Do This One Weird Trick…to get rid of……. Trump!

Like a persistent toenail fungus on American democracy, Donald Trump refuses to go away. This Trump-induced mold inflicts and infects, presenting an intolerable stench of fear and pain inhibiting our nation’s ability to move forward to a future full of hope, heart and humanity. How do we rid ourselves of this debilitating embedded fungus? We’ve asked our “doctor,” the American electorate, for a cure. Seventy six million doses later the fungus, although greatly diminished, persists. It seems that about 70 million spores still remain active and seem resistant to treatment. What to do? America’s been through hell this year. A pandemic, the heartbreak of plaque psoriasis, closed bowling alleys, and worst of all, clogged gutters! Some have suggested offering Trump an Elba-like island to retreat to and lick his festering buboes. Others say send him on a free around-the-world golfing tour of the most exotic and exclusive golf courses. How about encouraging Trump to issue an Executive Order promoting incest so he could marry his long-lusted-after daughter Ivanka. But what Trump hates the most is paying taxes. Taxes are for losers. The IRS, with Congressional approval, could forgive all Trump’s back taxes and not require him to ever pay another dime in future taxes. But this One Weird Trick would do the trick: President Biden promises to pardon him of every federal crime. As long as he endorses, confirms and congratulates the new President-elect. And is forbidden to ever run for and hold an elected office higher than County Drain Commissioner. It’s a sweet deal. Offer it Joe! Take it Trump. And just go away.