Randomoniums

Nationalizing the banks? Next they'll be talking about nationalizing the forests!

Snarkies re:The President's speech last night:

Michelle shoulda had Queen Latifa sitting next to her instead of that tiny lil' school girl who someone dressed up in clothes that made her look like an adult..a midget/lil' person..Michelle looked gigantic.

What did Prez Obama say to Supreme Ct dude Clarance Thomas? “yo bro u a disgrace to our race.”

Did Nancy Pelosi's pea soup green mao-like jacket make you queezy, too?

Best-received line of the night: “…checks are on the way.”

Can you imagine Bush saying this line?: “I suffer no allusions.”

It's a shame that the President of the US had to remind Americans that “living our values makes us stronger.”

What was that Repoob
rebuttal? Bobby “Slumdog” Jindal looked a bit bewildered.. starring in “Who wants to be a Republican?”

Obama Whups Jesus

A new national popularity poll shows President Barack H. Obama beating the robes off Mr. Jesus H. Christ. The Harris poll, conducted since 2001 to measure who Americans see as their top hero, was the first time that Mr. Christ did not emerge as the top, numero uno, all-american hero. According to Mr. Christ, Obama’s victory this year was a fluke, possibly an error, and possibly fraud,

“Jesuschrist !,” said, Mr. Christ, “What the hell is my country coming to? Do folks think this guy can walk on water? Heal the sick and turn water to wine?…I’m thinking of challenging him to a little hoops… one-on-one…and he can name the court. And when I kick his hero-ass I’ll tell him how he should spend that stimulus money.”

“Let’s do this, Big O.”

Presidential Brush-Cutting

Former Presidents Raygun and Bushwipe spent their off-White House time on ranches cutting brush. Their love of brush-cutting was only exceeded by their fondness for fondling Pentagon generals’ warmongering genitals. This obsession with brush-cutting is fertile ground for amateur and professional psychiatrists…i.e. their need to “brush” up against peace, start a war; need to expiate personal guilt; cleanse the land of their blood-scourged adventures; (have at it yourself all you headshrinkers)…(Clinton was too busy cutting bush to cut brush.) Obama recently returned to his south-side Chicago city “ranch” to play gym basketball and eat southern style cooking. He needs an outdoor activity. I suggest he adapt the brush-cutting precedents of former presidents by filling potholes in the city streets. That would be a studly urban winter activity equivalent to brush-cutting. Any ideas for summer months? Just hope he doesn’t take up golf.

Bar the Czars (Tsars)

Obama Administration’s recent announcement that it would not be appointing a “Car Czar” to oversee the American auto industry’s bailout funds might mean that we’ve seen the end of these Capitalist Government Czars. It always seemed strange that the government felt compelled to evoke the term “czar” which is derived from the term for monarch or king and often used in Russia as a term for supreme authority or absolute leader.

We’ve had drug czars, inflation czars, Bush wanted a war czar (thought president was commander-chief?), didn’t Clinton want a nookie czar,? and now a car czar. Maybe we’ve seen the end of this nonsense nomenclature. Instead of Car Czar how about an Auto Führer ?

The Competitive Edge

Sports performance enhancing is as old as sports itself. From exterior applications…special clothes, shoes, instruments, to supplements and ingestibles, people who play sports have always attempted to improve their performance. How many gold medals did Michael Phelps win because of his specially designed swimming skin, Speedo’s Fastskin FS-PRO swimsuit, the fastest and most powerful lightweight swimsuit ever made? Tiger Woods’ Nike Victory Red blade apparently aides his distance and accuracy performance off the tees. An entire industry is based on the creation of lighter, powerful sweet-spot aiming tennis racquets, while sports physical-enhancement products such as GatorAid are not only ingested like water but doused in celebratory high-fivin’ on coaches and players like tent-revival holy baptismal water. What about black grease and plastic strips under the contrast-deficient footballer eyeballs? (maybe eye strips printed with Scripture references give the wearer a psychological boost) Those compression “shorts” under the loose baggy NBA “longs” prevent injury, increase endurance. NBA court shoes are advertised as high jumping enablers more powerful than any steroid concoction. Allen Iverson’s All-Star footwear features an on/off switch with technology that allows him to turn on an internal pump that inflates the shoe.

Whether it’s a technology uplift or chemical boost, maximizing performance, getting the edge on competitors, seeking that special advantage in sports is and has always been the American Way.

Just as we embrace the latest technological advance in sportswear, equipment, energy and hydration products we need to get over our hypocritical views on steroids and drug enhancement by our professional athletes. Stop all this needless drug testing, moralizing and teeth-gnashing that our youths will be ruined if they see their sports idols “roiding -up.” Let athletes be the best they can be. If a baseball player feels that steroids can help him hit more home runs then that should be his decision. (If his health insurance provider wants to penalize him for possible health risks due to adverse side-affects, then that’s between the insured and the insurer.) Let’s level the playing fields. Stop banning drug-use by athletes. Let everyone choose to have whatever advantage, superfast swimwear, inflatable shoes or a shot of steroids. And then, may the best athlete win.

Michael Phelps Goes to White Castle

Oh, Michael Phelps… OMG…just how much can America handle? After everything this country has endured in the recent past…eight years of Bush, the great financial meltdown (WallStreet Syndrome…right down thru the core of America’s economic stability)…Gov. Blago, Sarah Palin, Drew Peterson, Ann Coulter, Flush Phlegmball, Abu Garib, and weekly cringe-inducing celebrity DUI arrests, cell phone attacks and public execrationary outbursts…after this and much more, America now weeps and gnashes its over-whitened teeth as a result of this latest final outrageous slap-in-the-face….its latest hero caught on a cell phone camera smoking pot. Sadam and Gonorrhea ! How could Phelps, America’s web-toed golden amphibian, let us down like this.? Don’t cry for him, America. Arrest him, put him on trial…assuming he doesn’t try to flee in a white Bronco…bring him to justice. If the bong fits, you can’t acquit. Gawd, please don’t tell us he did a keg stand, too.

At least it was a water bong.

Team Obama Axes Taxes…their own

What is it with Team Obama and paying their taxes? Most American people work hard, pay their taxes and pay their taxes and…pay their taxes. Why do fat cats like Tom Daschle and Timothy Geithner think they can avoid paying their taxes until they get nominated for a top administration job? Geithner survived and was confirmed…Daschle bows out after Obama “stands behind him.” Now a third Team O member, Nancy Killefer, withdrew her candidacy to be the first chief performance officer because she didn’t pay her nanny taxes. Who’s next? Michelle? Maybe Big O should nominate Russ Smyth, Chief Executive Officer of H & R Block as the new Chief Performance Officer. Obama’s campaign defended itself noblely against opponents’ ridicule that paying taxes is patriotic..which it is. But is this display of partiotism limited to the average American taxpayer excluding the Gifted Chosen Ones trusted to set new ethical standards and restore good government. What happened to Obama’s pledge of a new ethical day in Washington? Was it single one day only?

check out Death and Taxes: good sounding band.

“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.” — … Albert Einstein

“The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.” — John Maynard Keynes

“Death and taxes may be certain, but we don’t have to die every year.” — Unknown

“Optimist: Someone who sets aside two hours to do his income tax return.” — Unknown

“I wouldn’t mind paying taxes — if I knew they were going to a friendly country.” — Dick Gregory

“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.” — Herman Wouk

“Tax reform means, ‘Don’t tax you, don’t tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree.'” — Russell Long

GNC Junk Mail


Hardcord shock and rage exploding like nitro in an asylum. Words out of a nutty military storm trooper special forces manual? Maybe a description of terrorist tactics from a Robert Ludlum novel?

Nah. Hardcore. Shock, Rage, Xplode, Nitro, Asylum are the names of anabolic steroid-enhancing muscle-building protein products from GNC. These “sports nutrition” concoctions, usually in powdered form, are promoted to enhance your workout, “to help you reach your personal best.” But what are these product names meant to convey? Hardcore muscle-heads, use these and you’ll be shocked full of rage, ready to explode like nitro with a one-way ticket to the asylum. Personal best, baby.

PETA Veggie Sex Ad Banned

PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) is often an easy target for ridicule. In their quest for animal rights they’ve been known to go over the top once in awhile. One new tactic to promote their cause doesn’t focus on inhumane treatment of animals but seeks to show the benefits of not eating meat and eating alternatively more vegetables. This is the same advice dispensed by all major health and nutrition organizations, including the U.S. government. PETA’s new TV ad, banned by NBC for its Super Bowl Sunday event, is barely indistinguishable from Victoria’s Secret TV ads which saturate the airways. Or less offensive than Pfizer’s ubitquitious TV ads selling the most abused recreational drug ever concocted by man: Viagra. For sheer lasciviousness PETA’s “Veggie Love” ads can’t compete with Viagra’s leering antique TV males singing and winking about four day-long viva erections.

NBC’s email asking PETA to edit their ad is actually more shocking than the actual ad. The NBC email reads: Sent via e-mail
The PETA spot submitted to Advertising Standards depicts a level of sexuality exceeding
our standards. Listed below are the edits that need to be made. Before finalizing the
spot, we would like to view a Quicktime file as well as a DVD with high resolution.
:12- :13- licking pumpkin
:13- :14- touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli
:19- pumpkin from behind between legs
:21- rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin
:22- screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)
:23- asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina
:26- licking eggplant
:26- rubbing asparagus on breast
Victoria Morgan
Vice President, Advertising Standards
NBC Universal

See the PETA ad below. and maybe PETA should adopt the Danish approach to promoting veggies:
Firmafrugt: The Danish Workplace Fruit Initiative
Denmark is the only country with a well-established program bringing the “Five a Day” fruit and vegetable concept into the workplace. In Denmark, this is actually a six-a-day program, called “6
om dagen”.

Here’s one of there posters to promote “6-a-Day…of course the Danish pronunciation of the number “six” is ….sex.
http://www.petatv.com/swf/video.swf?v=veggie_love_011609_high
‘Veggie Love’: PETA’s Banned Super Bowl Ad

Gulag-tanamo

For the past seven years Guantanamo Naval Base in Cuba has contained a military detention camp-turned Gulag that is the shame of modern western civilization. It will finally be shut down by the Obama administration as soon as it is decided where to re-locate the detainees. Here is the solution: re-locate them to the North-Texas neighborhood of Preston Hollow, the formerly all white-restrictive tony enclave in suburban Dallas to where former president George Walker Bush and wife Laura have just moved. Now that non-whites are allowed, the Gitmo detainees would fit right in.

Until 2000, the Preston Hollow neighborhood association’s covenant said only white people were allowed to live there, though an exception was made for servants. The document, enacted in 1956, reads:

“Said property shall be used and occupied by white persons only except these covenants shall not prevent occupancy by domestic servants of different race or nationality in the employ of a tenant.”

The Government could purchase a house in the Preston Hollow hood and convert it to a half-way house. Gitmo detainees could be assigned community service projects in Preston Hollow, such as clearing brush from around Bush’s new home, a 8,500-square-foot house with a market value of $2.1 million on a cul-de-sac on Daria Place. Detainee service volunteers might also be put to work building a new community water-boarding park and maybe a Bush Museum of Extreme Rendition.

American Surge

Yes we did…and in response to overwhelming requests for a reprise of my lastest release, “American Surge,” which celebrates Obama’s victory, below is posted the lyrics…complete musicrant with vocals and original music can be downloaded by clicking right over on the right side…

American Surge © 2008, Praajek

They lined up early. They lined up late.
They lined up all day couldn’t wait
For change
this time
they had
they had the urge
this time
they had
they had the nerve
this time
it was
it was their dime
this time it was
an American surge.

The road was rough, dark the skies
Raining fear, raining lies
Of fist bumps, flag pins
Greek columns.

The dreams were long. Dark the nights
Reaching heights, Like touching stars
On a trip to Mars
Across a bridge
To nowhwhere sailin’
Thanks, but no thanks, Sarah Palin.

Two years on the road.. Thru the slick of slime
Spreading lies like feeding flies.
Spreadn your wealth
Tests the nation’s
Mental health.
Now we can say
Say out loud
It’s not the journey
it’s the destination

Enemies to the left. Foes on the right.
Crazy Man wrong. Holy Man Wright
GodDamn, America
Beware the triple six hystercia
Six Pakin’ Joe where’d you go
What a bummer…
Mutated as a plumber.

Pot holes deep. Speed bumps high
Tripped up knocked down do or die
Muslim celebrities on their knees
Elitist Socialist next-door folks
Terrorists hoax
From tiny acorns
Grow fraudulent oaks.

The battle raged, deep the wounds
Foes soon reap
What they sowed
To sadly affect
The bradley effect.
Their only hope…
Steal the vote

Left behind, they warned we’d be
Unamerican in a godless
Metropolis
No bailout for socialists Hussains
Just sell-out anti-christ
Redistributionsts
Where elitism reigns.

But they lined up early, they lined up late
They lined up all day couldn’t wait
For change
they had an urge
They said yes we can
And yes we did
It was an American surge.

American Surge © 2008, Praajek

Randomoniums


Barack’s speech….not the super-speech expected. Good. But kept waiting for that “Ask not…” line.

Too much religion..too many prayers. Watching the inaugration I thought I was in church.

Gotta love Michelle’s hair…looked fantastic.

