10 Things Barack Could Do

Even though Barack Obama came back from 20 pts behind in Pennsylvania’s primary to close to within 10 pts will this loss finally be the crushed ice in Brack’s shorts that it should be? Jonny Driftwood and PraaJek watched the primary last night and came up with 10 things Obama could do if he is serious about finally sending Hellary “Friday 13th- Jason” Clinton to political hell.

1. Drop out of Rev. Wright’s church. An-nounce and pro-nounce that you De-nounce & Re-nounce him again. Join another church that preaches peace, hope, love and all things Christian. Since you lost the Catholic vote in PA so badly, maybe a Catholic Church? (bonus pederast vote!)

2. Show some passion out there. Sure it’s “old-style” politics…but voters want to see you as someone who really cares about the issues they care about.

3. Whatever happened to your eloquence? Get eloquent again…and that does not mean using big words like paradigm. Speak with some rhythm in words that people can hear over and over again like a song they can’t get outta their head.

4. Attack the Clintons. Yeah, admit it. Your kind and lofty “new politics” is not working. Hellary attacks you in the most personal ways…as someone who “just gave a speech,” as one who chooses for a pastor a divisive and old-school race-baiter, as one who doesn’t meet the qualification threshold to become President. (John McCain does, she said…but not you).

5. Attack the Clintons. How does being first lady for eight years qualify you to be President? In In your first term as First Lady, how’d that secret health care task-force work out for you?

6. Attack the Clintons. Yes, Bill. Mitt Romney had it right when he said in one debate, “the thought of Bill Clinton in the White House with nothing to do causes me some concern.” Don’t be afraid to bring up…at least through your surrogates, the Clinton scandals… Bill’s sexual misconduct which got him impeached. That conduct really offended you personally as a Christian and as an American. And Hillary condoned his behavior in exchange for personal ambition.

7. Keep your spouse Michelle as far in the background as possible. She’s a verbal time-bomb.

8. At televised rallies, stagecraft is everything. Don’t have your backdrop audience congested with just Black people. Get a lot of ordinary-looking white people up there behind you. And not those white kids in Abercrombie & Fitch shirts you staged at last night’s defeat speech. Face it, white TV viewers — the majority of voters — like it or not, see you as only as a Black candidate when your supporter backdrop is filled with mostly Blacks. You’ve already got the Black vote…

9. Start huggin’ fat white ladies and beer-bellied old dudes. Fat and white is not contagious.

10. It’s the passion, stupid. Show it. Don’t be so cool and aloof. Get down in the mud with the pig. Yeah, it makes you a pig too, but at least you’re wrestling. Right now you’re getting all muddied just standing around watching.