parts of Praajek. This just-published compilation of the “Best of Praajek” (that means all of Praajek) is now available as a paperback book to proudly grace your coffee table and provide endless hours of bedtime reading and entertainment for you, your loving ones, family and guests. This large format book is now available for the low-low price of $29.99. And now, for a limited time, you can order a signed-by-the-author and numbered The Praajek Project for just $30. That’s right! For just a penny extra, you can have a collector’s edition of The Praajek Project to display on your coffee table and to enjoy and cherish for a life-time. To order, just email for instructions on where to send your personal check, money order or hard cash to order this highly-sought-after book. Don’t delay. Order The Praajek Project now. Praajek is sitting all alone to take your orders.

The Secret of Siri …A Praajek Exclusive

Just who is Siri? That wise machina with the voice of a disembodied siren in the new iPhone4s (“s” for Siri); she who speaks volumes in flat, compressed cadences and, depending on the question, with a discernible touch of irony, impatience and often a “yeah, right, ok I know your type, so here’s my answer,” tenor. Siri. Your personal assistant. She’s all yours. Or so you think. 
Siri, the elusive one,
 behind her mask.
Siri Sistaas..busy answering
iPhone commands and
questions from around the globe.
After an in-depth exhaustive investigative investigation, Praajek has uncovered the Secret of Siri. That smooth reassuring responsive revealer, that foxy voxy is not what you think. She’s not just an artificial intelligent voice-recognition algorithm. Siri is real. I tracked her down after a world-wide search that took me to the far corners of a round globe. But there she was, busy directing a team of Sistaa Siris in the backroom of a Berwyn, IL  after-market car stereo shop. She allowed me a few photos and an interview…which I’ll share with you in a future post. Their iphones were ringing steadily and the drone of their respondent voices sounded like monks chanting after a meager dinner. Siri allowed this photo, although she insisted on remaining unidentified behind her mask. 

Life Begins With "Dirty Thoughts"

Anti-choicers Push for Definition of Life as Beginning with “Dirty Thoughts.”

National anti-choice leaders are attempting to place a measure on state ballots which would define life and “personhood” as beginning when a “man or woman (boy or girl) thinks about sex and /or is aroused by thoughts that could possibly result in eventual procreation.”

The ballot initiative would also bestow the status of “personhood” on acts of male masturbation “triggered or spawned” by female sexual fantasies (male Gay fantasies are exempted) which anti-choice leaders assert could result in “seeds of life.” If approved by voters in targeted states it would define life as beginning with heterosexual thoughts and/arousal and /or production of seed-carrying semen. (Similar Gay thoughts and resulting productions are exempted)

“If a citizen has a dirty thought about do'n-it, then a real person might just be created,” said one anti-choice advocate. “Male or female, dirty thoughts can lead to a fertilized egg, so we must protect that fertilized egg person by giving those nasty thoughts the status of a person, understand, y'all?”

Advocates for the ballot initiative declined to elaborate on how such a measure, if it became law, would be enforced.

The “Dirty-Thoughts”measure follows a Mississippi attempt to ban birth control by re-defining the term “person” to include “all human beings from the moment of fertilization, cloning or the functional equivalent thereof.” Opponents of the measure say it would also ban birth control and a woman taking a “morning-after” pill could possibly be charged with murder. Mississippians will vote on that initiative on Nov. 8.

The Next Sarah Palin

Virginia Foxx, R-5, NC

Oh, Sarah, we broadly knew ye. Farewell ye Sarah. Your recent  “refudiation” of Presidential aspirations leaves us yearning, burning for more of you. Your winks and blinks, your sexy syntax and colloquial u-betchas, squirmishes, lock and re-loads. Your fake One Woman Wild West Show, camera-staged moose shooting, turkey eviscerations, fish-in-a-barrel wolf hunt shootings from a helicopter, mythical caribou field-dressings. We’ll miss your fresh and inventive re-interpretations of history, your vision and far-sighted view of Russia from your front porch. But like an aging porn star, which you so closely resemble, in person and persona, your acts no longer titillate, they fail to hit our hot buttons and flog our fantasies. Your scenes no longer evoke how-does-she-do-it gasps of wonderment but instead seem like sad faded re-runs with weary predictable money-shots. 
So where does Sarah’s retirement as our national political lap dancer leave us? Who will accept her dance pole, once so shiny and slick. Who will right-standing right-wingers and teabaggers shower with their un-requited ardor and adulation? Michelle Bachmann? Her wild-eyed visage, monotone ejaculations of bland and obvious teabagasms do little to elevate her above the horde of raving extremists eager to accept the  furry mantle of a Mama or Girly Grizzly.
So who then? Instead of a Mama Grizzzly how about a Madam Foxy? The obvious choice? North Carolina Congresswoman Virginia Foxx (R-5th), a foxy attractive fresh faced yet experienced narrow-focused, traditional extremist with Bible-thumpin old fashioned, anti-choice,anti-govmit, anti-socialist, anti-gay, anti-feminist values. A cultural warrior who can re-ignite the cultural wars of the 1960’s and keep’em smoking and festering. According the the Almanac of American Politics, Foxx, while in the State Legislature “… sponsored a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and a bill to deny Social Security benefits to illegal aliens. She actively supported gun rights and home schooling, and she opposed abortion rights. In the House she was one of 11 members voting against passage of the $52 billion relief package following Hurricane Katrina yet taking credit for $500,000 for a teapot museum in Sparta, NC.” A teapot museum. If that doesn’t establish her Teabagger cred then what? Foxx seems to have it all to step into Palin’s pumps. Audacious willingness to support and promote extreme positions, obvious charisma, babe starlet looks and over-the-top sex appeal. Picture Virgie Foxx in a pair of nine inch Manolos, short sharpened pencil skirt, just a touch of killer cleavage. A Teabaggers wet dream, a political cougar on the prowl for that ultimate one night stand, a chance to rule the night, guide the nation, bring us back to the 18th Century when men were men and women were glad of it. Yes, Virginia, there might be a Santa Claus for you. God didn’t open the door for Sarah to walk thru. Maybe He’s getting ready to be the Gentleman and open your door. Then you can strut through it, swing down the runway and maybe  tack on another x to your name. Triple X rated. The new Sarah Palin.

Steve Jobs

My first computer was not a Mac. A diehard wanna-be command-line early adopter I fiercely defended the user's right to control the interface, give direct commands, master Basic and dominate DOS. It was 1984 and the first Macintosh computer had just been released into the world. None of that dumbed-down DOS friendly non-macho girly interface for me. I was using a Leading Edge computer, cheap … $1,800. In 1984. That's probably $5,000 bucks or more today. My Korean Leading Edge had a big floppy disk drive, and a blank screen that stayed minimalistly blank with only a small blinking cursor quietly and patiently waiting for me to type a command to do something. Format disk. And other commands which I've happily forgotten.

One day I visited a friend who showed me his new Mac. Hmmm. Kind of cool. What's that? A mouse? Ok. The screen was neatly arranged with pictures — icons of commands. A folder for files. A printer. A sketch pad for drawing. A trash can. Let me try it.

That day changed my life. At least the tech side of my life, a side which would necessarily come to be more dominate as the years passed. I went home and sadly turned on my Leading Edge computer and it's slow blinking little cursor shyly prompting me to command it to do something by typing arcane characters and symbols in exacting sequence and spacing. Leading edge? I soon sold it and bought a Mac. And later another and another and newer, faster smaller beautiful machines that became virtual members of our family, siblings to our children.

Today our lives are enhanced by the vision that Steve Jobs accomplished. His death leaves us not fearing shadows of the past, the techno abyss of the blinking cursor, but to a future that only looks back to learn, a future that as Steve often said in different ways, rejoices more in the journey while continuously dreaming of a destination. Steve, you're still on your journey and we're still traveling with you.

Numbers Game

Why didn't Apple just call it the iPhone 5 instead of wimpy-sounding 4S. First big mistake by Apple in quite a while. The big mistake could have been avoided by the small solution of naming yesterday's-announced new iPhone the iPhone 5. That's what everyone wanted and expected. Then in six months or a year reveal the, you guessed it… iPhone6, or the iSix..or the SixSenz… a “phone” that would be a virtual sixth sense, anticipating and fulfilling your every need, non-need or whim. The new iPhone 4S almost meets that goal with SIRI (not Suri, Tom & Katie's seedling), a virtual personal assistant or butler you call for by simply commanding “her” to do whatever.. Sort of like, “James, tea please and then have the footman bring round the carriage.” But 4S? Sounds like a midrange model Chevy Malibu when the world wanted a Ferrari.

Obama’s Brave "Moment"

He’s the milquetoast kid bullied relentlessly at summer camp. When his parents arrive and he’s a safe distance away, he leans out the window, yells and shakes his fist at the bullies from the safe distance of mummy & daddy’s car speeding home. Take that… he says.. I’ll tax those millionaires, you wait and see… and you better not touch social security …and I’m cutting the military…and guess what, I’ve got a jobs plan!  
Brave talk now that he knows that he’s going home…to his base. …he knows the bullies will never really let him have his way. But at least now he can thumb his nose, naay-naay, naay-naay naaay. Now he can look tough.. while campaigning in suburban backyards across the nation. Instead of the streets of America littered with the detritus of the once hopeful and now unemployed.  Instead of really being tough during the past two years, he played the victim, the kid who always tried to “play nice.” The kid who each time he got his skinny butt kicked by the bullies, told his family that he really held his own, that, although he didn’t fend off any blows, didn’t land any either, he felt pretty good about doing the right thing, seeing things from their perspective, reaching out to them, meeting them more than half-way… their way, why, he even offered to lower his pants before the bullies actually de-pantsed him in front of the whole school. But now, with the bullies at a safe distance, having already issued their ultimatums, threats, demands, and with summer camp now ending, he can speak out, chest out, impress with his new-found toughness. His just-discovered resolve. His inner-boehner. Those bullies won’t bother me any more. This is my moment, he says.  
I hope this really is President Obama’s often-referred to “moment.” It’s not a moment too soon. Yes, the Republican bullies are backing off a bit. but they’re still lingering around the corner, leaning menacingly against the hallway walls ready to stick out a random foot, a blindside push, snickering to their teabagging fans that you are not legit, that defeating you is worth every job lost and every American not hired. That it’s worth it if defeating you means defeating America. So welcome to the land of the brave, Mr. President. Gird yourself for battle, brace your middle for the blows, raise your fists, head and your voice today above the shouts for yesterday. For over two years you’ve accepted and invited the abuse, the beatings, the insults too meekly, all too kindly. Now step away from the lectern, the lesson plans, the telepromter, come to the middle of the ring and fight. It’s the last round, the bell has rung, you’ve taken a beating and you need a knock-out. 

Chicago Tribune Banishes Doonesbury

Looks like the conservative ghost of Old “Colonel” McCormick ( or maybe Fox President Roger Ailes) visited the editorial room of the Chicago Tribune last night. Seeking my daily nourishment of Doonesbury this morning, the only comic with any intelligent redeeming value, I was shocked to find the following statement buried between the banal panels of “comics” where Doonesbury usually stands out: “This week’s “Doonesbury” does not meet our standards of fairness. Please enjoy this substitute strip.”
Click to enlarge
The recent Doonesbury storyline has Fox News “ace reporter” Roland Hedley tweeting excerpts from a yet-unpublished book about Sarah Palin, “The Rogue” written by Joe McGinness..(publication date, September 19.) The strip pokes fun at Palin’s reputation as a politician who doesn’t read a lot. The Trib apparently thinks this doesn’t meet the Fox News standard of “fair and balanced.”  Funny that the Trib doesn’t think it’s fair to tease a public figure about not reading while denying me a product that I’ve paid to read. Think I’ll cancel my Trib subscription for a week.  Here’s the link to the forbidden Doonesbury strip:

Obama’s Job Plan Leaked

Praajek has just received a draft of several pages of President Obama’s highly anticipated plan to stimulate the creation of new jobs. These pages, received thru a secret source, are possibly original, with several pages appearing water-marked and tobacco stained by Speaker Boehner’s tears of joy and cigarette tanned fingers. 
Step One: Free the Job Creators. By eliminating all taxes for Americans making at least  $250,000 annually, these wealthy Americans will take that much-needed added wealth and trickle it down to the unemployed masses. New jobs will be created in industries such as yacht-building, vacation home maintenance and cleaning,  luxury auto detailing and corporate jet maintenance.
Step Two: Keep Wealthy Families Strong Act. By eliminating all inheritance taxes, wealthy families will be insured that their legacy of job creation will be continued by their heirs, just chomping at the bit to get started in the job-creation business. 
Step Three: The Un-Cuff  Big Business Act. By reducing the Corporate tax rate to one percent, these mighty engines of productivity, led by their now-shackled sacrificing Titan CEOs, will finally have the resources to merge with each other, eliminate job-related waste and employee inefficiencies, create less expensive products for the American consumer by moving operations off-shore and advantaging foreign worker wage and benefit efficiencies. 
Step Four: The Homeland Manifest Environmental Destiny Act. By enacting this land-marking bill, onerous environmental laws and regulations which hinder job creation will be obliterated from our now strangled Homeland. Mountain-top national park top soil removal projects will uncover rich deposits of clean coal in land now burdened  and “protected” by Federal land nannies;  back-yard mom and pop Fracking operations will tap deep bubbles of natural gas across our Homeland;  a new On-Shore Oil Drilling initiative will unleash lush deposits of “black gold” from America’s shore lines and beaches now being used for the unproductive purpose of recreation.
Step Five: Let Kids Be Kids Laws. By eliminating all anti-bullying laws we will ensure a renewable supply of American Corporate and Republican leaders. In his speech to Congress, scheduled whenever Speaker Boehner allows, the President is scripted to tell the American people that  “….today’s little bullies are our leaders of tomorrow.”
Step Six: Operation Clean Your Own Mess Kit will eliminate FEMA. Removing federal interference in local disasters will spur public self-reliance and stimulate local boot-strap disaster clean up jobs.
Check back here at for additional details of the President’s plans to “Rehire America.” 

Blame it on the Boss Obama

In America's sweeter times… like the early 60's the nation danced and blamed it on the bossa nova. “The Dance of Love.”

Today we shuffle, not dance, and we blame it on the Boss Obama. In a Haze of Malaise.

Do we detect a faint scent of Jimmy Carter wafting from the White House? Carter's failed Presidency was a direct result of external circumstances… the Arab oil embargo and the Iranian hostage situation. Killer rabbits and malaise aside, Carter at least told the American people the truth, keeping his campaign pledge to not lie. He said we were addicted to oil, needed to become more independent, learn to conserve and that he lusted in his heart. It was a message that people didn't want to hear.

If only Obama had a little lust in his cool droning heart. Or signs of real warm blood coursing thru his complacent veins. Is there not any outrage that stirs his soul? Avoid conflict, at any cost, seems to be his mantra.

Obama won't tell us anything, won't stand up and fight forces challenging America's prosperity. He's all saddle & no horse as some say. Or all paddle and no canoe. Or all rattle and no battle. Or all faddle and no fittle. Ok, enuf.

So, let's all sing that old Eydie Gorme hit from 1963:

I was at a dance
When he caught my eye
Standin' all alone
Lookin' sad and shy
We began to vote
Electing him with hope
But now I know
I'll have to let him go.

Blame it on the Boss Obama
With his need to please
Blame it on the Boss Obama
He's always on his knees.
Oh it all began with reaching across the aisle in fear
And his leading
Always from the rear
Blame it on the Boss Obama
The dance of tears.

The Republican Rapture

The Republican Rapture, like the end-of-world Raptures regularly predicted by religious goofs, may have failed to rapture us this time, but as a result of the agreement Obama signed today we might still be on schedule for an American meetup with an economic Dooms Day. Pushed by right-wing Teabagging Republican zealots, the hope of the Republican Rapture was similar to the May 21 (now Oct. 21) Judgement Day that Christian Family radio old guy, Harold Camping, said would separate the Saved from the Left Behind. The August 2, 2011 Republican Rapture would, like the Jesus Rapture, save the Wealthy and Leave Behind the middle and lower income class of Americans. The Debt Ceiling “debate” was formulated and positioned to wreck havoc on the American economy affecting all but the Wealthy, like Number Two Congressional Leader and lead Debt Ceiling negotiator Eric Cantor, who according to Salon (and reported in the Wall Street Journal) “holds between $1,000 and $15,000 invested in ProShares Trust Ultrashort 20+ Year Treasury EFT. The fund aggressively “shorts” long-term U.S. Treasury bonds, meaning that it performs well when U.S. debt is undesirable. (A short is when the trader hopes to profit from the decline in the value of an asset.)”  The crazy religious Rapture asserts that most won’t be saved because they don’t accept Jesus as their savior. With a Republican Rapture, most of America won’t be saved unless it accepts John Boehner (or Mitch McConnell, or Eric Cantor, or any of the Teabagging representatives) as its savior. 
Although President Obama did not, as I described in previous posts below, offer his daughters Malia and Sasha up to the Republican debt “negotiators,” nor did he actually switch parties and become a Republican, denounce Oprah, arrest Rev. Al Sharpton and offer to rescind the 13th Amendment, Mr. Obama, in his temperamentally timid and accommodating manner, gave the farm away instead of even offering to sell it. It’s been said in dozens of ways that the key to failure is trying to please everyone. Mr. Obama may indeed go down as one of history’s worst negotiators, not only showing his hand as soon as the cards are dealt, but making his best bid before anyone has made a move. He did it on the extension of the Bush tax cuts, health care’s public option and now the debt ceiling extension. One wonders who talked him out of texting Bin Laden and giving him a heads-up that we were coming for him…only the “balanced” thing to do, right? Was it Hillary who stopped Obama’s Osama booty call that night?
Hillary. Oh, Hillary. Did we dismiss you without cause in 2007? Why do I see you at the table with the Republican Rapturers negotiating the Debt Limit? Why do I see John Boehner’s spray-on nicotine tan sweat-drip down his jowly cheeks while avoiding your Hillary Stare;  licking your lips in an evil cojones-ripping squint at Eric Cantor, and with a toss of your latest hair-do whiplash to tears the blowfish-faced Mitch McConnell. I hear you Hillary. Spending cuts. Yeah, sure…but real tax increases (not bullshit revenue enhancements) on you Bigbuck Mofas and your Bigbuck Mofa lobbyists, corporate jetsetters, bankers, wall street hedgefunders and oil barons. Take it or leave it. I’ll sign the damn debt limit extension using the 14th Amendment or maybe just Presidential prerogative to save the Republic. Oh, Hillary. You must be almost sighing, bemused now at how your conqueror now rules and leads. He leads from behind. And thus leaves us behind wallowing in the entrails of the Republican Rapture. 

Obama Switches Parties; denounces Oprah;

In last-minute efforts to avoid a national economic default of epic proportions, and ensure reduced taxes for the nation's wealthy job creators, President Obama today announced that he would switch parties and become a Republican embracing in totality the Republican conservative agenda for America. To sweeten the deal, the President also said he would denounce TV mogul Oprah Winfrey, arrest Rev. Al Sharpton and consider repeal of the 13th Amendment which abolished slavery. Mr. Obama also promised to consult with the dermatologist and plastic surgeon of the late King of Pop Michael Jackson to begin a regimen of skin lightening and facial reconstruction to create a visage resembling Vivien Leigh/Scarlett O'Hara.