Michelle’s green dress looked as if it were cut from the old drapery in the Bush master bedroom. (Michelle, stay with Maria Pinto) Her green gloves borrowed from Kermit the Frog?

Barack can’t dance.

Please spare us from Stevie Wonder. More Beyonce, please.

Chris Matthews on MSNBC said that looking at Obama from a Jumbotron on the Mall he must look like a raisin on the stage.

Ray Romano is not funny.

Shakira is too hot.

Our Long National Nightmare is Over


Air Force One wheels-upped from National Airport in D.C. just a few minutes ago. As it floated over the skies of the District an audible collective cheer shook the huge 474 carrying George Walker Bush out of town. I suspect Shrub’s last ride on the Big Plane will feel crescendos of relief and good riddance from America all along the flight path to Texas. Yes, our long national nightmare is over. Let the war crimes trials begin.

Two Wasted Days


Yes, I’ve just wasted two beautiful cold days of Bush Bashing…lords & lordesses forgive me. In his farewell “speech” the other night Mr. Bush recited as one of his great accomplishments that under his rule he “kept America safe.” Wait a minute, didn’t the 9-11 terrorist attacks happen on his watch? Thought so. Remember that security briefing a month before the attacks that warned “bin Laden determined to attack America”? The one that Shrub ignored and/or dismissed…but hey, the man was on vacation. And while Katrina sunk New Orleans, Bush’s vacation took priority. Just some of his many record-number of escapes from work and responsibilities. Bush has taken more vacation days during his eight years in office than any sitting U.S. President..more than 900 days, about one third of his presidency. This from ThinkProgress:
Bush’s dig at Congress for being on vacation is ironic, as he rivals Ronald Reagan for the title of “presidential vacation-time record holder.” Some highlights of Bush’s time away from the office: * – Attended 95 sports-related events. * – Made 74 trips to his Crawford ranch, for a total of 466 days. * – Made 142 trips to Camp David, for a total of 450 days. * – Attended 327 fundraising events for Republican candidates and causes.

We can’t just let this bozo slink away to Camp David to stagger around clearing brush in a stupor of legacy fantasies of history book vindications as his last weekend as All-powerful Decider comes to a merciful end. I must have succumbed to Bush Repressed Memory Syndrome or perhaps subconsciously overcome with an inappropriate feeling of compassion. Shame on me. I think I’m bashed-out…and bushed out.

Only Three Days Left to Bash Bush

So many fcuk-ups to account for, so little time. In honor of Mr. Bush’s Final Days here are the lyrics to my super (s)hit musicrant of 2007, “Ask Yo Docta.” (to download the mp3..see column on right side)

Ask Yo Docta (Afta the Fall)

© n’flay’td faatha, 2007
aka n’flaytee, aka PraaJek

Afta the 9 eleven
Afta the twins did fall
Afta the dust did setta
Afta the eyes rub raw
Afta the eyes cried
Fcukin world B on R side
We force
A midda finger
In the face
Of helping hands on
Peace
We slamm the open door
And beat the drums
Of a rummy’s war.

After the party’s over
After we swallowed hard
The lil’ pill that’s oval
The lil’ pill that’s blue
The lil’ pill that make you
stand up straight & true
Yo betta ask yo docta
If Bush B right for you.

Afta the struttin an pompa
Afta the mission accompa
Afta The Emperor’s flightsuit swagga
Not like Mick Jagga
Mo like Pee Wee Herman
Exposin’ a foul beast slouchin’ slow
Toward Bagdad
Draggin’ big dad’s bag
Left at the junction
Caused a maja wardrobe malfunction.

After the party’s over
After we swallowed hard
The lil’ pill that’s oval
The lil’ pill that’s blue
The lil’ pill that make you
stand up straight & true
Yo betta ask yo docta
If Bush B right for you.

After the US Attorneys sackin’
By the Injustice Department attackin’
And Rovin hands hijackin’
Votin’ booths and pollin’ places
Circling the faith-based bases
Scorin’ red state aces.

Afta Katrina outrages
The sins of immigrant wages
Afta Congressional hustling
Afta Republicans lustin
Afta Capitol Pages

Afta the patriot act pornin’
Afta Cheney’s terror warnings
A new American censored morning
And Neocons pounding and banging
For a public hanging
Of a sadistic sadaam
Thank you madaam for what
The cell phone caught
In the hell
Of an Abu Garib jail.

Afta Iraqi destruction
Afta wacky reconstruction
Afta the taxpayer pocket suction
Afta the Christian fathaland security
Fingerprints and blue eyed purity
After the Halliburton contract scammin’
It’s Gitmo if yo say taka hike
And rectal scannin’
Fo no 2
Asshos look alike.

After the party’s over
After we swallowed hard
The lil’ pill that’s oval
The lil’ pill that’s blue
That make you stand up straight & true
It’s too late to ask yo docta
If Bush was right for you.

It’s too late to ask yo docta
If Bush was right for you.

It’s too late to ask yo docta
If Bush was right for you.

PETA Blames US Airways for Bird Deaths

People for the Ethical Teasing of Animals today issued a statement accusing US Airways of cruelty to bird animals after an unknown number of innocent avian Canadian geese were sucked into the jet engines of the airliner that crashed-landed in the Hudson River today. “News reporters and US Airways are calling this a “bird attack,” the statement read. “Innocent birds were slaughtered today and met their fate in the most horrible manner imaginable. We call on the airline industry to investigate this unprovoked attack on innocent birds and to set new aviation standards and rules to avoid future animal slaughters such as took place today.” The government of Canada is also reportedly calling an emergency meeting of its homeland security ministers to decide on its reaction to the attack on its national avians living in the U.S.

Mountain High…Valley Low

Barack Obama enjoys the highest approval ratings a president-elect has ever earned. Seventy one percent of the American people approve of Obama as of Jan. 14, 2009.

Current President George Walker Bush, who came into office wearing running shoes and leaves barefoot needing a walker, slinks from his eight year reign of error on the only “high” history will remember him for…a 61% disapproval rating…One of the highest disapproval rates of any President. Good news, it’s down from 75% in Nov. just before the election. Come on Shrub, you got 5 days left to break the record.

Last Ditch Raid 2 Get Osama?

Are secret plans underway to stage a covert military raid to capture Osama bin Laden before Bush leaves office next week? Previous media reports have bin Laden hiding in the ‘rooftop of the world’, the Karakoram section of the Himalayan range along Pakistan’s borders with Afghanistan and China.

The CIA reports bin Laden in the ‘rooftop of the world’, the area of Pakistan that borders Afghanistan to the west, in particular the chain of mountains in the province of Nurestan, and China to the north near the Chitral district of northern Pakistan. PraaJek’s sources report Mr. Bin Laden is actually in the area of Kuru, Pakistan…Kurū : location: Dir, N.W.F.P., Pakistan, coordinates: 35° 0′ 13″ North, 71° 38′ 34″ East.

One of the most glaring failures of the Bush regime’s time in power was it’s inability or determination to find and bring to justice bin Laden. This week could be Bush’s last chance to go out waving bin Laden’s head as he heads to the inaguration of his successor Obama. It’s a high-risk operation that Bush believes could mitigate his miserable legacy. Or simply add to the misery.

Click to enlarge secret CIA satellite photo to see where ObL is living…maybe it’s my imagination but I swear I see Osama walking down a mountain.

Financial War Crimes

War crimes trials for Bush and his war-monger henchstaff….Cheney, Rummy, Condi, ? If the extent of the death and destruction of American and Iraqi lives, the torture of POWs in Abu Garib and GitMo is considered, coupled with the vast economic toll the illegal and unnecessary war inflicted on the American economy is measured, then surely justice and accountability is called for. But what about the financial meltdown of the American economy? Who will hold accountable the financial titans whose mismanagement and greed led to the collapse of the American economy…the board members and heads of AIG, Lehman Brothers, Freddy & Fannie and others. The Obama Administration needs to consider a war-crimes type commission/investigation of the perpetrators who succeeded in doing Osama bin Laden’s dirty work…destroying America by attacking its core strength…its economy.

Christmas Love Past

Ah, the memories. Early Sixties. I was in the third grade. A Christmas Pageant for our parents and onstage we filed one-by-one each holding a sign with a single letter that would spell the warm and fuzzy message: CHRISTMAS LOVE. Except we somehow got out of line, mixed up, marched and lined-up holding above our shaggy holiday heads our assigned letters. And spelled instead of Christmas Love.

C R E A M E S … H I S ….V O L T S

Sister Mary Agonista Sufferina, rushing onstage to re-arrange us…oh, the horror. Quickly we re-shuffled presenting our holy message to our puzzled parents..this time spelling:

C R A V E… H O T… S L I M S.

Holy Lord, muttered Sister Agonista Sufferina, this time recruiting the assured and martinet hands of Sister Atonna Flagalattia who whipped us in chaotic circles uttering tiny hot ejaculations of “holy-mother-of-god” and “jesus-mary & joseph.” Re-arranged again, our little arms now tiring from hoisting letters overhead, we sheepishly shouted in unison the elusive words, “Christmas Love” while overhead our cartoon call-outs shouted the words:

R E C T A L… H O S… V I M.

To vigorous applause, we were shooed off stage left.

Skunked


Poor Illinoisans…we went from ecstasy to agony in just two months…Obama’s election applied a new upscale, modern patina on the state…we were looking real good. Then Gov. Blago, like a skunk under the porch, was chased out onto our front lawn…wild-eyed and hissing. Now he’s spraying the neighborhood. The stench of his appointment of Roland Burris to Barack Obama’s senate seat will linger a little longer than it takes the American auto industry to turn things around and start building cars people actually want to buy and drive. Senator Obama is the Tesla Roadster of Illinois politicians…sleek, electric, fast and pennies per mile..ahead of it’s time. He’s being replaced in the Senate by Roland Burris, a 1976 Lincoln Town Car. Old school. Pompous, sluggish and gas-hogging. Over wrought and weighted down in the past. It still runs, albeit with an embarrassingly vintage gait.

2008 Suck..or Not?

Did 2008 Suck..or Not?

Here’s some of why…and not.

Cubs lost chance to win first World’s Series in 100 years.
…but Chicago (and the World) got an Obama Victory.

Obama picked Hillary Clinton to be his SOS
..but at least Bill won’t be sniffing for interns in the White House.

Gasoline prices soared to over $4 per gal.
…but, Americans drove less (and other factors) and gas dropped to under $2/gal.

John McCain booty-called Sarah Palin to be his runnin’ mate..thus putting his country second and risking America’s integrity, prestige, safety and security.
…but, Palin wasted no time exposing herself as a winkin’ u-betcha-ing comical idiot who could see Russia from her front porch, had a Kenyan witchdoctor cast out her witchiness in her church; spent over $200,000 of McCain’s campaign contributors’ funds on designer fashions for her, hubby and kids. (see Palin’s secret emails in my blog post of Sept. 18, 2008.

Bush (remember him?) lame-ducks and pet-goats his way thru his last year in office.
…but, he re-invigorated the shoe industry throughout the Middle East by deftly ducking a couple of fast shoes in Iraq. Bush may have surprised many with his ducking skills, but here is a man with a lot of practice ducking. He’s been ducking most of his life. Some examples: ducked military service in Viet Nam,; went AWOL from National Guard; ducked a drug test to disprove drug use; ducked paying attention to a national briefing titled “Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States” which led to the worst terrorist attack ever on U.S. soil; ducked responsibility for failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; ducked quick action to rescue victims of hurricane Katrina…didn’t want to duck his vacation. Sheeet, this sorry ducking list too long……..

Another year without capturing Bin Laden
…but, YouTube video of puppies captures America’s heart (see Prajek’s blog post of Nov. 30, 2008.)

Financial collapse of America.
…but, McDonald’s still has the $1 double cheeseburger (less one slice of cheese.)

Got your favo sucks of 2008?

2008 Members of the Pants-Down Club

Congratulations to newly-inducted members of the Class of 2008 Pants-Down Club. Thanks for the entertainment.

Elliot Spitzer, Gov. New York
John Edwards, former U.S. Senator and Presidential candidate.
Rep. Tim Mahoney (D-Fla.)..(replaced former pants-down Rep. -R-FLa.-Mark Foley)
Rep. Vito J. Fossella, the N.Y. Staten Island Republican
Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), who was on the DC Madam escort list, replaced former pants-down member Rep. Bob Livingston (R-LA),who “abruptly resigned after disclosures of numerous affairs” in 1998.
Kwame Kilpatrick; Mayor of Detroit, MI (currently relaxing in the Big House)
Larry Craig, U.S. Senator…although pleaded guilty to airport bathroom foot tapping in 2007, deserves re-induction to the 2008 Class because of the court’s denial in 2008 to reverse his guilty plea.
Plaxico Burris, a NY Giant…jury still out on your excuse for shooting yourself in the thigh in a club…do we smell an over-energetic lap dance here, perhaps?

Thanks and welcome all to the club..can we get some female pants-down members in 2009?

Trumph Hrumph

As a fitting symbol of America’s corporate excess, here in Chicago workers attached the final spire to the new Trumph Tower, the highest structure built since the Sears Tower in the 1960’s. Here photos show workers clinging the the corporate symbol of greed, adorning it in a glittering sheath of silver. Helicopters hover and work continues as I write this….click on images to enlarge.

