Gaslight Me, Mama: A 2020 RapUp

Gaslight the truth
Don’t birth the proof
Curse the candle
Don’t light the night
Just turn the screw
In 2022.

Gaslight me, darlin’
Don’t skip the loo
The number one question
It’s gut health digestion
Our national obsession
In the year of 2022.

Gaslight me, mama
Have a Musk QAnon moment
Gag me on Red Pills
On your hands keep sitting
Magically Twitting
While quietly quitting.

Gaslit fool parent hoards
Swooped and swarmed
School boards
To purge woke books
Neither read nor remember’d
That offended
Their conspiracy agenda.
Overdue diligence
Calls for vigilance
Rehired and unleashed
The recently released
Iranian Morality Police.

So- Long COVID
You’re here to stay
Now we RSVP to RSV.
Bye-bye, adios, ciao and adieu
To grouchy
Dr. Fauci
Our nation lifts its lonely masks to you.

Gaslight me,Johnny
And slander the Amber
Heard that her turd
In his bed wasn’t legit
But actually just
His missing digit.

Gaslit golf in the hot Saudi sands
Golf fans whisper from Arabian Grandstands
Hopin’ to LIV thru 54 holes
Of the Kashoggi International Bloody
To birdie oil field fairways
All sand traps
And balls that thud like a Will Smith slap;
And players stroke with lousy Saudi
Die-for putters
The tried and true
Bone saw cutters.

Shine your light ye gaseous fascist
Oh come all Ye’s faithful
Kan ye’s fateful disgraceful
Kamikaze quest
To be a proxy Nazi guest
To honor the very
Non GeniusStable
Big Gasbag o’Lard
at his Mar-a-lago
BigMac table
And grift his Duper
Pooper Hero cards.

Gaslight me, sweetheart
Cringe me like Ivanka naughty
On her daddy’s knee so haughty
“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”
Take a vacation from nasal irrigation
Anti-histamine heros just blow their noses
And swiftly tailor broken-hearted roses,

Excessive progressives’
Bespoke toke wokeism
Caused a regressive
Elitism schism
Turned off mid-roaders
So West Virginia Joe
His foot to the gas-guzzling pedal
To build his dirty coal Back Better.

Skinny blaming
Fat shaming
Body image Autotomous
Kardashies and Lizzos
Try shedding their bulging wiggling tails
Evading Instagramie enemies,
TikToky flockies
Gold medaling the Ozempic Olympics.

Are your nouns pro or are they con?
Are you more or less
A personal pronoun
On demand and hindering
Alphabet gender rendering?
Ask your doctor if
Is right for you.

Rovy Wade unlocked
Her old coat hangers
Dobbed and robbed
By five extreme
Supreme goatbangers
Who lit the gaslight fuse
Midterms elected and selected
Her right to choose.

Too blonde to fail
Too blonde to jail.
For Elizabeth Holmes
We suspect
Orange is her new black

Top of mind secrets
Mar-a-Lago sneaklets
Stashed in Ivanna’s
Golf course grave
Or saved instead
In his sweaty
Orange tanning bed.
Those KimJong and Putin love letters
And nuke codes for sale
Or blackmail
By the broke Despot Debtor
He’ll someday have to post the cheddar
For his own go to jail bail.

Gaslights shine afar
Under damaged Ukrainian stars
The Moscow mule rides
Shirtless astride
A little Fox News Tucker
Masters only to themselves
Tiny egomaniacal evil elves.

That midnight train from
Georgia left Herschel
With just a rehearsal
For his MAGA erection election
When Runoff Rev
Beat the Walkering Dread
Voters chose to his chagrin
The Pulpit over the Pigskin.

Gaslighting Royals
Despite constant turmoil
Planted the Queen under fresh topsoil
And Charles finally collected his spoils.
While Meghan and Harry
Found it necessary
To resurrect not bury
Imaginary slights
With juicy Netflix sound bites
Under the dimming Royal gaslights.

Don’t gaslight the truth
Just birth the proof
Don’t curse the candle
Light up the night
Keep up the fight
Let a few more agree
In Twenty Twenty-Three.

So for 2023
Some New Year Rants and Wishes
Wash your dirty Twitter dishes.
Can we be WOKE yet not dogmatic?
It really is quite problematic.
Lighten up and don’t be mean.
We’re Weary Of Kiboshing Everything.
Here’s a job in case you missed it:
“Reproductive Justice Activist.”
And do we really need Doggie DNA kits?
Maybe Crypto is really Crapto.
Quit saying things/people “broke the internet.” (Looking at you, Taylor Swift.)
Let’s stop saying something or someone is “Top of Mind.”
Stop the Drop. No more “dropping” songs. Just record and publish them.
Death Doulas?
Every large event or gathering is not a “palooza.“
Unless it’s a music fest of John Phillip Sousa.

Happy New Year
From Lawrence Rudmann
December 2022 ©️

P. S. To keep the New Year top of mind, take a deep dive and experience some previous End of Year RAPUps that were dropped and that broke the Internet at:; or just

2021:The Assignment

2020: Lost and Found

2019: The Perfect Year

2018: Party On
2017: Lady Liberty & The Beast

2016: A Year of Living Fearfully

2014: Hoarding and Lording

2013: A Year in RearView

2012: Foreclosed But Not Forgotten

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