President Pangloss

In Voltaire’s Candide, incurable optimist Dr. Pangloss was at least cheerful. And unlike our egomaniacal Trump-as-president, he didn’t credit all his optimism to himself. To Pangloss the world was wonderful because it is a wonder. To Trump all wonderfulness comes only from himself. Isn’t it wonderful that he is managing the Pandemic so masterfully, unlike anyone else, especially that bumbling President Obama! So reassuring was his tremendous best-ever, perfect press conference where he eased the nation’s fears of extinction by parading to the microphone a cache of CEOs. ( a bunch of crows is a “ murder,” birds a “flock,” fish a “ school”…so what do you call a group of CEOs.? a “cache?) How beneficent of Walmart to open it’s parking lots to drive-by virus testers. And Google, for making a new website that they are not really making so quickly and actually not so quickly and tremendously better than that old Obamacare website. And Roche Pharmaceuticals, whose stock prices rose in real-time on the TV screen’s chyron during the announcement that the FDA has approved its new virus tests. And all those nasty, pesky Obama regulations that President Pangloss presidentially flicked away! Thanks, Obama, for causing this damned Pandemic. And special thanks Prez Pangloss for reassuring the nation that you “…take no responsibility” for any Coronavirus failures. Americans are so grateful, Prez Pangloss, that in your Most Wonderful Perfect Press Conference you didn’t assure Americans that you would exert your prez powers to stop people from hoarding toilet paper, sanitizers, household goods and food. And insure the supply chain from producers of these goods flows uninterrupted to stores everywhere. That website that Google is not making not so quickly is such a relief! Thank Trump for a website and a flowchart in the face of national crisis and chaos. You’re doing a great job, Brownie.. I mean Trumpfy! Americans celebrate your optimistic wonderfulness.

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