Circuit City Hook Up

Must have watched too much TV over the holidays. Seen that cringe-inducing Circuit TV Ad with the creepy big-smiling nerdy predator whose wife yells “dinner-ready” while he’s dealing for an on-line hook-up..with..who? a teen, perhaps? Arriving at the bankrupt big box store a Circuit City pimp introduces him to an all-legs flat-chested TV and off they stroll together to his car for some visual electronic stimulation. Bankrupt? Oh yeah.

Ducati Model 271

Arab cobblers around the world are claiming craftmanship of the shoes worn and thrown by Iraqi journalist Muntader al-Zaidi. The now-famous brand, identified as Ducati Model 271, is also being called the “Bush Shoes.” Thousands are being clamored for and sold across the Middle East and will soon be available here in the U.S. Can’t wait for your new pair of Bush Shoes? Why wait? Just order the a new pair of Nunn-Bush shoes made right here in the U.S. Here’s my favorite: It’s called the “Thurston.”


Meanwhile, rumor of a planned Bush trip to the Phillipines and a courtesy meeting with former first lady Imelda Marcos might now be off the itinerary. Since Bush’s encounter in Iraq with the shoe throwing journalist, secret service staff now feel, although Mr. Bush proved his ability to deftly duck two shoes, a similar incident with Mrs. Marcos could overwhelm even Mr. Bush’s athletic abilities.

Obama’s Nobel Laureate 4 Energy


At last science bests religion…for public policy. No more Bush faith-based energy, health, environmental and economic policies. With the selection of Nobel-winning physicist Steven Chu, Obama sends a strong signal that public policies will be enacted on fact-based science. Bush’s faith-driven obsession even extended to government employee internet site restrictions…which is what most private sector companies do..except for what sites G-workers are allowed to surf to. For example You Tube is blocked, but god Tube is not. Nor is Jesus Tube. ‘long as the tube is a christian tube, then G-crats can access them. Holy tube.

Defending Blago..or Spare the Rod ?

The 76 page FBI affidavit accusing Illinois Guv. Rod Blagojevich of egregious corruption is mainly based on secretly taped telephone conversations. As in all court-approved federal wire-taps there are limits on what officials can tape… e.g.only conversations directly related to the investigation. If a taped conversation segues into another non-related topic the taping must cease, or that part of the conversation must be edited. The taped conversations released in the affidavit contain edited conversations. A source close to the case has provided PraaJek with transcripts of the unedited wiretapped conversations: here are a few of them…and sure, Blago does use spirited language…but it’s his way of expressing his passion for doing good…these expurgated comments shed a distinctly different light on Blago’s guilt or innocence. (The edited excerpts are in BOLD and Yellow )

The affidavit quoted the governor on a telephone call the day before Obama won his historic presidential victory talking about driving a “hard bargain.” (“for the good people of Illinois”) Blagojevich called the Senate seat “a [expletive] valuable thing. You just don’t give it away for nothing.” (“because it’s the peoples’ seat…and that’s priceless.”)

“I’ve got this thing and it’s [expletive] golden and uh, uh, I’m not just giving it up for [expletive] nothing,” (the people of Illinois deserve the best…it’s their gold and I intend to protect it.)he said two days later, according to the affidavit.

Blagojevich said he knew that Obama’s top choice was a certain candidate “but ‘they’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation,” (but that’s all I’d really expect…justa a little appreciation…) Blagojevich said to his chief of staff John Harris on Nov. 11. “F—k them.”(if they don’t even appreciate the fact that I’m just trying to serve the people of this great state.)

“During the call, Rod Blagojevich stated, ‘Unless I get something (for the citizens of Illinois which will be) real good for [Senate Candidate 1], s–t, I’ll just send myself (back down to Springfield) to, (“select the best possible person for this important senate seat”) you know what I’m saying?’ ” the affidavit says.

Blagojevich said that the consultants are telling him that he has to “suck it up” (“which I’m certainly willing to do”) for two years and (“I’ll be happy to”) do nothing and give this (“great new president ..and by the way…anyone who says he’s not great is a”) “motherf***er [the President-elect] his senator. F*** him (“and anyone who would get in the way of our great new President Barack Obama”) For nothing? (“would ever stop me from trying to do the right thing”.) F*** him.” (“and anyone else who would advise me to the contrary.”)

Got a lot more…stay tuned for further expurges.

Randoms

Illinois Guv.Blago’s 77 page FBI affidavit reads like a Sopranos TV script, sans whacking orders.

Prez-elect Barack’s never been so happy to have been called a MOFA.(Thanks Blago)

Bush’s new talking points for administration officials giving Final Days speeches about his accomplishments…e.g. “kept us safe after 9-11..”; “funded AIDS prevention in Africa…”; “maintained the honor and dignity of his office…” That last one translates into: never got a blow job from a White House intern.” Does Laura count?

Aw, the Puppies

….Latest internet webcam sensation at (link removed…pups sold to Plaxico Burress) takes you into the crib of sleeping puppies….aw, soooo cute…lil’ darlings….I can’t help thinking that these little rascals, with proper training, would make great little puppy fighters. Maybe when Michael Vick gets released from the Big House, he and his buds can start a new sport…puppy fighting…just think how much fun it would be to see these lil’ pugilistic pups go at each other…more fun than swingin’ a golf club…which reminds me, anyone hungry for a baby seal clubbed sandwich?

Canine Pugilisim & Golf

Poor Michael Vick. No, I really mean it. Poor Michael Vick. Arrested, tried, and incarcerated and deprived of a livelihood, in this case, millions of dollars as an NFL quarterback. All for engaging is a sport as old as mankind itself: dogfighting. Sure, he broke some NFL rules about gambling, although he has never been accused of gambling on his own sport, football. Here is a man who makes, (used to) his living in a blood sport predicated on for success sheer brute force, violence and breakneck clashing of human bodies in pursuit of thrusting an inflated rubber bladder wrapped in the skin of a cow across a goal line. (earliest footballs were actual inflated pig bladders.)

Americans today spend about $41 billion dollars a year on their pampered pets…..that’s about what we spend on food stamps for 26 million hungry Americans (mostly children) each year. Personally, I do not endorse a sport that violently pits animals against one another…(don’t endorse, but do enjoy watching footballers maim each other) but neither do I see the point of making dogfighting a capital offense deserving of serious jail time. There are obviously more serious crimes that society might address…prisons are already overflowing…indeed prison-building remains the last robust housing market in the country. Other sports involving humans result in brutality, blood, viciousness; other sports, such as golf, inflict a level of mind-numbing senselessness as to deserve equally harsh penal punishments. Dogfighting is a sport. These highly-trained pugilistic canines are warriors, 4-pawed gladiators with hearts and courage equal to any NFL running back or tight end. But let’s not forget…these are canines, dogs, bred by man to serve man. This is not human life were talking here. This is not murder. If Michael Vick euthanizes one of his four-footed fighters because it’s injured, he is doing exactly what any responsible horse race horse trainer would do. Vick’s punishment is completely out of whack with his “crime.” Just some (dog) food for thought.

Special Thanks


Special thanks to Bobbie and Jerry, one of the last happy hippie couples in America…two of the most creative and crazy book lovers and book laborers (as librarians, books are their labor of love), Bobbie used her wiley bookish charm to corner my favorite author Tom Wolfe recently in Chicago to sign his “I am Charlotte Simmons” novel for PraaJek himself. Girl, you good.

Cure for Sour Grapes

Know any Repooblickans who are still kickin’ over taking a licking’ on Nov. 4 ? Got just the cure. Miraculin is a glycoprotein extracted from a West African fruit plant. It’s not sweet itself, but when it touches the human tongue bitterness turns to sweetness. A persimmon or a lemon or anything citrusy sour will taste like sweet gummy bears…the taste change lasts for up to an hour. Bars in Chicago are offering the small red berries for $3 apiece and served with a variety of sour foods. Bitter about McPalin’s November whuppin? Pop a handful of miraculin berries sore losers, life will taste sweeter…maybe til Jan. 20.

PraaJek Declared: Sexiest Man "Alive"?

A romantic in a hard body, PraaJek leaves women saying “Oh … my … God”
Although some dude from Australia…or Austria or something like that has been named “The Sexiest Man of 2008,” PraaJek has wrestled the title of “Sexiest Man Alive,” from various sexy alive men across the Globe, according his blog, http://www.praajek.com. “I’d rather be “Sexiest Man Alive” than “The Sexiest Man Alive,” said PraaJek. Who needs “the.” Or “thee.”

Okaaaay….

Cheney is finally indicted….in Ramondville, Texas.

Lieberman awarded by Dems for Betrayal

Clinton zombies infect new Obama Administration

McCain Wins Missouri…still loses. (Missouri, don’t “show me” anything ever again !)

Action-hero film star John-Claude Van Damme is 5′ 9″ tall.

Eliot Spitzer’s hooker, call girl Ashley Dupré, looks so much like him that she could be his sister. (Come to Praajek, Silda, I’ll explain it all.)

Super Vette

Team Obama’s vette-centric application form for Administration job applicants has got the media, pundits and bloggers all a-twitter. His personal questions about embarrassing Facebook entries, nanny tax payments, etc. seem to go further than previous administration vetting processes. PraaJek is privy to additional questions that potential job candidates will have to answer in Vette II, Redux.
Check these out, candidates, and get your answers lined up.

Vette II

Do you now, or have you ever pal-ed-around with ANYONE who caused you embarrassment or who, if this/these entities were revealed, might cause embarrassment to the President?

Have you ever done anything during your entire life that was embarrassing. If yes, describe.

For Penile Candidates:
Have you ever worn black calf-length socks with summer shorts; or black socks with black dress shoes or black Rockports with any apparel commonly described as “shorts.”

For Vaginal Candidates:
Have you ever worn hair curlers and a mou mou while shopping in Walmart? If yes, please state approximate number of times and dates (year only, e.g. 2001)

Have you ever shopped at Walmart?

Have you ever visited pornographic internet web sites, aka engaged in porn surfing” for the purpose of either self=amusement, sexual gratification, curiosity or boredom? If yes, list your favorite sites, in order of preference and state reason…examples above.

Have you ever performed a “keg stand” If yes, were you photographed or videotaped? And was the beer brand domestic or foreign-produced.?

Stay tuned for more….

Bush Nick-names Obamas

Already heard about the new Secret Service code names for the First-family-elect…so here’s real news: Praajek’s sources inside the White House report that during the meeting with President-elect Obama, President Bush bestowed on the next President one of his famous nicknames. “Welcome to the White House, Obie,” Bush is reported to have addressed Obama. Once inside the Lincoln Bedroom, Bush also bestowed one of his special nick names on the First-Lady-elect Michelle. “And this, “BigMama,” is my favorite room in the whole place. Spend a lotta time here… under the covers…go to bed early every night.”

Gus, We Hardly Knew Ye


Americans are worried. The economy is tanking, two wars still raging, terrorism rampant around the world, Osama still on the loose. And most importantly, when will Sasha and Malia get their puppy? And what, dear Americans, what breed should it be? The Obamas say it has to be hypoallergenic. In memory of Gus, named the World’s Ugliest Dog coupla years ago and who died yesterday, the regal hairless breed, the Chinese Crested, might be a good choice for the First Family-elect. Cute as poop, easily paws around with terriers, such as Ayersdales., one look at this hairless little rat dog and you are instantly filled with Hope..hope for a better future…that this little thing can only get cuter as it grows. I can see Barack cuddling little “Scooter” as he deplanes from OForce One, setting him on the tarmac to skitter into the waiting and excited arms of Sasha and Malia. Oh, the Love, America.

Withdrawal

Must. Stop. Checking…. Huffington Post. Politico. FiveThirtyEight.com for campaign updates. Still waiting for Missouri to be decided…and for Al Franken to overcome his 200 vote deficit in Minnesota…and for the Alaskan Senate vote to be overturned…I can smell that one from my front porch. Help! Need election infusion..more polls please.

Obama da Bomb


Well, it’s finally safe to admit that Obama has not only been palling around with Bill Ayers. but he’s a card-carryin’ bomb throwin’ turist (sic) bent on bringin’ down the MAN. This photo, secured from a CIA operative who defected to the John Birch Society proves what the world has feared. Obama, tonight after declaring victory to a massive crowd in Grant Park, dressed in fatigues and bandoliers and a Che beret, declared “…this is our time…to throw, not overthrow, bombs across Amerika…aim accurately.”

Hail, Socialist Comrades !


Special message from Barack Obama…upon his magnificent total victory over the Capitalist Swine John McBush.

“Workers of Amerika Unite! I, Comrade Obama, congratulate you for your hard earned victory over the evil forces of Capitalism and Corporate Greed. Amerikan Workers have spoken in great masses tonight and tomorrow we shall march on across the land SPREADING THE WEALTH. All Praise for the New Socialist Amerika ! ” (click on photo to enlarge)

All Praise to Allah

Muslim Brutha Barack has ascended to the highest earthly throne to rule over his Kingly Kingdom in fulfillment of the Prophet’s Prophecies. Beware christian Infidels, you will now face the East and pray thrice daily, not just once a week. You wanted a theocratic nation, bible thumpas, and now you’ll have one ! From now on, it’s cous cous and shish kebabs, dudes!

Nervous? You Betchya !