After last week's offer of his two daughters, Malia and Sasha was rejected by Speaker John Boehner and Republican Senate leader Mitch McConnell, Mr. Obama's new outreach to the Republicans is hoped to at least stir some interest of the Tea Bagger Party in resolving the impasse.

“At least now he's heading in the right direction,” said Speaker Boehner. “As soon as he fires Biden and replaces him with Michele Bachmann, I think we might be able to move toward a solution,” he said. “Also, abolishing that 13th Amendment thing is an absolute necessity,” he said.

After the President's offer to eliminate Leftist deficit-digging programs like Meals-On-Wheels, School Lunch and Head Start and raising Medicare and Social Security eligibility to age 89 was deemed “too timid and not enough” by House Republicans, the Administration now seems willing to publicly announce that the President now thinks that Oprah sucks.

“If this doesn't close the deal, then nothing will,” an unnamed White House aide said.

Obama Offers Up Malia & Sasha to Placat

In his second press conference in as many weeks President Obama today raised the stakes in the high risk debt ceiling-budget deficit negotiations with Republican leaders.

“Not only do I propose to raise the age for Social Security and Medicare eligibility to 85, eliminate Medicaid, Head Start, and the Depts. of Education, Energy and Environmental Protection Agency, today I also offer my two beloved daughters, Malia and Sasha,” the President announced.

Republican Speaker John Boehner responded that although the sacrifice of the President's daughters was a good start, “The President's insistence on eliminating the excess-profits tax loop-holes on producers of Loopholes is a deal-breaker.”

Speaker Boehner said that raising the taxes on America's Loophole industry is a job killer.

“Increasing taxes on job-creating small loophole businesses is a recipe for disaster. The American People need American-made loopholes for job-creating engines like corporate jet and yacht makers, golf-course developers, gold-plated faucet and titanium toilet handle crafts, limousine and high-performance luxury sports car manufacturers, just to name a few of these essential industries,” the Speaker said.

“Throwing his daughters into the deal is sweet, but we, the Real American People, need Real American-born incentives, not the progeny of a Kenyan-born colonialist-socialist Mau Mau ideology, the Speaker said.

An unnamed source close to the President reacting to the Speaker's response remarked that if Republicans turn down this deal then the President will consider throwing-in his mother-in-law as a bonus.

The Girl with the Bella Vita Tattoo and the Republican Rapture

Yes, she's the Girl Who Played With Gyre, circled herself in a mad dance of subterfuge and guileless misdirection. She's a girl whose innocent verdict kicked a hornet's nest of outrage, sending those with soap-Oprah lives into spasms of dental and gingival gnashing and weeping. Yes, she's Lisbeth-like, the mythic salamander resisting fire. With tears. For whom does her tale toll a sad single symphony? It tolls for Caylee?

Did she do it? The duct tape. The nanny. The tattoo. The dancing. The car trunk. The elfin ears and stretched back hair that you can almost smell across the airwaves. Wet glassy eyes. Young. Nubile. Casey alive. Caylee dead. Who did it?

Does it matter at this point in time? As we move inexorably toward a world unknown. Toward a Republican Rapture where the Left Behind are our elderly, our impoverished, our jobless, our ill, our children. A Republican Rapture that saves the strong, wealthy, the material needless. The Saved who can pay the unsaved left-behinds to guide their corporate jets through the eye of the proverbial needle.

A jury of her peers found Casey Anthony not guilty of murdering her two year-old Caylee. Should they have found her Innocent instead of Not Guilty?

Who will judge John Boehner, Eric Cantor and their followers after they inflict their Republican Rapture on the World? See their tattoos? Bella Vita.

Tally Ho, Tally Bahn

Obama's got to quit pronouncing
Taliban as Tally Bahn.. Same with
“Pauk e stahn.” It's Packy-stan. In Amerakan that is.

Peace with Honor.. Or “honour” as Obi would say.

Sit down with Tallybahn.

What will be the size of the peace table? Shape… Round, oval, sq or rectangular?
His voice is beginning to actually sound like Nixon.
The tide is turning
Still dark days ahead
Light on the horizon
God Bless. Us.

Lawrence Rudmann

What the Pundits Won’t Say

Let’s be frank here. Media pundits are all over themselves and each other with deep questions and analysis concerning why so many Republicans, considered as potential candidates, are checking into the Republican roach motel and checking out as soon as they can. O my gosh, they gush, Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour decides he doesn’t have enough fire in his belly to mount a campaign. With a belly as big as Barbour’s maybe it was the belly and not the dying embers that told him he’d never get elected. Old, White and fat. Not a good prescription for victory. Well, what about Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels? Says his wife put the kibosh on a run. Or was it the fact that Daniels is about 5’6″ inches tall giving him diminutive chances of actually being elected. Taller candidate always wins, especially when the gap is this large. Ok, Donald Trump. The Hair. Need we say more? Ok, he’s fat, too. Then there’s Newt. Come on. Although Obama got elected despite his first name, does America really want a President Newt? And, of course, he’s obese and funny looking. I’m not saying it’s right that a potential candidate be judged by his/her looks, body mass index, stature or hairstyle, but that’s really the way it is in America folks. In this society, ever so hooked on youth, beauty, abs, jawlines, T’s and A’s it’s a fact of life that perhaps even the physically flawed candidates realize before the voters get a chance to see and judge them waddling, holding down hairpieces, huffing’ and puffin’ and stepping up on podium boosters on the proverbial campaign trail, path, track or route. Prediction for Republican 2010 ticket: Mitt Romney and Texas Gov. Rick Perry. Remember Massachusetts Kennedy and Texas LBJ? 

Anagram The Candidates

“My name is only an anagram of toilets.”…T.S. Eliot

“All the life’s wisdom can be found in anagrams. Anagrams never lie.”..anon.

Tim Pawlenty:
Wimpy Talent (this says it all)
Latent Wimpy
Tiny Wet Lamp
Play New Mitt
Wilt Me Panty
At My Newt Lip
Mitt Romney:
Memory Tint (yes, indeed…you remember your RomneyCare?)
My Mot Inert (yup, your word’s pretty inactive)
My Not Merit  (Hey, It’s my turn…just give me the nomination)
Newt Gingrich:
Wringing Retch (the sound of the political body gagging)
Wretch Ringing  (don’t answer it !)
Mitch Daniels:
Latched Minis (don’t unlock the secret of that podium booster)
Clean Dim Shit (clean, sure…but he’s not really a dim shit…just short)
Sarah Palin:
Sharia Plan (ha, now we know who’s really Muslim)
Anal Has Rip (uh…. yeah…..)
Chris Christy:
Rich Shits Cry..(need more tax cuts!)
Donald Trump:  (Your Magic Carpet ride is over)
Land Turd Mop (so that’s what’s on your head)
Damn Turd Pol (anagrams don’t lie)
Michele Bachmann:
No good anagrams, but the word “maniac” shows up a lot in combo with other non-sensical words…sounds about right, right?

The Fat Cat Ticket

Republicans have often been collared with the “fat cat” tag for lusting- after and hopping in, cash bags tumescent, between the sheets of wealthy campaign constituents climaxing in a happy feted and sated finish.  Now a real fat-cat Repoob presidential ticket can be envisioned, one which would tip the political and bathroom scales as the heaviest weighted campaign in GOP history. With weight accompanying their heavy reputations as (fat) bullies, Newt Gringrich, weighing in near the three hundred summit and New Jersey Governor Chris Christy…topping at least the big three hundred and more would be a Presidential ticket that literally could not fly…  at least together on the same campaign plane. Their campaign slogan? “Newt and Chris.. Too Big to Fail” ? Or maybe “Two Buckets of Lard in Every Fridge.” Of course, nearly 60% of Americans are officially overweight or obese so there lies their base, a huge constituency that could just possibly get off their slouching couches and waddle to the polls. And, catching their breaths, maybe vote, too. Or, we could hope the Repoobs nominate 5’5″ Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels and another vertically-challenged candidate (Christine “Not a Witch” O’Donnell?)  and we’d have the shortest …. naw, forget it…that’s what podium boosters are for. 

USA USA – Bin Laden Killed ! Go Team, Go…We’re # One…We’re # One !

Call it  drunken college Spring Break pent-up boredom, or just crazy mis-expression of relief that the world’s terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden had been murdered by American Special Ops, the demonstrations in front of the White House and elsewhere last night seemed a bit, well, unseemly. Yes, Americans are and rightly should be happy to see justice finally prevail with OBL’s demise. But celebrating in the streets, dancing for the TV cameras, waving “number one” fingers in the air screaming USA USA is more befitting a celebration for a sports accomplishment rather than a reaction to a serious act of bringing a violent terrorist to justice. Killing OBL will not be the end of the terrorist threats that people the world-over face. Americans dancing in the streets is tantamount to former President Bush telling Iraqi insurgents to “bring it on.” Instead of waving fingers, climbing trees and dancing for the cameras, America is better served by its citizens in quiet reflection and thanking their personal gods, their government leaders and brave soldiers who exacted this long over-due justice. America will be better served by it’s citizens, Democrats, Republicans, independents using this moment in history to work together to solve it’s economic and social problems which will do more to strengthen America than all the finger-waving celebrations of the death of Osama Bin Laden. 

Royal Questions

Kate in College Fashion Show Dress 


Princess Di

William’s “Camilla” in-waiting?
WESTMINSTER ABBEY, ENG.— The Big Question: How long will the Marriage last? Is there a “Camilla” backstage? Although he looks more like mum Lady Di, could he actually have an eye, like Daddy Charles, for a more English-style older Camilla-like gargoyle harridan? 

Who wears a red suit for his wedding? Santa? 

Why no Royal Rogaine for new Hubby William?

Will William’s valet now administer his  Royal Toothpaste to his Royal Toothbrush as is done for Father Charles daily?

Honeymoon in Niagara Falls? Thunderbird Motel. (recommended once-upon-a-time location of my honeymoon with my bride!)

Will Prince Harry do a Royal Kegstand at the Reception after-party? And show his game by mackin on that snowflake Bridesmaid Pippa?

She’s QUEEN Elizabeth. Where’s her Crown?

Donald Trump President Obama’s Secret Half Brother?

Why is Donald Trump pursuing the illegitimization of Barack Obama as President of the United States? Is Trump’s recent conversion as a “Birther” challenging Obama’s place of birth a pretense to cover up what could be the REAL TRUTH? Is Trump, who was born in 1946 to real estate tycoon Fred Trump, hiding the existence of INCREDIBLE AND FANTASTIC SECRET documents possibly hidden in an underground safe below the Trump Village Coney Island housing complex?  Are there rumors that these INCREDIBLE SECRET AND FANTASTIC documents reveal the HIDDEN TRUTH about Donald Trump’s relationship to the President of the United States? Was Obama, born in 1961, actually the offspring not of a Kenyan “Mau Mau” father as ex Governor Mike Huckabee alleges, but the progeny of a SECRET relationship with a Trump household African-American (Son Trump himself states that he has always had good relationships with “The Blacks.”) employee and maybe The Donald’s Federally-funded (FHA) real estate tycoon father?  Did the elder Trump bring this POSSIBLY EXISTING child, whom he perhaps named Barry, into the Trump family perhaps causing great jealousy and resentment from the then-15 year-old coddled Donald?  Did this lead to the elder Trump maybe taking the baby Barry to Hawaii and maybe hiring a woman who would adopt him and create a Kenyan father ruse biography that exists today? A lot of questions that Donald Trump needs to answer. What is the SHOCKING TRUTH that he could he be HIDING

The American People?

Who are these “American People” who want the Republican leaders, the President, the teabaggers to do all the things they are supposed to do. “The American People elected us to cut taxes and spending.” “The American People want us to ensure the social safety net and  create jobs.” ” We must do the will of the American People.”  Who are these “American People” who have such diverse needs? Cut taxes. Cut Defense Spending. Cut All Spending Except Military. Invest in infrastructure. Cut Government. Invest in Job Creation. Stop Obamacare. Reform Health Care. Increase taxes on the wealthy. Cut taxes on corporations and the wealthy. 
Both Political parties invoke this sacrosanct mantra “The American People” as automatically and effortlessly as chewing sugar-free gum. This small near-religious ejaculatory utterance, “the American People,” has become the go-to phrase that politicians inject as their “closer/winner”, their “word of god.” 
Although it is difficult to compare Presidential voting patterns with Midterm voting results, in the 2008 Presidential election, about 63% of eligible registered voters (213 million) actually voted. Thirty three percent of those votes were Democrat (70 million) and about 28% (60 million) voted Republican. 
In the 2010 Midterm elections the voter participation rate was only 35% of the total registered voters (estimated 213 million). (In the United States, it has been common to report turnout as the sum of votes for the top race on the ballot, because not all jurisdictions report the actual number of people who went to the polls.) Democrats, who President Obama said took a “shellacking,”  represented about 16% (34 million) of the total eligible voters (213 million) and Republicans were approximately 18% (37 million) of the total who could have voted. (About 4.5% of registered eligibles voted “other” than Democrat or Republican)
So with about 37 million or 18% of “American People” voting Republican in the 2010 Midterm elections, Republican leaders boldly proclaim they are carrying out the will of the people. Yes they are. At least the will of about 18% of those who voted. The point is that invoking the will of “the American people” to anchor your policy arguments and decisions is disingenuous but mostly meaningless. But Democrats and Republicans (Teabaggers) do it without challenge. It’s what the American People want them to do.

Liz Taylor’s Shocking Double Life

Revelations that recently-deceased actor Liz Taylor was born with a rare condition that caused her to grow double eyelashes which contributed to her thick eyelash-alluring look were recently announced. Praajek has just learned from his Hollywood sources that Taylor was also apparently afflicted with rare double eyebrow syndrome (DDEES), a condition she covered by blending her two left and right hirsute eyelines with black Sharpie markers giving her the appearance of having think black eyebrows to accompany her double eyelashes. One of the world’s most celebrated beauties, Ms.Taylor is also rumored to have had a double chin condition which in later life she found more challenging to blend.

Watch The Amazing ObaGumby Bend Over….again.

The Amazing Folding Man, President Obama, is about to display his contortionist abilities as he reprises one of his best cave-ins and fold-ins upon himself and his political supporters on a nation-wide stage. The President savors opportunities to show off his spine bending feats, as he has done so frequently during his term.  Some of his most famous political death-applying (for Democrats) acts will someday be memorialized in a special ObaGumby Memorial Statue in the Softee Freeze Hall of Fame. Remember his amazing “Reach Across the Aisle” maneuvers during his first two years culminating in an invitation to Reboobs to join him for dinner last Fall which they rejected because they were busy preparing more tax cuts for the rich? Remember the Health Care Reform Bend Over?”  Wow, what a show as Mr. Obama bent over backwards to accommodate Repoobs’ insistence on a plan that would continue to enrich Big Pharma and Big Insurance. Executed perfectly. And how could we forget his most Houdini-like escape from defeating the extension of the Bush tax cuts. That nifty sleight-of- hand negotiation that left us head-scratching and incredulous saw the Maestro give the Repoobs everything they asked for including extending nearly $700 Billion tax cuts for the wealthy top two percent of American earners. Now the Repoobs want to negotiate the 2011 budget by insisting on about $30 billion in cuts. Obama countered with $31 Billion. Sensing that the Great Folder could outdo his recent feats, the Repoobs then countered again with $73 billion in cuts only to contain giggles as the President negotiated by agreeing to $73 billion in cuts. Wow, can this guy negotiate. Let’s Make a Deal, said the Repoobs. $73 billion is not enough. We want more. And more. Will Mr. Obagumby say that he’s got’em right where he wants ’em and give more and more? We await, on the edge of our chairs for his next…maybe a triple inside-out pretzel bend-over culminating with both hands extended through his crossed legs presenting the Repoobs a silver tray with the entire federal budget (sans military) neatly stacked, counted and ready for stuffing in the pockets of the Bigs everywhere. 

Change we can believe in.

Another day another war.

Who knew Obama would be the next great crusader.

On to Syria, Bahrain, Yemen.. Hell, Iran, too! Western Christian countries killing more Muslims…wonder how that'll work out?

Maybe we'll be equal opportunity World Police. On to North Korea… Venezuela…Cuba….

Are we defending innocent people from ruthless dictators? Or just some people who happen to live in certain oil- rich lands.

Is our addiction to oil a subtext for the ease at which we seemingly get sucked into these quicksand desert quagmires or is it naive to believe that our government acts on behalf of the collective will of its citizens who desire to see the democratic liberties they enjoy shared with people with fewer freedoms? It is naive.

War-thirsty and ratings-hungry CNN TV's near 24/7 coverage of the initial bombing invasion struck a particularly smug and almost congratulatory tone showing grainy night bombing video of Tripoli along with turgid and self-satisfied commentary by ex-generals paid to compare this little war with CNN's famous coverage of the Kuwaiti and Bagdad bombings.

“Well, Wolf, we're not seeing the vivid night vision footage with colorful trailing rocket fire that we saw in the Gulf War…” one General said describing the CNN video of US Libyan bombings that were undoubtedly slaughtering innocent Libyans just as Gadhafi himself promised to do. Wolf disappointedly agreed that this video wasn't nearly as compelling. But just wait, you could almost see his eyes light up with the possibility of more exciting and colorful video in coming days.

As President Obama says, the U. S. has “special capabilities”… war room-speak for Tomahawk missiles, stealth bombers, predator drones… Hi-tech state of art war machines. When was the last time superior US “special capabilities” won a war against local armies defending their homeland against foreign invaders. Vietnam… Afghanistan, Iraq? Obama says no US troops will be committed to on-the-ground combat in Libya. Sound familiar? Change we can believe in.

Nuclear Randomoniums

The Japanese people exemplify the definition stoicism: calm acceptance of all occurrences as the unavoidable result of divine will or of the natural order. Courage and calmness in the face if great adversity. One wonders how Americans would react in the face of such disaster. Would we calmly, diligently, collectively work together to rebuild, or would we arm ourselves with our arsenal of Glocks, Assault rifles, and shotguns, retreat to our bunkers and play out the survival of the fittest script written for the dark side of our national character. Let's hope we would not be frantically digging up our cache of gold coins and loading our ammo clips but instead show the stoicism and bravery that we are seeing in Japan.

Today there is a Hollywood script writer sketching out the screenplay for a TV movie called “The Fukushima Fifty… Nuclear Heroes Who Saved Japan.” It will air around Christmas time this year.

Republicans are already clenching their teeth and shaking their fists at nuclear namby-pamby liberals who are questioning the safety of U.S. Nuclear plants. Why do Republicans love nuclear energy so much? (maybe they wouldn't if those pinko liberal elitist were in favor of nuclear power..then they might be against it.) But, liberals tend to favor less dependence on non-renewable energy sources and greater energy diversity with alternative renewable forms such as solar, wind, geo- thermal (SWaG). Since Republicans (and many Dems, too), are in servitude to Big COG — Coal, Oil and Gas, the hobby lobby and campaign cash-poor alternatives are taboo. In the Republican World, Nukes Rule.

