Eyes on Media. Commentary and opinions on what's happening, not happening and ought to be happening. What, not and ought.
After replacing Nat’l Park “free visit days” on MLK Day & Juneteenth with a free day on his birthday, tRump declares that TRUMPMAS will now replace Christmas to honor his holy other birthday on Dec 25. “All Wise Men can now bestow upon me gold…forget the frankincense & myrrh, just gold,” he said, adding a jolly “rumpa pump trump.”
tRump demands a pay raise to $2 Trillion in reaction to Elon Musk $1 trillion pay approved by Tesla stockholders. “I’ve stopped 46 wars, tried to beget 86 offspring & invented the “weave” speech & hair styles. I deserve a raise,” he said.
U.S. Troops are poised to invade Venezuela soon to confiscate the Nobel Prize awarded today to Venezuelan peace activist Maria Machado. “That prize is mine, declared an angry president tRump. If it takes a war to get my peace prize then so be it,” shouted tRump.
Pope Leo will have his U.S. citizenship revoked unless he canonizes recently murdered right winger Charlie Kirk, declared tRump. “I demand that Saint Charlie statues,holy water & cards & relics be displayed for adoration and supplication in every public school & government office,” said tRump. (mediaize.com)
tRump demands U. S. equity stake in Hooters. Plans to “leverage the cleavage” in exchange for approving Hooters’ chapter 11 and restructuring agreement. Following his shakedowns (deals?) of Apple, chip makers Nvidia & Intel, & Nipon Steel tRump says U. S. part ownership of Hooters will patriotically strengthen the vision of American men up & down the body politic of democracy.
One of many demands Ghislaine Maxwell purportedly told tRump’s DOJ was to require “DIZNEY” to create a movie casting her image as Princess Ghislaine. Production on “Princess Pedo’s Trumpy Island” may begin as soon as tRump pardons her.
tRump orders Mattel Corp to cease making woke American Girl dolls depicting negative periods in U.S. history. “Our little precious American girls should only be allowed to have dolls representing the classic “all-American, girl next door” image, said tRump. To pacify tRump, Mattel might issue a special Ghislaine Maxwell American Doll.
tRump orders Washington Commanders football team to change name to Reservation Dawgs.. and Cleveland Guardians baseball team to change their name to Cleveland Savages.
Newly discovered drawing by tRump:
She has to be the most nervous & scared prisoner in the U.S. Ditch your bedsheets now, Ghislaine!
tRump announces pardons & commutations for Jared “Subway” Fogle, singer & music producer R. Kelly, Elizabeth “Fake Blood Machine” Holmes, Movie producer Harvey Weinstein, comedian Bill Cosby, reality show star Josh Duggar, & crypto fraudster Sam Bankman-Fried. tRump also said he will pardon everyone else currently in prison to make room for “radical Democrat leftist lunatics.” mediaize.com
A 6.5 earthquake hit Arlington National Cemetery today after Commander tRump Bonespurs laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. According to the U.S. Geological Survey, the ground over the Unknown Soldier and thousands of other graves erupted from a rare “grave turnover.” tRump Bonespurs said he will deport any gravediggers who try to restore the graves of these “suckers & losers.”
Florida Gov Ron DeSanitize announced that the Amphiprion ocellaris, known as the Clown fish, will be banned from the state and prohibited from any aquariums in homes or museums in the state of Florida. The clown fish is a protandrous hermaphrodite, which means the male can change its sex to female during its life. “These ‘tranny’ fish creatures present a perverted example to our children by promoting a transgender lifestyle incompatible with healthy Christian American values,” DeSanitize said. According to marine biologists, the “Tranny” fish also lives in a harem in which an established dominance hierarchy manages the group and keeps individuals at a specific social rank. “This anti-social unchristian lifestyle is not the message we should be exposing our children to,” he said. US President tRump says he will direct his Dept of Justice to investigate this fish toward possibly issuing an Executive Order banning the tranny Clown fish from all American waters, interior or exterior and from competing as males in female athletics.