How does McCain win? Fraud. Voter Suppression. Maybe the inclusion of foreign election monitors will help keep fraud to a minimum. Estimates show 2-4 percent fraud margins. In a landslide election, this might not be important. In a close election, 2 to 4 percent fraud makes the difference.

Russian observers to monitor U. S. vote

The National Post…. 10/23/08….Peter Goodspeed

Stung by international criticism of its presidential and congressional elections, Russia is striking back by sending a team of observers to monitor the U. S. presidential poll on Nov. 4.
Andrei Nesterenko, a spokesman with Russia’s Foreign Ministry, says Moscow will have eight election observers attached to a monitoring mission conducted by the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE).

The OSCE, which has infuriated the Kremlin in the past by criticizing elections in Russia and other post-communist states, is sending 62 election observers to the United States.
The mission, headed by Audrey Glover, the top British diplomat, includes a core of 13 international experts from the OSCE’s office in Washington and 48 international observers who will be deployed in teams of two around the country.
In addition to visiting polling stations on Nov. 4, they will study the election campaign, media coverage and issues of voter registration, identification and voters rights.
Russia’s Central Elections Committee has also assigned its Centre for the Study of Election Technology to review the U. S. election campaign.

2004 Redux?

Why didn’t Obama Hit Harder..or 2004 Redux?

Remember Nov.5 2004? John Kerry steps to the podium and concedes. Ohio was still in dispute…(still is)..and dems are cursing themselves for not responding aggressively to the Rove-Bush attack machines. The wind-surfing dude was sacked and labeled as cowardly French milk toast on a swift boat to hell. Leading up to election day Kerry was ahead in the polls, even in the exit polls. A Kerry Administration was all but inevitable. Then Ohio happened. And 4 mo years of Bushlife. Will we see a repeat of this harrowing scenario next week.? Will we be asking the Obmamians why they didn’t respond to the relentless onslaught of attacks from Rove-McCain-Palinistas? Obama’s depiction as a spread-the-wealth-socialist-tax-raising-celebrity-muslim pal of terrorist Bill Ayers who wants to teach little kids about explicit sex…. middle name Hussein…did we mention he’s Black? ..spell Barack backwards and you have K.(kill) C. (christians) Arab. Will the cost of lost opportunities to counter-attack be another defeat and four years more of wandering thru the Bush desert? Here’s a few missed opportunities of legitimate attack that, if pursued, might have made the difference between a close victory and a narrow defeat.

McCain’s association with terrorists G. Gordon Liddy and Carl H. Lindner Jr.

The Keating Five and McCain’s association with the savings and load scandal of ….barely mentioned.

McCain’s support for ACORN..if he’s gonna hit Obama for his, then why not showcase how McCain keynoted at ACORN’s national convention in 2006 and praised the organization.

MCain’s eight houses and 13 cars…could’ve had a lot more commercials about this.

McCain’s infamous temper and volatile temperament. Instances too numerous to cite.

McCain’s politically expedient choice of the unqualified winkin’ & blinkin’Sarah Palin which put America at risk.

McCain’s long history of working to de-regulate the financial sector. How did that work out, Senator?

McCain’s health plan…to tax employee health care benefits; force you shop around the country for a policy.

McCain’s tawdry personal life..how he dumped his first wife for the younger blond and filthy-rich Cindy-the-Trophy-wife

McCain’s often-confused state of mind. Does he really think Spain is in South America;

McCain’s impetuousness and tendency to make snap decisions; e.g. VP pick of Palin; financial crisis bailout reaction…fly to Washington to save the day…;

Lots of missed opportunities. Just hope we don’t have to look back and ask “Why didn’t Obama….?”

A Long Night

As a card-carrying supporter of the ACLU, greenpeace, peta, anmesty international, doctors-without-borders, pimps-without hos, and plumbers-without-license these halcyon days running up to Nov. 4 are fraught with fear, anxiety and second guessing about how to prepare oneself for a worst-case scenario Nov. 5 dreary dawn awakening to a McCain-Palin America. A morally bankrupt America atop a fiscally bankrupt America. Difficult to fathom yet all too possible. The dark forces of right-wing, christian theocratic rule are gathering and consolidating their armies of hate, lies and videotape to sneak the McCain-Palinistas into power. Voter supression, the repooblican party’s weapon-of-choice, is being re-constituted in states across the nation. If you can’t get people to vote for you, then keep people from voting for you opponent. From police intimidation and tricks such as “broken” voting machines at college campuses…remember 2004 …all across Ohio colleges, voting machines either “went missing,” limited to only one, or conveniently broke down. At Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio students waited in the rain all night…14 hours…to vote. Be prepared for a long night this Nov. 4.

The Palin Effect

There’s lots of talk about the Bradley Effect….when white voters enter the voting booth, despite the fact that they told pollsters they planned to vote for the Black candidate (Tom Bradley in California) they then punch the card for the white candidate. This November we could see a “Palin Effect” in which Republicans hover their stylus above McCain-Palin chads and are suddenly gripped by a cold chill…a little shudder at the thought of Sarah Palin…Sarah Palin winkin’ and blinkin’ at the Supreme Court Chief Justice as she is sworn-in …as either Vice or god-save us, President of the United States. Although Dick Cheney is the personification of political evil, one must admit that he is at least qualified..served as Secretary of Defense, chief of staff for a president…whatever you think of him, you have to admit he’s got the smarts and experience to be President. But Sarah Palin? Look for the “Palin Effect” to out-effect the “Bradley Effect.”

Sarah Palin’s Extremist Pals

Sometimes a story is just too important to simply amplify and build on. Here is a story from Salon that you have to read for yourself.

…“She was a member [of the AIP] when she was mayor of a small town, that was a nonpartisan job. But to get along and to go along she switched to the Republican Party … She is pretty well sympathetic because of her membership.”

Watch Palin welcome the Alaskan Independence Party convention:

Snakes on a Brain


John Sydney McCain has, over the years, been accused of having snakes in his head…from those days as a POW in Vietnam…(Manchurian Candidate?) …today he might have lent a bit of credence to that fear of McCain snakes. Addressing a group in Pennsylvania he said..”Across this country this is the agenda I have set before my fellow prisoners.” Not correcting himself, he rambled on about how Obama needs to have more clarity in his views….Prisoners? Snakes on a brain !

Word score: McCain invoked the salutation “My Friends” TWENTY times. 20 times.

The fundamentals: Obama needs to lose this word…or at least fundamentally reduce its usage. Number of fundamental call-outs by Obama: 10. That’s TEN…about nine too many. McCain said it five times. All this made for a fundamentally boring debate.

That One…

John McBush’s big moment in tonight’s “town hall” meeting might not have been his announcement of another big bailout…his suggestion that the government buy up all the bad mortgages in America…up to $300 billion on top of the $700 billion just signed into law last week. No, it might just have been his dismissive reference to Barack Obama as “that one.” Looking grumpy as usual, McCain could be seen tottereing around in the background often while Obama was speaking, as if lost. Referring to Obama as “that one” came across not only as goofy….did he forget Obama’s name?…but could be seen as near racist. His suggestion to nominate Meg Whitman, founder of eBay as his Treasury Secretary, on reflection also seems strange…maybe his solution to America’s financial crisis is…put America on eBay.

Gates of Hell

John McBush is fond of using the tired old phrase “gates of hell.” As in “When I’m President I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the Gates of Hell.” (Obama’s retort is “McCain will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of Hell, but not to a cave in Pakistan.”) With only about 4 weeks left in the most important Presidential election in the past 50 years, Mcbush is about to give new meaning to his favorite old phrase. Behind in the polls and losing ground daily, McBush is about to unlock the proverbial gates of hell with the most god-awful, disgraceful, sick and dirty campaign in the history of American politics. Look for talk about Obama’s patriotism and character to be not only challenged but gutted, bled and field dressed like an innocent Alaskan moose, like a lone wolf slaughtered by gunfire from a helicopter. Look for TV ads of planes flying into the Twin Towers juxtaposed with Obama’s years-ago visit to Kenya when he donned a head scarf “Ghutra” as a tribute to local customs. Look for accusations of Obama attending a muslim school (Madressa)when he was five years old. Look for Rev.Wright ads; flag pin ads, Bill “the bomber” Ayers ads. Look for not-so-vague accusations that, “my gawd, people, don’t forget this guy is black.” Cover and prepare yourself for 30 days of McBush’s campaign flushing itself of it’s inner poisons, it’s bloated cancerous bile. It’s all about winning at this point. Whatever it takes. McCain sold his soul long ago. Maybe it was in that Viet Cong prison. Maybe it it was when he came home to his soon-to-be-abandoned disfigured wife in the hospital healing from a car accident; maybe it was after he escaped unscathed from his involvement in the Keating Five savings and loan scandal; he’s now selling that poor desiccated soul again, the one for sale in the back lot, used and abused, odometer turned back, wheels out of alignment, cracked engine block. Runs great, he says. Til after election day when you try to start it up, drive it and it coughs and sputters all the way straight thru the Gates of Hell.

Fast Food vs a Real Meal

Sarah Palin didn’t debate. And for that she won. Joe Biden did debate. And for that he won, hands down. Palin was pure theatre, all squeaky sound bites, eye rolls, country kitchen you-betchas, darn-it enywees, American Idol beauty pageant hokum. She didn’t vomit, didn’t succumb to vapors, didn’t have to hold in her arms that poor retarded baby Trig (or Track, Tic, Tac whatever) …no, she stood behind the podium armed with paint-by-number platitudes, over-the-top girly winks, head bobs and eyelash flutters. The only “I’m a sexy lady” come-on gesture she failed to employ was the hair-toss…not possible due to her 1980’s style scrunched-up beehive-mullet. Biden was respectful, thoughtful, forceful and effectively logical. Palin was not so respectful (can I call you Joe?…he always said “Governor Palin”) hardly thoughtful and maddeningly goofy. If she were running for president of the PTA I might vote for her. Biden was not afflicted with his famous symptoms of logorrhea; Palin reveled in, cheered and celebrated her own vacuousness. She was petri-dish bio-engineered baloney; he was an aged, tender, grass-fed rare rib-eye. And to the fast-food fed masses her baloney tasted pretty good. I prefer a real meal.

Palin Debate Prep

Attack Pakistan

Practice playing Risk

Check for roaches in beehive

Practice giving Joe Biden a noogie

Check for Rooskies near the border

Shiny’n die, siccem mi si, hoodaraki saki.

Attend church and cast out your inner witch again.

Re-read your copy of Intelligent Design and if asked about your qualifications to handle the nuclear codes, just remind them of your belief that dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth at the same time.

Cleavage, cleavage, cleavage

The Next Debate

Even though my debate fashion tips were ignored, Obama accounted for himself fairly well. National consensus is a tie. Grumpy McBush refusing ever to even glance a squinty-eyed peek at Obama; hunched, grinning malevolently like Heath Ledger’s The Joker, old raspy voice an “I-told-you” scold, short arms punching and pounding ancient air released from a dusty canister of Kissinger and Schultz. Obama, upright and straight-eyed, a thin, sleek and tall modern avatar of avant-garde Apollonian authority, spoke in a slow modulated and precise, yet lofty graduate school reading level. (A transcription of McBush’s sentences would yield a lower, yet more translatable to average American dumbed-down ears, 5th grade reading level.)

McCain failed to wear a flag pin. Either he forgot or he arrogantly assumed that his POW experience gave him a patriot pass. I assume he doesn’t love America as much as Obama.

Obama’s big mistake was being too much the statesman and gentleman. As my signiff-othaa Cyndee Loo, a skilled debater in her own right, noted, one never starts off a rebuttal as Obama did repeatedly, with “I absolutely agree with Senator McBush…I agree…Senator McBush is right, etc. Instead, Cyndee Loo advises for the next debate, Obama, if he insists on sounding nice and formal, simply say, “I’m glad Senator McBush agrees with me…” Says the same thing, but turns it around and doesn’t lend itself to an attack ad of Obama repeating how he agrees with his opponent.

Obama Debate Fashion Tips

To hell with debate strategy…what really counts is debate fashion. Follow these fashion tips Barack, and you’ll be declared the winner of the Mississippi debate tonight:

Wear two flag pins. On on each lapel. If McBush shows up with only one, then you can say you love America more than he does.

Wear a gold cross pin also. This will prove once and for all that you are not a Muslim. If McBush fails to wear some symbol of christianity, then maybe, he’s NOT a christian…maybe he’s a…a…Terromuslim, or Islamonazi..gawd-only knows what you might really be, John McBush.

Wear one of those fish symbols…see above.

Wear a blue suit, white shirt, and red tie.

Don’t forget the pink ribbon for breast cancer research. Women’s vote….and on your wrist one of those “Live Strong” Lance Armstrong rubber bands…white men on bikes with testicular cancer vote.

An earring on you right ear…gay vote…gotta have it.

Confederate flag pin…need those rednecks.

Oh, yeh, and be the first to show up at a debate wearing a baseball cap…with DeKalb Corn on it. Need those farmers, dude.

White iPod earbuds and cord gives a cool youth look.

An STP sticker on the back of your suit? Why not? You’ll already have the total NASCAR advertising look anyway.

"Let Me See If I Have This Straight"

This little piece has been circulating around the net the past few weeks…even showed up in my email inbox…too good not to keep circulating:

I’m a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight: If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you’re “exotic”, “different.”