Will there ever be another nuke plant built in the U. S. ? Probably not. At least not until a place is found and agreed upon to store, i.e. bury the waste. No spent fuel rods,which are never totally “spent,” have ever been disposed. Thousands of tons of dangerous fuel sit submerged in pools or in outdoor concrete and steel casks at all U. S. nuclear facilities.

Best quote by a nuclear safety expert: “It's low (accident) probability and high consequences.”

Republicans: Obama Caused Japan Earthquake & Tsunami

Republican Leaders John Boehner, Mitch McConnell and other influencers yesterday said that blame for the recent devastating earthquakes & tsunami in Japan “lay squarely at the feet of this President and his reckless socialist policies.”
House Speaker Boehner singled out the health care reform law for particular blame. “The cataclysmic repercussions of this socialist takeover of our health care system has had tectonic consequences on our world,” he said.
Senate Leader McConnell pointed to Obama's Wall Street financial reform bill for “shaking the fundamental stability of the world's economic system.”
Former Governor Mike Huckabee weighed in with accusations of Obama's Kenyan Mau Mau ancestry for a de-stabilizing effect. “All that spear-chucking by Obama's grandfather's Kenyan anti-British terrorist friends obviously has had a delayed butter-fly effect shifting the globe's axis .. the first time this has happened since the creation of the world about 6,000 years ago,” he said.
According to Minnesota Rep. Michelle Bachmann, Obama should apologize to America and Japan for his role in this disaster. “Since that historic day when our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence right here on the concourse of the Mall of America in 1932 freedom has been ringing across the world. Now the only ringing is in the ears of over-taxed anti-Liberty Bell sound of Tsunami warnings that Obama wants to re-locate that Famous Liberty Bell from Washington D. C. to his communist neighbor Bill Ayers' front yard.”
According to former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, the Japan nuclear plant melt-downs could have been avoided if only Obama wasn't so lazy and sanctimonious about matrimony. “I loved my country so much that I sacrificed two marriages when my wives were worn out and sick. It's obvious that Obama's madrassa-fueled brain-washing has affected his judgement concerning adultery and left these nuclear power plants vulnerable.”
Former Alaska half-governor Sarah Palin tweeted: Obama = Disaster = Earthquakes = Tsunami.


It’s more than ironic that President Obama and First Lady Michelle are holding special hearings today on “Bullying Prevention.”  Although the issue of school bullying is one that parents and schools should seriously address, is “school bullying” important enough for the President of the U.S. to weigh in on with a special national hearing? In the midst of a destructive recession with unemployment at disastrous levels, economic and soul-sucking wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (is Libya next?), a nation on the verge of an oil addiction fit of delirium tremens, social safety net programs on the sacrificial altar of heart-eating Republicans hungry for more tax cuts for the über rich, America’s hard-fought worker collective bargaining rights heading for state and  national shredders, an education system that rewards sports achievements over math and science, even the watered-down health care reforms under heavy daily attack. 

Yes, The President says,  lets talk about school bullying instead. If Obama wants to address bullying, maybe he should look at himself and his weak-kneed congressional Democrats. This Administration has been bullied  relentlessly and mercilessly by Republicans from Day One. In schools, one cannot blame the bullied victims. But this Administration gives new meaning and license to the concept of bullying. In this case we can and must blame the victims. Obama set the tone by allowing himself to be bullied and Democrats milk-toastishly bowed their heads and submitted to the beatings. 

Once there was something called the Bully Pulpit. Presidents from Roosevelt, Kennedy, Johnson and Reagan bullied strongly from that platform to the advantage of their constituents who elected them. Maybe this President should hold a summit on Presidential Bullying…how to do it and how to prevent it. Let schools and parents deal with the other kind.

Throw Like an Egyptian

The Next Andy Pettitte?

Latin America has been the Mecca of Major League Baseball Recruitment for years, with countries like Dominican Republic, Cuba, Puerto Rico and Venezuela  contributing heavily to the the League’s rosters. After a recent convo with a Praajek Bruthaa, it dawned on both of us that Baseball has been ignoring what is perhaps the richest goldmine of potential baseball talent in the world..namely the dusty, sand and rock-strewn streets of the Middle East. Observing the ongoing mass protests in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, it is acutely apparent that these rock-throwing protesters have major-league arms, able to hurl stones far and accurately with fastball speed. Not only a rich source of mounders, these guys could obviously play outfield as well, tracking down base runners with laser-guided drone precision. But could they field as well? They certainly are proving their head-strong ability to catch granite fireballs with their heads, so their ability to convert to digital catches instead of analog has to give one hope that Maged and Mustafa could make spectacular diving center and outfield catches too. In the history of baseball, there has been only one major league player from the Middle East, pitcher Craig Stansberry, born in Saudia Arabia; and near Middle East but with a lot of rocks, Afghanistan, where pitcher Jeff Bronkey, retired, was born. Neither were true Mid East Region natives, so it’s obvious that a lot of native throwing talent has been over-looked. MLB scouts, get thee to the Middle East. Get thee to Egypt. 

Chicago’s Big Blizzardo

State Street in Chicago

Yup, just as predicted by Praajek, Chicago was nearly destroyed by a once-in-a-epoch snow storm that completely buried the city, covering landmarks such as the Willis (formerly Sears Tower) Tower and the John Hancock building. Here are a few of the photos I was able to capture as great risk to my life and various limbs, organs and personal appurtenances.  Long known for it’s steely nonchalant attitude toward major snow storms, Chicagoans woke this morning and with shovels in hand began the digging-out that would send them dutifully on their way to their places of work, worship, food and drink. Destroyed but not down. That’s Chicago.

Downtown Chicago  
Lake Shore Drive

Oprah’s Half Sister…You’ve Only Seen the Half of It

Oprah Warily Greets Half of Her Sister

Following her latest world-shocking revelation that she has a … gasp… “Half Sister” … Oprah Winfrey has revealed to Praajek that she will soon reveal.. in a capital R … an even greater shocking Revelation…maybe the most amazing, shocking and unbelievable Revelation of All Times! If you thought a “half-sister” was shocking, brace yourself readers for what could be a revelation of such cataclysmic proportions that it could literally and figuratively vibrate, seize and even crack the foundations of humanity itself.  Stay tuned..for Oprah has given Praajek permission to Reveal this Revelation to the world, whispering to me that its enormity was even too huge for her to get her head around, let alone make the Revelation herself. Check back here…..SOON !!!


The President  made us wait until the very end, second to the last sentence, to tell us what the State of the Union is, (a traditional early line in most SOTU speeches…eg. “I’m here to tell you tonight that the State of our Union sucks.”) He finally ended our suspense with these words: “And tonight, more than two centuries later, it’s because of our people that our future is hopeful, our journey goes forward, and the state of our union is strong.” Whew. I thought he’d never get to it. 
Although a generally tepid speech, he did get a few things right…and a few things not so. On the positive side he spoke directly into the camera, unlike Michelle “CrazyEyes” Bachman who addressed the wrong camera in her strange CNN-telemezerized rant. Most Americans under 30 have no idea of what “Sputnik” is, let alone his lofty goal for a “Sputnik Moment.”  It’s a shame, but most Americans of any age probably don’t know what “sputnik” means. And these are the people Obama is promising a job with Google or Facebook? (Just waiting for a few Birthers and Teabaggers to say this proves that Obama is a Commie…wants Amerika to have one of them Rooskie Sputnik “comma-nustt” moments…see, I told ya so!)  There were no soaring, poetic lines in Mr. Obama’s speech; no “Ask Not What…” Kennedyesque memorable lines; no calls for great sacrifice..well, he did ask Big Oil to pay more taxes. (I’m asking Congress to eliminate the billions in taxpayer dollars we currently give to oil companies) No call to curb handgun violence…he still fears the National Rifle Association; he dissed sports and the career of public relations….(We need to teach our kids that it’s not just the winner of the Super Bowl who deserves to be celebrated, but the winner of the science fair. We need to teach them that success is not a function of fame or PR, but of hard work and discipline.)  Hey, celebs and their PR agents work hard, too! 
Repoonbs always criticize Obama for not promoting American Exceptionalism. He certainly played the Exceptionalism card last night. Comment: Why can’t we just be a great country instead of being The Greatest? 
Overall, not a memorable speech, but one with workman-like, middle of the road, vanilla missionary positions on most issues. As a member of the Professional Left it was disappointing.

2010: Foreclosed but Not Forgotten

2010: Foreclosed but Not Forgotten

Two thousand ten
Now a has-been
One to remember
One to recall It
Let's re-wind'er
A reminder
Of what went down
The rabbit hole.

The world came together
When the earth fell apart
Opened eyes
And rendered hearts
Real tears fell
For Lil' Haiti's Hell
Not like the Grim Weeper
John Boehner
The dim reaper
Of political gain
But for reasons much saner
Real human pain
That quake that hit her
Gave a purpose to Twitter.

The British finally revenged
All their tea
We once boiled in our sea
Their oiled gusher engulfed us
Tophat or topkill maybe sealed the deal
For a billion gallons of drill baby drill. While Obama fluctuated
On and off
Shore solutions to toil
In the oil fields of
Pollution's woes
Roiled the watery graves
Of eleven men
Down below.
So BP Tony went on the attack
By crying out loud
“I'd like my life back.”

Scary times full of fear
Villains and heros
Distract us from Bedbugs and
Prayer rugs near ground zero.
Down for a single count went Blago Not a hair out place upon his noggo. Christine O'Donnell's not so witchy Jail-baited Lindsay's becoming kitschy. Pope says you might enter the kingdom
Even if You don a condom.

We showed our maturity
At airport security
TSA in a funk
Bro, don't touch my junk
Don't taser my razor
Or laser my blazer
Like a wall street bonus
The onus is on you to prove
If you're too big to fail
Maybe u need corporate Sildenafil
Just ask your banker he won't tell.

Hacktavist wacktavist
Wiki whacks and hackey sacks
Miley Salvia-ating on a bong
Bristol dancing that was wrong
NPR tried raising millions
Backfired firing old Juan Williams
Once Groupon a time
Google eschewed evil as a crime
Bret Farve texting, what a croc Toyotas ran but now can't stop
We're sticker-shocked by a Chevy Volt Four Loko liquor rocked revolt.

Who won the World Cup in a sport called Soccer?
Best movie a Hurt Locker?
Another sport for White Men manly Needed an oversized cup called Stanley.
And a porn star's promise to play the vuvuzelas
Of her 23,000 twitterers if her team didn't loozala.
And with the Cup within reach
Like Lebron, took her talents to South Beach
Rather than heed the Octopus named Paul
Who predicted the land of nether would fall
Again like LeBron left fans in pain When her lovely Netherlands lost to Spain

Zombies and Vampires
Birthers flat-earthers
We're all stuck in Middle East quagmires
Heat-packing teabaggers steeping in ire
Talking taxes and bailouts and death panel
Scares Constitutional fundamentalist purity
Strap-on guns their rights to bear
But dangit don't touch my Social Security
Mortgage deduction or my Medicare. Deficits and the economy deep in a ditch
But teabaggers silent on tax cuts for the rich.

Good news bad news
Political whiners
The good-old-days piners
We're on the wrong track
Want to take our country back
Rescue it like Chilean miners
Return it to its glory
An eightieth century bad romance story.
But we got GaGa we got Glee
Justin Beiber, little dweeber
Math or science not in fashion
Laundry tan and gym
With Kim Kardashian
Devolution's a dead end Situation
But it's no flukie
For a girl named Snookie.

Foreclosures Posers
Political Hosers
Entered & exited stage left and right They took their turns
Bowed and texted c u lata
Our only hero in two o ten
Jetblew his job Steven Slater.
But in two 0 eleven
I'll dream a fantasy farce
That Lisbeth Salander kicks
Sarah Palin's grizzlied arse.

Two thousand ten
Now a has-been
One to remember
One to recall It
Let's re-wind'er
A reminder
Of what went down
The rabbit hole.

Happy New Year to all .. 2010

Sent from my iPhone

Merry Xmas, Mr. Bigbucks

The warm glow of the holiday season permeates this week, one in which we saw President Obama live up to the true Xmas spirit of  “It’s better to give than receive.” In announcing his “compromise” with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, agreeing to give big New Year Bonuses to the nation’s wealthiest, our President certainly gave a lot more than he received. MillyBillyaires get two years of big tax cuts worth at least $40,000 a year (average is nearly $70,000) while the newly unemployed are available for up to 13 months of benefits worth about $300 a week. Such a deal!  The tax cuts for the rich will require the U.S. to borrow from China and Saudi Arabia up to a trillion dollars. Take that, Mr. Deficit !  President Obama says this is not a “short game” but  a “long game” explaining his strategy to accept small incremental gains (e.g. health care reform) in pursuit of longer-ranged goals. What he doesn’t seem to realize or to acknowledge is that the “game” did not kick off the day he was inaugurated two years ago. The Repoobs kicked off this game more than 30 years ago, pushing forward their return-to-the-Confederacy, take America Back (to the 18th century) game plan that now gives them red zone field position near the Democrat’s goal line. (sorry for the stupid sports metaphors, but Obama started it). Given the situation, with Repoobs ready to take over the House and dominate the Senate with their minority, Obama sees his capitulation as they pragmatic way out. Always pragmatism. Never standing firm, drawing the line and defending it, fighting for it. Maybe it’s time to discuss 2012 options.

Obama Chia Cojones

Remember the Chia Obama from a few years back. Back when our President wasn’t President, when he spoke boldly of Hope, Change…you are the change, he said. Guess we didn’t listen close enough. He clearly did mean, you are the change. Not him. Because not much has changed, especially when it comes to who is running the Big Show. Repoobs, fresh from their Midterm application of shellac are bolder than ever. Following this week’s mini-summit at the White House, Repoob leaders Boehner and McConnell emerged with with their pretend faces grim as they lip-synched their Obama-facetime as “a nice meeting.” Obama himself, strode jauntily to the podium and announced a new era of compromise and cooperation. Looking thinner than ever, he had the look of a man who had just been pick-pocketed, realizing the futility of chasing the robbers sucks it up and says, oh well, I didn’t really need my wrist watch, wallet and car keys anyway. And besides, those muggers looked hungry.

True to form, the rustlers showed up the next day flaunting their booty and demanding even more. Nothing will get done until our millionaires get their average $80.000 a year tax break, said McConnell. Nothing. If that’s Obama’s definition of Compromise and Cooperation then I have a new holiday gift to add to your list: Obama Chia Cojones. Just sprinkle with a little spinal fluid and they grow fig leafs to cover their minuscularity.

Royal Wedding Dress..Finalists Revealed

Prince Philip’s Favo?

Of course this is not a fashion blog, but there are times when a subject is so overwhelmingly relevant to national and world-wide interests, and indeed humankind in general that it simply must be addressed front-up and face-on and rightly shared with all. In this case, the relevant and worthy subject is of course which wedding dress will the future Royal Princess Kate Middleton choose for her recently announced nuptials to Charming Prince William. The yet-unannounced venue, revealed here by Praajek in a recent post, is rumored to be the romantic Chapel of Love in Las Vegas, Nevada Fourth of July weekend next summer. Now, Praajek has learned that the Royal couple have winnowed the choice of a wedding dress that will wrap her willowy frame to the FINAL FOUR. Shown here for the first time, this bombshell-breaking story is huge even for a Praajek exclusive. These secret photos were obtained thru unofficial diplomatic channels via Scotland Yard and American Homeland Security personnel. You may vote for your favorite dress although it is rumored that the Queen Herself has already weighed-in and expressed her decision. Click on photos to enlarge.

Queen’s favo?
Kate Favo?
Prince’s Favo?

Obama Thanks Republicans for Dissing Him

Calling the recent Republican rejection of his invitation to have dinner with him at the White House this week a pleasant surprise, President Obama promised to re-invite the Rude Repoobs as soon as possible. “This time I’ll be a bit more solicitous…and perhaps not so presumptive that an invitation from the President of the United States would be met with friendly acceptance and appreciation. My bad,” the President said. Republican leaders John Boehner and Mitch McConnell reportedly felt that the dinner menu, which included cheese burgers, American fries/onion rings and Slurpees was too elitist. “Typical Democrat about something for the Common Man, and what the heck’s wrong with a little Merlot, huh?” said Boehner. 

The Republican Leadership did agree to meet with the White House Chief of Janitorial Services (COJ) to discuss efforts to reduce spending on cleaning services in the President’s personal residence rooms of the White House. 

“Does the so-called “First” Family really need their sheets changed every week?” asked McConnell at a weekly press gaggle in the Oval Office, which the President makes available to the Repubicans for business duties on an as-needed bi-partisan basis. 

Flicking his cigarette ash on the President’s new Oval Office carpet, Boehner reiterated “American taxpayers need to know that their hard-earned money is not going down the drain to pay for extra SoftScrub and Sani-Flush for all those bathrooms in the  White House. We’re drawing a line in the dust on this issue,” he said.

In response, President Obama said if the Republicans approved he would discuss personal White House sanitary and cleaning cost escalations with the COJ toward an effort to reduce expenses and please the Republican leaders.

The President also apologized to the Republicans for his recent “uppity” behavior and promised to act in a more bi-partisan manner in order to heed to the wishes of the American electorate who elected him President in 2008. 

Boehner responded by urging the President to order some Pentagon-grade ash trays for their Oval Office.

Royal Vegas Wedding

This just in: Praajek has just received confirmation from an unnamed and often-reliable source that British Prince William Windsor will marry his recently fiancéed girlfriend Kate Middleton in an elaborate ceremony at the Chapel of Love storefront chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada on July 4th next summer. Sources also report that one of the top Vegas Elvis impersonators will preside over the ceremony. Praajek will share additional details on this exciting development as they develop. Praajek also has received an advance draft of the Royal Wedding Invitation which is displayed here.

If you are looking for a real Elvis Wedding then check out Vegas Weddings at:

 Click on image to enlarge.

image courtesy of Vegas Weddings

Chambre of Kommerce…Where’s the Love?

                                                      Reuters photo by Jason Reed

Are these Indian businessmen members of the International Chamber of Commerce (ICC)? Probably not gauging from the expressions of awe, wonderment and pure joy on their faces while greeting President Obama during a speech on his recent India trip. Obama must wonder why expressions on U.S. businessmen might not be similar. Especially after he bailed out Wall Street and Big Banking, essentially keeping their supersized padded wallets protruding from their bailed-out flannel suit pockets. Why can’t Obama ask the old Mae West-like question, “Is that a fat wallet in your pocket or are you glad to see me? ” 

Of Tea Bags and Slurpees…

Fun time returns. Yes, it’s boring when the enemy is vanquished. Power breeds less discontent than apathy. It’s been painfully dull the past two years of Obama-Democratic lethargy and timidness; their masochistic need to be bullied by the No-nothing Do-nothing Repoobs. How many times can we implore Obama to “stand-up and fight?” Just when you think he’s about to channel his inner Harry Truman he slinks away, tail between legs muttering his Oomm-like reach-across-the-aisle mantra “com…pro…mise….com…pro…mise… The man will never change. In a recent New York Times interview, Northwestern University prof and historian Gary Wills notes that Obama, coming from both Black and White cultures has had to accommodate and compromise all his life to survive. It’s ingrained in his personality DNA. He’s not a fighter and never will be. I knew we were in trouble when shortly after becoming President he abandoned basketball and took up golf, the ultimate non-confrontational, self-competing (and defeating) hobby-sport ever devised by man. A gentleman’s game, hands are clean, no sweating just fretting. Hit the little ball in the little hole. How sweet. 

