The Daily Rump-a-Trump

MAKING NEWS. 🗯️HAPPENING NOW OR WHENEVER🗯️News & Updates on the tRump Re-transition to the White House 

Proclamation by He Who Rules

Beginning Jan 20 president tRump’s cabinet will no longer be referred to as a cabinet. HIS loyal servants shall be members of The Closet, where they will hang loyally until summoned to cloak HIM in warm PRAISE, AFFECTION and SYCOPHANCY. More Closet Appointees will be announced soon. Or later, as HIS POWERFULNESS desires. 

Just In📣🗯️

Following the announcements of Matt “Pedo” Gaetz as US Attorney General, RFK “NoVax” Junior as HHS Secretary and Colorado U.S. Rep. Lauren “FeelMeUp” Bobert as Education Secretary, His Majesty announced that He will announce the Announcement of Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene as General of the Armies of the United States, the highest military rank in the United States, a “super rank” that is above all other military officers. General Greene will oversee the nation’s development of top-lethal military weapons including new Jewish Space Lasers. 

All Hell

All Hell the Commander tRump. Promoted from within the lower ranks of the American military, new loyal generals will forsake their birth names and bear the following VERY STRONG names:

Generals von Ribbentrop,Speer, Bormann, Goebbels, Göring and Himmler. These loyal VERY STRONG new generals will serve for The President’s pleasure and entertainment. 

New National Anthem

Based on the classic by Frans Schubert, Ave Maria by will  be tweaked to Ave Ivanka and will be mandatorily sung at all sporting events by local Kid Rock-trained tribute singers. Audiences will sway side to side while mouthing what they don’t know are the words. 

ANNOUNCEMENTS of ANNOUNCEMENTS : 

El Jefe tRump today announced that He will soon be announcing the announcement and appointment of YE (formerly known as Kanye West) as Official Boot Licker & Presidential Shoeshine Slobber Boy. YE will also perform peripheral perineal duties as demanded. 

Announcing More Announcements:

President-for-Life tRump today announced the appointment of famed chef/gourmand Dr Hannibal Lector as U. S. Surgeon General. Dr Lector will oversee the nation’s transition to an All-Carnivore American diet. All plant-based food including once popular fruits and vegetables (except for deep-fried potato-based sticks) will be phased out during the transition to the Official MACMAGA MEATERS Diet. Popular celebrity Ronald MacDonald will serve as Deputy Surgeon General in charge in promoting the new MACMAGA MEATERS national initiative. 

New Honors

Congressional Medal of Honor will now be called the “Poorly Educated Medal Of Honor” Award in honor of The Honorable President tRump’s famous “I love the poorly educated”statement. 

Camp David name changed to Eagle’s Nest

Oval Office renamed to Mancave. 

Women and Dogs banned from active combat duty.