BUT Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, yours is a quintessential American story.

If your name is Barack you’re a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

BUT Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, and you’re a maverick.

Graduate from Harvard law School, you are unstable.

BUT Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you’re well grounded.

If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a state senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment, Public Works, and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you don’t have any real leadership experience.

BUT If your total resume is: Local sports reporter, 4 years on the city council, 6 years as mayor of a town of approximately 5,000 people, 20 months as governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you’re qualified to become the country’s second-highest ranking executive.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you’re not a real Christian.

BUT If you cheated on your wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you’re a Christian.

If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

BUT If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state’s school system, while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you’re very responsible.

If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family’s values don’t represent America’s.

BUT If you’re husband is nicknamed “First Dude”, with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn’t register to vote until age 25, and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.

Sarah’s emails

OMG….Just got my hands on these hacked emails from Sarah “The Pain” Palin’s “Sent Folder”….they were all sent before her selection as potential president of the United States… I think they shed a lot of light on her presidential decision-making and ability to lead as the most powerful person in the world.

To: First Dude

Subject: Bro-in-Law

Pleeese, pleeese, FD, that good fur nothin’ brotha-in-law is still roamin’ the streets of Juneau. I want his buckskin bottom buckshot and field dressed. Do it now…honey…specially if you ever want any more Gubernatorial booty!!

To: First Dude

Subject: What Brown Can Do Fur You

Goddmit, FD, you lazy moose turd, if I tole you once I tole you hunnerd times to git your ass over to Walmart and get me that there tanning bed I saw last weekend. If I have to face my Alaskans one more day with this pale white, yet firm and nubile bod, I’m gonna take a snowshoe and kick it up your sorry half Eskimo-ass ass. Now move it FD !! specially if you ever again want to see my tanned, smooth legs akimbo around your skinny ass.

To: First Dude

Subject: You Sorry-Ass Fucker

Well, shitfire, FD….some babysitter you are!! Here I sit in a goddam cosmopolitan city for a guvernor meeting and you go and take Bristol and and her friends to the Juneau Cinema to see that god-blesseded movie Juno…you know I love movies where the girl rejects abortion, but I think that Bristol might get the wrong idea and go and get hersef PG…ever think of that dumbshit? All I can say if she gets knockedup it’s your goddamm fault, FD..and you know it !! Look what happened last year when you let Willow go see that Knocked Up movie…I’m telling you I will not, repeat, I will not pretend to be pregnant again !!! And if I do have to, you know what you can do with that popeils pocket fishing pole of yours !!!!!

Enuff Stuff

ok…both candidates…let’s get on with the real issues.
enuff:
lipstick on animals
celebrities
Michelle
Cindy
Pastors
Religion
Gay marriage
No gay marriage
Number of houses
POW cards
Community organizers
abortion

and more of this stuff:

Palin..exposing her lies & unfitness for VP & P
health care solutions
fixing the economy
getting out of Iraq
energy solutions
jobs for Americans
education solutions

A Great Writer is Dead

David Foster Wallace hanged himself Friday night. He wrote one of the greatest American novels, “Infinite Jest,” which is also one of the best tennis novels ever written. One of his themes was America’s obsession with entertaining itself to death.Read Michiko Kukutani’s overview of Wallace’s literary career in today’s New York Times. He was 46. And I cannot explain, to myself or to anyone, the sadness I feel. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/15/books/15kaku.html?em

Obama Dude, Defend Your Honor…Where Is Your Outrage?

If someone paid for a TV ad that overtly implied that you are a pervert and pederast, would you just brush it off and say, well, that’s unfortunate. That’s how Barack Obama is reacting to a recent TV ad paid for and approved by John McCain. Obama needs to go on national TV for a special …pay for prime-time on all the networks and cable outlets…and announce to the nation that “enough is enough…that I’m am being slandered in the foulest meaning of the word and that I have initiated legal action (I know you can’t sue and win against public figures…but do it anyway)..against John McCain and the Republican Party for egregious slander and libel. ” Remind the American public that you are the father of two little girls who are being subjected to lies about the honor of their father. Show some OUTRAGE, Obama…you’re in danger of being Dukakisized….who acted like a disembodied souless politician when asked if he would still be against the death penalty if his wife Kitty were raped and murdered…wake up Obama and smell the pig shit..not the pig lipstick..it’s being dumped on you man. Act like a man and challenge McCain to a duel at dawn…stand up for your honor, your family, your country’s sense of fair play…for the American Way.

“I’m John McCain, and I approve of this ad.” “This ad” is the “education” ad recently launched by the McCain campaign which implies, not too subtly, that Obama is a pederast who wants to teach kindergartners all about “comprehensive” sex. The ad accuses Obama of spponsoring a bill in the Illinois legislature to teach “comprehensive sex education” to kindergarten kids. Obama did not sponsor this bill, which was designed to allow teachers to teach kids how to protect themselves from sexual predators. the bill would not have provided “medically accurate” information about sex but would have reserved that for older students in higher grades.
According to the Washington Post, “The McCain ad is wrong when it claims — in a voice dripping with sarcasm — that Obama’s “one accomplishment” in the education field was a sex education bill for kindergartners. While it is true that Obama supported the bill, he was not one of the sponsors. As far as kindergartners were concerned, the principal purpose of the bill was to make them aware of the risk of inappropriate touching and sexual predators. Other states, including California and Massachusetts, have passed similar legislation. the Post goes on the say, “Obama was more closely identified with other education legislation in the Illinois Senate, including a 2003 bill he co-sponsored to double the number of Chicago charter schools from 15 to 30. On substance, Obama has attempted to tread a fine line between his opposition to vouchers and his support for greater choice for parents, including support for charter schools. In a speech in Dayton, Ohio, earlier this week, he proposed doubling the funding for “responsible charter schools.” http://buzz.yahoo.com/article/1:washington_po284:50fd6b7a8939b669999bc5204c747409

Palin Pain

You gotta hate those emails from friends that show up in your email account..often jokes, corny witticisms, advice for new mothers, old fathers, empty-nesters; good-luck messages that promise riches beyond Cindy McCain and threaten dire consequences if you don’t send this within 30 seconds to 30 friends or you’ll be struck with polio or leprosy…thought I got one of those today from a friend when I opened my email box….but no…this one truly deserves to be shared…or we will surely face dire consequences.

Subject: Fw: Hey Ladies (and Gents)! Make some noise.

Friends, compatriots, fellow-lamenters,

We are writing to you because of the fury and dread we have felt since the announcement of Sarah Palin as the Vice-Presidential candidate for the Republican Party. We believe that this terrible decision has surpassed mere partisanship, and that it is a dangerous farce—on the part of a pandering and rudderless Presidential candidate—that has a real possibility of becoming fact.

Perhaps like us, as American women, you share the fear of what Ms. Palin and her professed beliefs and proven record could lead to for ourselves and for our present or future daughters. To date, she is against sex education, birth control, the pro-choice platform, environmental protection, alternative energy development, freedom of speech (as mayor she attempted to ban books and fired the librarian who refused), gun control, the separation of church and state, and polar bears. To say nothing of her complete lack of experience.

We want to clarify that we are not against Sarah Palin as a woman, a mother, or, for that matter, a parent of a pregnant teenager, but solely as a rash, incompetent, and all together devastating choice for Vice President. Ms. Palin’s political views are in every way a slap in the face to the accomplishments that our mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers so fiercely fought for, and that we’ve so demonstrably benefited from.

First and foremost, Ms. Palin does not represent us. She does not demonstrate or uphold our interests as American women. It is presumed that the inclusion of a woman on the Republican ticket could win over women voters. We want to disagree, publicly.

Therefore, we invite you to reply here with a short, succinct message about why you, as a woman living in this country, do not support this candidate as second-in-command for our nation.

Please include your name (last initial is fine), age, and place of residence.

We will post your responses on a blog called ‘Women Against Sarah Palin,’ which we intend to publicize as widely as possible. Please send us your reply at your earliest convenience—the greater the volume of responses we receive, the stronger our message will be.

Thank you for your time and action.

VIVA!

Sincerely,

Quinn Latimer and Lyra Kilston
New York, NY
womensaynopalin@gmail.com

**PLEASE FORWARD WIDELY! If you send this to 20 women in the next hour, you could be blessed with a country that takes your concerns seriously. Stranger things have happened.

Blue & Green Screen McCain

Oh, what a maverick. Delivering one of the most conventional, stilted and snore-inducing speeches in the history of nominating conventions, John McCain talked about “fighting for you…for standing on your side and not standing your way.” He mentioned specific people, citizens from different cities and states…an over-used speech convention made popular by Ronald Raygun. McCain looks wizened, like a character from Lord of the Rings. In his “maverick” wooden speech style, McCain told delegates that “We’re going to change that.” He also said “We are all Americans.” and, get this, “We believe in personal responsibility.” Woooo, heavy sheet, dude. Guess what, “I will reduce taxes.” Wow…Shaking his trembling fists, McCain also electrified is audience with this zinger: “We’re going to stop sending $750 million overseas to countries that don’t like us.” (yeah, like Iraq…where we currently are spending $10 billion a day?) And this…”it’s time to show the world how America leads.” Man, who wrote this?

Speechy Spouses

Why must we endure speeches from the spouses of our candidates for president? What the f…is that about? Michelle Obama…nice speech…but why should we give a rat’s ass. Cindy McCain tonight preaching to the elderly repooblican choir. Notice Cindy didn’t stand behind a podium? Why hide that expensive fluorescent blue suit behind a lecturn? Cindy’s golden outfit last night was estimated by fashion experts to cost in the range of $300,000…about $6,000 for the dress, and over $250,000 for her diamond earrings. Not bad for a beer budget. And if we must endure speeches, from the candidates or their spouses, nephews, dessicated mothers or transparent-skinned dads, teleprompters should be banned. No teleprompters. Let’em either read their speech off notes or paper, or memorize it. On second thought, let’em memorize it…no notes or paper. Now that would be entertainment!

Palin Successfully Reads Speech

The first 5 mins of Palin’s speech resembled an Oprah show…her kids, her parents, hubby cheered by the aging delegates finally roused from their early bird special dinners. This speech was so unauthentic, so obviously not her words, but instead rotten red meaty words ripped and torn by speech writers, written months ago and fed into a meat grinder to be spewed by whatever VP nominee McBush chose. This speech was a collection of left-over garbage scraps sucked from the McCain speech writers’ cutting floor. Yes, Palin can certainly read a speech from a teleprompter. She was scarcastic, mean-spirited, sneering and effective and energizing to her audience. Whether she can take this on the road successfully is to be seen. And for the end of show Oprah-closing, as advised by Team McBush, she held her baby and as also advised teen sexy pregnant couple held hands.

An aside: email received today from a friend: “I watched last night and is that hall a crypt of old death going on? Bunch of folks frozen in time who have no clue of what real people deal with.”

Who Would You Rather …….

Will this election be decided like the 2000 Bush vs. Gore and 2004 Bush vs. Kerry when voters had to decide this question of the ages: Who would you rather have a beer with? Will this year’s big question, one that determines the Presidency of the United States of America, be this: Who would you rather field dress a caribou with? Palin or Obama?

What Would Flush Say?

Can you imagine what right-wing radio nut Flush Phlegmball would be ranting if a Democrat VP female choice announced that her 17 year-old unmarried daughter was pregnant? Would the rightwingnut bloggers and rightwing radio hatecasters have any qualms about attacking the values, morals, ethics of a liberal in the same situation as Sarah Palin? Can you hear Fush? “Liberal ethics, feminisim run-amok and loose liberal family values all contributed to and promoted an atmosphere that encouraged premarital teen sex, and probably drugs, devil worship and coordination with Islamofacists for the defeat of America.” But oh, no…here we have a double standard. Since it’s a repooblican, it’s hands-off. In fact it’s congratulations, Sarah…job well done. What an inspiring family-values story…hard-working mom of five confronts challenge of pregnant unmarried teen..encourages daughter to have baby rather than abort. What a rockwellian portrait.

Irresponsible Pick

Is John McBush putting the country in harm’s-way by choosing as his potential successor a self-described “average hockey-mom?” The American people didn’t have a chance to vote for Sarah Palin during the primaries to be McBush’s VP. Should he win the Presidency and should something happen to cause McBush to not be able to continue in Office….Sarah Palin, a two-year Governor of Alaska, former mayor of a small town of 8,000 would assume the position of the most powerful leader in the world. McBush saw Obama’s magnificant acceptance speech last night, made one of his infamous quick snap decisions, saying in effect, I’ll get a woman who’ll grab all those disaffected Hillraisers; those dastardly democrats rejected a woman to not only be their standard-bearer for the Presidency, but deemed her not even worthy of second string. Oh, well, she’s a woman…and women, according to McBush, are inter-changeable…seen one, seen ’em all.

The Beehive Vote


Will she be a Sarah “Connor” Palin…terminating the democrats in November or just a plain unexperienced unknown Sarah “Who” Palin, terminating McCain’s quest. Regardless, check out her acceptance by Repooblicans next week in the Twin McBush Cities…if you see a lot of beehive hairdo’s you’ll know they love her. She should be strong in the beehive hair states of West “by-god” Virginia, Kentucky and lots of the deep south. That’s the buzz from praajek.