So, here we are. Two years later. Yes, a watered-down health care law (hey, better than nothing), some weak Wall Street banking financial reform (hey, better than nothing), a weak stimulus (hey, better than nothing) that actually saved and created a lot of jobs and reduced taxes although Obama decided in his own inimitable low-key good-government manner not to  spend anything telling people about it. When Bush/Rove cut taxes they sent everyone a letter saying a check was on the way…and then followed-up with a real check in the mail. Wow, look what President Bush did for me. Maybe President Obama’s new campaign motto should be “Better than Nothing.” Because that’s what we face for the next two years from Brutha Boehner and Blob Fish Mitch McConnell. 

But hey…it’s fun time again. Now we have some real visible foils to have fun with. Besides Boehner and Blobby, there’s Minnesota’s Michele “Hypno-Eyes” Bachman, Tennessee’s Rand “Aqua Buddha” Paul, South Carolina’s Jim “No Boyfriend Sex 4 Single Female Teachers” DeMint; and the Mama Grizzlie herself  “UBetcha Winky-wink.  Missed sorely will be Alaska’s  Joe “We Hardly Knew Ye” Miller, Delaware’s Christine “Not A Witch” O’Donnell and Nevada’s Sharron “Don’t Vote U Hispanics Besides U Look Asian 2 Me” Angle. Strange brew, those Tea Baggers. 

Time to get back to the fun stuff.

Brutha Boehner.. Possible First Black Speaker of House

First the Repooblicans hire an African-American, Michael Steele to head their campaign operations. Obama’s Black and he’s President… We gotta get a Black guy too! Now, although it curdles their dark ossified pale white hearts, Repoobs could be on the threshold of thrusting African American Congressman John Boehner into the Speaker’s seat should they take over the House with big November victories. Could this help expand their base by attracting several Black American voters? Anything is possible.

Islamic Mosque Problem Solved!

The distance (according to Google Maps) from WTC site to 45 Park Place is .2 miles or 1,056 feet.  This is obviously too close, violating the well-know American Christian building code that requires the construction of any new mosque to be at least 1,060 feet from any American site destroyed by terrorists. Four feet. Move it away another four feet and there’s no problem. Why can’t people just look up the building codes? That’s why we have them. Besides obvious building codes, one needs to only refer to the Holy Bible for an answer to whether or not build the mosque. Isaiah 65 says: 
Don’t come too close or you will defile me! I am holier than you!’ These people are a stench in my nostrils, an acrid smell that never goes away….” and in 2 Chronicles 6, …”nevertheless thou shalt not build the temple…” So there! Simple answers to a simple problem. 

Praajek is Baaack….

Praajek has been on sabbatical for the past few months…every day a Sun Day on my way to the mountain top to commune with Guru Baksheeshiidashmi and contemplate the WOWs…Wonders of Wonders, Worlds of Worlds, Whys of Whys, Wilds of Wilds and Weeds of Wisdom. The sojourn was the gestation for the destination, the quest for zest. Guru Baksheeshiidashmi blessed me with bouquets of visions, new insights and a choreography of celestial cognizance. I took copious notes during my time-less sessions with the Guru; Come with Praajek as he occasionally shares this Wisdom with you.
Guru Baksheeshiidashmi


Who's advising this President? Or why can't this President think for
himself and propose something creative, strong, futuristic? Inspire
the nation. We will go to the moon. We will become energy independent
and lead the world in solving global climate change. We will build the
best hybrid cars, starting tomorrow… build a nation high- speed rail
system, create a national youth corps to help clean-up the Gulf. We
will jump-start and fast-track solar and wind energy projects in every
community. We will divert half of the Pentagon's military budget to
pay for this. We will nationalize energy companies. Something… Do
something bold, Mr. President. No. Instead he implores us to pray. Damn.

Sir Topham Hatt to the Rescue

At last British Petroleum (BP) has the solution to stop their offshore gusher in the Gulf of Mexico. BP announced today that they would deploy the last-resort “Top Hat” solution and  employ the services of the “Fat Controller,” Sir Topham Hatt, of Thomas the Tank railways. “Sir Topham was lowered to the sea bed floor last night and is presently… in the immediate area of the leak and the plan is to have him positioned over the leak and functioning by the end of the week,” British Petroleum representative Bryan Ferguson said. This is not the first time Sir Hatt has been called into action. A talented engineer, in 1914, Topham Hatt was called upon for his engineering skill to construct a bridge to link Sodor with the Mainland, as well as a number of branch lines and improvements to locomotive facilities. He was then made a Director of the railway. “Now it’s an oil leak, say  BP officials. As soon as Sir Topham tops-off this leak, he’ll return to the Isle of Sodor to continue directing Thomas the Tank car and his friends on the Thomas the Tank children’s show. “

It’s Back to Bomb-Making School

The FBI says this bomb was one of the most sophisticated devices they have ever seen. “We got lucky on this one, ” said the anonymous FBI official. “Let’s hope we never see another one like this.” 

I wish I’d read and heard something like the above in media reports this week instead of the the truth, which apparently was that this bomb sucked,  an amateurish attempt using the wrong kind of fertilizer and a simplistic made-to-fail recipe cobbled together from various bomb-making procedures from various web sites. 

Yeah, I know we live in a free-speech society with open access free and unconstrained media, but not sure I feel,  at a gut-level,  so great when I hear on every media outlet that the terrorist who made the Times Square car bomb was an idiot. Whoops, say the terrorists, we’ll never build another one like’s time for re-medial bomb-making courses for all our terrorists. Instead, if they’re going to build more bombs, let them build this kind. The kind that don’t explode. 

Ubetchyas…obvious mutterings

Ubetchya the The Obama administration's desire to bring alleged Sept.
11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to New York to face charges in a
civilian federal court will not happen as a result of the recent
failed car bombing of Times Square.

Ubetcha the Obama administration's desire to allow more off-shore oil
drilling is dead in the oily waters off the Gulf Shore.

Ubetcha the Repoob's oily attempts to describe the Gulf Shore oil
spill as Obama's Katrina moment , although slick, will gather about as
much traction as a gerbil in an oil can.

Ubetcha the Vatican term “de-frock” for kicking out a pedo priest
seems a bit unseemly…maybe they should say “de-pants.”


Must we aknowledge and celebrate everytime another celebrity joins

I'm beginning to feel sorry for Tiger Woods.

Tiger seems desperate. The Nike dad commercial is embarrassing to watch.

Of course great sports stars are not always great people. Tiger's like
Big Bill Tilden, one of the greatest tennis players. Off court and in
his private life Tilden had a predilection for teen boys. Except Big
Bill's public “exposure” came only after his career was over. Also,
Big Bill played a sport, unlike golf, that required real athleticism.
Tiger's athletic skills were obviously required and utilized off the

Sent from mi mePhone

Republican Politico-Porn Stars

Sarah “The Quitty” Palin campaigned today with Michele “The Pink Elephant” Bachmann in Minnesota. Ten thousand white middle and older-aged people, mostly dowdy white women and tea-baggers attended, swooned, screamed and squirmed in ecstasy. 

Why is it we must always mention, when we mention Palin, that she is attractive? For a middle-aged lady, that is.  So is Bachman…actually better-looking than Palin. Maybe it’s because there is such a paucity of attractive women in the Republican Party. Washington (politics) has been called Hollywood for ugly people and Palin and Bachmann defy that stereotype. Both crazy ladies look like aging porn stars, Palin in her black leather (actually black velvet today), Michele in her anti-gay yellow plastic jacket. Like the political porn stars they are, both used language oozing with double entendre, dripping with politico-sexual red-meat come-ons. They were great double-teaming their audience, who were used to watching rather than joining the fun. 

“Someone better tell Washington that that pink elephant is on the move, and 2010 is shaping up to be the year that conservative women get together and help take back this country,” Palin said. “And Michele is leading the stampede!”’s Minnesota rally for Michele Bachmann.

“So if in fact there is a nation who is compliant with all the rules ahead of time…if they fire against the United States, a biological weapon, a chemical weapon, or maybe a cyber attack, then we aren’t going to be firing back with nuclear weapons,” said Bachmann. Today’s Minnesota campaign rally.

Some other great Michele Bachmann quotes from the past:
“Don’t Palinize Me!”
“Not all cultures are equal.”
“We’re running out of rich people in this country.”
“”I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”
“Little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal and natural and perhaps they should try it.”
“Literally, if we took away the minimum wage—if conceivably it was gone—we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.” —Michele Bachmann, 1/26/05, Jobs, Energy and Community Development Committee, testifying against SF 3, a bill to raise the MN minimum wage and advocating the elimination of the minimum wage altogether.

“No one that I know disagrees with natural selection — that you can take various breeds of dogs … breed them, you get different kinds of dogs,” she said. “It’s just a fact of life. … Where there’s controversy is (at the question) ‘Where do we say that a cell became a blade of grass, which became a starfish, which became a cat, which became a donkey, which became a human being?’ There’s a real lack of evidence from change from actual species to a different type of species. That’s where it’s difficult to prove.” – Michele Bachmann quoted in the Stillwater Gazette, September 29, 2003.

Republican Health Care Reform Poison

Watching Repooblican House leader John “Cigarette Tan Man” Boehner at last night’s House vote on Health Care reform reminded me of a spoiled brat screaming at mommy in a grocery store for a bag of gummy bears. In this pitiful little temper trantrum of coughed-up “hell-no’s” one could almost see dusty particulate clouds of ancient nicotine dust emitted from Boehner’s frothing, quavering cigarette-craving lips. He’ll need extra time in the tanning bed today after having busted half of his facial capalliaries during his curse-laden rant. So much for Repoobs honoring the dignity of the House of Representatives. One of Boehner’s pre-rant exhortations was for restoration of House “comity” or mutual respect. He pronounced it “comedy.”

Bart Stupak finally grew a pair. I think. His crazy demands for an abortion-proof health care bill garnered him sought-after national notoriety and made him a hero of the anti-choice, protect-the-unborn-but-not-the-born crowd. Until he voted against his own resolution and was shouted down from the Repoobican side with a scream of  “baby-killer.” How’d that all work out for you, Bart?

So now President Obama has a victory. After sitting out most of his first year on the sidelines, he finally awoke in the nick of time to rescue his signature piece of legislation. Repoobs are set to continue attacking, calling it Obamacare or Pelosicare, whipping up more scary scenarios of doom, collapse of modern American society, destruction of American culture. With all their weeping and gnashing of teeth, the best the Teabaggers can do seems to be literally spitting on congressional democrats. If the behavior of the repoobs and the sickening antics of the anti-government Medicare/Social Security recipient Teabaggers is any indication, maybe this does foreshadow the end of days. Let’s hope all the poison has been spent and we can now go on to live up to the promise that America represents. Health care for everyone is just the beginning of that promise.

Blue Tape

Whew…baack…from the depths of paint cans, rollers and lines of sticky blue tape. Confession. I’m a serial painter. Of walls, wood work, ceilings. After a long session comes the swear to never…. paint… again. Never. Until the dawn of a new day when an evil voice in my head whispers, “gotta paint..gotta paint.” So I paint again. And while thus engaged what happened?

Tiger (really tired of this guy) fessed up…to himself and mom. True love only from a mom.

The Winter Olympics thankfully ended. Gonna miss those rifle shooting skiers, those broom sweeping shuffleboarders, those sweety pie crybaby guy ice dancers, those spandexed dudes flat-backed on tiny rosebud sleds, those personal stories of courage, hard work, lives dedicated to speeding round an ice rink all for the nationalistic glory and fame. Skier Lindsey Vonn is already shilling for alka seltzer cold. Guess she caught one.

The Massa had a massive brain failure. Tickled to near death.

Aw, naked Rahm?

Health Care deformed to the degree that it might actually pass…if Democrats don’t kill it.

What did the Pope know and when did he know it?

Are all those incidents of unintended accelerating cars really unintended? In our “Balloon Boy” culture of notoriety one cannot be but a bit skeptical.

The Hollow Man

Indiana’s milquetoast wussy Senator Evan Bayh is such a sensitive wan creature. With his Prufrockian crisply center-parted haircut, Senator Bayh sees life as a clean cut,  extra-starched spit-polished rigid rectitudinous walk on the safe side. The rigors and messy business of American legislating is just too messy for this soft hyper-sensitive official with the ninety pound weakling constitution. All this nasty “partisanship” is soooo offending. Goodness gracious. What must I do? he swoons.“Do I dare?…. “Do I dare?…Time to turn back and descend the stair, With a bald spot in the middle of my hair…Do I dare to eat a peach? measure out my life with coffee spoons… (my apologies, T.S. Eliot). Good riddance, Senator. The Democratic Party can do better.


Does anyone really ever refer to Sarah Palin as “the Governor” ..
except Fox News..?

Ok, let's don't call it ” global warming” anymore.. It's “climate
change.” Especially since Repoobs think crazy snow storms in
Washington D.C. are proof that the climate is not “warming.” Maybe
they need to watch Al Gore's “An Inconvenient Truth” again.. And
again…or wonder why Vancouver's Winter Olympics need to make snow.

Evolution is not a “theory”… It's not the theory of evolution.. It's
the LAW of evolution.

Life's a comedy for those who think;
A tragedy for those who feel.
…..Jean De La Bruyere

If u can't be a good example
At least be a horrible warning
…..Catherine Aird, author

New Orleans Gives Up…Decision to Just Party From Now On

With the excitement of the Super Bowl victory by the Saints over a team from Indiana, newly-elected New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu, with blessing from the city council and local business organizations, approved a measure that will put the city on a permanent path of partying and celebrating.

“All this effort to rebuild our beloved city is just crazy, you know,” said Mayor Landrieu. “What we do best here is Parteeee, not this work, clean-up, re-build sheet,” he said. “From now on, we’ll direct our energies toward serious, balls-2-the levees, down’n and real-dirty celebratin’ the crap out everything,” said the Mayor, following a late-night council session where members drunkenly whooped approval of the measure.

“With our Super Bowl victory and Mardi Gras just around the corner, we are ready to launch this great city as America’s Party,” said one member of New Orleans Chamber of Commerce.  “We’ve got the infrastructure for celebration, the civic mood for gettin’ down, restaurants to feed the fun seekers, and women who know how to party like there’s no tomorrow,” he said. “Let’s face it, this city will never really make it…we’ll never be an Indianapolis, Omaha or one of those other successful cities…so let’s capitalize on our positives…whoooeeeeeee….lets parteeee, dude!” he shouted. 

Tigre Woods on Salt Petre Regimen

Unreliable sources have confirmed rumors that Tiger Woods has graduated Cum Laude from sex-addiction school at the Institute of Sexual Rehabilitation in Hattisburg, Mississippi and will re-unite with his wife and family at a graduation party on Super Bowl Sunday. Same sources also confirm that Dr. Woods, who is now has a PhD in sex-addiction, will be required to consume daily doses of potassium nitrate, or Saltpetre in order to maintain his hard-earned degree. Woods is reportedly piloting a special new sub-dermal Salt Petre implant pump which disperses doses of the compound whenever he makes eye contact with a cocktail waitress. Woods’ wife, Elin, reportedly has also prepared a special Super Bowl chili seasoned generously with the sex-inhibiting compound. Commonly used in the production of fireworks and explosives, saltpetre is also a powerful sex drive retardant (woops, sorry for the R-word, Sarah…) and erection flaccididator. Woods’ wife also reportedly hopes that the combination of Salt Petre and Ambiem will help her newly educated hubby adjust to life at home, challenges in cocktail lounges, driveways and fairways with reduced slicing and hooking.

Lady Gaga Machine Guns Audience…. 134 Fans Killed, 200 Injured.

Startled yet ecstatic fans at last night’s Lady Gaga Monsters Ball concert reveled in the pop star’s ultimate pop performance after she wielded two Uzi submachine guns spraying them in lethal flesh-tearing, blood splattering gun fire. Authorities have identified at least 134 fans dead and more than 200 seriously injured.

The pop music sensation, famous for her performance art concerts aimed to de-construct “fame,” rewarded her gasping audience during the second screamed-induced encore when she reached  up inside a large basket-weave bidet atop her blond spray-starched (Niagara Professional Finish Original Spray Starch) hair styled in a nimbus of multiple pulsating phallic spikes surrounding the basket bidet, and yanked the two Uzi’s with professionally-practiced ease, aiming them at her enthralled fans.

“I was expecting the usual LED flashes of electricity and the fake machine-gun sounds,” said one happy fan. “But, wow, then she unloaded the real shit…my girlfriend’s head was blown away…I can still hear Lady Gaga screaming, “I’m a free bitch…I’m a free bitch.”….frigging awesome, man!”
In a post-concert interview, The Lady asked, “Did I look sexy…did I look very sexy?”

An Obama Mulligan

In golf it’s called a mulligan…a do-over.  President Obama needs to take a mulligan on his Presidency. Just one year later to the day, his presidency is in shambles. Most U.S. President’s have to wait until their second year, the mid-term elections, to get their “come-uppence.” With the election of right-wingnut Scott Brown to the U.S. Senate in the most liberal state in the country, Massachusetts, the President now stands naked, shorn of the glitter and hope that showered the country just one year ago. Maybe this is finally the change he can believe in. He’d better believe it. And start over. His legislative agenda has been shredded. Health care, his signature bill, is now illegible, the ink so smeared it will never be read again. Other initiatives like cap and trade…are capped and faded. What else has he done during his first year. A cute dog, a Nobel Prize. A surge of war in Afghanistan. Whew. Now is the time to admit, to submit, to sit down in the early morning light and make some hard admissions. In his State of the Union Message coming up soon, it’s time to ‘fess up, yo.” Number One: Roll some heads. Starting with Rahm Emanuel and Tim Geithner. Throw in Larry Summers. Bring in Howard Dean, a real Democrat to prod you in the cajones once in a while, remind you that reaching across the aisle will only get your hand bit off. That the Repooblicans’ scorched-earth strategy of opposing everything and anything, from Obama going to bed at night and waking in the morning,  is real and effective. Obama needs to man-up. First thing to do, besides rolling some heads, move the Senate to eliminate the supermajority rule. The Consitution only requires a simple majority, 51 votes. In this blog for months I’ve been telling Obama to take the gloves off. Since it now looks as if he never even put those gloves on in the first place, it’s time to put them on, throw a few punches and then take’em off. Bare knuckles. He knows how that feels. Repoobs have been bare-knuckle-bloodying him since Jan. 20 of last year.

