2009…What Were We Thinking?

2009 finally petered out. From a heady optimistic beginning in January with Barack Obama’s inauguration, the year inexorably slogged thru a cautious Spring, a slumbering Summer where Obama virtually slept while Big Pharma and Incredibly Hulking Insurance muscled the likes of Joe Liberman and his Repooblican Justsaynotoanythingobamadoes. By Autumn any chance of real health care reform was on life support with Hulk Insurance denying reform based on a pre-existing condition: retention of their obscene profits. The year drew to an inglorious end with Tiger Woods’ Holiday Parade of Cock Tail Mistresses, a flaccid health care placebo bill and national hysteria over a guy with a bomb in his boxers. And there, throughout the year, was old Dick Cheney, the troll under Sarah Palin’s Bridge To Nowhere, coughing up growly green phlegmballs at America.

Here’s my take on 2009…lyrics only…look to download the complete musical version soon here on this blog.

We took two aleeves
Instead of 80
Of them otha p’s
And asked our doctors… about a lota thangs
Whoa, how that Susan Boyle sang
Dreamin’ a dream
Of an american make-ova
And we didn’t miss Karl Rova
But cheered Obama’s i-naug
Dodged a bite in the HINI
spread by a Hawg.

While Bernie made off
With millionaires’ millions
Millions got bank notices
Nailed to their door
The answer is less not more
Gotta ration your American Dreamin’
For you No Ponzi schemin’
Just sleep with the kids
in your cars
Your lil’ piece of the American Pie
While bankers snore soundly
In their penthouses
Up in the sky
Instead of the Big House behind bars.

We clothed naked bankers with silk-sheeted TARPs
At least Angels welcomed Teddy with sweet singing harps.

Michelle in arms waged no wars
But Hubby kept picking
at MidEast sores
Surgin Bush-like
Purgin the taxpayers
Urging the naysayers to go take a hike
Like that Carolina Govna Luv-a
Don’t cry for Argentina’s poor lil’ dov-a.

Some cashed-in their clunkers
American flatulent
bigassed gassers
got wheels that rolled longer
drove those heavy Chevees
to the levees
Made the Yen even stronger.

Fast food
Filled the dishes
More loaves than fishes
For Mainstreeters
Couldn’t junk their clunks
Just drove their beaters
Mayday for their paydays
Pulled up the straps on their outawork boots
Wallets not fattened just their glutes
While Wall Streeters ate sushi
With big bonuses too cushy.

Tea-bagged Sarah
We sent her a link
With a wink
To the Urban Dictionary
And fact checked her book
Written by the fiction fairy
Gave it the hook
Before it appeared on a Nook
Or a Kindle
Worse than a speech by Bobby Jindal.

Tiger’s wood got him in trouble
His rep’s in rubble
Balloon boy burst
on TV he hurled
Levi Johnston got play-girrled
Nobel Obama bombed
The moon
Droned on the Taliban
Too risky to grow-a-pair 
And push for sixty
Reformed torture not health care
We sang gimme the publik option
Wanna choose my own
Gimme the publik option
Don’t want Big Phama’s lil’ Bone.

Bin Laden and Cheney
still on the loose
Sully’s plane got goosed
Lady GaGa gagged
On Flush Phlegmball’s ranting
Repooblicans still Can’ting.
Michael Phelps got Bonged
You-Lie Joe got gonged.
Joe the Bummer just got dummer
Leiberman’s revenge for being wronged
Tim Geithner Depressing
Carrie PreJean still undressing.

Birthers and Bailouts
Terrorists and Trysts
Cheney’s cursing Barack’s limp wrists
Dreaming of I-told-u-so xmas attack
trollin under Sarah’s Bridge to Nowhere
In 2010 says “I’ll be Back.”

Author: Lawrence Rudmann

Multi-genre comedic political poet and trender/periscoper of what's around the corner. Avid tennis player and ukulele strummer. Comedic poetry stimulator and healer.

One thought on “2009…What Were We Thinking?”

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