Bill, Bill, Bill….Barack

Whew. A national democratic sigh of relief that Big Bill did the right thang last night. The guy is so smooth, a speech style like he’s sitting across the table from you. Not too loud, sincere, fun, twinkle in his eye and the ever-wagging finga. Conversational. Convincing and a bit mezmerizing. He’s still a dawg, but a big tongue-hanging, tail-wagging hound with eyes begging for attention. Bill sucked it up last night and did the right thing. Thank you Bill.

See What You’re Missing

That was the theme of Hillary’s perfect-pitch/pitch-perfect speech Tuesday night. Sure sounded good. Lots of McCain hits, even mentioned Obama’s name numerous times. Yet what was it about her speech that left me cold? Hillary the Stepford pol. The body language as good, positive yet shouting “look at me!” Her voice, modulated and softer than her normal scolding one-note dominatrix drone, the words were the word she should have said. (Although note she never addressed the “he’s not ready to lead” issue.) She looked fantastic in her orange pantsuit, even joking about her sistahood of the travelling panties. All adds up to what should have equalled the ultimate endorsement, the final healing and melding of the opposing forces. But what I was left with was the feeling that it wasn’t about Barack Obama, but all about Hillary. Message: see what you’re missing…you could’ve had me.

This Just In….McBush’s VP Pick

Here we go again…more suspense, more rumors, the speculation of VP pick. This time it’s McBush. Hate to ruin the suspense but I just intercepted a secret missive from an unknown agent in Vietnam….regarding who McBush will select. It appears from the intercepted message, a Queen of Hearts playing card with one heart upside down, that McBush is being directed to choose….Hillary Clinton. Stay tuned…and check back with Praajek for updates

Barack & Joe

..S ……………..E
OBAMA BI (NLA) DIN Change some letters and you have a repooblican attack bumper sticker. My graphic design artist friend Sammy noted yesterday the way the two names are evocative, subliminally maybe, of Osama BinLadin. Playing around with the letters prove him correct. Maybe Team Obama should avoid posters, bumper stickers and buttons with Obama- Biden. How about Barack & Joe.

Terrorist Food


Recent reports that John McCain eats the middle-eastern dish couscous. Hmmmm. And he calls Obama an arugula-eater. Hey, McCain..we know who eats couscous…them terraists. And them gonna win cause you eatin couscous, you couscous-eatin, seven or eight house-ownin, injured wife-dumpin’ trophy-wife grabin, POW-card-playing septugenerian, bankruptin’- America, tax-cutting-for-the rich, temper=tantrum-throwing….to be continued…..

VP Selekshun Praajekshuns

From a reliable source…Obie has chosen John Edwards…I mean Chet. 18 yr. congressman from Texas…blue dog dem…military brass would kill for him, gun nuts shoot-off over him, good ol’ white neck beer-belly dudes burp over him, gays lock themselves back in the closet over him, femmies would’nt invite him to bed but wouldn’t kick ’em out either….could a guy named Chester become Vice Prez? Remember Chester A. Arthur, 21st. President? Repooblican? Me neither, but he made it to the White House when Prez Garfield died in office in 1821. You read it here. If not Chet, then a Joe. Chet. Say it a few times. Chet. Chet. Chet. Holy Chet !

New TV Season

Ideas for new pilot TV shows:

House: Crazy, hot-tempered filthy-rich politician addicted to buying palatial houses in chic locations; back story…dumped his poor over-weight wife after she is hideously injured in a car accident and hooks up with a thin rich blond beer heiress. Develops a burning ambition to be President of the U.S.

These Old Houses: Super-wealthy Arizona elderly couple continually forget where they live so they keep purchasing new homes. Back story: Spent five years as an Asian POW as a young soldier…returns to US and is suddenly obsessed with not only buying homes, but also becoming the President of the US.

Obie & T-Boone?

Obama’s announcement this week of his VP could rock the political landscape. Former swift-boat money man, oil baron and repooblican financier T-Boone Pickens is Praajek’s praajekshun as Obie’s runnin’ mate. Picture this: Obama’s pick of a Pickens prick will piss and pique , not placate, the Dems perfect prime-time party. (if he doesn’t pick Pickens, then he’ll pick the pilloried Hillary.) You read it first here.

Fight Back Barack

Enough is enough, Team Obama. Enough of the “that’s unfortunate…” and “we’re disappointed…”..get real Obama…August is the Swift-Boating month for Dems..and get your butt back on the campaign path (no trail, please)…no vacations dude. Praajek put together a little TV ad for you…check it out:

Obama’s Sturgis


Ok, McBush thinks he’s cuil© by hangin out with a “wild bunch” of pot-bellied white geezers in Sturgis, Montana. Yeah, wrong-wing christian biblethupas, check out this geriatric gathering of bachanalians at Sturgis…elder babes in topless non-attire….whoeeee !! Big-bellied jesus-tattooed way2-white dudes awaiting cardiac experiences. Mota-sicka Sex, B-Thumpas. Demon brew ova-flowin gutters of Sturgis. Holy Sheet, McBush gitin’ down wit his voting bloc. Wannabe hellsangels wit bitches behind clawin with veiny-skinned fingas graspy in vain round sad belly globs of viagra-induced stillwannabea boy bellys. Oh Obama. How you gonna match up? How you gonna contrast those 200,000 Berliners shouting “Yas Vee Kahn..Yas Vee Kahn, Yas Wee Kahn…witha a corralfulla ersatz two wheeled cowboys?

Answer: Praajek’s minions caught Obie @ a recent event …media not invited…that just plain puts to shame McBush’s Sturgis Surgis. Check this out…Obama’s Orgy in Lambrettaville. 2Hot! The USA Wildarse Lambretta Scooter & Book Club. Hundreds (well, a few dozen..) gathered recently in Obama’s south side Hyde Park hood to strut their scoots (Lambrettas) while discussing the “Rules for Radicals,” by Saul Alinsky. Kick arse, J.McBush! Copulate Sturgis and your nursinghome motorsickle patients…Obama’s got Lambretta.

Mad John McCain — the Don Rickles of Politics

What a funny guy….Mad McCain’s latest TV ads mock Obama as too celeb and mock the Bible story of Moses…hey, rightwing bible-thumpers….what’cha think of that? Anyway, Mad McCain says the TV ads are just his way of injecting some fun into the campaign. A real jokester…remember McCain’s 1998 joke suggesting that Chelsea Clinton was ugly and Janet Reno and Hillary Clinton were lesbians.

“Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?” McCain said at a GOP fund-raiser in Washington. “Because Janet Reno is her father.”

“I have witnessed incidents where he has used profanity at colleagues and exploded at colleagues,” said former Senator Bob Smith, a New Hampshire Republican who served with McCain on the Senate Armed Services Committee and on Republican policy committees. “He would disagree about something and then explode. It was incidents of irrational behavior. We’ve all had incidents where we have gotten angry, but I’ve never seen anyone act like that.”

“What has struck me about McCain is that everybody underestimated the ability of his advisers and him to hypnotize the national media, because most of us in the media in Arizona thought of him as a guy who had a terrible temper, occasionally had a foul mouth, a guy who whined and pouted unless he got his way,” Murphy said. “McCain has a temper that is bombastic, volatile, and purple-faced. Sometimes he gets out of control. Do you want somebody sitting in the White House with that kind of temper?’….Pat Murphy, an editor at the Arizona Republic, 2006

With Mad McCain’s documented history of foul-mouthed outbursts and on-the-verge of freakin-out temper tantrums, he wakes every day a shuffling, quivering surge of repressed anger barely contained by a variety of common meds that his staff fear he might forget to injest with his morning bowl of cream of wheat and prune juice.

Two Americas…Two Johns

Old Mrs. McCain… New Improved Mrs. McCain

News leaking out of a John Edwards love child affair with a women associated with his now-suspended campaign. Get ready for big time media coverage of this…Edwards is/was still on Obama’s VP short list…and a possible shoe-in for an Obama cabinet position. Lost in all the coverage of John Edwards’ alleged affair will be the story of another John…a family values, sanctity of marriage John who when his wife was disabled from an accident pursued a frisky blonde beer heiress named Cindy…no Henry Hyde “youthful discretions” here for this John who was 42 years old chasing the 25 year old trophy blonde.

Cafe Sheetee Keetee

It’s here. The One Hundred Dollar Cup of Coffee. As noted in this month’s Wired, the Indonesian java bean goes for about $600 a pound and for a cuppa of shit you’ll plunk down a benjie. “Kopi Luwak, also known as catshit coffee…” is made from “an Indonesian bean that’s eaten by a civet cat, then “harvested” from the animal’s dung…flavor…improved by passing thru the cat’s digestive track.” Mmmmm good. Pick of the litter.

Who needs a microwave? (click here)

Granite counter tops can emit radiation. As reported in the NY Times today, “health physicists and radiation experts agree that most granite countertops emit radiation and radon at extremely low levels.” But EPA is reporting calls from radon inspectors about granite counter tops with “measurements several times above background levels. Look for new real estate ad lingo:….with “no-rad granite counter tops.”

Mama Mia, Batman!


Looks like this presidential campaign can be summed up by the recent choices of blockbuster movies out this week. Repooblican John McBush went to see Mama Mia….ahhh, isn’t that sweet…nice harmless romantic flix for our elder candidate…the Buick of summer movies. Guess what movie Barack went to see before his risky ventures into foreign politics…(even more riskier since McBush revealed to the world, in violation of security protocols, that Barack would be in Iraq this weekend….)…yes..Dark Knight Obama chose to see “Dark Knight” the new Batman movie. Kind of puts things in perspective…

Wacky Baracky, or Obama Jokes

Who says you can’t joke about Obama? I just made up three gut-bustin’ laffers that Letterman would die for:

1) Obama walks into a bar and orders a cup of decaffinated Earl Grey. “We ain’t got no friggin’ tea, busta,” says the bartender. “Ok,” says Obama, “I changed my mind, give me a light beer, Belgium, please.” Announcing to the barroom loudly the bartender shouts, “Now, that’s real change we can believe in.”

2). A Rabbi, a priest, a Baptist preacher and Barack Obama all meet unexpectedly in a brothel parlor. Rabbi says, “Father, what brings you here?” “I’m here to hear confessions of the girls who work here,” says Father. “What in heavens are you doing here, Rabbi?” “I’m here for a bris,” says the Rabbi. What in the name of Yaweh are you doing here in a brothel, Reverend?” “Oh, Rabbi, I’m here to save the soul of our Muslim friend Barack. And just why are YOU here, Barack?” “Well, I’m just here to get laid before Jesse cuts my nuts off.”

3) Barack Obama walks into a Starbucks and orders a grande double espresso iced machinano americano cappuchino with whipped creame and a cinnamon stick. No sugar. “Would you like fries with that,” the barrista asks. “You can do that?” Barack asks. “YES WE CAN,” shouts the barrista.

The Randy Midwest

Indianapolis, Columbus, Ft. Wayne, Cincinnati. Welcome to the flesh pots of America. This Golden Diamond of Sex constitutes the four top “randiest” cities in America according the this month’s Men’s Health magazine. Factoring birth rates, condom and sex toy sales, the top 100 sex cities topped off with the randy Midwest Four. Most frigid city in the nation? Lexington, KY. Come on you’re not that far from Cincinnati……let’s make it Sexington next year.

The Cover


Although someone stole my most recent New Yorker…or else the postoffice lady looked at the cover and decided it was not fit for delivery, the cover cartoon, so widely shown across the world, was funny. And not. As a Barack supporter, I know he’s got to take some knocks and be subjected fairly to satire. Fairly. Not so sure about this one…which attempts to satirize the misconceptions, rumors, blatant lies and innuendoes swirling about the Obamas. As Bill Maher said about it, “If you can’t do irony on the cover of The New Yorker, where can you do it?” Problem is, Bill, this is not irony. According the New Yorker publisher David Remnick, the cartoon cover attempted to depict what right-wingers think about the Obamas. Not sure it succeeds in this. Even a New Yorker fan such as Praajek thought this one plays it in reverse. Instead of satire or irony, it fans the fires of the very lies people are spreading about the Obamas. Verdict: New Yorker…you blew it. Now, where is my copy that I paid for?

Wealth Management?

Don’t those TV ads for US Trust/Bank of America just warm the ventricles of your fast-pumpin lil’ heart? Introduced last Fall and continuing to air today, the BOA ads are aimed at today’s modern millionaires who earned rather than inherited their fortunes. Bout time someone paid attention to these po hard-working folks. The ads, “aimed at individuals with at least $3 million to invest, revolve around the idea of self-made money…… ” According to a BOA press release adapted as a New York Times news story, one television spot focuses on a man in his 50s with a vintage automobile collection. “The most valuable car in his collection isn’t the Italian roadster or Le Mans racer or the British limousine, but a 1968 bus,” says a woman’s voice as grainy footage of a family plays, showing the man in his younger days with a vintage Volkswagen bus.

Another ad begins with a camera panning a row of suburban tract houses. A serene voice says: “She owns a house in Palm Beach. A villa in St. Bart’s. A condo in Sun Valley. And yet a piece of her still lives on a cul-de-sac in Ohio.” Awww…that’s just darn-right all-American-cuddley. With today’s economy tanking, mortgage defaults at record highs, rising food and fuel costs…it’s good to know that America’s self-made millionaires will be able to manage their wealth. Whew. Cross that one off my worry list.