How to Save Haiti…Let it be the 51st State

Concurrent with the sighs of desperation and grief over the devastation in Haiti are the inevitable questions of how will this seemingly god/man-forsaken little nation (not withstanding goofy TV preacher Pat Robinson who apparently is close enough to Satan to know the deals she makes with people) ever recover and become a land with more hope and less suffering.

One answer might be Statehood. Let’s help put Haiti on the path to become our 51st state.

Like Puerto Rico, Haiti could first become a U.S. Commonwealth and eventually be eligible for statehood.

Historically, Haiti has modern roots…since the Sixteen Hundreds, that mirror Puerto Rico. Both islands were invaded by the Spanish-led Columbus whose incursions enslaved, infected and decimated the indigenous Arawak Indians known as Taínos. Both islands imported African slaves as replacement chattel. Under U.S. administrative jurisdiction, Haiti could hasten its recovery while providing many cultural and economic benefits to the mainland U.S., just as Alaska and the Hawaiian Islands do. As U.S. citizens, just as Puerto Rican citizens do, Haitians could join our military…god knows we need all the recruits we can get to fight our myriad colonial nation-building wars in the Middle East. As U.S. citizens, just as Puerto Ricans do, Haitians would pay taxes income taxes, contribute to Social Security and thus become eligible for federal assistance programs such as food stamps, Medicaid and Medicare.

As we assist Haiti in overcoming this unimaginable tragedy, let’s work to give Haitians an option out of its history of exploitation, betrayal, occupation by foreign rulers, national despots and hopelessness. A national Haitian referendum on becoming a commonwealth of the U.S. and the possibility of statehood might be the answer to the question: how does Haiti ever survive and join the 21st century. 

Meanwhile, everyone can help with donations of money. Click here for Google’s site for Disaster Relief:

Also accepting cash and in-kind donations are the following sites: UNICEF (1-800-4UNICEF), Direct Relief, Yele Haiti, Partners in Health, Red Cross, World Food Program, Mercy Corps (1-888-256-1900), Save the Children, Lambi Fund, Doctors Without Borders, The International Rescue Committee, Care, William J. Clinton Foundation
The following organizations are accepting SMS donations in the US only:
    •    SMS text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts
    •    SMS text “YELE” to 501501 to Donate $5 to Yele Haiti’s Earthquake Relief efforts

Whew, Thank God Al Rokker is on the scene in Haiti!

In the wake of the devastating earthquake in Haiti, first responders seem to be TV news celebrity anchors and reporters. It’s good to know Anderson Cooper and fellow news stars are first on the scene, providing first hand accounts of the mass human suffering. Especially gratifying is the sight of NBC’s weather clown Al Roker,  (2008 host of Celebrity Family Feud !) reporting live wearing a red baseball cap and tan military-style shirt telling us that there is widespread chaos and devastation. Thanks, Al.

Meanwhile, everyone can help with donations of money. Click here for Google’s site for Disaster Relief:

Also accepting cash and in-kind donations are the following sites: UNICEF (1-800-4UNICEF), Direct Relief, Yele Haiti, Partners in Health, Red Cross, World Food Program, Mercy Corps (1-888-256-1900), Save the Children, Lambi Fund, Doctors Without Borders, The International Rescue Committee, Care

The following organizations are accepting SMS donations in the US only:

  • SMS text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts
  • SMS text “YELE” to 501501 to Donate $5 to Yele Haiti’s Earthquake Relief efforts

2009…What Were We Thinking?

2009 finally petered out. From a heady optimistic beginning in January with Barack Obama’s inauguration, the year inexorably slogged thru a cautious Spring, a slumbering Summer where Obama virtually slept while Big Pharma and Incredibly Hulking Insurance muscled the likes of Joe Liberman and his Repooblican Justsaynotoanythingobamadoes. By Autumn any chance of real health care reform was on life support with Hulk Insurance denying reform based on a pre-existing condition: retention of their obscene profits. The year drew to an inglorious end with Tiger Woods’ Holiday Parade of Cock Tail Mistresses, a flaccid health care placebo bill and national hysteria over a guy with a bomb in his boxers. And there, throughout the year, was old Dick Cheney, the troll under Sarah Palin’s Bridge To Nowhere, coughing up growly green phlegmballs at America.

Here’s my take on 2009…lyrics only…look to download the complete musical version soon here on this blog.

We took two aleeves
Instead of 80
Of them otha p’s
And asked our doctors… about a lota thangs
Whoa, how that Susan Boyle sang
Dreamin’ a dream
Of an american make-ova
And we didn’t miss Karl Rova
But cheered Obama’s i-naug
Dodged a bite in the HINI
spread by a Hawg.

While Bernie made off
With millionaires’ millions
Millions got bank notices
Nailed to their door
The answer is less not more
Gotta ration your American Dreamin’
For you No Ponzi schemin’
Just sleep with the kids
in your cars
Your lil’ piece of the American Pie
While bankers snore soundly
In their penthouses
Up in the sky
Instead of the Big House behind bars.

We clothed naked bankers with silk-sheeted TARPs
At least Angels welcomed Teddy with sweet singing harps.

Michelle in arms waged no wars
But Hubby kept picking
at MidEast sores
Surgin Bush-like
Purgin the taxpayers
Urging the naysayers to go take a hike
Like that Carolina Govna Luv-a
Don’t cry for Argentina’s poor lil’ dov-a.

Some cashed-in their clunkers
American flatulent
bigassed gassers
got wheels that rolled longer
drove those heavy Chevees
to the levees
Made the Yen even stronger.

Fast food
Filled the dishes
More loaves than fishes
For Mainstreeters
Couldn’t junk their clunks
Just drove their beaters
Mayday for their paydays
Pulled up the straps on their outawork boots
Wallets not fattened just their glutes
While Wall Streeters ate sushi
With big bonuses too cushy.

Tea-bagged Sarah
We sent her a link
With a wink
To the Urban Dictionary
And fact checked her book
Written by the fiction fairy
Gave it the hook
Before it appeared on a Nook
Or a Kindle
Worse than a speech by Bobby Jindal.

Tiger’s wood got him in trouble
His rep’s in rubble
Balloon boy burst
on TV he hurled
Levi Johnston got play-girrled
Nobel Obama bombed
The moon
Droned on the Taliban
Too risky to grow-a-pair 
And push for sixty
Reformed torture not health care
We sang gimme the publik option
Wanna choose my own
Gimme the publik option
Don’t want Big Phama’s lil’ Bone.

Bin Laden and Cheney
still on the loose
Sully’s plane got goosed
Lady GaGa gagged
On Flush Phlegmball’s ranting
Repooblicans still Can’ting.
Michael Phelps got Bonged
You-Lie Joe got gonged.
Joe the Bummer just got dummer
Leiberman’s revenge for being wronged
Tim Geithner Depressing
Carrie PreJean still undressing.

Birthers and Bailouts
Terrorists and Trysts
Cheney’s cursing Barack’s limp wrists
Dreaming of I-told-u-so xmas attack
trollin under Sarah’s Bridge to Nowhere
In 2010 says “I’ll be Back.”


With Obama Administration’s approval to house terrorist suspects now held in Guantánamo Bay in a rural Illinois prison, the right-wingnut weeping and wailing, muxing and bruxing is keeping them hooked on Ambien. What if the terrorist suspects escape and infiltrate or take over the bucolic village of Thompson, IL where the now-empty hi-security prison stands? What if terrorist buddies move to Thompson to be closer to their incarcerated buddies? Will the terrorist suspects be granted conjugal rights…with a local girl or boy they fall in love with during a Christian-like compassion visit and then get married? Will they be allowed to Twitter? Damn, so many things could go wrong that could lead to decreased American security. One major safeguard the residents of Thompson could employ would be to remove all monkey bars from public playgrounds and backyards. As we all know, there is nothing a terrorist suspect would like better than to escape and head to the closest set of monkey bars in order to get back in shape for further terrorist acts. Monkey bars… Get rid of ’em.

Susan Boyle Admits to Affair with Tigre

In another unconfirmed shocking and revealing rumor it is rumouredly reported that British singing sensation Susan Boyle has possibly admitted to a torrid one-night stand with golfer billionaire Tigre Woods. “I always called him “Tigre,” the Britain’s Got Talent star contestant reportedly says. “It just sounds so much classier than just that plain old beasty, pouncing name.” According to various unconfirmed reports, Ms. Boyle says that while astride him during their alledged one-nighter, he demanded she sing a full-throated “I Dreamed a Dream.” “Of course I obliged him,” she reportedly said.

War Strateegery

Although former President Bush couldn’t pronounce “strategy” one certainly cannot accuse the Obama Administrtion of not having a “strategy,” even if they pronounce it “stratastrophe.” Recently released is a powerpoint presentation with 31 slides outlining in maniacal detail its “Dynamic Planning for COIN (Counterinsurgency) in Afghanistan.” Here are a few of the slides…which should give one total faith in Obama’s new war adventure: This unclassified document from the Office of the Joint Chiefs of Staff shows the U.S. military’s plan for “Afghanistan Stability/COIN Dynamics – Security.”
Double click on images to enlarge.

 click here for the entire Obama slide presentation…”strateegery.”
The full presentation that includes the Spirograph strategy map (pdf)

U.S. Declares War on Afghanistan

President Barack Obama tonight announced to his citizens that America has declared war on a desolate, arid and mountainous nation called Afghanistan. The President said he will deploy 30,000 additional American soldiers to join 70,000 already there from a previous war. The purpose of the war is to defeat a handful* of enemy Afghanistan tribal warriors who fight under the nom de guerre of Taliban, which in the Afghani language Pashto means “students.”  This band of “insurgents” was supposedly eliminated during the previous and still on-going special U.S. war, referred to as “Operation Enduring Freedom.” Apparently, the Freedom did not Endure, as the band of Taliban had since regrouped. Since the first US-Afghan war began in 2001, more than $228 billion American taxpayer dollars have been spent.  The additional troops are needed because, as previous foreign aggressors, e.g. the former Soviet Union, have discovered, it takes about 100 modern war-equipped soldiers to fight, and maybe not even defeat, a single Afghani nationalist.

*Western military analysts say it is difficult to gauge the number of Taliban fighters under arms in Afghanistan. In October 2007, the New York Times reported the group might field as many as ten thousand fighters, but a much smaller fraction–less than three thousand–are full-time insurgents. Those numbers inched up in June 2008, when coordinated suicide bombings freed roughly four hundred Taliban fighters from a prison in Kandahar. Analysts also note that the Taliban and its core of fighters have become increasingly fragmented, and are driven to battle for a variety of competing reasons.

Click here to see how much US middle east wars are costing us:
and here:

On The Eve of War

America, although it probably doesn't know it nor really cares, is on
the eve of war tonight. Tomorrow, if all goes as predicted, President
Obama, who came to power as the candidate who would end the Iraqi war,
now is ready to engage and thrust America fully into a war against
Afghanistan. So much for “change we can believe in.”

Steal this Book

Best anagrams for that book with Palin’s picture on the cover, called “Going Rogue.” …

  • Gouge Groin
  • Ego Rouging

I went to a christian bookstore and stole the book about Palin. Refused to buy it. Encourage all to steal it. And steal it from a christian bookstore. Or better yet, Walmart.

This is the End?

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes…again

…”The End”…The Doors

Do we live in an apocalyptic time? In America crazy gun-wielding, Nazi-sign waving tea-baggers, a Muslim Army shrink seeking virgins in heaven, hostage-takers, school-shooting loners, child kidnapers and serial killers headline the news. Violence rules. And the #1 rule is guns. Without them where would we be? Pry away those guns from the dead cold fingers around the triggers of the American maelstrom. Don’t pry for me, America. Pry away, pry away.

November brings two movie releases about these apocalyptic times. One, about The End; the Apocalypse to end all Apocalypses, or as German director Roland Emmerich says so cliche-ly, “the mother of all apocalypses.”  The movie, “2012” gets its raison d’être from the now popular myth of a Maya prediction that the end of the world will be in 2012. Mostly special CGI effects with John Cusak outrunning an exploding apocalyptic fireball as he leaps to escape into a half-flying jet…whew, damn Apocalpyse almost burned my ass, he almost says.

The other doomsday November flick….gloomy November the month of doom…is based on Cormac McCarthy’s elegiac and terrifying novel, “The Road.” A father (Vigo Mortensen) trudges thru a post-atomic bombed-out world (filmed mostly in Pittsburgh) with his son, on a quest for….nothing really…just survival, although he tells his son they travel to keep the fire (of humanity) alive. Along the way they encounter the usual detritus of Armageddon: burnt homes, bodies, an unopened Coca Cola (great product placement…but should have had them running across a homeless, old football roadster,  Mean Joe Greene, former Pittsburgh Steelers defensive tackle, who reprises the famous 1981 TV commercial by giving the boy his Coke…).

Anyway, of the two movies, I’d go down “The Road.” At least it’s a story, albeit depressing, that has some special meaning, instead of just special effects.

Man-up Mr. President

What a difference a year makes….last year at this time America (about 60%) was celebrating the victory of Barack Obama’s election as President of the U.S., unarguably the most powerful job on earth. Except because of the way Obama has embraced his job, it doesn’t seem all that powerful anymore. With a 9 million vote plurality, Mr. Obama has squandered his mandate of just-say-hope in exchange for worthless across-the-aisle gestures to just-say-nope Repoobs. In the name of bi-partisanship, his audacious quest for “change you can believe in” has taken the path of least resistance, instead of Robert Frost’s “road less traveled.” Instead of “yes we can,” Mr. Obama limps slowly, body language gasping “guess we can’t.” Instead of bold he seems bought and sold. Instead of hoops, he now golfs. At least he still gives good speech. A year later is all lost? We like to think not. Here are some things Obama can do from this day on to reclaim his lost  mojo.

Man up 1. There will never be honest hands across the aisle. Quit reaching out…there’s only a palm buzzer in those repoob hands you longingly seek to grasp.

Man up 2. Take it to them. Enough defense. As in tennis, (enough football metaphors) always move forward…don’t stand still and get caught in “no man’s land.”

Man up 3. Fire Rahm. Yes, can Emmanuel. He hasn’t served you well. Hire Howard. As in Howard Dean. Rahm Emmanuel is too caught up in his own self-importance…his tough guy visage in his morning mirror satisfies him. And no one else the rest of the day.

Man up 4. Fire Tim Geither. He may be competent but this guy is the face of arrogance and condescension.

Man up 5. Have the testicular fortitude to tell General McChrystal no. No more American troops for an undeclared war on a stone-age land of people so battle-scarred and hardened by invasions from foreigners that they know life only as war. What do we gain in exchange for the blood of our nation’s youth?

Robert Frost wrote it:
“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

In Fierce Battle Afganraki Forces Subdue Texan Militants

KANSAS CITY, MO — Afganraki liberators captured fifty-two Texan insurgents today in a wide sweep of the Dallas-Ft. Worth suburbs where the American militants recently re-established control of an industrial warehouse district.

A spokesman for the Afganraki Command here said that operations were underway throughout the Dallas area to root out insurgents.

Operation American Islamic Freedom, now in its seventh year, has seen Afganraki liberation forces secure most of the Eastern, Southern and Western coastal areas of the U.S. with fierce battles continuing in the rugged heartland Midwest and Southwest regions.

Meanwhile, Afganraki President Mullah Karzimaliki is weighing options as a result of increasing pressure from his Radical Party leaders to commit up to 80,000 additional liberation forces in his nation’s seven year effort to establish Islamic control over the democratic American nation.

Amidst charges of fraud and irregularities in the recent re-election of U.S. President Rush Limbaugh, the Karzimaliki government is pressuring the Limbaugh Administration, which it installed following the initial invasion of America, to agree to a run-off election with New York challenger Rudy Guiliani, leader of now-pacified U.S. Republicans.

With more than 500,000 Afganraki soldiers and various international forces from the Coalition of Islamic Freedom Fighters now in the U.S., Middle Eastern diplomats in the Kansas City Capital continue to express confidence that the long and costly war effort to bring Islamic rule to the volatile North American region will succeed within the next decade.

More e-bookings

Guest non-blogga HaafTime’s comments on my previous post re: e-books deserve to be raised to eye level…here he says:

I see some other problems with the e-book.
(1) In a down economy, bookmark production and sales will be drastically reduced.
(2) I see difficulties with teaching our daughters how to walk with socially accepted posture with an e-book balanced on their head. Perhaps with a leveling app!!
(3)I don’t want to ever see a stack of e-books karate chopped.
(4) It would be impossible to be assumed intelligent on the subway or in the park reading an e-book instead of a paperback. One might just assume you are playing a video game.
(5) It would be way too expensive to burn Sarah Palin and Glen Beck e-books
(6) You could never again use the phrase,”makin a scene with a magazine”
(7) Last but not least, and I have a little experience with this one, criminals will no longer be allowed to have the book thrown at them! I’ll put that one on the plus side.


Barnes & Noble showed off their new e-book reader, the “Nook” yesterday. If you download books with sexual content then you can call your little electronic word displayer a “Nookie.” Sure beats a Kindle in your pocket.

Big problem with e-book readers (why do they call them “readers?” when the device only displays have to provide the “reading.” Must hearken back -redundancy- to McGuffey’s Readers?) is that you can only own the book in e-format…you cannot lend it to another, you can’t use it to line your bookshelves, needs electricity, hard to read in sunlight, if you lose it you lose your whole costly library, nothing tactile…maybe e-books should emit tiny electric vibrations, just to let the reader (you) know you are holding a book…also include a “sound” feature that emulates the sound of a page turning…The new Nook does let you “lend” out a single-only downloaded book for 14 days.

Here is an idea: Publishers and book sellers could offer a free hard copy (real book) of any downloaded book that is published in “hard cover,” i.e. new releases, or special publications. In other words, if you download a new book to your Nook you also get a coupon for a free hard bound copy. Or reverse it and give a free e-book download coupon for any purchase of a new hard-bound book. This would encourage sells of both digital and paper. One for your pocket, another for your bookshelf.

The Middle Man

Remember the old Beatles’s song “Nowhere Man?” Our bold “Campaign Obama” has morphed into a real “Middle Man.” In health care reform, he’s let the rightwingnuts dictate the conversation (shouting match) and America will be lucky to get a watered-down health care bill, one that will have insurance executives guffawing and salivating all the way to their offshore bonus-infused banks. In Afghanistan, the Generals are licking their blood-thirsty lips for more vampire-fodder; Gen. McChrystal’s Ball at first saw the need for 20,000 additional troops, then when he detected Administration and Congressional hesitation, foresaw the need for 40,000; and now with Joe Biden’s honest assessment of American futility in that stone-age land, the General is saying he’ll need 80,000 additional troops for what Obama has described as our “war of necessity.” WWII….a war or necessity, but Afghanistan? I don’t think even Bush ever described Iraq in such unequivocal terms. Why is Obama even taking so long to come to a decision on McChrystal’s future blood needs if this is a “war of necessity.” Hell, if so, then let’s ramp up America WWII-style and bomb Afghanistan back to the stone age. Oh, yeah, it’s already that.

