Gutters will let down their guard as clogging becomes a meme and cool again.
tRump will post an inspirational Easter message on Twix X (twitter) telling those who didn’t vote for him to “rot in hell.”
Fungus on the Bungus will outsmell its toenail rival.
Taylor Swift will dump Travis, start dating Elon Musk and produce a litter of Martian Muskrats.
Melania and Donald will renew their wedding vows in a special international pay-per-view televised fund-raising extravaganza to support his new crypto venture Griftcoin.
Melania and Donald will divorce shortly after renewing vows and Donald will star in a new season of the Golden Bachelor.
Will tRump be caught flagrante delicto with Lara, his son Eric’s wife (and former co-chair of the RNC)? Will Lara explain that her “compromising position” was simply her father-in-law showing her how to effectively use a microphone and she will then break out singing “I won’t back down?”
Former (and expelled) Congressman George Santos will appear as spokesperson for Reputation Defender software.
Clarance Thomas will step down as Supreme court Justice and tRump will nominate Judge Aileen Cannon to fill his vacancy.
tRump will rescind former President Biden’s declaration of the Bald Eagle as the National Bird and declare the Vulture as America’s avian symbol.
Porn actor Lily Phillips, who intercoursed with 101 guys in one day will star in a Disneyesque porn movie “1001 Penetrations.”
The following geriatric rock stars probably won’t die this year:
Bob Dylan
Ringo Starr
Paul McCartney
Willie Nelson
Mick Jagger succumbs after attempting tRump dance moves onstage.
tRump’s son Baron transitions as Ronnie and seeks transgender health care?
Putin will invade Alaska and reclaim it from the “raw deal” that sold it to the U. S. for a measly $7 million in 1867.
tRump will agree to give Putin Alaska in return for Trump invading and annexing Greenland in what tRump calls a “Green New Deal.”
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