Six Om Dagen

Firmafrugt: The Danish Workplace Fruit Initiative
Denmark is the only country with a well-established program bringing the “Five a Day” fruit and vegetable concept into the workplace. In Denmark, this is actually a six-a-day program, called “6
om dagen”. Here’s one of there posters to promote “6-a-Day…of course the Danish pronunciation of the number “six” is ….sex. Could it work here in the U.S.?

Whaa Whaa Willie

Aw, schucks…poor Billah just can’t get ova losin’. You’d think after being the first President to get impeached since 1868 that he might be a bit more humble and might even be able to live up to his vaulted political reputation as the most astute politician in modern history. But noooo…Billah just caint stand it. As reported in London’s Daily Telegraph, “a senior Democrat who worked for Mr Clinton has revealed that he recently told friends Mr Obama could “kiss my ass” in return for his support.” Willie, get ova it, dude. Get busy and do your peace keeping thang ovaseas..travel round the world, pick up some furrin booty and be happy mahn.

In a Long Blue Tie


It was Hillary back to her old flat mono-tone voice warming up the crowd in Unity, NH. And there was Barack sitting behind and to the side of her in a very long blue tie…hanging down between his legs. New fashion statement? Hope not. According to a recent poll, only about six percent of American men today wear neckties to work. Barack…listen to me, man..lose the necktie. Especially the too-long ones…how about wearing a Guayabera?…the shirt popular in Cuba, Latin America, Africa and Asia. It’s cool, comfy and just casual enough to look neat and dressed on the campaign path (no trails here).

Hands Across the Lake Bed


One of the great entertainment shows in America used to take place on Lake Delton Wisconsin, home of the famous Tommy Bartlett water show. Most delighting audiences were the skiing squirrels…bushy-tailed rodents on tiny skis firmly clasping the rope handles with squirrel-like tenacity. When Lake Delton suddenly drained away last week after torrential downpours washed out the dam, the muddy lake bed revealed its secrets. Among the usual detrius, sunken flotsam and jetsam and beer bottles, to their horror, scavengers gazed upon thousands of tiny skis and bony rodent carasses, little fists clenched defiantly as if saying to Tommy Bartlett himself, “I gotta be nuts for doing this…”

So Happy He Believes He Can Fly…R. Kelly Free…

After deliberating less than a day a Chicago jury declared R&B star R. Kelly not guilty on charges of child porn. The jury began the trial by watching the 27 minute sex video and before deliberating watched it again and asked the judge for a copy to watch during deliberations. After the acquittal, Kelly’s lawyers passed out autographed copies of the sex video to the excited jurors. Kelly reportedly said that the first thing he wants to do is to see his god-daughter-sex video co-star and “just shower that girrl with gold” for all the pain and hurt this trial has caused her.

Michelle Fashion Tip

Fashion tip for Michelle Obie: lose the sleeveless outfits…cover your arms…too much arm flesh crashes with the too-wide derriere. Long covered sleeves, at least forearm length, will taper your torso giving the illusion of a slimmer behind. (hmmm….maybe Hillary has some pants suits she could sell you)

Hillary’s "endorsement."

From: Shame on You Barack Obama
to:
that is why
we must elect
Barack Obama
our President.

http://swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/06/hillary_clintons_concession_sp.html

Pretty damn good speech, that Hellary gave Saturday. Finally. Guess I gotta stop being so juvy by calling her Hell….and start spelling her name correctly…. Hill…a..ry…ok, yeah, I know it’s cheap and silly “humor” calling people names, but during this primary season, Hellary (sheesh…ok, ok….Hillary!) stooped to such slimy innuendoes about Barack…remember when she said “I don’t think he’s a Muslim…” and when in Ohio she said, “Shame on you Barack Obama.” and Bill saying about Hillary and McCain..”“I think it would be a great thing if we had an election year where you had two people who loved this country and were devoted to the interest of this country,”…inference: Obama does not love America? Anyhoo…Hillary, you dissed Barrack to the max baby, so it’s hard to trust you (“your Bobby Kennedy was assassinated quote).

Despite the rave reviews of your Saturday speech Hillary, I couldn’t help but detect an edge, a bitter edge. The three or four times you say: “and
that is why
we must elect
Barack Obama
our President.”
is figuratively (no, not literally) dripping with a bitterness that says “okaaaay, I gotta dooo this…you want me to endorse you, okaaay, I’ll endorse you alright, listen to this, asshole…”and…thaaat is why, we must elect, Barack Obama, our Pres-i-dent…” nah nah, nah, nah…yeh, yeh, yeh, yeh, yada yada yada.

I’m sorry, but that did not sound like a sincere endorsement to me. I think we’ve seen the last of Hillary in any significant positive role in Obama’s campaign to win the Presidency.

Hellary…what more can we say.


After declaring victory this week on the night Barack Obama won the democratic nomination for Prezident and bold-facededly spouting two bold-face lies (that South Dakota’s vote for her was the last state in the primary season…a lie…Montana’s vote for Barack was the contest bookend…and “I’ve won the popular vote” lie….) Hellary’s truculent, stubborn and egotistical inability to face reality finally has hit the wall today. Voters, the primary rules, Party leaders, superdelegates and common sense has finally won the day.

But wait…there’s more ! What a hang-over. Hellary opens her eyes the morning after the last two primaries…still in the fog of her REM-induced dream…..
“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”…..
….. Hellary opens her Botoxed Bambie-fied eyes*…OMG, that’s not Supreme Court Justice John Roberts swearing me in…it’s….it’s…nooooo…it can’t be…it’s Bill, it’s Bill…pillow-side deep in dream drool, REMMY eyelids twitching in languid, sensuous rhythmic in-and-out-motions…must….get….out….of…..bed…next campaign stop…popular vote…ready to serve on day one….and 3 a.m….anything could happen….bobby kennedy killed on this very day 40 years ago….hmmmm…must get….out….of….bed….I’m a fighter… Bill, get your leg off me….you horny hound…hmmmm….well, been a long time since I got a little….hey, Bill, wake up hound dog. Fcuk the President.

From Jeremiads to Pfleger-Beleagured

Here we go again…when is Barack finally going to start listening to me…as noted in my April 23 post “Ten Things Barack Could Do…
#1. Drop out of Rev. Wright’s church. An-nounce and pro-nounce that you De-nounce & Re-nounce him again. Join another church that preaches peace, hope, love and all things Christian. Since you lost the Catholic vote in PA so badly, maybe a Catholic Church? (bonus pederast vote!)
You belatedly followed part of my advice about the re-nouncin’..but failed to follow my words of wisdom to quit that crazy church. So now, almost six weeks later you finally come to your senses. Hell, even Oprah dropped out of Trinity United years ago…she knew Rev. Wright was goofy enough to hurt her business. Your business, Mr. Obama, is to get elected President. You want this thing or not? Start acting like it…and start listening to PraaJek.

See Father Pfleger’s pitiful imitation of Black preachers here…that he can get away with such mocking parody…in a Black church of all places, it only short of amazing.

Hell-ary She B Bak?

OMG…just when you know she’s dead and buried, the fresh dirt wiggles, whaat, is it moving a leetil biiit.??…o no, wha thaa….lukkks likea finga steeekin uppp…holy sheeet…the fcuking arm is thrustn’ thru the dirt…siccck….it’s a head, helmut doo, cut short round the ears, kinda blondygray and streaked….here comes the otha hand pointing and jabbin, christalmightee the head’s poppped up and spewing mud from the mouth…what’s it saying?…. “…not just a speech…..I’m the best….candidate…I can win….if….you….don’t….bury…me…and my legions of middle-aged wide-assed-pants-suited whiter-than-white-ain’t-had-an-orgasim-in twenty-years-and-fcuk-any-man-who-dares-thrust-his-macho-good-ole-
boys-balls-in my face….we can win…Me….and…BILL.”

Future Hagee Harangues – Vol. 1

God planned for food prices to rise world-wide to correct the problem of childhood obesity in the United States.

God planned for America’s children to become obese so that parents could better accept God’s plan for rising food prices.

God smited the people of Myanmar with a cyclone as punishment for changing their country’s name from Burma.

God vented his wrath on the Chinese people by recently shaking the earth killing and injuring thousands as punishment for painting Thomas the Tank toys with lead paint.

God planned for Joe Lieberman not to become VP with Gore so he would later be able to describe me (Rev. Hagee) as “an Ish Elschim..a man of god.”

God planned for Joe Lieberman to defend my statement that God sent Hitler to help Jews reach the promised land as proof that he really does belong in the Republican Party.

Gawd.

Campaign Ass Ass In A-ted

Finally. Whewww. Helllaarrry…b-gone. You R So Ova. At last you speak the Clinton Heart. So visible, so transparent your heart, your lust, your unspeakable lust for power. On one hand I feel so sad for you…and Bill. Kinda of how I felt when Nixon gave that pitiful speech to his staff the afternoon before his resignation later that day. Now Barack cannot even offer you the Bitchseat on his Hawg run to the Whitehouse. As Nixon said, Well, you won’t have Hillary to kick around anymore.”

Sex, Pee and Videotape –Real Pisser of a Trial

Robert Sylvester Kelly (aka R. Kelly), R&B recording star is on trial for engaging in kiddie porn. Act One, Scene One got underway yesterday in Chicago with the jury watching a 25 min. porn video of allegedly Kelly having lots of non-alleged sex lots of ways with an allegedly 13 year old girl. There’s also lots of real urination acts in addition to the real sex acts. Jurors, with mouths agape, got to/had to watch the tape. Kelly says it’s not him on the tape because he has a mole on his backside which the sexer on the tape apparently lacks. No mole, not R.Kelly in the role, says his lawyers. Stay tuned.

It’s Hellary on the inside…..

With Hellary’s historic run to be the Democratic nominee to run for President almost at the finish line, but several lengths behind Barack Obama, she runs harder, talks tougher, almost willing herself to win. Almost. Her last desperation self-administered whip lashes against her pants-suited haunches, side to side, whack, whack is actually closing the gap. On a muddied track to Iowa, on the outside came Big Brown, Barack Obama, only occasionally looking back as the field faded from view. Hellary’s recent victorys in Pennsylvania, West by-gawd Virginia and tonight in Kentucky have scraped open the scabs of America racism. Hellary’s declaration of support by “white Americans, hard working Americans…” exposed her blatant appeal to American’s baser instincts. Will it work? If she wins this way, then America and its citizens lose.

Is Hellary Scammin’ ?

Through her academy award performance Victory Speech in Charleston, West-By-God-Virginia last night, Hellary is giving her supporters a false hope almost bordering on pure scamming. Give me more money so I can win when what she really is doing is paying down her considerable — $20 million– campaign debt, a lot of that which she loaned herself. The money she raises from here on to the convention in August will benefit her and Bill’s personal bank account. So, support Hellary….help pay off her debts.

10 Things Hellary Can (Still) Do to Win

1. Hire Tonya Harding

2. Get Down on her knees and pray with McCain’s Rev. Hagee for God to wreck retribution on all those who are not “hard working Americans, white Americans.”

3. Woo a few of the Hamas Superdelegates.

4. Visit a lot more all-white firehouses..uhhh, there b anyotha kind??

5. Get back at Bill by renting a new car at Avis. (see clip here)

6. Enhance your street cred by confessing, like Baba Walters, that you once had an affair with a Black Senator.

7. Appear in American Idol and sing. At least til it’s over.

8. Convince the Dem. Nat’l Committee to change the rules by giving the nomination to the candidate with the fewest delegates.

9. Have Bill give a major speech on race relations. In Kentucky.

10. Be really audacious. Hope.

Bill Nears Tears

Standing grim-faced behind Hellary, the senator’s hubby seemed to wipe away a tear at one point during her “celebration” speech in Indiana last night. Even Bill sees that the end is in sight for his quest for a third presidential term. Obama’s big stomping in North Carolina and his near victory in Indiana (Flush Phlegmball’s call to his idiotheads to cause chaos and vote to Hellary might have worked…pushing her over the top) puts the Hope back into his campaign. Will she accept a VP offer from BO? Bill would still have access to many of the hallways in the West Wing for intern hunting and could still be sent as a round-the-world ambassador without portfolio. Well, maybe a just a little one.

If you were a twee, what kind of twee would you be?

Do we really need to know that BaBa Walters once fcuked the (very) late Senator from Mass. Edwin Brook? (was he a Sequoia?) As school girls say, euww…The problem with aging stars (media or film) sharing their younger amorous adventures with the public is that you can’t picture them doing it when they might have been young and nubile, ( Baba once young…neva nubile!) but can only see them in their dotage, wrinkled bosums, nylon donut rolls around ankles akimbo….oh, the humanity. Spare us, Baba.