Obama is quietly and regrettably dissolving into an amorphous decision-making blob. The “Decider” he ain’t. More and more he straddles the middle of the road, seemingly unwilling to offend, always seeking affirmation disguised as bipartisanship. To paraphrase old Texan democrat Jim Hightower, the only things you’ll find in the middle of the road are yellow lines and dead skunks. As they say, (this phrase is a candidate for most overused cliche of 2009), Mr. Obama, “grow a pair.” If you do, at least you should be happy that they’ll be right where you like them: in the middle.

With apologies to the Beatles…just substitute Middle, for Nowhere…like this:
He’s a real middle man,
Sitting in his Middle Land,
Making all his middle plans
for middletons.

Doesn’t have a point of view,
Knows not where he’s going to,
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?
(hell, No!)

Middle Man, please listen,
You don’t know what you’re missing,
Middle Man, the world is at your command!

He’s as blind as he can be,
Just sees what everyone wants to see,
Middle Man can you see me at all?

Middle Man, don’t worry,
Take your time, don’t hurry,
Leave it all till somebody else
lends you a hand!

Making all his Middle plans
for nobody.
Making all his Middle plans
for nobody!

Obama Disgraces America…by Winning Nobel Peace Prize

Obama screwed up again. At least according to Repooblicans, he can’t do anything right. This time the President has the audacity to go out and win the Nobel Peace Prize. How dare him! Figures, figure the Repoobs, the Prize is decided by a bunch of “furraners”…who love one of their ilk. Show us that birth certificate, you Nobel Prize winner.

Can we blame, not the Bossa Nova, but the BushaRova, for the Olympic committee’s decision last week to shrug off Chicago and award the games to Rio? After eight years of showing America’s ugly backside to the world, the U.S. snub was a small tweak to pay. Despite winning the Nobel Peace Prize, it will take more than one year for Obama to makeover the Ugly American Bush years.

He may have won the Nobel Peace Prize, but might also be in contention for the Rummy Rumsfeld War Prize (still under development by a world-wide committee of war mongers) if President Obama capitulates to the blood-thirsty desires of General Stanley McChrystal for more American cannon fodder in Afghanistan. Maybe the Nobel committee should have waited a few weeks…or years, for their decision.


Hollywood’s got child-rapist director Roman Polanski’s back. More than 100 actors, directors, producers have signed a letter asking that he be released. Among the signers: Woody Allen. Wonder how that will work out?

Florida Congressional Rep. Allen Grayson’s recent remarks about the Repooblicans “Die Quickly” health care plan…finally a Dem with some testicular fortitude.

Remember the Cigarette Man on the old X-Files show? Could he really be cigarette inhaling, nicotine-ozing fake-tanned House Repoob leader John Boehner?

Why do celebrities video tape their sexcapades if they don’t want them showing up on YouTube? Will Big Hair John Edwards’ alleged sex tape give new meaning to the term “fluffer”?

Best anagrams for Sarah Palin’s upcoming memoir “Going Rogue”…
Gouge Groin
Ego Rouging

When did Oprah get fat again?

Brazil Wins Olympics…Chicago Loses Bid….War Imminent !

COPENHAGEN –Despite a strong, but not impassioned, pitch by President Obama to the International Olympic committee here today for holding the 2016 Summer Olympics in Chicago, the committee voted to award the summer games to Brazil. The committee’s announcement, released shortly following Obama’s speech, surprised the President and his Olympic US promotion team which had believed that the President’s home city Chicago would be selected. The US promotion team, led by Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley, left Denmark immediately following the announcement without comment to the media. In a statement released by the White House the President said he would request that the United Nations Security Council approve a resolution condemning the Olympic Committee’s decision and implement strong economic sanctions against both the the Denmark and Brazilian governments. “I have every hope that the Security council will approve the deployment of NATO military forces to Copenhagen,” the President’s stated. This rogue nation’s decision to deny Chicago the opportunity to host these vitally important athletic competitions in 2016 is, in my view, tantamount to an act of war. We take this ill-fated decision( by the Committee) to reward Brazil as not only hostile to American and Chicagoan economic interests, but as evidence that the Brazilian government is secretly harboring weapons of mass destruction and implementing a covert nuclear weapons facility.”

Dear Young Comrades In Education:

Praajek has just received from an unnamed source in the White House speech-writing office a copy of a first draft of his controversial speech to school children advocating his socialist agenda. Here are excerpts:

Dear Young Comrades: Welcome back from your voluntary summer of service to your local community and future great nation…which some in our old capitalist system refer to as “vacation.” As we celebrate our nation’s workers this Labor Day season, it is a time to praise the collective will of the people who pay thru honorable taxes the costs of your worthy education and future service to the state. It is also a time to remind you of your collective responsibility to achieve greatness thru your state-funded education, not for the sake of personal aggrandizement, but for the collective good of our worker society. Today is the not only the first day of the Peoples’ Education Calendar, it is the first day of another noble opportunity for each of you to work is unison thru brother/sisterhood for the worthy goal of distributing the wealth of our soon to be, under my Beloved Leadership, great nation. Go forth, Young Comrades..conquer and overcome your old capitalist fears of competition, work together in egalitarian fellowship and read daily together from my Teachings of Your Beloved Leader for the wisdom you need and seek in your communitarian lives.
…President Obama

Obama…What You Didn’t Do on Your Summer Vacation, or Hillary Dreams

Although President Obama took a shorter vacation than most previous Presidents (Bush spent almost four of his eight years on vacation…true!) it seems he’s been “on vacation” since at least last April. Riding high from election and inauguration celebrations, Mr. Obama smiled, waved and basked in the reality that, yes, he did… become President. Since then the Big O’s balloon has suffered a slow leak, gradually yet noticeably losing its volume, its over-stretched outer skin now flaccid and wrinkly to eyes that can now view it close up, (like a Hollywood actor in real-life, imperfect and overblown) scraping the treetops not soaring in the skies. What happened? Despite Senate and House majorities, a blue state sweep of the nation and a mandate to effect “change we can believe in” Mr. Obama turned timid and Milquetoastian, morphing from bold hard-charging campaigner to meek and cautious Professor Obama, suede elbow patches flying flagrante delicto. While naively seeking bi-partisanship with never-say-bi repooblicans, on health care reform, Obama’s signature issue, he’s gone from nice-guy to mice-guy. Timid and nervous, afraid to offend, Obama’s converted the bully pulpit into a whimpering supplicating kneepad. In Afghanistan, he’s been mesmerized by the Generals to escalate with more bucks and blood. Where’s the Professor’s sense of history in regard to that moonscape country of battle-tested war-loving warlords. What’s next, Mr. Obama, a Bushy surge? “Fight’em there so we won’t have to fight’em here?” Just waiting for Obama to issue forth with a stupid Bush “Bring’em on….” Hey, even Bush, although dumb as a post, knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to say it and go after it.

It hurts to even think this, but I had a dream about Hillary the other night. She at least has, as Illinois Guv. Blago once called “testicular fortitude.” Obama needs some personal health care reform. His “T” levels appear to be low. Some serious hormone replacement therapy is just what the doctor should prescribe. If not, then Hillary will continue to haunt my dreams.

Teddy, We Heartily Knew Ye

What can one say about the end of Camelot as we wanted to know it.? It was a silly place, after all. American Royalty is an oxymoron. Yet JFK enchanted us. Bobby was a chance, a second chance for a do-over, a return to the mythical place that would fulfill our youthful idealism. Teddy was always the last chance, the better-than-no-Kennedy-at-all Kennedy. With Bobby’s murder, life seemed snuffed out of politics. Although the weight of those two murders must have weighed heavily on the youngest brother, no excuses were ever asked for Teddy’s character-malfunction in the face of his drunken-driving homicide at Chappaquiddick. He spent the rest of his life in a state of active atonement. In America we love the come-back, we welcome the second-chance by the “fallen.” The stage is always set and the curtains are always ready to open for the sinners’ second act. (except for Michael Vick of course…animals rank higher than human life in this pet-obsessed nation) Teddy worked hard for redemption. His list of legislative achievements and social interactions and kindnesses are as real as they are now legendary. I’ll miss Ted Kennedy’s big smiling face, his goofy Boston accent, his beefy, corpulent, over-sized presence in the body politic of America. We all knew you, Teddy. Your good, your bad…we heartily knew ye. And America, whether it realizes it or not, will miss you.

America’s in a Rut

What’s the most insidious, prevalent and devastating health issue facing Americans today? From the amount of advertising, print and broadcast, it appears that the inability of men to rise to the occasion whenever they feel the urge (all the time!), otherwise referred to as ED, is ravaging this upright country like a plague. This apparently affects women too. With doses of viagra and cilalis for their men, women can now sit outside naked in bathtubs and not live in fear that the guy in the next tub will be unable to invite her to his tub for mutual aquatic toe wiggling. Women can also dance and swirl up stairways confident that a man, appropriately and timely dosed, will be able to dance and swirl (fully engorged) up the stairway to heaven with them. Now, with one popular product, men can address this national flaccid contagion by dosing themselves daily, lest they miss the slightest imaginative provocation or opportunity for an outdoor bathtub skinny dipping session. But will the daily dosage be enough? Women need total assurance that what is supposed to happen actually happens. As the nation prepares for a return season of the Hini Flu (H1N1), Americans need to stand up and demand 24-7, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute solutions to getting this country out of its rut and into the real rut.

Who Murdered Michael Jackson? I’ve Got a Clue!

The Lost Boyz. Weapon: their parents. In the bedroom.

Rev. Sharpton. Weapon: a tawana brawley trash bag. Outside the window.

Ms. “Peacock.” Weapon: donated eggs. In the laboratory.

Sista Janet. Weapon: her exposed breast (a killa not a thrilla). In the conservatory.

Mrs. Rowe. Weapon: her lawyers. In the study.

Professor Dr. Murray. Weapon: pills, pills and more pills. In the dining room.

Boomer Doom

The health care reform “debate,” not much of a real debate so far with gun-totin’ Lyndon LaDouche, NRA, and other wacky hate groups dominating the town-hall discussions, has focused on the ridiculous lie that Obama wants government bureaucrat-staffed “death panels” to make decisions on “end of life” options, or as the President himself described “pulling the plug on grandma.” Fueled by Sarah “The Quitter” Palin, Repooblican House leader John “The Fake Tan Cigarette Man” Boehner, the goofy “death panel” charge actually grabbed some traction and along with the “public option-socialist health care” lies has succeeded in digging serious potholes for Obama’s health care reform initiatives.

The “death panel” idea was actually touched on humorously in Christopher Buckley’s (son of late conservative-elitist William F. Buckley) 2007 novel, “Boomsday.” The story features a hot, late twenties PR blogger babe who half-seriously proposes that Baby Boomers, when reaching retirement commit to committing suicide (Voluntary Transitioning) in order to reduce Social Security burdens on her generation and ameliorate boomer drain on economic resources. In exchange for pulling the plug on themselves at an agreed-upon age, Boomers would receive government incentives such as free Botox, Viagra and exemptions from estate taxes. The idea catches fire nationally as the whateva-genners take to retirement villages and burn down (up) boomer golf courses. A presidential contender runs on the voluntary transitioning platform rousing the ire of the Catholic Church and rightwing-nut christian hate mongers. It’s all funnier than it sounds. If only the “Obama Death Panels” fabrications were so funny.
Check out Bill Maher’s imagined TV game show, “American Death Panel.

Hurricane Bob?

Hurricane Claudette, we hardly knew ye….blown away by Hurricane Bill. What’s with naming hurricanes anyway? Why always whitebread names…where’s the healthy whole wheat fiber? Where’s hurricane Darnell, Lateshia, Precious, Darius, Jamal, Tyrone, DeShawn, Tayshaun. Here are the National Hurricane Center‘s 2009 Atlantic names for hurricanes:
* Ana * Bill * Claudette * Danny * Erika * Fred * Grace * Henri * Ida * Joaquin * Kate * Larry * Mindy * Nicholas * Odette * Peter * Rose* Sam* Teresa * Victor* Wanda. (ok, Henri, Joaquin and Odette are a bit more exotic) Otherwise….boring. I want a Hurricane Johnelle.

Just Let Michael Vick Do His Animal Abuse on the Field on Sundays

You would think that Michael Vick had just been released from prison for child molestation, mass rape, serial murders and exposing himself in front of a statue of the Virgin Mary. Ok, the guy abused dogs…organizing dog fights, a “sport” man has engaged in since the beginning of canine domestication. Vick spent time in the Big House for his crimes…and now is being vilified by football fans for his recent hiring by the Philadelphia Eagles; the same fans who glorify the mayhem, human abuse and violence that Vick will now engage in for their Sunday amusement. I love dogs as much as the next animal-lover..and don’t condone dog fighting…but get a grip people. Vick paid the price…was punished for his sins and now just wants to inflict a little Sunday human pain and suffering between the goal posts. Let him do his thang, people.

Boycott Whole Foods?

Do you have yours? John Mackey, whole foods co-founder & CEO has his. Fcuk the rest of you.. If you don’t have health insurance that’s too bad. ” the last thing our country needs is …a government takeover of our health care system.” In a recent Wall Street Journal op-ed Mackey wrote that “…the Declaration of Independence…& the Constitution (does not) reveal any intrinsic right to health care.” In other words, the declaration of Independence may cite among the “inalienable rights” of man “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”…but if you get sick and cannot afford insurance or were denied because you were previously sick, or even have some form of coverage, then keep pursuing your life, liberty and happiness while forking over those big bucks for the emergency room visit, stay-over in hospital or other emergency care. Get sick and get prepared to go broke. Seems to me the guarantees of life, liberty & pursuit of happiness” might just include having access to affordable health care. The health food grocery czar says no.

Although I do agree with Mackey to a certain extent that everyone is responsible for one’s health..i.e. the lifestyle and nutrition choices we make, try lecturing a working single mom living in a violent Chicago neighborhood, that she should prepare healthier meals for her kids…with Whole Foods? (hey, Mackey also made news recently when he stated that his stores “sell a lot of junk.”)

Is it just human nature, or maybe something just uniquely American in our psyche that causes some of us to resent and begrudge others who want the things we have. By gwad, I got my health insurance. Next thing you know everyone will want what I got. Damn. Especially them deadbeats who don’t even have a job. No, universal health care might not be mentioned per se in our Constitution or the Declaration of Independence as Whole Foods Mackey says, but as long as we deny health care to millions then their life, liberty and happiness will be just a futile pursuit.

If I want organic foods, other grocers offer great varieties…and at lower costs.

Solution to American Obesity … At least half of it…

Afghanistan has quietly passed a law permitting Shia men to deny their
wives food and sustenance if they refuse to obey their husbands’
sexual demands. (Doesn’t this make you proud that American lives are
being sacrificed there to defend this wonderfully progressive
country.) Now if only America had a law like this female obesity rates
would plummet like Obama’s approval ratings.

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Ugly Sarah

Ok, this is really gonna hurt. Hurt Sarah “The Quitter” Palin and her rabid little fan base. In America we're not supposed to judge people on their looks, pulchritudinous or lack thereof (?) but have you noticed how Palin, as her rhetoric gets uglier, is morphing from an approved-level of American-defined attractiveness to a countenance that bears more & more similarity to the face of…not attractive.. In other words, (I'm trying to be nice, here) the uglier she talks the uglier she becomes. If she keeps this up she'll have no base whatsoever… her suppport up until now based mainly on old white Southern-culture guys who thinks she's hot.

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Stink Like A Rock Star

So dudes, you're pretty hot on Guitar Hero…can even crank some sick air guitar? What's missing?….beyond real musical talent, a Wilco-like backup band, a big recording contract and arenas full of fans waving iPhone cigarette lighters and swarms of backstage pre-moistened nubile groupies?

I'll tell you what's missing: you don't SMELL like a rock star, dumbshit !

Well now you can exude Nine Inch Nails, the aroma of Aerosmith, spray on a tang of Tool, a boquet of Black Sabbath, be redolent of Rage ATM, be stenchy of Sex Pistols and even achieve a wiff of Weezer.

All by just buying fashion designer John Varvatros' new perfume for men, “Rocker Volumn One” (other “volumns” on the way?). The new manfume, which comes in a “flacon” instead of a bottle, (a flacon is a flask or bottle, illiterate nitwit) purports to evoke a “heavy metal rock'n' roll vibe.”

It's all in the nose. Now get rockin', fool.

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Bill to the (Girl) Rescue

Last week North Korea called Hillary Clinton a funny lady who looks like a “primary schoolgirl” or “a pensioner going shopping”,

This week her husband Bill traveled to North Korea…not to defend her honor by challenging Kim Il Sung to nuclear duel at dawn, but to bring home the two young imprisioned American journalists held since March and recently sentenced to 12 years in a sure-death work camp. Big Bill, as always, got his girls.

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Peace, All !

Back.. and not yet “recovered” from a week-long blogging hiatus. Last
time I do that.

First: cool it y'all. Take a deep breath. Life is good, whether we are
in recovery, remission, recession, regret, relapse, reclusion or

Last week I posted some random musings of blogger friend Daamage'd.
One item wondered about Obama's toughness on getting health care
reformed; another was a riff on the old joke about smoking after sex;
and thirdly (sp?) a “wondering,” half in jest and half in frustration,
about why society won't allow an addict who recovers to lead a healthy
life declare ” I beat (the Big A) addiction! ” Just as one who
survives cancer can say (“smugly” …more on that word in a moment) I
beat the Big C.

Whew… well, as you can see from the nearly 30 comments below,
Praajek's guest blogger's addiction/cancer supposition unleashed a
torrent of hate and invective. You would have thought that Daamage'd
had proposed legalizing child porn or Republican maritial fidelity.

Let's be honest here folks. Some of these comments are just plain
hateful. (thank the gods Molly Carter of the Hazelden Institute
injected, I mean, shed light on all this darkness. Thanks Molly for
your defense of Daamage'd). Why the intolerance for free speech and
the right to express an opinion …. even one indelicately
expressed…. Disagree, yes .. But cool it on the hate stuff.

Which brings us to Daamage'd's ill-chosen use of the word “smugly”
which I should have edited. In a defense re-comment, Daamage'd wrote
that she, like Obama recently, should “recalibrate” his use of the “s”
word, which detracted and distracted from the real message: that, why
can't a recovered drug victim declare victory just as a recovered
cancer ( or heart disease, etc) victim?

Granted, not all… indeed not most, cancer victims engage in
behaviors that contribute to or actually cause their disease… Family
history, DNA, environmental and socio-economic factors all can doom
one to many different diseases. But what about Winston who chooses to
smoke cigarettes, surely an invitation to lung cancer; or Donald, who
ignores basic dietary hazards and is tempted to try the quad beef
pattie quad cheese quad bacon quad-almighty burger? Surely one who
gives in to the temptation to eat one of these nutritional gateway
food drugs cannot be surprised to find himself coming back for
more…a moral failing that could lead to cancer or heart
failure? …who am I to judge?

So, let's remain cool…continue to communicate.. but ditch the diss,
muffle the mean and hang the hate..

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(while praajek is taking a few moments off, guest blogga DaMaage'd offers some randums..