The East African nation of Burundi says it will gift president tRump a gold painted used luxury Yugo car that was lightly suburban-driven by the grandmother of Burundi President Évariste Ndayishimiye. The Lux Yugo, estimated to be worth upwards of $20 US Dollars, has low mileage, is powered by an engine, has steering and manual side windows. The gold paint was applied by local graffiti gang members and rogue Burundi soldiers as a tribute to Grandma Ndayishimiye in 1983. “We hope that president tRump will accept this gift with only a few strings and some duct tape attached, said a spokesperson for President Ndayishimiye.
Big Black Beautiful CLEAN Coal is back, says tRump. “I hereby order all U.S. appliance makers, automakers, home heating industry to convert to BBBC COAL. No more sissy sources of energy like sun, wind, nuke & gas. GO COAL, AMERICA.”
Will tRump order the release of Former Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte and grant him safe-haven in Ma-a-Lago? Duterte was turned over to the International Criminal Court following his arrest accusing him of crimes against humanity for the murder of as many as 30,000 Philippine citizens. tRump is rumored to have described Duterte as a national hero and would, according to some, like to host him at his resort. tRump by may also be preparing to pardon Harvey Weinstein and appoint alleged sex-trafficker Andrew Tate to a newly created White House commission on Women’s Affairs.
My on & off again tariff whiplash is proof of my genius, tRump said. “I call it “The Tariff Weave,” just like my speaking style, many people say I have great style, Harrry Styles style. Great singer, like those sewing machines!! Indestructible!
How sweet it would have been if Elon’s SpaceX rocket had exploded and crashed into tRump’s MaraLardo estate. (With no human casualties). Oh well, one can dream!
“From this day on, in My America, the use of personal pronouns “they, them, their” is hereby banned from usage in both the Beautiful spoken and written American Language,” tRump declared. “He and she, him and her shall be the Law of My Land. And when in doubt, just substitute the Powerful Noun “tRUMP” in place of any pronouns,” tRump
Trump, Putin and Zelensky walk into a bar. Putin says I’ll have a Moscow Mule, Zelensky says I’ll have a Ukrainian Donkey, and Trump says I’ll have a Gaza on the rocks. Bartender looks at them and asks, “do you want a punch line with that?”
“America is great again! Big-ass toilets with water flush tanks that hold 20 gallons of beautiful flushing water will fill America’s porcelain thrones,” announced Donald tRump today. With his latest EXECUTIVE ORDER, tRump mandates that all toilets in America be re-fitted and reinstalled with 20 gallon flush tanks, enough water to flush down even the largest presidential poops.
tRump elaborated that EPA-mandated 1.4 gal low-flush toilet tanks continue to vex him during his morning constitutional duties and that these big-assed toilets will accommodate multiple pounds of human fast-food ingested bio-waste. “Americans will once again be able to indulge in MacDonald Big Macs, Filet O’Fishes and large fries with that,” he said. “No more worries about toilets over-flowing with nasty smelling brown fast food lumps,” tRump overshared.
In opposition to tRump’s new order, the U. S. Plunger Association vowed to fight tRump’s order issuing the following statement: “This mis-conceived order has the potential to plunge our economy into the toilet, with the loss of many plumber’s helper jobs.”
“…. one of the things that is most alarming to me is just how easy it is to actually control people. It doesn’t take secret police. It doesn’t take guns. It doesn’t take gulags. The reality is that if you have the ability to overwhelm the media ecosystem with lies, you make the cost of engaging in public debate so high that it becomes an existential one.”… David Pressman, outgoing Ambassador to Hungary, a nation that controls most media and whose “dictator” Viktor Orban (Trump & Orban are mutual fanboys) considers the US one of Hungary’s “top three adversaries.” From the NYTimes, 02/02/25
tRump blames high egg prices on DEI. “Obama & Biden’s woke socialist diversity policies resulted in egg farmers hiring too many female hens discriminating against roosters in the production of eggs. Obama’s directive to recruit fewer white roosters and more brown egg -laying hens, many with disabilities including shortened beaks, smaller ears, cluck-stuttering, beady eyes and crooked feet resulted in nationwide egg shortages. America needs cheaper eggs, from its highly qualified non-handicapped roosters,” he said.
tRump blames DC air crash on DEI. DUDE, this happened on your watch. The buck stops with you..except it’ll probably go in your pocket.
tRump eggs: $10 per dozen.. & rising. I want my $4 Biden eggs!
Mediaize 