Obama Thanks Republicans for Dissing Him

Calling the recent Republican rejection of his invitation to have dinner with him at the White House this week a pleasant surprise, President Obama promised to re-invite the Rude Repoobs as soon as possible. “This time I’ll be a bit more solicitous…and perhaps not so presumptive that an invitation from the President of the United States would be met with friendly acceptance and appreciation. My bad,” the President said. Republican leaders John Boehner and Mitch McConnell reportedly felt that the dinner menu, which included cheese burgers, American fries/onion rings and Slurpees was too elitist. “Typical Democrat fare..how about something for the Common Man, and what the heck’s wrong with a little Merlot, huh?” said Boehner. 

The Republican Leadership did agree to meet with the White House Chief of Janitorial Services (COJ) to discuss efforts to reduce spending on cleaning services in the President’s personal residence rooms of the White House. 

“Does the so-called “First” Family really need their sheets changed every week?” asked McConnell at a weekly press gaggle in the Oval Office, which the President makes available to the Repubicans for business duties on an as-needed bi-partisan basis. 

Flicking his cigarette ash on the President’s new Oval Office carpet, Boehner reiterated “American taxpayers need to know that their hard-earned money is not going down the drain to pay for extra SoftScrub and Sani-Flush for all those bathrooms in the  White House. We’re drawing a line in the dust on this issue,” he said.

In response, President Obama said if the Republicans approved he would discuss personal White House sanitary and cleaning cost escalations with the COJ toward an effort to reduce expenses and please the Republican leaders.

The President also apologized to the Republicans for his recent “uppity” behavior and promised to act in a more bi-partisan manner in order to heed to the wishes of the American electorate who elected him President in 2008. 

Boehner responded by urging the President to order some Pentagon-grade ash trays for their Oval Office.

Author: Lawrence Rudmann

Multi-genre comedic political poet and trender/periscoper of what's around the corner. Avid tennis player and ukulele strummer. Comedic poetry stimulator and healer.

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