If a “quality” health care bill is ever going to be passed, Barrack Obama will have to learn how to flex muscles. Our President walks up to the press podium with the swagger of FittyCent and magically transforms into Prince, formally known as Obama, the “LEADER” of the free world..!!!

The new Iphone, known for burning and smoking after use, reminds me of a question presented to me a few years back, ” Dude, do you smoke after sex?” My response ” I don't know, I never look down”

How come we “recovering” addicts are always recovering and therefore never cured while cancer survivors are afforded the smug phrase ” Yea, I beat the Big C.” Why can't I say “yo, I beat the Big A.”

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The Real Moon Landing… & Vampires

Those moonwalk conspirisists, estimated to be about six percent of
Americans who believe that the 1969 moon landing was faked, created
and filmed in an earthly studio, have it all wrong. Recently-released
NASA videos..purportedly restored and enhanced, have just been issued
and prove these luney moonies have huge craters in their theories.
NASA's new films clearly show that the “landing” actually took place,
not in a Hollywood movie lot, but was filmed on the planet Vampira, a
blood-red secret moon of our moon, totally hidden from earthly eyes by
ancient red clouds of Vampira Dusta. The Apollo XI astronaughts
overshot our cheesy Man-in-the-Moon and landed instead on Vampira, a
much smaller planet that scientists and astromoners have kept
conspiritorily TOP SECRET from the world's public masses. What the
Apollo “moon” astronaughts brought back to earth were not moon rocks,
but rather boots and suits covered in red Vampira Dusta.

Billions and billions of light years ago … even before there were
light years, there were “Dark” years…years in which Vampires stalked
and ruled the galaxies. A cataclysmic eruption on planet Vampira wiped
out all life sending torrents of Vampire blood incinerated into dust
as a protective cloud enshrouding it from earth eyes. Until 1969 when
Neil Armstrong mistakenly set boot on the dried-blood surface. When
the Apollo boys landed back on earth, they spread the dark red Vampira
Dusta on earth. Our Government has kept us in the dark about this…
But now I am revealing the truth… It took almost 40 years for the
Vampira Dusta the incubate on earth. Now just look at the New York
Times bestseller book list. Five of the top bestsellers are Vampire
books. We are quietly, in the still of the night, becoming obsessed
with Vampires. It is now our fate, which the Government has covered up
for 40 years, to slowly yet inexororably, populate the earth with

Is it a coincidence that earth's first “living” Vampire, Michael
Jackson, just conveniently dies weeks before the 40th Anniversary of
the lunar landing? The very Vampire Jackson who mesmerized the world
with his “moonwalk?”

Luney Moony moonlanding conspirisists, you got it wrong. Now you know.

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Goofy Golfy

Recent NY Times article quoted a golf pro instructor saying that one of the worst things golfers could do before a round was hit golf balls on the practice range.
“Going to the range usually messes the average golfer up for the whole day,”
“They should start by just swinging several different clubs without hitting anything,” he said. “Warm up your swing and your muscles for maybe 10 minutes.

Response from one dedicated Praajek follower to this advice:

“The key word is “average” golfer and that's all any and most of us will ever hope to be. With that in mind, here are a few realistic warm up routines I have instilled in my game. 1st, walk vigorously to the clubhouse and order 18 Miller products with ice and methodically place in an Igloo cooler. Commence ingesting aprox 48 oz's prior to first tee. This will alleviate most 1st tee stresses. The 12 oz curl is imperative for proper elbow and shoulder function as well as eye/ hand coordination. Continue this practice throughout the round, staggering your Millers every other hole or as needed. Should this routine be so sucessful to the point of potentially lowering your handicap, reach into your bag and light up a big fat one, deeply inhaling to the point of a mild cough, but not to disturb other “average'rs”. This will certainly insure a double or triple bogey or possibly a quad. This will virtually guarantee the stabilization of current handicap status
for future gambling ventures. If these suggested routines are rigorously followed, a most fulfilling round will be earned.”

Having played golf on occasions, I have to agree. That's what I've come to appreciate about golf….it's not an athletic endeavor… Nor a real sport.. But rather just a past-time like playing cards. What other professional sport, which golf purports to be, allows you to bring a personal butler along to carry your equipment and counsel you as to how to play the game? Ha… Gotta love a “sport” like that.

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Most Absurd Headline

Leave it yo the good old gray lady New York Times to hire a headline writer to “pen” this July 13 headline:
“It lacks the Swaggar of 'Borat' but 'Bruno' opens on Top at the Box Office”.
SWAGGER??? No no no. Swagger is John Wayne, goofy George W. Bush in a flight suit . Swagger is “swaggar”…it's what Fity Cent does, what half of country western singers try to do: a fake dishonest machismo that says “hey, in case you missed it I'm a man.”
The new Sasha Cohen Baron film, “Bruno” is about an over-the-top, bend-ova backwards gay fashionista from Austria who visits homophobic America. Bruno don't do “swaggar.” Limp-wristfuls of mincing and princing, but no swagger. Hey, can't wait to see “Bruno.” Try to get some sleep til I post my review.

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The Good Died Younger

Robert Strange McNamara, the slick-haired “boy wonder” president of Ford Motors and “smartest man” John F. Kennedy said he knew and who appointed him as his war czar in 1961, died July 6. He managed the Vietnam war with his then-unique skills of systems analysis and tacitly sent thousands of young Americans to often gruesome deaths in the jungles of Vietnam. He later, in his long 93 year life, admitted that he knew the war was futile but failed to share his doubts. He died quietly and peacefully in his sleep.

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Michael Jackson … It’s all our fault.

Watching clips of the Pop King's extravaganza memorial and the concurrent non-stop media coverage it's clear that the fifty year old dancer-singer was really Jesus Christ re-incarnated. His songs of love and oneness, His miracle feet able to walk on the moon while earth bound, His Love of little children…. His betrayal by those closest to Him and His eventual crucifixion on the cross of modern culture….how could we not see? How could we let our prejudices against plastic surgery and skin whiteners blind us to the real vision of His Holiness, Jesus Jackson Christ. Forgive us, oh Sequinned Gloved One. In three days Ye shall Rise Again. I'm coloring eggs in anticipation.

King of Whiteface?

King of Whiteface?

A comment from Anonymous to my recent post about Mike Jackson's death warrants being undug from the “comments” section… Here it is…
Yea “P” the little man boy will certainly be missed as well as the boundries he sucessfully crossed. Micheal Jackson, the Asa Yoelson ( Al Jolson ) of the 21st century, only in WHITEFACE. The similarities are remarkable. ( Al Jolson A Biography by John Kenrick ) Both would remain emotional children for their entire lives, both sentimentalist with hearts of gold, who conquered and in turn ignored young woman, and both would be refered to as man-boys. Jacko would cross the ultimate racial barrier by doing everything humanly possible in transforming his African ethnic makeup. He took a page right out Griffins ” Black Like Me” He would change his appearence and instead of going south, Jacko would run the gauntlet through Motown and Harlam. This could never had happened in the 60's with the likes of Bobby Seal,Eldridge Cleaver and Dick Gregory spouting the belief(and rightfully so) that black is beautiful..!! Our most famous man-boy also redefined the
American socio-sexual environment, performing for the masses simulating female masterbation, one hand caressing his breast, the other hand between his crotch, minus the middle finger. It would become a Jacko trademark. The King of Pop, for sure but maybe, just like Jolson, the King of Vaudeville as well..!
SAT JUN 27, 08:45:00 PM 2009

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Holy jeezus, why won't this REPUBLICAN SC Gov. Sandford guy just shutup? Now he's giving extended interviews about his romantic affair with Argentina Maria. Next he'll be on Oprah…Or throwing chairs at his wife on Jerry Springer. Why doesn't the dude just resign, divorce wifeypoo and fly to Buenos Aires and live happily u(until he gets the urge to go hiking agaIn) for some time ever-after with curvy hips Maria? How could the media say that this guy had a “once-promising political future?”. He's goofy as hell. Ah, and in…loooove.

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The Thriller is Gone

The Thriller is Gone

Woe b we… The Thriller Is Gone!! That Big Hand in the Sky reached
down and took the White Gloved Hand Heavenward. Children of the World
suffer today, playgrounds are silent and sleepy songs of bedtime joy
bewilders restless little hearts. Goodnight oh Uniformed Gloved Fine-
featured one…now you can Just Beat It in Heaven.

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Recharging with Maria…

“After a barrage of news media requests about the missing governor began Monday, the governor's spokesman, Joel Sawyer, released a statement on Monday afternoon saying that the governor was taking some time to recharge” ….NY Times, 06/25/2009.

Oh, those lusty Repoobs…another one caught with his pants down. Gotta love this one, though … South Carolina Gov Mark Sanford's first excuse for his strange six day disappearance was that he was hiking….oh yeah, hiking alright… hiking Argentina Maria's skirt …don't cry for me, Argentina….nor America.

Dylan Looks

The ever-evolving Bob Dylan and his music in recent years has, in my opinion degenerated along
with his infamously growly voice. His latest album, Together Thru Life, with unoriginal blues and old standard riffs you’ve heard a thousand times before, exude bitterness and loss, and bitterness because of loss the way few artists can do today. I no longer go to his live concerts…at one last year in Chicago he sat the entire time behind a keyboard wearing a wide-brimmed straw hat and mumbled thru a bunch of incomprehensible songs. Didn’t know whether to feel sorry for him or for me for spending the big bucks on the tickets. His refusal to ever play a “hit” from the past, or even non-hits from the recent past, seems more like incapability rather than just simple stubbornness. Still gotta love the guy, though…for some of the best music ever written and recorded.
Hey…Dylan’s current riverboat/western look makes him seem as if he was separated at birth from NASCAR dude Richard Petty. And was Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno character foreshadowed by this photo of Dylan?

Prediction Confirmed

Just as I predicted recently hypocritical Repoobs are ramping up criticism of Obama for not speaking out stronger against the Iranian regime for stealing their 2000 Presidential election playbook. Too bad we meek Americans stood by like lambs while BushCheney et al stole the election from Al Gore. If we'd been more courageous like the Iranian people perhaps we would have been spared 8 years of the disasterous Bush regime.

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Ling & Lee

Laura Ling. Euna Lee. Who? Just two young journalists in a North Korean prison. Sentenced June 8 by North Korea's top Central Court, the two are accused and were found guilty of undefined “grave crimes” against the government. They face 12 years in the world's worst prison system, a virtual death camp according to sources who have survived it. As TV journalists for Current TV is a youth-oriented network founded by the winner of the 2000 US presidential election Al Gore. Available on most cable TV systems, Current provides news of national and international events and issues not covered by any other news outlets. Catering to the Holy-Grail 18-34 age demographic, Current intersperses short news reportage by its young correspondents with short viewer-generated videos, You Tube cuts and lite-hearted movie reviews and cartoons. It's witty, fast-paced, non-attention demanding and most of all entertaining. All things that regular network and big cable news is
not. When it was announced briefly last week of Ling and Lee's conviction and 12 year sentence, most media briefly covered it. Since then it has almost dissappeared from any news. After already having been detained for three months in North Korea, the two reporters now face a sentence tantamount to death. It's a delicate situation for the US but let's hope the Obama Administration is working behind the scenes to free them before it's too late.

Ahmadinajad Steals… US Repoob Election Playbookn

Gone too long
(Back. Almost…) Seems like Iranian crazyman leader Mamoud Ahmadinajad has stolen the recent election by stealing the U.S. Repoobican 2000 presidential playbook…Intimidate voters, rig voting boxes, hold back paper ballots in key opposition strongholds. Of course we can look forward to Repoob leaders Flush Phlegmball, Dick Cheney and Carrie Prejean accusing the Obamaninistas of not protesting the Iranian “selection” of Ahmadinjahad…stay alert.

— This message was composed with PhatWare WritePad.

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Am Too Iron Ass Yo*

*(Anagram for Sonia Sotomayor)

Ok, let’s cut to the salsa of basic political analysis. One of Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor’s major issues, heretofore unspoken, is not her race, not her previous case rulings, not her statement that judges make policy, and not any activist judicial leanings she might or not harbor. It’s her looks. Her stringy hair, her unkempt body image, her general over-all sloppy personal appearance. Look, if British Idol singing-sensation Susan Boyle can get a makeover, then why in the hell didn’t Team Obama take this woman to a salon and get her hair styled. Repoobs took a moo-moo-wearin’, dirty-jeaned, rat-haired governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, on a Bergdorf Goodman shopping spree. Most would agree she cleaned-up rather nicely. Wake up Team Obbie. If you want these upcoming Senate hearings to go smoothly, squeeze this woman into a Body Shaper (as seen on TV !), shop her at BG’s and schedule an appointment at Garren’s New York for a full-service salon treatment. Guarantee she won’t be Borked.

Mountain Mama Contest

Just back from a wild and wooly weekend in fashionable southern Ohio and West Virginia where the Mrs. West Virginia pageant was held at the Pullman Plaza Hotel in Huntington, WV (smelly elevators, but nice staff). Although did not attend the event it was rumored that one of the questions asked by a judge (a Mr. Crittater Joseph, a well-known local patron of the arts and admirer of beautiful women) asked one of the contestants this question: ” Do you believe in and support Same-Family Marriage? When the Mrs. Contestant replied that she did not, she was loudly booed and subsequently disqualified.

Gawd, Guns, Gays and Grizzlies

While President Obama and Democrats fight to rescue the economy…the HR-passed credit card bill for example….Republicans take on the Big Issues that Americans are really concerned with. By tacking on a special Amendment to the credit card bill, which blocks deceptive and abusive credit card practices by banks, the Republicans showed America who really cares for them, which party is looking out for their best interests.

What is this Republican amendment that Americans have hungered after and which will likely propel the Republicans back to national leadership? The Amendment allows all Americans, and non-Americans, to carry firearms in National Parks. Whew ! Thank Gawdalmighty I can finally visit a Yellowstone National Park and feel safe with my fully automatic Glock 18.

Republicans have been running on four basic wedge-issues for decades. God (that covers a multitude of sins); Guns (anti-gun control); Gays (anything non-traditional in American life); and Grizzlies (anti-environmental issues). With this heat-packin’ amendement to the Credit Card bill, Republicans have hit two of their best-loved issues, guns and grizzlies. Now, to fine-tune this Right-2-Bear Arms legislation, Repoobs should ban Gays from enjoying the fruits of this special new law. Nuthin’ more dangerous than a gun-totin’ ho-mo-sex-u-al in a National Park. Armed to the teeth, you never know what kind of pree-verted thangs them gay might make them park bears do. Former Repoob Senator Rick “Man-on-Dog” Santorum, where are you, boy?


  • Is Nancy Pelosi trying to bring back the big shoulders 80’s look or has she just not bought any new clothes lately.
  • New York Times Guidelines for Submitting a Wedding Announcement: Couples posing for pictures should arrange themselves with their eyebrows on exactly the same level and with their heads fairly close together. Couple pictures should be printed in a horizontal format.
  • 9-11 mastermind, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, is now referred to in most media outlets as KSM. Guess after enduring 183 waterboardings in one month one gets a cute appellation…”mastermind KSM.” Wonder if OBL is jealous. (Hey, is this guy still in Gitmo, or have we turned him over to DBC (Dicky Bruce Cheney?).
  • Don’t know about you but I”m glad Obama’s not releasing any more torture photos. Seeing lots of Dick Cheney on TV recently fulfills any morbid curiosity I might harbor about what the face of torture looks like.
  • What did Bats do to piss off God so much. First it made them bats. Now it’s killing them-off with a white-nose fungus.

Mr. Tuffy

The snarl of the upper lip seems to be more pronounced these days. The voice, low and modulated, barely rises or lowers with any emphasis, creating an ominous sense of fear, of impending doom like a movie mobster Don who addresses his crew and calmly, barely changing his cadence, slips out a pool stick to suddenly crush the skull of an unsuspecting employee. (seen that film?) (oh, and, and click on the pic of Miss Calif for more…pic here just window dressing)

Read Maureen Dowd in today’s NY Times….
“…..Cheney has popped out of his dungeon, scary organ music blaring, to carry on his nasty campaign of fear and loathing.”

The Man Who Thought He Was King works hard to create this image of a tough guy in a suit, of restrained violence, a don’t fcuk with me or I’ll-rip-your-head off personae. But don’t be fooled. This is a person who five times (asked for and received five deferments) dodged service in Vietnam, a conflict he supported and where he could have shown just how really tough he was. When asked about his deferments, Cheney reportedly said, “I had other priorities in the ’60s than military service.”

This is a little man who stretched his four-year college career to six…gosh, scary war still being waged.

This is the lip-snarling, darth vader-wannabe who, after the 9-11 attacks… which happened on his and his mentor’s watch… hid in an undisclosed location (bunker) for nearly eight years, and like Osama Bin Laden, periodically issued politically-motivated dire warnings of imminent terrorists attacks.

And now he has his wife and daughter speaking for him in defense of his war crimes. Little Liz and wifeypoo Lynne say that daddy’s torture tantrums kept America safe and if you disagree you are “fashionable… (and) side with the terrorists.” What’s next, grandson Samuel, baby of daughter Mary and her partner Heather, in a special TV ad for grumpa’s torture pleasures? You one tough dude, Mr. Cheney.

Nude Photo of Arlen Spector Revealed…Leadership Position with Dems in Jeopardy

A nude, topless and partially buttocked photo of U.S. Senator Arlen Spector was discovered today by Praajek and is published here for the first time. According to an unreliable source, the nude Spector photo was taken several years ago while he was still a Republican. Positions of Democrat Senate Leadership require that Senators sign a release attesting that they have never posed nude for photographs. At post time, Praajek was unable to reach the Senator for a statement.

Re-Branding or Reconstruction…of the GOPers..Part 2

Former Congressman and vice presidential candidate Jack Kemp’s recent death stimulates the current national discussion about the future of the Republican Party. Kemp, a moderate Republican, represented a faction that wanted to expand the base of the party to minorities beyond it’s southern white support. (click here to read an excellent column by Bob Herbert in the May 5, New York Times on Kemp and his “Futile Quest.” )

Kemp failed and today’s Repoobs remain isolated, mostly southern and primarily white. The Party’s failure to change and its stubborn pursuit of ideals constructed and promoted since the beginning of the confederacy leaves it today with a core constituency still clinging to white supremacy as it’s basic, if often disguised and publicly denied, belief.

Disguised in the robes of faith and religion, “modern” Republicanism (oxymoron) adheres to rigidity, fundamentalism and intolerance on issues of immigration,(keep non-whites out) gun control (protect whites from non-whites) science/evolution (aryanism, god is christian white, we didn’t come from a bunch of monkeys) government activism (states’ rights…keep federal “gummit” outta here so we can make the rules); anti-unionism (keep good jobs for whites), health care (less is more…for non-wealthy and non-whites), individual rights (gay marriage…them gays worse than minorities), women’s’ rights (right to choose, keep men..whitemen… on top); and their marquee issue, taxation (reduce taxes that fund social programs designed to help the poor, like food stamps and medicaid.)