McCain’s MasterPastor

You think Obama’s Rev. Wright is a hate-filled nutcase, then check out John McCain’s Rev. Hagee….whose endorsement McCain says he’s proud to have. True, McCain wasn’t a member of Hagee’s megachurch in Texas, he sure seems unfairly to be immune to the kind of Reverend-itis that inflicts Obama. Wanna a nasty taste of a McCain-endorsin’ Rev. Hagee Sunday sermon? Politicians used to fear bimbo eruptions…now it’s Pastor eruptions. Check this out:

The Wright Bruthas

While on a short sabbatical, PraaJek is relieved to see that Barack finally heeded my advice…see my post of April 23 (Ten Things Barack Could Do…)..to “An-nounce and Pro-nounce that you De-nounce & Re-nounce ..Rev. Wright.. again..and this time with viga…Well, Barack did part of what I advised..but he didn’t drop out of the Rev’s church as I recommended. Nor did he do his re-nouncin’ with any passion…his de-nouncin’ was rather lame…no real heart in it. Kind of with a sadness, aw sheet, I gotta sound angry and outraged but I just can’t do it. So I’ll mouth the words and maybe that’ll be good enuff.

Rev. Wright praised world-class stinker Rev. Farrakhan as a world-class thinker, blamed the U.S. for AIDS, and U.S. foreign policy for 911 and world terrorism. That last one might hold a little water if filtered enough.

The Wright Bruthas, two nuts in a shell game of Race Card will be the number one hit on TV and YouTube this sumer and fall. If Obama fails, to be nominated or elected, his defeat lay at the Wright Bruthas feet.

Obama’s next ad ?

….where’s the video of this?
Jean Weiss, an 82-year-old woman from North Carolina, has gotten closer to joining an Obama ticket than anyone else to-date.

During a town hall in Wilmington, an exuberant Weiss stood up and received the biggest cheer in the room when she launched into a long speech about all the reasons she supports Obama.

“Don’t hit on Hillary,” Weiss advised, “Bring us all back. Let her do that stuff. Leave her alone, you don’t need to do that. You are higher than that.”

“Will you be my running mate?” Obama answered. “That’s my running mate there, she’s got me fired up!” (ABC News 4/28/08)

Now that’s an ad that could resonate.

10 Things Barack Could Do

Even though Barack Obama came back from 20 pts behind in Pennsylvania’s primary to close to within 10 pts will this loss finally be the crushed ice in Brack’s shorts that it should be? Jonny Driftwood and PraaJek watched the primary last night and came up with 10 things Obama could do if he is serious about finally sending Hellary “Friday 13th- Jason” Clinton to political hell.

1. Drop out of Rev. Wright’s church. An-nounce and pro-nounce that you De-nounce & Re-nounce him again. Join another church that preaches peace, hope, love and all things Christian. Since you lost the Catholic vote in PA so badly, maybe a Catholic Church? (bonus pederast vote!)

2. Show some passion out there. Sure it’s “old-style” politics…but voters want to see you as someone who really cares about the issues they care about.

3. Whatever happened to your eloquence? Get eloquent again…and that does not mean using big words like paradigm. Speak with some rhythm in words that people can hear over and over again like a song they can’t get outta their head.

4. Attack the Clintons. Yeah, admit it. Your kind and lofty “new politics” is not working. Hellary attacks you in the most personal ways…as someone who “just gave a speech,” as one who chooses for a pastor a divisive and old-school race-baiter, as one who doesn’t meet the qualification threshold to become President. (John McCain does, she said…but not you).

5. Attack the Clintons. How does being first lady for eight years qualify you to be President? In In your first term as First Lady, how’d that secret health care task-force work out for you?

6. Attack the Clintons. Yes, Bill. Mitt Romney had it right when he said in one debate, “the thought of Bill Clinton in the White House with nothing to do causes me some concern.” Don’t be afraid to bring up…at least through your surrogates, the Clinton scandals… Bill’s sexual misconduct which got him impeached. That conduct really offended you personally as a Christian and as an American. And Hillary condoned his behavior in exchange for personal ambition.

7. Keep your spouse Michelle as far in the background as possible. She’s a verbal time-bomb.

8. At televised rallies, stagecraft is everything. Don’t have your backdrop audience congested with just Black people. Get a lot of ordinary-looking white people up there behind you. And not those white kids in Abercrombie & Fitch shirts you staged at last night’s defeat speech. Face it, white TV viewers — the majority of voters — like it or not, see you as only as a Black candidate when your supporter backdrop is filled with mostly Blacks. You’ve already got the Black vote…

9. Start huggin’ fat white ladies and beer-bellied old dudes. Fat and white is not contagious.

10. It’s the passion, stupid. Show it. Don’t be so cool and aloof. Get down in the mud with the pig. Yeah, it makes you a pig too, but at least you’re wrestling. Right now you’re getting all muddied just standing around watching.

There Will Be…Vengence !

..Hellary 2 Endorse McCain?

With her chances dwindling by the hours, Hellary continues to figuratively dump the Clinton’s garbage cans on Obama spewing him with rotten fruit, moldy cheese, rancid meat and spoiled milk. Next she’ll do it literally. This is desperation like never before witnessed. It’s desperation…it’s personal, and if she loses the nomination, it’ll be vengeful. Look for Bill and Hell to endorse McCain. If she can’t win, then let the old white geezer nap his way thru four years…and a NEW, IMPROVED Hellary will have emerged, only 64 years old, botoxed, tummy tucked, face lifted to heaven…this time “my precious” will be hers.

Praajek’s Luv Lounge

You know, when it comes to men, women like a praject…(yo, that’s my name !) ..My moneyman, Jonny Driftwood, is always in need of some of Praajeks’ lady advice. Here my latest for him…and you others like him.

…Lose the flannel sheets. Unless you’re a 12 year-old boy scout or a nongenerian. Do silk. The Ladies love silk. Especially the pillow cases.

…Lose the bar of Ivory soap on the bathroom vanity. Unless you live in the Big House, no one wants to pick up your hairy bar of soap. Get some liquid in a dispenser bottle.

…check back for more Praajek Lady Advice for Jonny Driftwood.

Pedoling the Popemobile


After spending decades keeping his church on the run from public exposure of pedophile priests, Pope Bennie the Mobile motors thru America in his Popemobile this week. Yes, he says, he is now “deeply ashamed” by the actions of pedophile priests. How about expressing deep shame and sorrow for his church’s coverup and denials of those pedo priests who sexually preyed on children. It’s amazing that the Catholic Code of Canon Law forbids a man (of course…not a woman!) from becoming a priest if he (of course, “he” ) has murdered someone, engaged in self-mutilation (huh?) or helped procure an abortion. The Canon Law is silent on buggering children. Ok, Pope Bennie, on this American visit, become Pope Humble the Most, get down on your knees inside your Popemobile and at every stop light on your American tour, beg your flock for forgiveness. And while you’re at it, you might want to add child molesting to your priest disqualification list.

Obama Upppity Fcuks

Guns and religion…yo po small town yokels and rubes…gotta cling to to sumpin’ when times are bad. Jobs are gone. E-con-o-mee going south…damn Osama still on the run….those shitite I-Rakees beatin us…but praise the Lord and Pass the ammo fo yo double-barreled. When thangs git bad you jus pack up yur wimmon folk and head to the pews…

hmmm…Mr. Obama better learn from his recent comments and learn quickly. Loosen that tightly knotted tie…lose it even…and when someone offers you a cupa coffee say Thanks Mam’. Don’t say you’d rather have a glass of OJ…real people drink coffee. And learn to give folks a hug…even if they are over-weight white women in a coffee shop…obesity isn’t contagious. Losen up Obama Dude. Yo actin too stiff; aloof, stand-offish…even if that’s your nature…this is politics man…learn to campaign. Git down, brutha.

Pinochled and Euchred

Hellary’s new PA ad proves yes indeed she was a little girl at one time in her life. In grainy 8mm film, lil’ Hell is handheld down the steps of her country cottage. Rough life had she….she narrates the summer home didn’t even have an indoor shower. Oh, the Humanity ! ” I was raised on “pinochle and the American Dream.” she intones. Not sure that is going to save her from her fate of being euchred by Barack which means running for President could be the Pinochle of her career.

Pleeza Condaleeza

Pleeza Condaleeza

Will John McCain pop the question and say pleezea, Condaleeza…be my…..running mate? What does a McCain-Condi marriage application bring to a wedding party? What about a Obama-Hellary hook-up?

Let’s look at what these two shot-gun engagements might bring to the honeymoon bed:

McCain-Condi ::: Obama-Hellary

White ::: Black
Black ::: White
Male ::: Male
Female (Possibly?)::: Female
Geezer ::: Youth
Middle age::: Middle age

Now…what about voter blocs..? Which couple appeals to which voter group…Let’s break it down:

Mc-Condi:
WalMart Greeter vote
Barely-controlled male rage vote
Civil War enthusiast vote
Single Black women vote
Never married woman vote
Sexually ambiguous vote

Obi-Hell:
Ambiguous smoker vote
Skinny Guy Vote
Irish vote ( O’Bama clan)
Stand by your Cheatin’ Man vote
Women-angry-they-are-of-a certain-age vote
Double-wide pants suite vote

Better than St(Arbuck)les?

Excited about the new Starbucks coffee blend, Pike Place Roast, that’s being served up by Baristas across the U.S. today? Me neither. But I did try a Grande of it…and was relieved it didn’t smell like the Pike Place Fish Market. Verdict: Subtle and solid. Approachable but not too intimate. Mildly earthy yet not dirty. No hint of that vinegary, acidy taste exhibited by so many Starbuck brews. And best of all… re-heating in a microwave does not bitter it; no taste change. Good stuff, this Pike Place.

The Pity Vote

You know, Praajek is starting to feel a little sorry for Hellary. She shouldn’t have to stoop this low. Where’s your dignity girrl? At a campaign event over the weekend in Butte, Montana (yep, 24 delegates at stake…) she assured her audience that “….one thing you know about me is that when I say I’ll stand by you, I’ll stand by you.” Awww, don’t stoop so low Hell…don’t take us with you down your bad memory lanes to Bill’s valleys of infidelities. We know…for better and worse, you stood by yo man in his times of need. Keep this up and you’ll get my pity vote.

Open Letter to Hellary

Dear Hellary…give it up sista. You’re getting fatter every day..all that negatvity and dissing Obama making you hungry. You’re looking like a michelin dough girl in those wide-bodied pants suits..like an Arkansas double wide on single lane back road. And those chipmonk cheeks …you storin away cream puffs for the winter? Summertime’s coming, girl…what you gonna look like in shorts?
I know, it’s all part of your win-at-all-costs strategy…appealing to those walmart moms pulling heavy rear-end loads down the junk food aisles. Yeah, and drawing those middle-class distinctions between obese-America and that skinny, cool cat, jazzy Obama in his white starched shirts and sleek suits…so graceful, slim and futuristic. They say you Clintons will do anything to win…even joining the majority of the American obese and overweight? What’s next, a new Hellary initiative called “Leave No Child (without a big) Behind.? Go home Hellary…lighten up and get ye burgeoning arse to a Curves and come back after the election a little slimmer and healthier to help Barack pass real health care reform. (Sorry, Hellary, if I sound a bit fatist…perhaps we need a national discussion of fatism.)

Turn Me Off

Am I watching too much TV? Must be if a certain car ad with a sleazy-voiced woman makes me want to scream. You know it..right? “When you turn your car on…does it return the favor,” she intones breathlessly, as if longing for the gearshift knob. Of course, the sexualization of a machine bothers me…but even more is the fact that damn it, you don’t “turn” a car “on.” Oh, sexy lady behind the wheel, you “start” a car…and you turn on your Hoover, turn on your iron, turn on your washing machine, turn on your oven…but you do NOT turn on you friggin’ car.

OMG…Guess Who PraaJek’s Related To..?

Last week we were treated to the news from the New England Historic Genealogical Society that Barack Obama is related (distantly) to George W. Bush…and Hellary related to Angelina Jolie (Barack again, related to Brad Pitt…). Obama has already joked on the campaign path (we’ve worn out the “trail”) of his Genealogical heritage link to Dikdarth Cheney. Well, Guess What??? Praajek Himself..it has been established .. is a direct descendant (distantly) of none other than the Mr. Numero Uno, the Big O, Mr. Original…the A-Dam himself, Adam. So take that, Obama and Hellary. PraaJek has also contacted G-Soc folk to check out Salamander…you know…the one who crawled outta the sea and started walking on it’s fins…could be a link there.

Quote of the Week

Fired ( by Dickdarth Cheney) former Secretary of the Treasury, Paul O’Neill, in Sunday’s NY Times Magazine when asked:
It’s so hard to understand how the subprime mortgage crisis has triggered a financial crisis of global proportions.

O’Neill’s answer: If you have 10 bottles of water, and one bottle had poison in it, and you didn’t know which one, you probably wouldn’t drink out of any of the 10 bottles; that’s basically what we’ve got there.

Earth Hour

Don’t forget Earth Hour. Tonight you’re supposed to turn off all lights from 8-9 p.m. (CST)…to stop global warming or something. PraaJek will do his part…and not fart for a whole hour from 8-9 p.m. Or as they say in Sierra Leone, Ah noh pull baad breez. Human and bovine flatulence is a major contributor to global warming. Prepare for other symbolic anti-global-______Days to come:

Girth Hour..every one suck in their bellys for one hour to reduce Global Girth.

Birth Hour…all delivering moms hold it for one hour to reduce Global birth rates.

Mirth Hour…everyone tell jokes and giggle for one hour to increase Global Humor.

Worth Hour…everyone count up your net worth for one hour to help combat Global Poverty.

Dearth Hour.. everyone go out and consume, buy and fill every want for one hour to combat Global Famine, Scarcity and Need. Hey…It’s Dearth Hour every hour in America.