Of course a small faction of moderate Republicans soldier on down this destructive lock-step march to irrelevancy; one, like Arlen Spector, defected. Other moderates wince in the face of their party’s new leaders, Rush Limbaugh (aka Flush Phlegmball) and Sarah “U-Betcha-Winkin'” Palin. Their call for a re-brand of their party sounds hollow, like re-naming Swine Flu H1N1. Spells and smells like pig’s HINI to me.

Re-branding the Rebublican Party… and the Return of the Confederates

Today’s Republican Party, coming off major national repudiation, is engaged in serious self-assessment, weeping, teeth-gnashing and internecine battles for leadership. There is talk about re-branding the Party, not re-branding it, or just killing it off and burying it. This year’s Abraham Lincoln bicentennial should serve as a history lesson and baseline reminder to today’s “just say no to everything because we have no answers” Republicans. (Thanks to fellow neighbor and truthsayer, Monty M. for penning the following for Praajek’s blog)

Leading up to 1860, the Republican Party stood for national unity, government support for economic progress and education; it embraced immigration and equal access for all Americans to the land in the west. The Confederacy was born out of a rejection of that Republican Party.

Confederates were parochial and regional. They opposed government support for new roads, bridges, canals and railroads. Their opposition to the industrial revolution and government support for education was rooted in their dependence on the plantation economy of the South. The Confederates’ were suspicious and hostile toward cities and immigrants; their class-system with plantation owners at the top supported by slaves and their free labor served them well.

Although the Confederates were defeated in their attempt to destroy the country to protect their parochial interests, vestiges of the confederacy lingered. Jim Crow laws challenged Reconstruction and the South continued to lag behind the rest of the county in education, industrial progress and equality. Despite the eventual demise of Jim Crow laws and the success of the Civil Rights movement, the culture of the Confederacy persisted. White Democratic Southerners were ripe for exploitation by the Republicans’ “southern strategy” of the 1960s, effectively transforming the Republican Party into new Confederates.

Today’s Republican Party is now primarily a regional, southern white party. As in the 1860s, there are still some copperheads in the north, some even who recognize this. RNC party-leader Michael Steele, the organization’s first Black, pitifully says he wants to make his party more “hip hop” and appealing to urban Blacks. His hope is an admission that Republicans are now small town, white and rural with little appeal in America’s cities.

America today faces enormous challenges transforming its economy based on new sources of energy and emerging technologies, building a new national infrastructure, health care system and educating young Americans to transform the country. The Republican party continues to be the defenders of old-world big oil, coal and Big Pharmacy, opposing the infusion of new immigrant talent, continually opposing programs such as Social Security, Medicare and unemployment insurance, safety-net nutrition programs such as food stamps and school meals all at the expense of national progress.

The election of Abraham Lincoln in 1860 unified the Confederates in opposition to everything his Republican Party stood for; it tore the country apart. The New Confederates today, as did their predecessors, stand united in opposition to progress. Lincoln would not recognize his Republican Party today and in honor of his bicentennial the Republican party should change its name to reflect it’s values: the Confederate Party.

For other views on this subject, check out the book, “Neo-Confederacy and the New Dixie Manifesto (Euan Hague, Edward H. Sebesta, and Heidi Beirich).

Pussy Flu

Are Americans a bunch of pussies? A kid coughs in school and officials close it for a week. The media love this. Big national maps…red pig flu spreading like wildfire…Ohio…2 cases and rising….Kansas..six cases…New York….35 cases…holy sheet….this thing is an invasion….from Mexico…or Mars? Get a grip, folks. Thirty thousand Americans die from the flu each year. Thirty thousand Americans die each year from firearms…12,000 from handguns….why don’t we have a national panic over handgun deaths. NRA Flu. Scammers are on the street selling Home Depot dust masks…($10 for 300)…to panicked commuters for a buck apiece. Yeah, wash your hands…stay home if you’re not feeling well…common sense stuff.
If I were a kid not wanting to go to school tomorrow, I’d start coughing…oh…not…feeling…good…think…I’m…getting…swineflu…
SWINEFLUSWINEFLUSWINEFLU…RUN….RUN…CLOSE DOWN….Oink. Hey, if you’re a meat-eater, rush out to the grocery now and stock up on pork. It’s cheap….get it now before it’s banned. Smells like bacon flu?…no, smells like a nation of pussies.

Bush’s First 100 Days

Today marks the 100th Day that George W. Bush has not been president. A grateful nation wants to commemorate this auspicious day and every day forward that the Bush Regime is history. On this momentous occasion let us mark the accomplishments our former slacker leader has achieved since he is no longer bleeding leading us.
(click on image to enlarge)

  • Left six messages on Dick “The Dick” Cheney’s bunker cell phone to ask him which way was up on his new Snuggie.
  • Downloaded the “iFart” application for his new iphone.
  • Fooled Laura twice by hiding iFart under her living room recliner while she was watching The Closer.
  • Ordered two dozen ShamWows for wiping up numerous kitchen and bathroom spills. Told Laura, “Sure wished I’d had these around during Katrina.”
  • Booty-called Condi on first day of Spring after finishing off an old bottle of Hiram Walker found hidden in a musty box of baseball cards in the garage.
  • Bought a 1964 VW hippie van on eBay for him and Laura to drive to the Burning Man festival this summer in Black Rock, Nevada.

Next 100 Days….Let’s Look Back

Maybe he didn’t want to clutter-up his first 100 Days. After all, he did have to deal with an economic china syndrome and all the poisons exposed below. Then there’s health care. And the auto industry…and a host of ills inherited from the Cheney-Bush Regime. Let’s move on, don’t look back…look forward, he says. Not worry about the past. If America tortured people to save us from terrorists attacks, then so be it. We won’t do it again. So let’s move on.

Obama’s done a lot of what’s right during our first 100 Days, but his failure to stand up for America’s core values and investigate those who broke its laws and made us less safe, more vulnerable and less a guiding moral force in the world of nations is his greatest failure so far. It may well be the overarching failure of his Administration.

One commenter to my recent post said:
“Maybe Obama is in denial. I want to hear our President tell the Jewish Community to forget the Holocaust and just move forward or tell the victims of child abuse to not pursue legal action but just move foreward. I wish Obama would lead by example and “serve” his country by upholding the laws before inviting others into “service.”

Paul Krugman in the April 24 NY Times said it too:

“Sorry, but what we really should do for the sake of the country is have investigations both of torture and of the march to war. These investigations should, where appropriate, be followed by prosecutions — not out of vindictiveness, but because this is a nation of laws.

We need to do this for the sake of our future. For this isn’t about looking backward, it’s about looking forward — because it’s about reclaiming America’s soul.”

Read his full editorial, “Reclaiming America’s Soul.”

Flying Fatties

Airline carriers’ recent policy to require obese passengers to purchase two seats (or three, if needed?) has sparked a lot of useless media discussion. My plan is better. All passengers step on the scales at check-in and pay according to their weight. If you exceed a baseline weight for your height, you pay an increase accordingly. Someone said that making fun, jokes, etc. of fat people is the last taboo..that fat people are the last minority we can make fun of…only problem with that is that in the U.S. the “overweight and obese” now make up the majority.

Hugo, Obama, and the Dick

There was no smell of sulfur at last week’s Summit of the Americas. Venezeula’s El Thugo, Hugo Chavez, missed George Bush and his after-shave scent of Satan. Instead, he got a whiff of Obamaman, a strong, confident, clean smell exuding strength and honesty of character. Obama was confident enough to shake the little wwf wrestler-dictator’s hammy hand…a gesture that said to the world…yo, dude, you don’t scare us. Bunker Boi Dick, “The Dick” Cheney, self-proclaimed president-in-exile, condemned “The Handshake” as a sign of jimmycarter-style weakness. As opposed to Bush-Cheney-style weakness and insecurity that demanded a captured terrorist be water-board tortured six times a day for 30 days. Torturing prisoners is Cheney’s standard of a strong nation. Shaking the hand of an opponent is weakness in his tortured mind. Phew, what’s that odor coming from the Dick’s bunker in Hell?

Must read book of the week: #2 seller on
The Open Veins of Latin America…five centuries of the pillage of a Eduardo Galeano. Presented to President Obama by Hugo Chavez.

KillJoy Was Here

Beware if you’re packing heat and want to drink ardent spirits in eating/drinking establishments in Ohio. Restaurants in this wild and wooly (mid)western state must prominently display signs warning of a felony commission should you be carrying a firearm. How can the NRA stand for this flagrant violation of Second Amendment rights to drink without the protection of a Glock 19.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.…. Mitch Ratcliffe

OMG…older, ugly female person can sing !!

Can you believe it? This deserves to be right up there with Batboy and Patrick Swazee’s fourth cancer death on the cover of the National Enquirer, “Ugly, homely woman sings.”

American idol contestant and YouTube sensation Susan Boyle shocked American Idol judges and audience by opening her mouth and revealing a voice like an angel. But look at her. Holy sheeeet….how could she possibly even carry a tune, let alone belt out in perfect tonal ranges words set to music…aka a song. Damn…12 million YouTube viewers must also have been totally shocked. Wonders never cease. See it here:

Hunting Reason

Ah, yes…the spirit of the great American hunter lives large in Kansas City, MO… KC Star ad this morn has ad section from a local for tents, fishing rods, coolers and a full page of firearms. Just what I want in my pocket…a semiautomatic Glock .45. Got protect myself in the field from those marauding ground squirrels.

Just a Dog

Friday morning I walked our dog Pippen along our familiar Chicago riverwalk. I walked differently, the leash limp, no tugs, no behind the back twists, stops and starts. My steps felt hallow, too quick with no purpose save forward progression. Everything the same, as every other morning except Pippen was not on the end of the leash. He lay dead in his doggie bed, the first morning in almost 16 years he failed to charge out the door barking in fierce territorial warnings…, I live here, here I am. But this morning he wasn’t. Although I tell myself he was “just a dog” it now feels like some the air has gone out of our lives.

We brought our Cairn Terrier home June 12, 1993, a three-month old shaggy pup who couldn’t hold his ears up yet. Our seven year-old son named him Pippen, for his favorite Chicago Bull, Scotty Pippen, and a Cairn being of Scottish ancestry…bred to flush out rodents from the cairn (stone) fences on Scottish farms.

He lived adventures that most dogs live. As a pup he almost drowned in a fish pond in Columbus, Ohio; delivered proudly a rabbit’s head, a raccoon tail and various animal parts to our back door. Ate a half pound block of grandmother’s Parmigiano-Reggiano she had hidden in her suitcase just back from Italy. Transferred to our house on two occasions fresh skunk spray. Sat still and silent for a day and a half without eating or drinking to stalk a chipmunk hiding in the wall of our backyard tool shed. He got it. Chased a thousand squirrels without a moment’s hesitation or doubt that this time he’d catch it. Pulled our kids through the snow in a sled; chased and jumped forever catching snowballs or water from the lawn sprinkler. Patrolled our kitchen floor incessantly for any crumb and what his tongue didn’t find his nose captured and savored the essence of whatever we cooked. He was a dog. And I often heaped human expectations unfairly on him. Jokingly called him a HUB…hairy useless beast; cursed his shedded fur clustered like dust in every corner. And he lived up to my expectations more often than not; in sixteen years barely an accident in the house; obedient to a fault. Can a dog exhibit a quality such as considerateness? Pippen, rarely sick a day in his life, died suddenly (and to our observations, painlessly), not lingering, mitigating any inconvenience and worry. A good dog to the end.

We buried him Saturday, a cold crisp sunny day in Michigan, where every summer he enjoyed and reveled in the scents of the wild. We never expected him to live this long. We never expected him not to. We never knew how much we would miss him.

Professor Obama

Watching Obama’s press conference last night I was struck not only by his eloquence and ability to offer detailed, rational and sensible explanations to questions, but also by his aversion to succinctness and tendency to over-answer, his inability to stop himself after answering the question and continue to restate and build on and explain again his answer.

Although I think he could be a more effective communicator by curtailing his long, professorial lecture-like answers, it’s not difficult to appreciate his eloquence over what we were subjected to during the past eight years. While listening to Obama, I kept envisioning what it would sound like if Obama channeled Bush and gave Bush-like press conference replies. To most of the questions, Obama would hunch his shoulders, lean forward, squint his eyes together and say things like:

“Yeah, well, that’s not what we’re doin’. My budget means freedom, you know, for all the peoples.”

“Yeah, well, so what? next question.

“Tim Geithner…he’s a good man. That means he’s not bad. I stand on him 100 percent.” next question.”

“Yeah, this economy’s a war. I’m a war President. Look, picture me like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Y’all with me?”

You gotta hand it to old George the Past Prez, he knew what succinctness was all about. Those awful instances when he did try to explain something in-depth he would get himself tangled hopelessly in his own words and end up gesticulating vehemently to draw attention from his inarticulateness, like a dog whupped for peeing on the floor who turns around a starts licking himself.

Mr. Obama’s professorial lectures may sound like relief from years of tortured Bush utterances, but the American people are notoriously fickle and easily bored. In four years, we hope eight, Americans will again be hankering fur a real plain-speakin’ dude or dudess who’ll give us simple one-line answers to in-depth complex questions. Take it to the bank… I mean Treasury, pardner.

The B Word

What’s a five letter word for greed, corruption and moral turpitude? In today’s recession-wracked economy it seems the B-Word, BONUS, is the new dirty word for the depravity and excess exemplified by the AIG bonus-bestowed instant millionaire employees._
It wasn’t that long ago that the Bonus word adhered closely to its original meaning, from the Latin for “good.” Bonum, boni, bona, bonum, bono, bonum._

In one of my favo movies, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” Clark Griswold, food technologist and inventor of the non-nutritive cereal varnish” and “the last real family man,” stakes his purchase of a backyard swimming pool family xmas gift on his receipt of his annual xmas salary bonus check. We worry with him when his bonus check is late and cheer him along as he rants against his boss when he finally receives a “Jelly of the Month Club” gift certificate in lieu of a bonus check….“I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless,dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?

Latin for the opposite of bonus? Malus. As in: Noun
malus (plural maluses)
(business) The return of performance-related compensation originally payed by an employer to an employee as a result of the discovery of a defect in the performance.

Do the new government-funded AIG welfare millionaire employees have a malus clause in their contracts?


Did John Stewart Save the Economy?

Ever since Comedy Central’s Daily Show host John Stewart vivisected CNBC TV’s financial entertainers…Maria Bartiromo, madmoney Jim Cramer et al, the stock market and other key financials have improved steadily.

Kraziest Pope Ever?

Pope Benny (the Ninny?) un-excommunicates holocaust-denier Bishop Richard Williamson, then backtracks after a world-wide uproar (what ever happened to infallibility?…I know, it only applies to pronouncements on faith, etc); now, in a trip to Africa, the only continent that shows growth in the Catholic faith, he says that condoms are not the answer to AIDS and will only help spread the disease that infects more people on that continent (67%) than anywhere else in the world. In response to critics who say he might be a bit out of touch with reality, he quips “the myth of my solitude makes me laugh.” Ha ha.

Bonus Boners…some of the recently revealed multi-million dollar bonuses awarded to hundreds of AIG geniuses were described as “retention bonuses.” AIG says the new millionaire employees are no longer with the firm.

Thanks, Dick Cheney

Thank you Dick Cheney…for reminding me to ask: Why in the hell aren’t you behind bars? Opening my meager news-filled yet color photo-laden Chicago Tribune this morning to the headline: Cheney says Obama puts U.S. at risk. Wait a minute, who is this guy? Oh, yeah, Dick Cheney, former Vice Prez and the personification of pure political evil. This is the guy who cooked up the unnecessary U.S. invasion of Iraq. That’s right, attack a country that didn’t attack us and that presented no viable threat to us. His Halliburton Boyz would make Iraq’s oil safe and secure for Big Oil companies; Iraqis would scatter flowers along the roads in appreciation of our occupation. Oh, well, so they were IEDs instead of flowers…we rid the world of an evil dictator, by golly. One down, dozens more. This is the guy who transformed America from a moral standard guiding light for all nations to a country that promoted torture of prisoners, perverting its Constitution and military code of honor; this is the guy who used the attack of September 11, 2001 on America (hey, Dick, 9-11 happened on your watch, buddy !) as a cudgel of fear to promote the the political agenda of his morally bankrupt Republican Party. There is more than enough evidence, alone on the basis of his violation of the Geneva Conventions regarding treatment of prisoners, to try and hopefully convict him for war crimes. Put America at risk? Dick Cheney…you need to take ownership of that accomplishment.


President Obama is being criticized for working too hard. He’s trying to do too much…trying to do too many things…like trying to save America. One day he’s passing and signing a stimulus bill to save and create jobs. Then he’s trying to get health care for all Americans. Next he’s trying to stop global warming, then reform education spending and then make the rich pay more taxes. Today he signed a bill that was Bush’s responsibility last October to keep the government running. WTF’s what’s wrong with this guy, anyway? After two terms of Bush’s nonadministration, a reign that saw the not-present-dent literally on-vacation for almost half his eight years, we now have a President who wants to earn his pay by working. As a teenager I once worked as a gopher on a construction site and got chewed-out by a boss for doing my little pick-things-up job too fast. “Hey, kid, slow the fcuk down, you making us look bad…we gotta make this job last,” he advised none too kindly. Maybe that’s Obama’s problem. The nation got used to a lazy President. “Slow down, Barack, making us look bad,” say the Repoobs.


* national obsession with chewing on pre-digested food, belched up from first stomach of ruminants (cud-chewing)

Does anyone under age 70 listen to Flush Phlegmball? Let’s be honest here…this guy’s audience base are geezer rednecks.

Is the nation finally thru agonizing over First Lady Michelle’s sleeveless dresses and muscular arms?(does she need a Snuggie?) What’s next, a national discussion of her Dress Barn-size booty? Remember E.U.’s Da Butt?

A college in Liverpool, England is offering a Master’s Degree in Beatle-ology. Maybe some Kentucky college could offer a GED certificate in Billy Ray Cyrus-ology…achy-breaky studies.

Has anyone ever seen a more sad-sack, depressed-looking, barely-engaged person than Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner? I know the economy is down, but couldn’t this guy ever smile or show some sign that real blood flows thru his veins?

(like my photoshoped pic of Flush above?…Shepard Fairly did it with an AP pic of Obama and became a rich posterboy…hmmm)

Snuggies? Naw…try these..

Put down that phone…do not call that toll-free number to purchase your new Snuggie…the blanket with sleeves…do not join the millions of Snuggie-wuggies until you have seen Praajek’s new line of products WITH SLEEVES. These new warmers WITH SLEEVES are just what you need on these cold recession (depression?) plagued evenings. With a Snuggie, you are only covered in the front, all hospital gowney leaving your backside exposed to the elements. Praajek’s new line of recession-warmers…WITH SLEEVES…will warm your cockles and arms and make you the envy of your friends. To hell with your 401k…stay really warm where you really need it with Praajek’s new warmers WITH SLEEVES.

The Chuggie…it’s a chair WITH SLEEVES !

The Tuggie…it’s a toilet WITH SLEEVES !

….and just off the Child China assembly lines, the new Buggie, a bed pillow WITH SLEEVES !

Operators are sitting, peeing and sleeping…(in sleeves) to take your orders. For more info email them at